Murphy Ch. 09

[Author's Note: I got all of your emails and comments and shoutouts and I thank you all for them. I have been gone, experienced life, now its back to the writing. Thanks for sticking in there with me. Only one more chapter and I'll try to have that for you before the New Year. Ciao Bella]



"You son of a bitch!"

It was the screech of a woman that Murphy heard as he jumped down from the fire truck. It must be one of the guys bringing their relationship problems to the station again. It happened all too often and Murphy was glad he could keep his away. When Murphy turned he was greeted with a hard slap across his face.

"What the hell!?" He demanded, the blow still stinging.

"Why the FUCK would you tell Nandy that it was her fault we were kicked out? What the FUCK is wrong with you? " Jae shouted before dealing him another slap that made him see stars.

Nandy must have sent her guard dogs after him. Jae was small but her backhand was powerful. The pain still seared his skin.

"She told you that in confidence and you throw it in her face? I was even rooting for you, you bastard!" Jae continued hitting him until Delvin appeared, pulling her away.

"Jae! What are you doing!? You need to calm down! What the hell is going on? "

Jae pointed at Murphy like a child throwing blame, "He told Ananda that it was her fault that we were kicked out as kids!"

Delvin looked between Murphy and his girlfriend warily, "Isn't it?" Delvin said weakly.

"No!" she shouted, "Ruby and I chose to leave with Ananda! None of it was her fault. How could you even think that, Murphy, after she told you what she's been through."

"I..." Murphy muttered as his stomach dropped.

Then it dawned on her as she looked at Murphy's confused expression, "She didn't tell you, did she? Who told you?"

Jae followed Murphy's gaze to Delvin whom she pinned with fury. "I never told you it was her fault, I said it was her secret to tell! I can't..." She closed her eyes to gain some composure.

She looked at Murphy when she was through. "I might as well tell you now, at least you'll know how royally you fucked up."

Jae looked around to find the other men looking at the scene they made, "Not here," she said before storming out as if she were the chief.

***

Jae met up with Delvin and Murphy at the Starbucks down the street.

"Nandy never mentioned anything to you?" Jae asked again.

"Not a clue," Murphy answered. He was nervous about what she'd tell him. He didn't know what to expect but a part of him hoped that with the information he'd be able to get Nandy back.

"She cried to me last night, Ananda. I won't go into detail, but you cut her deeper than you can begin to imagine. It was as if the past ten years never happened."

"I didn't mean to, I love her."

"How do I know that? How does she know that?" Jae said raising her eyebrow.

She had a point. He'd never told her, never said a thing. "But love isn't something you necessarily have to say for someone to know." Murphy said.

Jae simply looked down into her cup of coffee, "Have you ever wondered why Nandy is..." She struggled to find the word, "...the way she is?"

"Because that's who she is. " Murphy responded confused.

"That is who she became. I remember her before that. Charismatic and cheeky she'd always been but she was also kind and very naive. She was a people pleaser. Her mom thought she was the perfect daughter, she was the perfect student and actually enjoyed participating in church. You see, we were all apart of a very strict, very zealous church with our family. Chastity and humility were of the utmost importance for teenage girls like us. Nandy tried her hardest to be exactly that, but the boys were noticing her and she inevitably noticed them too. Nandy's mom was becoming extremely terrified by that. She felt the urge to protect Nandy's innocence by isolation. She only went to school and church. Nandy had not minded it. She believed it was making her a better person."

"Since she spent most of her time at church she'd built a very trusting relationship with one of the youth ministry directors. Believed he was guiding her spiritually. She never saw him as anything other than religious authority. No one saw anything wrong with this grown man taking these teenaged girls out on overnight retreats. Nandy had went several times and always enjoyed herself. One time, the last time, she came back silent. She literally didn't speak for a whole week. Ruby and I knew something horrible had happened. Whether it was grief, fear or denial that kept her quiet we hadn't known."

"Not too long after that Ruby came across Nandy and the counselor arguing. He pounded her to the wall screaming as Nandy sobbed uncontrollably.

He came forward a couple days later. In front of the entire church he said that he had sinned. That he was tempted by Nandy. He called her insatiable and God forsaken. Nandy didn't move. She didn't look anywhere but her hands as if she were carved from stone. What he'd said about Nandy being insatiable was a lie. She would have rather died than to disappoint her mother over one night of sex. Up until then she was a virgin."

"'Nandy, is this true?' her mom asked. Nandy didn't move, didn't acknowledge anyone in the room. As far as we could tell it was only her body that was in the room. Her mom called her over and over and Nandy stayed there frozen. Then her mother marched over to her and slapped her. The crack of it reverberated through the whole congregation, quickly followed by the thump of Nandy hitting the ground. She'd passed out."

"At the hospital she found out she was pregnant. Her mother was going to make her drop out of school and raise this child. Yet no one one held the counselor responsible, they didn't even report him for statutory rape. It all was so very wrong. No one stopped it, no one said anything. Even my mother and Ruby's parents talked about Nandy like a dog, like they didn't even know her anymore. Nandy became a pariah and even more isolated. We weren't even allowed to speak to her."

"I didn't care, I wouldn't throw away a relationship with my cousin because they told me to. At school Nandy had broke down and confessed to us that she daydreamed of killing herself. She had said that she knew exactly how she'd do it going into grave detail. She was hurting and no one seemed to care. She felt like her life was over."

"So, Ruby, Truman and I did what we felt necessary to save Nandy's life."

Jae paused there taking a sip of her coffee, her hands shook and tears threatened her eyes. Delvin put a comforting arm around Jae.

"What did you do? " Murphy prompted age a few minutes.

"Well, Nandy never had the baby...and when her mom found out she couldn't even look her in the eye. She kicked her out. Our mothers wouldn't allow Nandy in their homes. It was then that we made a vow to be to each other everything we needed."

Murphy tried to imagine Nandy as a church girl, good and pure, taken advantage of, scared, pregnant and alone. He wanted even then to run to her and wrap his arms around her.

"You don't go through something like this without scars and it wasn't until I began studying psychology that I even began to notice them. You see after the initial shock and grieving period another symptom of the PTSD began to emerge. Hypersexuality, It's very rare and can turn very serious. I feared the worst when i learned of it myself. It's Nandy's subconscious way of asserting control over her sexuality. Her friend Ella only made it worse. We didn't approve of her but she made Nandy happy. We couldn't ruin that. Now, I wish that I had."

Jae was right, Murphy had fucked up royally. There was still something nagging at him though

"If Nandy and Ella was so close why was she looking to start trouble?"

Jae sighed, "i don't know the extent of their relationship but I knew at some point it surpassed mere friendship. I can only assume what Nandy saw as exercising her sexual freedom. Ella saw as something deeper. Ella probably saw Nandy genuinely fall for you, jealousy, vindication or both. She wanted to ruin you for Nandy and have her rushing back to her comfort zone."

"Shouldn't her comfort zone be you and Ruby?" Murphy asked.

"In a lot of ways it is, but when dealing with sexual trauma you tried to revert back to those people and behaviors that you associate with being positive. That had always been Ella. "

Murphy ran his hands over his face. He'd definitely fucked up. He was a pawn in Ella's plan and he'd played his part perfectly. Now he may have lost her forever. He couldn't lose her.

"I have to make this better, Jae, and you've got to help me." He said hoping she'd see the seriousness in his eyes.

"I don't normally help people who run off at the mouth without knowing what they're even saying," She said raising an eyebrow, "or guys who can't keep it in there pants-yes, she told me that too."

She continued when Murphy looked duly chastised, "but I'll help you, for Nandy."

Murphy nodded, "Just tell me one thing, " he looked at Delvin then back at Jae, "Does she love me?"

"Do I have to answer that? She told you as much. I bet you don't even recall when."

"I do! " he said recalling the memory, he remembered that moment very well. He had feared taking it too seriously. He was too afraid of it not being real.

"I see you obviously don't have a plan," Jae sighed, "this is what you need to do."

***

It had been officially forty hours into Truman's 72 hour hold and Ruby still hadn't gotten the opportunity to see Truman. She bounced between worry for him and worry for the twins. A nurse came by an hour ago and informed her that Truman was awake and being evaluated by a physician. The news only serve to put Ruby on edge. She couldn't imagine what state he was in. Did he hurt himself? Did he hurt someone else? She realized that she felt guilty. She'd just left him to deal by himself.



"Mrs. Hertland" she heard the nurse call. Ruby was immediately on her feet walking quickly over to the woman.

"You're able to see your husband now, but first the doctor wants to discuss his evaluation with you."

Ruby nodded, her heart sinking. That didn't sound like he had good news. As soon as they'd reached the door to Truman's room the doctor was exiting it. He was an older man, salt and pepper hair and a fatherly concern in his blue eyes.

"Mrs. Heartland, I'm Dr. Sullivan"

"What happened? Is he okay?" Ruby said unable to muster the patience for pleasantries.

"He is perfectly fine. We'd sedated him, for his own comfort I assure you. Mrs. Hertland, has your husband's behavior changed over the past couple days or has he been acting normally?" He asked softly.

The knowledge that he wasn't physically injured calmed Ruby enough to think, "Uhhh...he'd been acting strange for the past couple months. Crazy mood swings and he'd have these fears. I figured he was stressed from work."

"I see," was all Dr. Sullivan had said as he quickly scribbled something on his clipboard.

Again Ruby tensed. "What is it?"

"The short of it is we think your husband may be suffering from Querelous Paranoid Personality Disorder. I definitely would like to evaluate him a bit more over a couple d-"

"Wait, what does that mean exactly?" Ruby said cutting him off, she squeezed her eyes closed as her ears began to ring.

"What it means is your husband has been suffering a mental illness, though mild, it has probably been exacerbated recently by stress or big life changes. Mrs. Hertland it pains me to have to tell you of your husband's condition but there is treatment to make it manageable."

The doctors calm reassuring voice did nothing to stop the words from bouncing around her head. Mental illness. Suffering. Her husband.

"Wh-what happened? Did he hurt someone? Did he hurt himself? C-Can I see him?" Ruby asked in quick succession trying to peer behind the doctor into the room. She just needed to see him and to know he's alright, to know that he's still the love of her life.

"You're able to see him but he's highly sedated." The doctor warned.

Ruby nodded impatiently.

When the doctor held the door open she hurried in. Truman lied there in a fitful sleep, dark circles beneath his eyes and hollowed cheeks. She ran a hand over his brow feeling emotion well inside her.

"I'm so sorry," she said her eyes pricked and teared. How could she have left him to deal by himself? Truman was her husband and best friend. The guilt settled in her chest and made it hard to breathe. She looked over his prone body strapped to the hospital bed and lost herself in a wave of tears, burying her face on his chest.

"Ruby," she heard rumble from his chest. She looked up to Truman's barely lucid gaze, his eyes blinking slowly. His sour expression began to melt into a small strained smile before he was out.

"We'll figure this out,Tru, we'll make it." She said more for herself, she was determined and she wouldn't lose her family.

***

Nandy woke up and the sun was beautiful as it streamed through her curtains. It was the first time in about a week that she could even sleep in her bedroom without crying over a certain big Brazilian man who broke her heart. That beautiful morning seemed to be her reward. As if to say you've made it past the heartache and the worst is over. In a good mood she stopped for donuts for her team before heading to work. She walked into the building greeting everyone with a sincerity she hadn't possessed for days. They all noticed the change.

That was when Nick, her second in command gave her a look as if he feared her fragile happiness would crumble. "There's uh...someone here to see you. I had them wait in your office."

Nandy's stomach dropped. It could only be one of two people both of which she wasn't ready to see much less speak with. She swallowed that sour feeling and nodded. Nandy was no longer a coward. She'd deal with this like she dealt with everything else; with grace, cleverness and head on. As she walked to her office she willed her heart to beat to the steady clacking of her heels and not the erratic pace it had taken on.

When she opened her door she was flooded with an emotion she hadn't felt in what seemed forever. She was happy to see Murphy he looked as mouthwatering as ever from his stoic brow, wide shoulders and braced stance it felt great to see him. She felt like such a dumbass for missing him. After all he'd done, after all he said, after all the tears, she would crawl back to him if she wasn't careful.

Heavy fear dropped into her stomach but Nandy walked forward.

"Nandy," he said softly, "its good to see you. "

Nandy forced herself not to react, "what can i do you for?." She said emotionless.

"I came to apologize, I've tried calling and knew you wouldn't buzz me up to visit you. This was the only place I knew you-"

"Knew I wouldn't make a scene?" She offered coldly.

"No, where you felt the most in control." Murphy continued when that silenced Nandy.

"I came here prepared for you to kick me out and to never want to see me again but I had to right my wrongs. I'm an adult and the least I can do is clear the air.

Nandy crossed an arm over her chest and dropped her forehead in a raised hand, "I know what this is about. Murphy, I don't want your pity about what happened and I don't care to ease your guilt about what you'd said about it."

Murphy rushed forward and Nandy quickly stepped back. Shed backed away from him. That had hurt more than Murphy imagined it would. "I hurt you and it kills me to be the reason you cry. I can't live with myself when i caused you so much pain because, Nandy, i can't live without you. I love you."

"No no no, you don't get to come here and say I love you and think that will make me feel better," Nandy said feeling herself melt for him. She held onto her anger and remembered vividly the hurt she'd fought to overcome.

"I kept asking myself what did I do to deserve this? Any of it? All of it." Nandy's cold stoic demeanor began to crumble as angry tears filled her eyes and heat flared over her face. "That man took everything from me in one night, my virginity, my family, my freedom, my choice, my security, everything. Goddamn it he took everything and I wondered what the fuck did I do to deserve this." Nandy had begun to shake as tears streamed her face. She backed away as Murphy moved forward to comfort her.

"That's how I felt that night in your apartment. I felt the exact same way, hopeless and alone. Once again everything was ripped away from me in one night. I asked myself when did you become everything to me? But it's okay, I've lost everything once and lived and i can do it again."

"I lost my everything too that night. Before you I had nothing, kept everything and everyone at a distance but there was never any barriers with you. Raphy wanted to hurt you and I helped her and I'll spend the rest of my life regretting that but Nandy, I'll do anything to fix this, to fix our relationship, to be with you."

Murphy waited fear in his gaze. She wanted him to leave. Here he stood asking for forgiveness, offering her love and she found it hard to remember the betrayal. Nandy squeezed her eyes shut to the stoic figure Murphy made pleading for her. Nandy knew that Ella had caused this and blame shouldn't completely fall on him. But what next? After she'd forgave him and succumbed to his apology. what happens then? He had the power to do emotional damage that can take her out for weeks. She wasn't ready to risk it, but she wasn't ready to let him go. Nandy strides forward as a restlessness awoke in her.

Her arms we're once again around Murphy's neck as she pressed her body against his. She was flushed with an emotion she didn't want to understand when his arms wrapped around her. She pressed kisses to his neck, nibbling his ear and writhing against him. Murphy knew what was coming and was helpless to stop. He needed her touch, her moans, her presence. He pulled her closer, holding her tighter. Nandy began to slide a knee up his side as she melted into his arms.

She nibbled at his neck murmuring words Murphy couldn't make out.

"Please go," he heard finally, "Go Murphy, before I make things more complicated."

"No, not until you're mine," Murphy growled back, "I love you."

Nandy moaned as if it were a caress to her most sensitive areas.

Before she could react much more Murphy had lifted her by the hips laying her down on her sturdy dark wood desk. Nandy was sure that the crash of her desk things would alert someone in the office but Murphy quickly kissed away such fears. Her whole awareness was of him, from the way his broad shoulders hovered over her, and strong hands gripped her face as he kissed her with fire. Her whole body lit up and she wanted so much more.

But she wanted to be mad at Murphy. He's hurt her, he'd kissed Ella, and made her feel worse than shit. The memory of Ella and Murphy wrapped in each other's arms brought back with it the same pain and she let out a sob against Murphy's lips. He in turn clutched her closer grinding against her hot center. But, God he had the ability to make her feel so good. Just as quickly as the painful memory of last week, the memory of the many orgasms that Murphy had coaxed out of her over their relationship flooded over her making her resolve weak and her panties damp. Nandy moaned.

Murphy needed her now and wouldn't wait. Her moan was the only confirmation he needed. He kneaded a breast through her crisp button down as his other hand tugged at her panties. He slipped them to the side, sliding deep inside her. He took a brief second to relish the feel of her hot pussy gripping him so perfectly. Murphy withdrew then pushed forward until she had taken all of him. Nandy's face contorted in ecstasy as she bit back her moan. He did it again withdrawing the slamming deep into her with a grunt. she cooed his name as her legs wrapped tightly around him. He continued picking up pace but never sacrificing force and passion.