My Awakening

(This is the most vividly remembered night of my life, even through the haze of the wine and a separation of a decade. Am I embroidering any of it, bringing together more than one evening, making it all more exciting? Possibly; they say time makes liars of us all, and when it was happening it happened with bodies and lust and passion, not so much with words. But this all happened, pretty close to like this, and if I manage to make it seem a TENTH as good as it really was it will be a bloody miracle.)

So there I was. Married in '85, betrayed for the new millennium. Curled up at one end of our vast living room sofa with my stocking feet tucked up under my bum and a large glass of Merlot in my hand, my new neighbour Lisa at the other end of the sofa. Well new-ish, she'd been around 6 months or so. David and Sarah, my kids, were both out on sleepovers. Just me, Lisa, candlelight and a roaring fire.

Discussing HIM, the bastard.

"How long?" Lisa asked me.

"Over a year. He won't say exactly. Can't be much more than 2 years though, or I'd have had the police on to him. Fucking cradle snatcher."

"You CAN'T think he ..."

"No. No, not really, the girl's only four years older than Sarah but as much as I hate him, I don't think he is into children. Bet he likes the barely legal side of it though. Bastard."

"You're going to divorce him of course?"

"Of course. Sarah's 14, David's 13, they're old enough to understand."

"What about money?"

"I'm going to take him to the fucking cleaners, hon. He's run a good business with me at home playing perfect wifey for him. While he chases pussy fresh out of school skirts."

"You keeping the house?"

"For now. It'll be too big when the kids leave home, so I'm planning to cut a deal with him. He gets my half, and I get the cottage in Cornwall, but it's me and the kids living here till David leaves school."

"So where will Adam live?"

"He can live with his Barbie doll and her parents for all I care."

"And you? Are you ready to move on?"

"Gimme a minute." I downed the last of the wine and poured another one. Bottle empty, so I trudged off to the kitchen and grabbed another off the rack, pulled the cork and carried it back into the lounge with me to breathe. Adam's precious 30 quid a bottle stuff as well, not the supermarket specials he expected us to drink for everyday use.

I plonked the plonk on the coffee table and settled myself back on the sofa. "Move on? Hell yes." But then I frowned and admitted what I'd never really acknowledged before. "But you know, I don't really care. Adam's not fucked me in over five years and I – I never even really noticed. I don't enjoy sex. Never have. So not sure what moving on will mean. Just being me I guess."

Lisa leaned forward intently. "Never enjoyed sex? Sure it's not just Adam? Is he the only ..."

"No, no, there were two or three before him. I was no virgin bride. It never really appealed though. Like going to action movies because that's all the guys want to see. I did it 'cos it was the thing to do."

She looked me really deep in the eyes. "What about girls?"

"What about ...!" I must have looked really, incredibly puzzled. Then I laughed out loud. "You mean like – les?"

"Well, duh."

"I – I've never felt like that about a woman." I swear on a stack of Cosmos, I'd never given the idea a moment's thought in my life. It just wasn't anything I'd explored in my mind. I mean, I could tell when a girl was pretty, or beautiful, or even indefinably attractive. I assumed everyone could. But fanciable? By me? Perhaps I'd just never thought at ALL.

"Well it seems to me, hon, you've never felt like that about a man either." Lisa put her glass down and moved closer in to me. "Lorraine."

"What?" Colour me clueless.

"You know – we've talked, right, about dates I've been on?"

"Yeah, I remember you telling me about 'em. Dan. Sam? Tony?"

She smiled. "Yeah. I was just passing the time. They weren't the bringing-home kind of dates, I'm still new here and was settling in. Plus, there was – someone else."

"Ohh, someone from your past?"

She snorted. "No, someone new. Someone here."

"Do I know him?" See. Still clueless. I gulped a large slurp of wine.

"Jesus woman. OK, listen again. My dates since moving here. Danielle. Samantha. Toni with an 'i'."

My eyes widened. "Lisa, you're –"

" – a lesbian. A carpet muncher. A dyke."

She moved in closer still and her gaze was so intense – I'd never been looked at like that before. Never. "I'm about to risk our friendship now, and I don't care. The reason those dates were never going to get anywhere – was you, Lorraine."

I must have looked panicky. I bloody felt it.

"Me?"

"You. I saw you when I came to view the house, over the hedge. You were even part of the reason I bought it. Not that I thought we'd ever get anywhere but – I fancied you something rotten.

"I still do."

Rabbit in the headlights time. I hadn't seen this coming. I didn't have the mindset to even think it could be coming. But there she was, almost touching me, her eyes pleading, frizzy blonde hair framing her attractive oval face, her full red lips parted slightly.

Her hand slid onto my knee and she began to move forward, nervously. If I was going to stop her, now was the moment.

Instead, I put my glass down and lifted my hand to her cheek, caressing it with the back of my knuckles. "I might not really want this, you know."

"I know."

"But you, you want me? Really want me?"

"More than anything I've ever wanted. You have no idea, Lorraine."

"But I'm not beautiful. Not desirable. Just an ordinary mum in her thirties with a laugh like a bandsaw and a beaky nose."

"You're beautiful to me. You're desirable to me." Her hand slid softly up from my knee, under the edge of my skirt. It felt like it was burning into my thigh.

"Lisa. Oh, Lisa. I have no idea what I'm doing."

But I sat forward, and it was me that kissed her. Not her that kissed me. That was important to me: that I make the choice, positively, to begin to make love to another woman.

My arms wrapped around her and as we embraced, our breasts pressed together. My mouth parted and her tongue rolled around mine, and mine rolled around hers. And I knew. Deep inside I knew. 35 years. 25 years since puberty. All that time what I'd needed, without knowing it, was the touch of a woman.

A deep heat rose up inside me, a lust I'd never known before. I could feel my knickers growing damp with desire. Nothing would ever be the same again.

I couldn't believe how natural it felt, passionately kissing another woman, feeling her fingers stroking my inner thigh. Lisa's lithe body pressed into me and I slid my bum down along the sofa so we'd be lying down with her beside and half on top of me. In so doing, I wound up with her palm pressed flat against my knickers. I opened my legs wide.

"God, Lisa, I'm so WET for you. Adam never made me feel like this!"

"Less talking. More kissing. Me Tarzana. You Jane."

"Yes, mistress." I sucked hard on her tongue as it probed deep into my mouth, and my hands slid back round under her and started unbuttoning her blouse. Meanwhile she had pushed the damp fabric of my panties to one side and her finger slid gently up and down the length of my cleft, slowly parting my labia, exposing the hood of my eager clit.

"Oooh front clasp on bra! Very sexy." I fumbled inexpertly for a second or two though – how come I could reach round behind myself and unfailingly unhook and hook up first time, but I couldn't manage it with a bra whose fastenings were right in front of me? "Haha, Lisa darling, I'm going to need practice at this."

Darling. I just called a woman darling. And I didn't care.

"Don't worry, Lorraine. I'll give you plenty of opportunity to practice."

The bra opened and Lisa's breasts swung free and into my hands. They were firm and pliant and her nips were rock hard, pressing into my palms. My first truly new sensation, really – I'd been kissed before, and fingered before. But I'd never fondled another woman's breasts.

On the other hand, I'd never been fingered like THAT before – I squealed as Lisa took my clit between thumb and one finger, squeezed it firmly and pulled at it. She grinned evilly at me.

"You like?"

"Oh my god Oh my god YES!" I squeezed and pulled on Lisa's nipples the same way I'd have done for myself, luxuriating in the sensation of feeling her sensitive skin, her areolae puckering up under my touch.

Her middle finger slid down and probed deeply into my wet pussy. I was creaming like crazy, and I shuddered in ecstasy as a second finger joined it and her fingers curled a little, caressing the front of my pussy walls where -

"FUCK Lisa, what are you doing? That's WONDERFUL!" My whole body jerked as it squeezed tightly on those fingers, trying to hold them JUST there.

She gazed at me with a look of astonishment. "No one ever found your G spot before?"

"No-one's ever tried. Except me, and – FUCK oh my god do that again – I think it's like tickling. You can't do it to yourself, not the same way."

"Or you just suck at wanking." She stuck her tongue out at me, so I grabbed it between my teeth and sucked it in for another prolonged bout of French. There was no good answer to the wanking comment.

She gave me that dirty smile again. "You'll be telling me no-one's ever gone down on you next."

"Well actually ... "

"NO!"

"Just kidding! Sorta. But 2 quick licks and a slobbery kiss to get me wet never did very much for me."

"Lorraine?"

"What?"

"Take me to bed. NOW. You have one heck of a lot of deprivation for me to make up for."

She removed her left hand from inside me and stood up, and then offered me that hand to help me to get up. But I grabbed her wrist and pulled those sticky fingers toward me and popped them in my mouth. "I've never tasted myself from someone else's hand either. Yum."

"Yum?"

I stood up and led her by the hand towards the bedroom.

"Yum. Now come and show me everything else I've been missing."

* * *

All the way up the stairs I was acutely aware that, leading Lisa by the hand like this, my bum was undulating right in front of her face. I was tempted to roll my hips just a little bit more as I went ... OK, I probably did.

As the bedroom door closed behind us, Lisa's open blouse and bra were already on the floor. She stood in front of me, naked to the waist, her breasts firm and aroused, her figure-hugging jeans and bare feet somehow suddenly a turn-on in themselves.

"Stay perfectly still, Lori. I want to undress you."

Lori. That was a new one. It thrilled me inside. Daft eh? I was Lorraine to the world, Lol to my friends. (That one died a death a few years ago. Doubt there's a woman in the world that gets called Lol anymore!) Now I was Lori to my new lover.

Lover. I was still utterly stupefied by that. Two hours ago I had been a bitter, straight soon-to-be-divorcée. Now I was a lovelorn lesbian wretch.

Lesbian. Well, no, I wasn't. Not yet, not in my head. I was just desperate to make love with another woman!

Lisa came in close; I could feel the warmth of her skin, smell the fruity-floral conditioner in her gorgeous tumbling blonde frizzy curls. She put her arms around me and unfastened the waistband of my skirt, and pulled down smoothly on the short zip. The skirt slithered to the floor, pooling at my feet. In a practised motion she gripped the hem of my top and pulled upwards, the tips of her fingers stroking my back firmly as she lifted it up and over my head in a single smooth motion, stepping back so that my arms would slip easily out of the sleeves. Then she stared at me with dark, passionate eyes, their blue so deep and intense they were almost violet, and licked her lips slowly.

"Oh, Lori, you look good enough to EAT."

I watched in fascination as she dropped to her knees in front of me and slowly peeled down my soaking wet knickers, her nose burrowing delicately into the soft, trimmed curls of my bush as she inhaled deeply, at the same time nudging my ankles to make me lift my feet one at a time to get the knickers out of the way.

I gasped as her long, firm tongue lapped rapidly upwards along my cleft and flicked at my clit. And carried on upwards, to my belly button, slowly up my abdomen and between my breasts as she got to her feet slowly and carefully, never breaking body contact, her nipples stroking up my thighs and stomach as she rose up. She lifted her face to mine and her hands reached up, pulling my head down into a deep, slow kiss. Her fingers travelled down my spine and expertly unhooked my bra even as her tongue explored the depths of my mouth.

She stepped back again and grinned as she screwed the peach silk prize of my bra into a scrunchy ball and tossed it over her shoulder.

"Good enough to eat indeed, and I'm going to have the full menu!" She grinned in delight at me, standing naked before her except for my black thigh-high holdup stockings.

"Unfair!" I yelled at her, and pointed at her jeans. "Get 'em off!"

She shrugged and undid the buckle of her belt and the top two buttons of the jeans, and hooking her thumbs into the sides she slid her knickers and jeans straight off in two seconds flat.

"Better?" she asked wickedly.

"Much!" I laughed. Then I stared in astonishment. Her pussy was totally bare – completely shaven. I'd never seen that in a grown woman.

"Do you like what you see?" There was a hint of anxiety in her voice. I was speechless for a moment, but managed to reply huskily after a couple of seconds. "Oh Lisa. You're BEAUTIFUL. PERFECT."

I bent to begin to roll down my stockings but Lisa reached forward and grabbed my wrists, stopping me. "Don't," she said. "Leave them on for now. If I want them off – I'LL remove them."

Then she stepped forward to right in front of me again, and we embraced. Bare stomach to bare stomach, breasts to breasts, thighs to thighs. She stepped forward and I stepped back, and she gently pressed me backwards so that we both tumbled onto the bed. My marital bed, where Adam and I had spent so many, many nights. Tedious nights of peremptory sex, roll over and sleep, to begin with. Nights of just read, roll over and sleep, for at least the last five years. It was a place I hadn't enjoyed coming to in longer than I cared to remember.

So tonight was the night all that changed.

Our limbs intertwined and I lay back, Lisa on top of me, and we just kissed, and fondled, tasted each other's mouths and smelled each other's skin, each of us with a thigh pressed between the other's, resting and gently rubbing against the heat of our partner's pussy. We could have been like that for ten minutes – or it could have been an hour. It was timeless, sensual, indulgent. Pure sexuality with no urgent need to progress on to sex.

I'm pretty sure that it wasn't because I was scared, or hesitant. I was just savouring all of it, the joyous NEW sensation of wanting and being wanted. And knowing that there was more to come, I was reluctant to give up the anticipation of it all.

Plus, it felt pretty fucking good just the way it was.

After an eternity of this bliss, Lisa stepped it up a notch. "Just lie still, Lori," she murmured into my ear. She nibbled my earlobe, then kissed lightly down the side of my neck, letting me feel her teeth without in any way biting. Her tongue lapped at the hollow of my throat and then she licked smoothly down and to the left till she reached my nipple. She sucked it deep into her mouth then latched on with her teeth, suckling and biting till my tit was tingling and throbbing like it was about to explode. Moving across she did the same for the other nipple, while the fingers of her right hand twirled around the damp, erect skin of my rock-hard left nipple.

I was moaning and writhing slowly – no WAY could I totally just lie still – and a tiny electrical explosion, a mini-orgasm, ran through my body from deep down low. I gasped and dug my fingernails into the bed, my body arching.

And now her tongue continued its journey, down my belly, into my navel, down to the heart of my womanhood. With loving hands she bent my legs at the knees, lifted and spread my thighs wide, and spreading her tongue wide she took a slow loving lick, starting just barely in front of my anus and pressing firmly up between my pussy lips, all the way up to my barely-hooded clit which she wrapped her tongue round and then sucked, sucked it like she had my nipples, fierce and demanding; I could feel my clit tingling and growing, firming while just below it my quim was softening, opening up, gaping.

She nibbled and bit at the hard, throbbing button of my clitoris and I bucked and screamed, feeling hot sticky juice almost gushing out, running down into my butt cheeks as I came, climaxing solidly forever and ever ... or at least, for about ten seconds!

Then that loving tongue moved down and I heard and felt the eager slurping as she licked up my cream, her tongue spiralling all around my sensitive asshole, up and forward again and delving two inches deep into my humming pussy, circling inside my gaping hole and making me tremble and moan as Lisa mm'd and aah'd in pleasure, licking and swallowing greedily. She brought me to a screaming climax for a third time, diving into me with her tongue, her nose pressing and rubbing on my clit as she tried to drink me dry.

I'd had NO IDEA oral could feel that good.

And yet I was still feeling empty inside, and eager for more! "Please," I gasped at her. "Lisa. Come up here and kiss me."

She moved up to comply. Her lips met mine and I was swept away by the astonishing taste of me, hot, sweet, sticky, mingled with our spit as our tongues danced, mine in her mouth, hers in mine.

As we paused for a deep breath I added my next plea.

"Finger fuck me again. Fuck me HARD."