My Calm

My sticky lips formed around the skinny tip of my blunt, careful not to dampen the flavoured paper with my saliva. The light at the end glowed in an angry red, but was then replaced with grey ash. That ash had burned and allowed the sweet smoke to flow over my taste buds as I expanded my chest, inhaling. Bitter smoke escaped my lips, twirled into the night sky and danced alongside the twinkling stars.

The silver moon was bright enough and the rays bounced off the red velvet of my dress. It tied around my neck and the bodice dipped low, revealing more cleavage than I was comfortable with. It hugged my body tightly, giving me just enough fabric to breathe. The elegant up-do hid the fact that my hair needed a wash and a decent brushing. Some curls escaped the pins and cascaded down my neck. I was never able to tame it.

I had just arrived from the airport a few hours before. My father had sent Brandon, his assistant and Maggie, his stylist to pick me up. After two years apart, I pictured a warmer welcoming. Maggie tried her best to doll me up for my sister's engagement party.

The Carter name was a big deal in the small town of Silverstone. My grandfather was the founder of the Carter Fishery that put the town on the map. After he died, it was left to my father. He was a very smart man and attended some ivy league school where he met my mother. They got married, had Nadinne and a few years later they adopted me when I was about twelve.

For most of my life I felt so out of place. I was almost a teenager when they adopted me, so I wasn't accustomed to their lifestyle. I remembered my previous life inside the orphanage that housed more than thirty kids. We shared everything from clothes to washcloths. After adoption I had my own everything. I lived in a mansion with strangers.

Becoming a Carter wasn't that horrendous. My father went from Mr. Carter to Papa in mere weeks after my arrival. He had such a big heart and accepted me as his own. Turned out, the adoption wasn't my mother's idea. Gloria remained Gloria. She was the socialite amongst the wives of famous men in Silverstone. I believed my adoption was for the status. Nadinne and I got along as well as sisters do. She was almost a decade older than I, but we meshed well. She taught me the ins and outs of living in a community like this. She liked to do make overs and give advice about boys.

I took the last few puffs and threw the roach behind the tree I leaned on. I stared at the large white tent in front of me. The usual classical music poured out from every opening. From all the openings, I slid through the makeshift door of the kitchen. Waiters hurriedly moved about, taking champagne and food platters to the guests behind the white curtain, leading to the party.

Noticing a large crystal glass of scotch on one of the trays, I snatched it before the waiter could take it away. He seemed shocked at my doings but I ignored him and took a large gulp. The brown liquid burned my throat.

"That wasn't yours, Miss." The waiter said. He had the usual penguin suit on but it looked better on him than on the others. He had a certain charm to his smile. However, his eyes settled on my chest before they met my eyes.

"Papa only drinks scotch from his special collection." I said. "He will have champagne and nothing else. Give him the same as my mother."

"The long lost daughter." His smile widened and so did his brown eyes. They eyed me down. "The gods must be looking down on me for I am in the presence of a Carter."

"Cut the bullshit." I laughed a little harder than I intended to, drawing the attention of the other waiters. The one before me just smiled. My eyes narrowed as I stared at the golden tag on his chest. The swirls of each letter blurred. I blinked a few times but my vision remained the same. It didn't matter if I knew his name or not. "Just get the drink over to him. Make sure my father has two and my mother shouldn't have more than seven, but she has to have more than my father."

There was always a specific waiter that served the family. If I knew my sister, she wouldn't drink because she would be too worried about fitting in her dress. I never met her husband. As the thought came up, it dawned on me that I haven't arrived. When I got here, the party was in full swing. I took a smoke outside before I came in. I had to see Nadinne. I wasn't interested in my future brother-in-law because I wouldn't be sticking around long enough to actually get to know the guy. After the wedding and my maid of honour duties expired, I had to be on the next flight out.

"How about after this we go..." I cut the waiter short and grabbed a champagne flute from the tray of the passing waitress.

I gulped it down and not to my surprise, it went down better than the scotch. I didn't realise how stressed out I was about the whole situation. I just spent over ten hours hopping from flight to flight to get here. I haven't seen my family in two years and they haven't even come looking for me. It's not like I expected I huge welcoming celebration. It was my sister's day after all.

This feeling of grief hit me like a truck. I was in the midst of a bad trip and it felt like the whole world begun to crash around my feat. Tears flooded my eyes and they threatened to pour out. I hated this overwhelming sadness that occasionally washed over me. I felt trapped, surrounded by moving bodies.

"Hey, are you okay sweetie?" the waiter grabbed my shoulder and came closer. Heat spread all over my body and I broke out in sweat.

I knew exactly what was happening to me. In my mind I flipped though the advice pages of all my therapists and tried to remember which one actually helped. Before trying anything, I slipped from his clammy grasp and ran into the party.

Blinding white almost seared my eyes. White lights, white walls, white flowers and people dressed in white. The colour turned neon and flashed before me. All the guests turned to me and in a distance I could see my father. I had the urge to run into his arms and just curl up but then I saw her. Gloria held onto his arm.

I stepped forward and the noise grabbed my attention. I looked down to see broken glass in pools of bubbling champagne. Had I done that? It was my fault.

"What the hell are you doing?" A thick voice barked behind me, scaring the shit out of me. The man grabbed my arm with a painful grip, almost lifting me from the floor. "Security!" he barked again.

My tongue felt paralysed. My body went numb as I felt the force of this man's strength. His enraged green eyes threatened to burn the skin off my body. He seemed ten times my size. He was a snarling beast.

"Release her!" my father's voice echoed through the tent. The music stopped ages ago.

"She's a crasher!" the man snapped. His eyes never left mine.

"She's my daughter."

The man blinked his eyes in disbelief but the intensity remained. He looked me over, still breathing heavily and released the death grip around my arm. Just as his icy hands left, the warm embrace of my father came around me.

The storm inside my mind settled to calm and I relaxed. He held me and I held him. Memories of him holding me at night after a nightmare came flooding back. For a few moments I didn't regret coming back.

"Welcome home Nala."

***

I woke to the sound of clashing metals and car horns. Feather pillows surrounded my head and silky fabrics covered my body. Angels stared down, their sweet faces smiled. Some played with flowers while others poured water in brown bowls of sugar. The paintings had misguided intentions of allowing me heavenly dreams. At night, the angels morphed into little demons that haunted my nightmares.

Hours passed and I rolled out of bed. The sunlight already streamed through the sliding door. The fluffy white carpet felt extra soft this morning. I slid open the door and cold salty air filled the room. Stepping onto the balcony, I noticed the decorators busy below.

The tent laid on the dewy grass. Fog rose from the lake beyond the grass beds and the sunlight bounced off the dancing water, making it glitter in the light.

I knew that I had to make an appearance. I couldn't put it off any longer. With a very grumpy and unavoidable attitude, I made my way downstairs to the kitchen. Usually after a party the maids were outside, helping where they could. However, when I came into the kitchen, it was as busy as in the garden.

A few maids were busy with breakfast preparations and Gloria kept herself busy by ordering them around. I remained by the stairs until she noticed me among her staff. She wore her usual dress; a pants suit and loud jewellery. She was in her element.

"Morning Nala." Her smile faded as she noticed my attire. "Everyone is busy and you decide to sleep in. They're already at the table. Eat and change into something more presentable. The staff can't see you half-dressed, not after that episode last night." She spoke so fast that I just tuned her out.

What was the point of dressing up when I stayed home most of the time. My shirt came down to mid-thigh and my socks came up to my knees. I could walk around in socks because the floors remained spotless throughout the day. Besides, I loved my shirt. It smelled like me, it smelled like home.

Gloria continued bossing the staff around and I made my exit. When I entered the dinning room, an array of smells attacked my nose. All kinds of breakfast foods were on the table, from pancakes to bacon and everything in between. Papa sat at the head of the table, Nadinne to his left and a man sat next to her. He had to be the fiancé.

Papa smiled as he saw me. "Sweetheart!" he exclaimed. "It's about time you got up. I was just about to worry."

"Nala!" Nadinne got up to hug me. She was as beautiful as ever. She wore a summer dress with a weird flower print on it. She kept her blond hair in a loose pony and kept her makeup understated. I felt very underdressed now. She held me at arms length and then hugged me again. I felt like crying but I refrained. "I want you to meet someone special, well I guess you already have."

The man turned and I immediately recognised him from the party. He was the man that almost had me thrown out of my own home. Those intense green eyes met mine. That same fear that came over me from last night threatened to wash over me again. Then he did something that threw me completely off. He smiled.

I kept my eyes on him as he stood. He was tall, completely towering over me. A bodybuilder didn't describe him, nor did skinny. He was lean, almost like a swimmer's build. It had to be the light that streamed in from the large windows because he glowed. A large hand came toward me and my body flinched, recalling the previous pain they had inflicted. I had purple and green bruising just on that one spot. If I looked closely enough, I saw just where his nails dug into my flesh. That pure glow faded and I wished for dark clouds to fit my mood.

"Listen, I really want to apologise for last night." His voice was deep but not as menacing as I remembered. "There isn't an excuse for the way I acted. However, I thought you crashed the engagement dinner. If I knew you were the youngest daughter of my soon-to-be father, I wouldn't have handled it the way I had."

"You would handle anyone else like that, like a criminal?" the words escaped my mouth before I realised how much venom they contained.

"Of course not, I would never." He felt attacked, it was obvious. If he hadn't known my name, he wouldn't have dared to touch me in that manner. If I was a nobody, he would've thrown me on the street after dragging me out of the party.

"Of course." I said sarcastically.

"Don't be rude, Nala." Papa chimed in. I lowered the daggers in my gaze. "Yurik will be family in less than a week. It will make this time for your sister even more special if you two got along. Last night was a misunderstanding that we will put in the past and move on. Won't we, Nala?"

"Yes Papa, anything for your darling daughter." My expression remained sour but he didn't comment on it. When I was upset about anything, it was better to leave me be until I cooled down.

I sat to my father's right. They already had plates filled with food, except my sister. I just filled my plate with anything that was close to me. Yurik watched me with obvious displeasure. I didn't like him.

"So, sis..." I said, cutting the silence short. "Why this one?" I asked as I shovelled scrambled eggs in my mouth. I added a smile to seem less aggressive. Yurik glared. My smile widened.

Nadinne had boring taste in men. She had a thing for men she could easily control and dominate. She was like Gloria in that sense. The men thought they had the upper hand in the relationship but she proved them wrong after the first week. Nadinne was a petite girl with a strong personality. She was a perfectionist so all her suitors had to be perfect until she found a flaw. She left them without so much as a text.

"Yurik is perfect." She gushed while looking at her fiancé. "He works for Allen and Parker, the most prestigious law firm in Dallas. That's where we met. He represented my rival company. He won the suit and that's when I knew he was the one."

He beat my sister? I saw why she gave him the time. He was handsome too. Yurik had dirty blond hair, which he kept short on the sides and longer on top. His face consisted of hard lines and sharp angles. His long and narrow nose was pointy but didn't take away from his other features. He had pouty lips that had a slight pink tint to them. Then there was those eyes. They were ridiculously clear. I hated it that boys always had longer lashes than girls but it made him beautiful. Clenching his teeth seemed to be a habit but made his sharp jaw even more noticeable. He was quite handsome indeed. I gave Nadinne a mental high five.

"Now it's just Nala." Nadinne said. I missed half of the conversation. I'm sure she just went on and on about why she loved him.

"What?"

"Now it's your turn to get married." She laughed.

"Over my dead body." Papa joked. I knew he wasn't. "No man is good enough for my baby girl."

"Nala?" Yurik said. "I'm sure that's from..."

"From the Lion King." I finished for him. "That's Papa's favourite Disney movie. When they adopted me, that was the best he could come up with."

"What was your name before your adoption?" Yurik asked. He seemed genuinely interested but I was sure that Nadinne forced him to show an interest in me.

"I didn't have one." I said nonchalantly. "There were so many kids that came and went that I was just a number on a file. Don't be so shocked. Its not a secret that I had a pretty hard start in life before adoption..."

"And we've treated her like the blessing she is ever since." Papa interrupted before I could get to the really hard parts. He hated it when I told the story, especially in front of new company. Yurik had to be part of the family anyway, he would find out eventually. "How about you get ready. Maggie will be here in a bit for the fitting." Papa cut me short before I opened my mouth to continue.

So I did exactly as he said. I missed my shower. the water pressure was just right and the heat too. The bathroom just opposite my room had a bath, so I always used the one in the left wing.

The house wasn't huge but it was classified as a mansion. When you entered the house, you're in the foyer that had the huge main staircase. To the left was the living room for entertaining. To the right was the kitchen and dining area. Upstairs, to the left was the master bedroom, and guest room and my favourite bathroom. It was usually for the guests because my parents had their own. To the right was my room, Nadinne's room, a study and another bathroom.

The rest of the house was so white and plain but this bathroom had a theme. It had tiled walls but some tiles weren't white, they had little sea creatures on them. My favourite was the one that had a little red fish on it that resembled that red fish from Shark Tale. The glass that surrounded the shower had little bubbles painted on it and the floor was made of coarse sand.

Gloria told me that she hired a contractor and told him to surprise her with the design. She went on a trip soon after and when she returned, it was hideous. She hated it but never got around to fixing it. I loved it when I first came here.

"Yurik, what kind of name is that anyway?" I mumbled to myself as I stood under the running water. "He has the balls to call my name strange while his is just as weird. I bet she likes him because of his accent. I think he's Polish or Russian, either way he's weird. I don't like him." I loosened the tie on my hair and let it fall down my back. I poured some shampoo on my head and lathered it up. "I should act like I like him. He's marrying Nadinne. He's a jerk. He's uptight. He's exactly like all her other boyfriends and I hated them too."

After washing out all the shampoo, I washed myself and got out. I couldn't take the time I usually took because I was on her schedule. I wrapped myself in a fluffy white towel and opened the door. Just as I walked out, I ran into him. "Just the man I was thinking about." I said, my tone meant business.

"You thought about me in the shower?" he laughed. Why did it sound so cynical. It had a boyish charm to it. It sounded like that laugh boys do after they bullied someone or made some smart remark. I hated that.

"I always make important decisions in the shower." I snapped. I meant business. "I don't like you. If I haven't made it clear, I do not like you. However, my sister loves you, so I have to deal with you." I pointed up at him. He was so fucking tall that I found it hard to be intimidating.

"I didn't mean for last night to happen."

"I don't give a shit. You were perfectly fine with treating a woman like that. I have a bruise on my arm which shows me that you don't know your own strength and how to control your anger. I swear to god, if you touch my sister like that..."

"Let me make one thing clear." He angrily whispered. He didn't want my father to hear us, clearly worried that he might think like me. "I will never hurt your sister or any other woman. My temper got the best of me last night. You can hate me all you want but she loves me. That's all that matters."

"Just stay out of my way."

"You're pretty bossy for someone who's so small. I'm practically twice your size and twice your age." Yurik seemed calmer, almost humorous. I didn't find anything amusing about the situation. "Know your place little girl. You might be Papa's favourite but I'm marrying your sister and I'm her favourite." With that he disappeared down the stairs.

I dropped the conversation and went to my room and little angry. Okay I was fuming. I slammed my door and began to change. I had a few minutes before Maggie would call me down. I quickly dressed and lathered my hair with thick conditioner. I had to brush my hair. I had avoided it for as long as possible. My hair was thick and made tight curls. If I didn't hurry to comb it out, it would dry and crimp into a huge mess. Wrestling with the knots took longer than I hoped and was way too painful.

I was half ready when Maggie's high voice echoed through the house. I ran the comb through the sections of my hair and then just flipped it over my shoulders. It just had to dry on its own. I ran down the stairs and into the living room. Maggie was there in her signature black pants and colourful blouse. She held up a pink dress to Nadinne. Yurik was there too, sitting on the couch.

"Must he be here?" I whined to Nadinne. I really didn't want to see him more than I had to.

"Yurik has been very involved in the entire wedding arrangements." Maggie said. I could tell she was just as irritated by him as I was. She liked control and rarely valued opinions. I didn't want his opinion either.