My Diary: Pebbles on the Windowpane

"You want it fast?"

He slowly, slowly pushed inside me, once he was in as far as he could go, he pulled out again as quickly as he could. He did that at least ten or fifteen times before reversing it and quickly jamming into my pussy and then taking his sweet time to pull out. This was beyond my patience. I squirmed away from him and sat up. He gave me a look as if he knew what I would do, and he probably did know, and he had planned it all along. I suppose he wanted to torture me until I lost control and wanted to take over.

I pushed him down on the blanket, sat on his cock, and began riding it as hard as I could. I was riding him and grinding on him as he touched my breasts or clit or ass. Whatever he felt like. I was loving it, I fucked him as fast as I could while I ran my fingers through my hair and pulled. Then he sat up with me and we rocked back and forth, feeling waves of my growing climax beginning around his cock. He knew I was going to come soon, so he rolled me to my back and spread my legs wide, with my knees as close to my ears as he could get them. He thumbed my clit as if he were strumming a guitar quickly, and fucked me as deep as he could. He kept up a steady rhythm, not too fast or slow, and felt my orgasm building, my pussy tightening around his cock and becoming wetter and wetter. I was letting out high pitched squeals and squeaks with each thrust.

Finally, I could feel a pressure building. It seemed be begin down below and was climbing to my chest. I was extremely silent with concentration and holding my breath. I was coming so intensely that I did not move, I was as still as I had ever been in my life as Tad worked my body and made it do his will. My pussy clenched down so hard that Tad was squeezed out and could not penetrate me for a moment. After he was back inside me, I began to shake with pleasure and relief and I finally breathed again. Once more I found myself in a fetal position, Tad still inside me. Tears were coming from my eyes; it was such an immense release.

Tad gave me a moment, but it was only a moment. Once I was no longer shaking he was ready to get started again. I felt him swipe his finger against my moist cunt. He was noticing that I'd gotten even wetter. He roughly flipped me over on my belly, and before I had time to think he started fucking me again. This time it was all for him. He didn't bother trying to tease me anymore. He was ready to get himself off. But he'd already come once before, so he squeezed my legs together to make my pussy as tight as he could, and fucked me as hard as his body would allow. I knew that by now his poor knees had to be tired, but he was past the point of noticing. His only awareness was of his need to reach orgasm. He was fucking me hard that I was scooting across the blanket and into the grass, my face and chest getting rubbed in the dirt. I didn't care, because I was coming again too. This time it was a long orgasm of gentle pulsating waves, relaxing me more and more. Finally, Tad came. I felt the end of condom ballooning against my cervix with his load, and the slimy wad being pulled along with his dick as he exited.

We somehow fell asleep while cuddling after we dressed. When we woke up the sun was rising, but the sky was still a deep purple. Dew had fallen and we were both damp and cold. Our limbs were aching from sleeping on the hard ground. We said nothing to each other, we didn't have to. I laid on his chest as we both watched the sun rise for a little while, drinking the last of the Smirnoff. Silently we cleaned up and folded up the blanket, and silently we walked back to my house. Tad walked me back up the hill and to the underground terrace entrance to the basement. He held me and kissed my hair before letting me go inside. Silently, we parted.

It was another month before I saw Tad again. At about midnight I received a text from him which was just a smiley face, and a quick note telling me to wear "something hot" and to be ready in an hour. It was a weekend so my parents were still awake. I told them Tad was having trouble with his new girlfriend and needed someone to talk to. I said he was picking me up and I didn't know when I'd be back. I don't think they bought it, but I didn't care. I was going to the trouble of lying so they acted as if they believed me. I rushed through a shower and shaved my pussy. I put on a little makeup; just mascara, eyeliner, and lipgloss. Then I dressed. I found some lingerie that Tad hadn't seen and put that on under jeans, a light blue tank top, and a soft grey sweater. I threw on my Converse again and grabbed a few things to put in my purse. Not long after, Tad rang the doorbell. I told my parents not to wait up, and Iggy and Penny smirked at me as I ran out the door.

Tad was wearing almost the exact same thing he'd worn the last night that we'd spent together. He looked comfortable and sexy, with some rough stubble and tousled hair. We just hugged for now, in case Iggy and Penny were being nosey. They knew some of the same people we did and didn't want anyone talking. Tad opened the door to his car (an early nineties Accord) and I got inside. Once we were out of my driveway we kissed a couple of times and relaxed.

"Where are we going?"

"The Renaissance."

"Ha, Ha. Very funny. Where are we going?" I fiddled with his heating controls and started to look through his cds.

"The Renaissance." Was Tad playing some kind of joke on me?

"The hotel? The one they just built?"

"Yes." Tad looked like he was getting annoyed now.

I could not believe him. "Yeah, um. It's like three hundred a night there."

Tad nodded. "You said to do better than a sandwich and Smirnoff." He looked at me with a cat-that-ate-the-canary grin. He'd been serious about the anal. It took me no time at all to realize that was what he was after and I started freaking out.

"Oh no... Tad..." I was terrified to do anal with him. He was so much bigger than Ben, and I hadn't enjoyed it with Ben very much. "I don't know about this..." I almost asked him to turn the car around and take me back home.

Tad stroked my leg, "Look, let's just try... and if you don't like it and want to stop then that's fine. I just don't think its fair that you haven't given me a chance." We were at a red light so he looked over and gave me a long, pouting look.

That sounded like an okay idea, but I was still scared. "But why me? I'm sure there are other girls who wouldn't mind if that's what you're in the mood for..." The light turned green.

Tad was completely silent and was biting his lip.

"What?"

He concentrated his gaze on the road ahead, never glancing at me. "I don't want them. I want you." His voice was hard, with a touch of bitterness.

"Is this because of Ben? Because I told him if he didn't shut his mouth about me then I would unload all his personal shit to everyone we know. He said he was sorry so I think you need to let it go." Surely if I could get over Ben gossiping about my butthole to all our friends, then Tad could get past it too.

Tad laughed. "Partly. But... I've never done it before and me and you have a history and... you know? It's not fair for Ben to have something I don't."

This was actually really sweet, even if it was a slightly childish. I felt really special and close to Tad then, because that meant he wanted me to be the the first. He was not an emotional or mushy sort of guy and I knew it was a huge deal to admit something like that to me. Plus I knew that he'd been with a lot of girls, and I wondered if he was saving anal play for someone special. Someone like me. Maybe it was because I just gotten off my period again and I was hormonal, but I almost cried a little bit, but that would have ruined the flirtatious mood. I held back and didn't say anything for a little while. "I guess we can try. You have gone to a lot of trouble... and spent a bunch of money... I just hope you think it was worth it tomorrow..."

He grinned and said, "I know I will."

I was glad that he felt confident, because I sure didn't. But I decided to at least let him try, especially since I knew he must have saved up since our last encounter in order to afford the hotel. He was still in school and barely making enough money to pay his own bills working as the assistant manager at a paint store. I thought it was sweet that he was giving me special treatment. Ben had just bent me over his mom's couch...

Tad could be very romantic if he wanted to, but I no longer expected it since we were just friends. I was kind of excited about staying the night at the newly built hotel. The Renaissance was the first "fancy" hotel near our small town, and we had to drive about thirty minutes out of town to get there. It was built near a golf course and everyone had heard how nice it was. To us, it was a big deal because the nicest restaurant in town was the chain steakhouse, and the best hotel was the Holiday Inn. I wished for a moment that I wasn't with Tad, since I wanted to be able to brag about it a little bit to my girlfriends.

When we arrived I wanted to walk around the lobby and explore the hotel, but Tad said he didn't want to wait any longer. Maybe he wanted to get his money's worth for the room. We went straight up to our room, which overlooked a lake by the golf course. We stood and watched the waterfowl gliding in the water under the moonlight. It would have been really sweet and romantic if we'd still been a real couple. The room was the largest hotel room I'd ever been in. There was a bedroom area, a small office/living area, a balcony, and a huge marble bathroom. We had a king size bed, a mini fridge, and bar. I figured out that Tad had already been to the room and had it stocked. There was a new box of condoms and a new bottle of lube on the bedside table next to a bottle of champagne on ice. In the fridge I found two dozen raw oysters with lemon wedges and cocktail sauce. On top of the fridge were some crackers and a bowl of cut fruit.

I was speechless at first. I just kind of stood in the middle of the room looking around, holding the platter of oysters. I couldn't believe Tad had been to all this trouble but I also was having a hard time believing he'd actually listened to me and remembered. He'd been so insensitive and forgetful when were dating.

Tad was laughing, "You get what you ask for." He chuckled.

I was a little irritated so I got kinda mean, "I'm sort of wishing you weren't a lying, cheating bastard now... Look at how romantic this is. It's a shame you didn't do things like this when we were together." I touched a red ribbon tied cheekily around the box of condoms. "Aw, how sweet..." I picked up a lavender scented candle next to the condoms and lube. "Candles too. You've outdone yourself."

Tad didn't take the bait. He was used to me being like that since we did nothing but fight when we were a couple. He'd worked too hard arranging everything to start fighting with me. He also knew exactly what to say to get my mind off an argument. "Ah, Dollface... if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. Maybe I should put something in your mouth to keep all those insults from coming out..."

I liked it when he called me Dollface, and now I felt bad for being mean. I had to give Tad a little bit of credit for not denying his lying and cheating. I supposed maybe he knew he'd been an asshole to me before, and was trying to make it up to me. I gave him a sly look and said, "After the oysters." He smiled (and I knew I was forgiven) and we helped ourselves to the raw oysters and drank the champagne straight from the bottle. Tad had forgotten to get glasses in all the excitement of his preparations.

After we'd been fed and watered, we cuddled and teased each other on the bed for a little while. Tad was trying to break the tension to stop me from being scared of what was to come. He was tickling me and telling me cheesy kids' jokes, like the ones on popsicle sticks. Then, while I was giggling and not paying attention, he took my face in his hands gently, and started kissing me very slowly and delicately. He kissed me as if I were made of something fine and breakable, like too much pressure would cause me to crumble in his arms. With his fingers he massaged my scalp and ran them through my hair, then deftly stroked my skin from behind my ears all the way down to my collarbone. I was shivering with pleasure, and a little anxiety. Then Tad looked into my eyes and whispered, "I hope you know me well enough by now to know that I want you to get yours before I get mine." I bit my lips and just nodded my head. I was secretly wondering, since anal sex seemed to be a big deal to him. I was afraid that was all he wanted to do. I knew there was no way I could orgasm from anal sex alone. I felt relieved that he wanted to make me come first. "What's your biggest fantasy?" he asked me, whispering in my ear.

Well, my biggest fantasy at this point was to be with another woman. I felt I was definitely bisexual at this point even though I'd never been with a woman sexually. The furthest I'd ever gone was kissing girls for dares when drunk at college parties. My favorite game was called Dirty Chicken. Two girls or two guys would kiss and make out, and the first to pull away was the loser. It was the only way I could make out with a girl with people still thinking I was straight. I'd get to grope a breast or cop a feel of a soft ass, but that was the limit. I always tried to lose Dirty Chicken so no one would be in doubt that I was straight. I'd even pretend to protest when someone would suggest playing. Saying stuff like, "Gross, not that one again!" or "You filthy minded boys just want to watch two chicks so badly you're willing to kiss each other just to get a free show... Just watch a porno already!" I just hoped that no one saw right through me. I had a feeling that maybe some people could tell... especially the girls I kissed, judging by the way they'd look at me afterwards.

I wanted to confide in someone, and with Tad asking me about my fantasy and knowing I was about to let him go further than ever with me... I just couldn't stop myself from telling him. "Um... well I know this sounds bad, but... I've kind of always wanted to be with another girl..."

"That doesn't sound bad. It sounds natural... and hot." He bit down on my neck, and was starting to remove my sweater. We'd taken off our shoes when we first got to the room. He was pulling off his hoodie now.

I blushed. "I think about it a lot..."

Tad frowned. "Then how come you never let me have a threesome with you? I told you Ashley was up for it! And Christina said she'd do it too!"

I covered my eyes with my hands. The champagne and making out had loosened my tongue. Tad begged me for months to have a threesome with him. He promised he'd stop cheating, he promised everything under the sun. I wouldn't do it. I was too jealous. I didn't want another girl fucking him, and I certainly didn't want my first time with another girl to be a shared experience. "Well, for one thing Ashley's not my type-" She was decent looking but had a horrible personality and was a real bully. I didn't want to be with someone like that.

"So you have a 'type' now?" Tad interrupted.

"-And Christina was your ex before me! I was jealous of her and also she's the town bike. I'm not getting sexual with her without a hazmat suit."

"That's pretty fucking bitchy of you..." Tad obviously didn't care how big a bitch I was, since he was starting to take off his own pants and shirt.

I uncovered my face and sat up to look him right in the eye. I didn't like being called a bitch, and I guess I was trying to prove a point. "Yeah. Okay maybe, but that's not the main reason. I don't want to share. I want her all to myself." I covered my mouth with my hands. As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I wanted to take them back. I wanted to crawl under the bed and never come back out again.

Tad swallowed hard and just stared at me. "You like girls."

I shook my head and bit my lips. "I dunno..." I did know. I so knew. Anyone looking right at me would have known I was lying. I was blushing and felt so humiliated.

Tad said nothing at first, he just stared at me like he was seeing me for the first time. Then I saw something change behind his eyes, as if a button had been pressed a new thought process had begun. Still silent, he started yanking off my clothes. "That is the hottest thing you have ever told me..." He attacked me with kisses and was biting me as he undressed me. Finally my pants and tank top were in the floor. I was only in my bra and panties and he was in his boxers. Tad took a moment to look at my lingerie. "Ooh... well, I did tell you to wear something hot..."

I did. I was wearing a lilac satin bra with a front fastener (he loved front fastening bras) that had a little bit of ivory lace trim around the top of the cups. My panties were full backed hipster style of matching lilac satin with an ivory lace panel right in front, showing off my new pubic hair design. Instead of a landing strip I'd shaved a little triangle, like a slice of pie. They were made to look like a modern twist on vintage 1930's lingerie. The effect was a subtle, ladylike sexiness. The back of the panties had a little ruching down the center, to draw the fabric tighter over my ass, making it look even more plump and delicious. Tad was still into women with tiny asses but I thought that for this special occasion, he might appreciate someone with a little more softness to enjoy. I was right. He took my hand and helped me stand up next to the bed. He made me turn around several times. I let him take a couple of Polaroids (phones didn't have cameras yet) and then he laid me back down on the bed, kissing and biting me all over my body.

"Well, now that I see you like this I'm almost sorry I don't have a pussy. Got any fantasies I can actually help you with?"

I had a ton of them, but I thought about one that we could actually do in the hotel room. "I've never had sex in a shower before... and the one in our bathroom looks really big..."

Tad just smiled and pulled me off the bed, leading me to the bathroom. The counters and shower stall were a pale pink and white marble, with shiny chrome taps. The shower was encased in perfectly clear glass, and had a little marble seat. He started the water and found the right temperature. He played with the settings on the shower head (a really large circular shower head with six or seven different modes) and found one which was like soft rainfall. Then came back out and started to undress me. He unclasped my bra and pushed the straps past my shoulders, it fell to the floor. He played with my breasts a little bit and then hooked his thumbs around the sides of my panties and pulled them off me. He kissed me back up my legs, but avoided my pussy, which was getting wetter. I knew I would be dripping down my thigh soon. I knelt down and took off his black cotton boxers. Just as I was about to reach for his penis he stopped me. "Not that I don't want you to, but... let's wait." I just smiled and stood up and we both walked into the glass shower stall. The glass was already steaming up, and the mirrors in the bathroom were beginning to get foggy.

"Have you ever had sex in a shower?" I asked him. It was my first time. Usually with my boyfriends we were having rushed sex pretty much everywhere except a bed, since I lived with my parents and a lot of the guys I went out with lived with theirs too. I longed to have a slow, leisurely fuck in a steamy shower. It seemed like it would be so relaxing, and in movies it looked so hot.

"I have..." he said nervously. I think he was afraid I'd be jealous if he admitted it wasn't the first time.

I started kissing him and touching him under the water. I loved watching the droplets mist his hair and eyelashes. His chest hair was beginning to get wet. I touched it and then wrapped my arms around him to squeeze his butt. I kissed his neck and ears. "With who?"