My High Price Paid to Write Erotica

Moreover, never one to keep the private details of my life private, my friends knew that I participated in the swinging lifestyle with my ex-husband. When I told them all about my experiences they seemed interested and as sexually excited hearing them as I was telling them. Apparently, they only accepted us as a couple for them to flirt with my ex-husband, when I was still together with him. Yet, after we divorced, instead of deeming me a friend, they deemed me a threat.

Insincere phonies, playing me and using me, they lied. Acting excited by the thoughts of having sex with a stranger, I even invited them to some of the swingers' dances but, making excuses, they never attended. Not willing to even try my sexy, sexual lifestyle, once I told them who I had become, they no longer embraced me. When at a swingers' dance, I told them that no meant no and that they didn't have to sex with anyone, just dance, have a drink, eat something instead of someone, and socialize by just talking instead of sucking and fucking.

With all the cards stacked against me I was naive. I never should have told my friends my personally private, sexual affairs. In hindsight, all of this was my own doing. Bad enough that I'm a divorcee and an erotic writer but I was an ex-swinger too. Down and dirty with the devil, the fact that I wrote incestuous stories didn't score me any points either. Too polite to show it and too afraid to show me or to tell me the truth, I could only imagine what they really thought of me and what these catty bunch of women were saying behind my back.

Looking back now, they were always jealous of me. No doubt thinking about having breast implants, my small breasted friends stared as much at my natural, big breasts as their husbands did. Yet, instead of being happy for me that I found a fun outlet and my passion to write, unfairly judging me, they used all that I told them against me. For sure, I had more fun with my swinging ex-friends than I ever did with any of them and if I had to pick my swinging friends over my childhood friends, I'd pick my swinging friends. A deep connection, there's an instant bond that goes beyond friendship after you've had sex with someone. After seeing them naked and totally exposed, there are no more pretenses.

No longer inviting me to their homes to hold their babies to play with their dogs and stroke their cats, they made me feel that I was out to steal their husbands and ruin their marriages. I wasn't. By their cold looks, the hushed whispers, the insincere smiles, and by what they said and didn't say, no longer welcomed in their homes and in their lives, they made me feel as if I'm a perverted leper. Maybe compared to them, I am perverted by having experimented with the swinging lifestyle when I was younger then and writing erotica now. No longer on speaking terms and no longer sharing my dirty, little sexual secrets, I no longer ask them to read my stories.

Even though I no longer speak to their wives, their husbands still send me sexy e-mails. Obviously, hoping I'll take them up on their offers of dinner and sex, they think I'm an easy mark. Obviously they'd go to bed with me if I gave them the go ahead. Yet, just because I participated in the swinging lifestyle and just because I write erotica, I'm not a whore. I still have morals and class.

An enigma to them, just as I know how to get down and dirty, I know how to act like a lady too. Their husbands are the phonies who don't have morals and class by hiding behind their wives and their pretenses when they are the ones who'd have sex with me if I gave them the nod. Yet, even though they've all hit on me and I've declined, their husbands still read all that I write and still write to me after about all they've read. That's no surprise being that they're married to the sexually cloistered women that their wives are.

So long as they look and don't touch, always looking at me with lust while asking to read my stories and asking about my latest story, before I moved away, their husbands were my biggest fans. No doubt, being that I look better than and am mores sexually appealing than their fat, small breasted, and sexually frustrated wives, I'm sure they fantasized about having sex with me while reading my stories and masturbating. I'm sure if I invited any one of them to a swingers' dance without their wives and without their wives knowing, they'd attend.

Unfortunately, instead of seeing me as a writer, they look at me as the whore that I'm not. How dare they! Just as they are men with a sexual past that are trying to get with me in the present and behind their wives' backs, I might add, I'm just a morally principled woman with a sexual past who writes erotica. So shun me, ignore me, force me to suck your cock before strangling me to death, and if I survive, I'll write an erotic story from my experiences.

THE END