Moreover, never one to keep the private details of my life private, my friends knew that I participated in the swinging lifestyle with my ex-husband. When I told them all about my experiences they seemed interested and as sexually excited hearing them as I was telling them. Apparently, they only accepted us as a couple for them to flirt with my ex-husband, when I was still together with him. Yet, after we divorced, instead of deeming me a friend, they deemed me a threat.
Insincere phonies, playing me and using me, they lied. Acting excited by the thoughts of having sex with a stranger, I even invited them to some of the swingers' dances but, making excuses, they never attended. Not willing to even try my sexy, sexual lifestyle, once I told them who I had become, they no longer embraced me. When at a swingers' dance, I told them that no meant no and that they didn't have to sex with anyone, just dance, have a drink, eat something instead of someone, and socialize by just talking instead of sucking and fucking.
With all the cards stacked against me I was naive. I never should have told my friends my personally private, sexual affairs. In hindsight, all of this was my own doing. Bad enough that I'm a divorcee and an erotic writer but I was an ex-swinger too. Down and dirty with the devil, the fact that I wrote incestuous stories didn't score me any points either. Too polite to show it and too afraid to show me or to tell me the truth, I could only imagine what they really thought of me and what these catty bunch of women were saying behind my back.
Looking back now, they were always jealous of me. No doubt thinking about having breast implants, my small breasted friends stared as much at my natural, big breasts as their husbands did. Yet, instead of being happy for me that I found a fun outlet and my passion to write, unfairly judging me, they used all that I told them against me. For sure, I had more fun with my swinging ex-friends than I ever did with any of them and if I had to pick my swinging friends over my childhood friends, I'd pick my swinging friends. A deep connection, there's an instant bond that goes beyond friendship after you've had sex with someone. After seeing them naked and totally exposed, there are no more pretenses.
No longer inviting me to their homes to hold their babies to play with their dogs and stroke their cats, they made me feel that I was out to steal their husbands and ruin their marriages. I wasn't. By their cold looks, the hushed whispers, the insincere smiles, and by what they said and didn't say, no longer welcomed in their homes and in their lives, they made me feel as if I'm a perverted leper. Maybe compared to them, I am perverted by having experimented with the swinging lifestyle when I was younger then and writing erotica now. No longer on speaking terms and no longer sharing my dirty, little sexual secrets, I no longer ask them to read my stories.
Even though I no longer speak to their wives, their husbands still send me sexy e-mails. Obviously, hoping I'll take them up on their offers of dinner and sex, they think I'm an easy mark. Obviously they'd go to bed with me if I gave them the go ahead. Yet, just because I participated in the swinging lifestyle and just because I write erotica, I'm not a whore. I still have morals and class.
An enigma to them, just as I know how to get down and dirty, I know how to act like a lady too. Their husbands are the phonies who don't have morals and class by hiding behind their wives and their pretenses when they are the ones who'd have sex with me if I gave them the nod. Yet, even though they've all hit on me and I've declined, their husbands still read all that I write and still write to me after about all they've read. That's no surprise being that they're married to the sexually cloistered women that their wives are.
So long as they look and don't touch, always looking at me with lust while asking to read my stories and asking about my latest story, before I moved away, their husbands were my biggest fans. No doubt, being that I look better than and am mores sexually appealing than their fat, small breasted, and sexually frustrated wives, I'm sure they fantasized about having sex with me while reading my stories and masturbating. I'm sure if I invited any one of them to a swingers' dance without their wives and without their wives knowing, they'd attend.
Unfortunately, instead of seeing me as a writer, they look at me as the whore that I'm not. How dare they! Just as they are men with a sexual past that are trying to get with me in the present and behind their wives' backs, I might add, I'm just a morally principled woman with a sexual past who writes erotica. So shun me, ignore me, force me to suck your cock before strangling me to death, and if I survive, I'll write an erotic story from my experiences.
THE END
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wow!
Kinda feel like I just had my ass chewed out, and I'm on your side! Great passionate writing. The world is full of the "Bertha better than you's" who condemn others to make themselves feel superior. Best advice I can give, though you didn't ask, is to live your life as you choose and not let them bring you down. They have the right to live their lives as they choose too, even if it shows them to be hypocritical goat fuckers.more...
...having read the comments to your essay, i can only add my own beliefs.
i believe that the only people that you can call your friend is someone that loves you to the extent that NOTHING that you do or say will change their opinion of you. relatives are included in this belief also. actually relatives can be the most hateful,vicious,mean spirited people that you will ever have to associate with.
i believe in karma as the great equalizer in life also. i think that karma isnt some evil force in the world but most people will bring about their own 'bad luck'. that is the karma that i believe in.
i believe that if you are really true to yourself, love yourself no matter what your "friends or relatives" tell you, then you can hold your head up high because the only one that you will have to answer to will be the person in your mirror.
lastly i believe that deep down, you have the 'stuff' to go through life with no apologies to anyone.
johnmore...
A Tough Road
Condolences. I have some understanding of what you have gone through. I'm not Christian. I broke away a long time ago because I had a hard time with the misogyny. Mythic images are crucial. When my father left, my mother had to work two and sometimes three jobs to feed and clothe all of us. Christianity offered the virgin Mary or the Mary the whore as images to aspire to, and there are so many other possibilities. What matters is the heart and character of a person, and it galled me that my mother was told to submit to a husband's will as she was to the male god in church. She deserved better options. As she drifted further to fundamentalism -- and despite it's misogyny, it does offer a code of behavior -- when I went on a trip with her, two of her friends tried to corner me into "converting back" while I had no money in my pocket and was hundreds of miles from my own home. After I got home, I didn't speak to her for nearly ten years.
And just a few years ago, family members discussed the possibility of kidnapping me to "de-program" me of my beliefs. If they knew I wrote erotica? It doesn't bear thinking about. If they never talked to me again, it would be better than other option they might consider. The church often forgives murder of non-believers. And, oddly, Christian churches reserve its most violent actions against perceived rivals they call heretics. Gnostics in the 4th century? Albigensians in 1200s? Catholics vs Byzantines vs Russian Orthodox vs Coptics vs so many others. Then Catholics vs Protestants. The list is really close to endless. Emo Philips' bit about the man considering suicide on the bridge is bitterly hilarious because it is so true.
I make a point to respect the beliefs of others as long as they do no harm to others and I expect the same in return. However, I find that true Christians are scarcer than hen's teeth; those willing to embrace the Sermon on the Mount as a lifestyle stand out because they are so rare.
To be rejected by your family hurts. To walk your own road means you have to examine the basics - who you are, what you believe, and how you will live your life. And often the pathway isn't even gravel much less a dirt path but something you have blaze forth yourself.
Faith and religion are supposed to help, not hinder. The medicine man Sun Bear once wrote that faith should grow corn. That is, it should sustain you in adversity, see you as valuable when your heart and soul need direction and support. If it doesn't, it's time to reevaluate what you believe in. If it's church morality that condemns you, maybe it's time to step outside the nave and into the sunlight. And if not, I found the works of Elaine Pagels (Gospel of Thomas, et al) and Karen King (Gospel of Mary) to be challenging and insightful.
Your essay is stream of conscious writing, but it remains visceral all the same. This is only the second piece of yours that I've read, but that is neither here nor there. Keep writing! I'd give this work five stars but the voting is disabled. You've apparently given pleasure to many, and based on the comments here, many are willing to stand up and cheer you on. (And you are so right: those who read and move on versus those willing to actually vote are abysmally small, and even fewer bother give feedback!) In any case, I'd like to add my voice to the chorus in your cheering section.
Peace and love.more...
Thank you for some loving wet wet big "O" moments of pleasure mmmmmm!
Dear and sweet Susan,
Please, keep on writing those loving Erotic Stories and doing what you most enjoy to do!
I´m very sorry if it has cost you some family and some friends, but in my humble opinion, we always most try to make our dreams "cum" real!
So, Please, Do Not Stop writing Erotic Stories!
I love very much yours lovely stories and I use to score them, mostly with a 4 or 5 stars always!
As a Mature Lesbian Aunt in a long term family love relationship with my own lovely 75yo Aunt since my teens, I realy love erotic stories about adult and mature lesbian family love, specially Grannies with Moms, Aunts, Sisters, Moms-in-laws, daughters and nieces!
I know yours lovely stories are more F/m stories but it would be lovely to see more Women in the family love relationship of the stories, like FFF/m or FFFF/m/g stories.
Thank you soooooooooo much for some loving Wet Wet Big "O" moments of true pleasure and for bringing pleasure to so many people.
I wish you All the Best!
Aunt Helena
53yo lesbian Aunt from Portugalmore...
Hi Susan
Thank you for writing! The individuals you describe are those same ones that make up such a despicable moral minority.
I think you sound like a nice woman. I read erotica and I write erotica.
My ex-wife had a problem with erotica, porn, and anything unless she was drunk (her the one who had 4 husbands, done group sex, screwed around on all the husbands, and had been in a lesbian relationship. I never judged her and found out that she too cheated on me.
My current wife reads erotica and has a much more open mind.
Hopefully your life is better and you can live a free open life againmore...
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