My Husband's Gift

I know I said I wouldn’t have much time to writes stories to post here, and the truth is I don’t. Time and desire don’t always fit do they. I really hate it that my last two stories were so poorly received by some of you, based on the ratings they’ve received, it’s most of you. The piece I called Ramblings was at best poorly written, and it seems, to me, totally misunderstood. Add to that the reoccurring reaction of some of you men that I’m a man hater, which I am not. I’ve decided I needed to do another.

Before I even start writing this, I want to make a few comments, comments based on my experiences and feelings. First off, I think my sexuality, as is most women’s, is much more dependent on my emotional side then a man’s is. I can’t just lay down and fuck, I have to feel something emotionally, be it a long term relationship or a one night stand. That said, really great sex does make a difference, if I’m not feeling right emotionally with the person I’m in a relationship with but we have great sex, I may be able to get past the emotional problems and still have sex with that person, that isn’t going to happen if the sex is so, so. My passions, my desires for that sexual high are such that I want those feelings, if I know I’m going to feel that high, in others words lots of massive orgasms, I’ll have sex, hurt, mad, or feeling neglected. In my opinion, that sexual high does kindle other strong emotions, at times, just making love helps put a relationship back on course.

Emotions are a complicated matter, having really great sex invokes emotions that may other wise not have a right to exist. Take a one night stand for instance, I for one have to be very attracted to the man. I have to feel emotionally comfortable with him. He has to kindle some part of that emotion we all call love, it doesn’t have to be a big love, I just have to feel lovingly to him. If those three requirements are met, then I can feel emotional and physical lust and passion. If during this one night stand we have really great sex, I’ll feel emotionally bonded to this man, I’ll feel a closeness that I have no right feeling. That can fade fast if I find I don’t like his personality, but the reverse happens if I find I do, the emotional side we call love takes over, I can fall rather quickly. Full blown love, no, but if we’re compatible and we continue to have great sex then my emotions for him well become very strong. My guess is that most women would react the same way. Take note men, great sex happens, few men are truly great lovers, your mate likes someone, you encourage her to make love to him, he’s one of the few, you may well lose her. A risk you take if you want this life style.

For those of you who want the cuckold life style, I’ll give you a hint. Find a man whom your wife really likes, one she has some sexual attraction to. Oh yes guys, even when we’re totally committed to someone, we do have our attractions just like you do. Cultivate a friendship with that man, invite him over to your house, invite him along for fun things you and your wife enjoy. When the three of you are alone, keep quiet, let the two of my talk, at times disappear for a while so they can flirt. When you see the attraction getting really strong, drop a hint or two that you wouldn’t mind her cheating, be a little shuttle. I can almost guarantee you, if you’ve done it right, she’ll cuckold you at some point. Now I can guarantee she’ll end up being a love wife of a cuckold husband, she may well end up being a loving wife but you may be the cuckold ex-husband.

The truth is most one night stands don’t get that far, the sex isn’t that great. It’s exciting, I may have orgasms that I wouldn’t have with a man I know better, one whom made love the same way. I want to also say that in most cases it takes time to learn to make love to another person, more so for you men then us women. That is not my female superiority speaking either, it’s just a fact of life, we are more complicated then you men are, our needs and desires more varied, it’s easier to take a man to his sexual high then it is a women. That said there are men who can take almost all women to ecstasy the first time they make love to you. They’re very special men, experienced yes, but it’s more then that, they seem to be more attuned to our needs, they seem to sense more readily what is heightening our passion and what is not. They are also totally unselfish lovers, seeing first to our needs before they even consider their own. I’m not ashamed to admit it, thought not proud of it either, I’ve had more then my fair share of male lovers. I’ve been with a total of three men that fit my above description, a rarity indeed. Casanova fits doesn’t he, he had many women, those women wanted him, and after they had him, they wanted him again and again and again. It only took one time with him and they were hooked.

I read that the average women experiences sex with only three men during her whole life so her odds of ever encountering a man like this are very slime indeed. Maybe for women who experiences her men during a wild night of cheating, the odds are greater, something about these men, maybe it’s sexual vibes, maybe it’s a certain confidence, is very alluring. Maybe it’s just our intuition, certain men just seem to be so attractive, almost irresistible, even if we don’t end up having sex with them, we somehow know that doing so would be special. I’ve watched these men, it isn’t just me who’s attracted to them, they may walk into an establishment single but they never leave that way. How many of you men can truly say that, not many, I’m sure.

All of that said, it really matters little how powerful your attraction to a man like that is, if you love the man your having a relationship with, assuming that relationship is working at the time, 99% of women would not cheat.

Lets take a journey, a loving husband, a desirable man, and me. Yes I’m going to play the lead, the story is going to be fantasy, but the emotions and the reactions well be as I see myself feeling and reacting. I really don’t have time for much character development, so this is the character I’m playing. I’m in love with my husband, I think/hope he’s in love with me. Typical relationship, at times good, at times not so good. I can’t foresee a time in my life without my beloved. I hate it when my husband stares at other women, although I don’t mind if he just looks. Our sex life is, like most couples married for a number of years, good but not great. The frequency varies greatly, going from very frequent sex when our relationship is working to nearly nonexistence when it isn’t.

I want to be very typical, so we are going to make me statistically average, I’m somewhat conservative in bed, I’ll give my husband a blow job, never as long as he’d like, I don’t deep throat, I’ve never been asked to learn, he can’t cum in my mouth, he’s asked I said no a number of times, he’s never really pressed the issue, if he did I’d try at least once. I don’t do anal sex, he’s asked, I’ve said no, he doesn’t push the issue. I’ll take the lead at times and get on top, doggie style occasionally but our primary sexual position is missionary. Half of the time I’ll experience an orgasm, almost always during foreplay. A few times I’ve experienced a small orgasm during intercourse but that of course was only after a lot of foreplay. I long for more foreplay, my husbands rushes that. I want longer and better oral sex then my husband ever gives me. I’ve never had multiple orgasms, I use the excuse that I’m to sensitive after one orgasm, but the truth is I want to have that experience.

I know of no major perversions my husband has. I have none that I really think of as perverse. I do have this strange desire to show off my body, a desire I hide, most of the time even from myself, but I have fantasized about it. On occasion I’ve fulfilled my husband’s request to go out with him, minus my undergarments, the idea of being so naked under a dress is a turn on. I don’t like to admit it but at times when my husband hasn’t been looking I’ve done a little flashing.

I wonder about adding toys to our loving making but would never ask my husband to buy any, I wouldn’t object if he did. I didn’t use to masturbate often but I do now, usually along with a fantasy. I do have thoughts about making love to other men, much stronger thoughts then I should. On three occasions I came close to doing so. I was a virgin when we married, I regret that, I wish I would have had sex with other men before we were married. I have also wondered about making love to a man with a big penis, just a curiosity, we all wonder. Like all of us I’ve heard both opinions, it matters and it doesn’t matter. I know my body, so I can’t help but believe that is has to matter some.

All of the above are from one study or another, all fall within a range of normalcy. Two of these are on the fringes of normalcy, first being a virgin, that depends some on the generation a person was born in, but it’s not uncommon in any generations. The second being a strong desire to make love to other men, a majority has expressed they have that desire but not a strong desire. Three occasions coming close is a bit of an overstatement for average, better stated as a strong temptation to do so. But my character has come close to doing so, very close. The only other note worthy comment I’ll make is that, I was very surprised that the desire to be an exhibitionist, was considered within the range of normalcy, low range but normal, all this time I thought I wasn’t normal.

I do want to be typical, so we have children, but children complicate things don’t they, I’m not about to bring home a new a man if the children are home, I’m surely not going to go out with my husband then have him return that night and I return the next afternoon.
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It’s funny how events in your life play themselves out sometimes, take last Friday night for example. It was the first night, in ages, that John and I didn’t have to worry about getting home early because of our baby sitter. As a matter of fact it was going to be a mouth of nights not worrying, both of our children left for camp that morning. That’s a mixed bag at best, we’d have some freedom that we hadn’t experienced in years but I also knew I’d be lonely and of course I’d worry some.

The truth is this couldn’t have come at a better time, John and I needed to work on our relationship. We’ve both been so busy, what with work, and the children we just didn’t seem to have much time together. Add to that John’s withdrawal lately and we really did need some time to mend our life together. That sounds worse then it is, we’ve gone thought this before. I really am one of the lucky ones, it seems most of my friends have bigger problems with their husbands then I do. Maybe this time it just seemed worse, or maybe I just needed his attention more then I normally do. It seems to me that when things go wrong, men withdraw into themselves, and I knew something at work wasn’t right, exactly what, I wasn’t sure. That is the problem I didn’t know because John didn’t want to talk about it, he didn’t want to talk much about anything.

It’s lonely living with a man who seems to be so preoccupied, so cold. Temporary state I hoped, but I still needed more. Not getting any attention, nor any affection, is just not how I want to live my life, not a mouth, not a day, not an hour. My idea of an ideal life is one in which your husband treats you as if you were only dating, undivided attention, unending affection. I can dream can’t I. Life isn’t like that.

Life with me isn’t prefect either. John has to live with an imperfect woman, not always easy for him either. At times I can be a real bitch, it’s almost like I can’t help myself, I know I’m doing it, I don’t want to but I just can’t help it, call it PMS, call it just being a women, but I’m sure it’s not fun for John or the children. It hadn’t been fun for John lately, I was nagging at him all the time, maybe one to many of his withdrawals, I’m really not sure. I’d try to talk to him, he wouldn’t talk, I’d get mad, I’d yelled, perhaps I was trying in provoke a fight at least when we fight we talk, well yell anyway, but that is something. I should have stopped, I should have just let him come out of it on his own but I couldn’t, I could feel his resentments growing but I just couldn’t stop. That is a double edged sword, the more bitter he became the more I needed his reassurance that he loved me. By the time the kids left for camp I was disparate, I needed some kind of expression of his love.

Strange thoughts had started to creep into my mind, was he having an affair, had he fallen out of love with me. There really weren’t any signs, other then his withdrawal, that John was cheating but for some reason I just felt he was. The logical part of my brain knew that it just wasn’t possible, John wouldn’t cheat on me, but then there the other part of my brain that said he would. The same part of my brain that allowed me to come close to cheating on John, three different times since we’ve been married.

The same part of my brain that said John’s working late, his trips out of town on business, gave him opportunity, but he’d always worked long hours, he’d always taken trips. His golf foursomes, gave him time on the weekends to cheat. If John golfed not only Saturday but then again Sunday I was sure he was with his lover. Add to that a few nights coming home really late and drunk, his excuse was he was with his golf partners. That was the only thing he hadn’t really done before, not really a lot to hang my suspensions on. John’s anger with me should have been proof that John wasn’t cheating, my best friend’s husband had. During his affair he was very lovely to her, paid extra special attention to her.

I can’t stress enough how this was effecting me. I wasn’t angry, which would be a logical reaction, I just felt desperate. I felt if John was having an affair I was going to lose him, a one time sexual encounter is one thing and affair is about the heart, I feared an affair. Sex wasn’t really the issue, I could live with that, I can’t say I really felt sexual fidelity was all that important in a good marriage. When I was totally honest to myself, I had feelings of wanting to open up our marriage sexually, at least I wanted to try, do some swinging, at least find out. I never mentioned this to John, he’s always been so conservative, I suppose he believed I was also. I didn’t give him any indication I wasn’t. The real problem in our marriage wasn’t the ups and downs, it truly was a lack of communications, we didn’t really talk to one another about our true feelings. Lately we didn’t talk about anything, not even the children.

Take our sex life, it was so conventional, some kissing, a little foreplay, then we’d have intercourse. Pretty damn boring. I’m not blaming that on John, I didn’t do anything to change that, I was conservative too. I wanted more, I wanted our sex life to be exciting, risky at times. I wanted to dress like a slut at times, go out and strut my stuff as they say, have semi-pubic sex, just the idea we may be watched or caught was exciting. Even the idea of public sex turned me on, when John and I had been dating we went to a party where some of the couples made love in front of everyone. I was so turned on by watching them, that I made love to John for the first time that night. The first time ever with anyone. I would have been willing to do more for John, a lot more, but he needed to lead me. I didn’t communicate that to John, I was afraid to, I was afraid of losing his respect.

Anyway last Friday night was, in my mind, a good night to rekindle our passions, restart our closeness. Not to mention I was horny as hell, we hadn’t had sex in like a mouth, mostly my fault but oh well, not allowing sex didn’t mean I didn’t want it. It was getting so bad that I’d wait for John to fall asleep and then I’d masturbate, of course I’d fantasize at those time. Being I suspected John was having an affair, my fantasy mostly involved getting even, having an affair of my own, one that would make John jealous. Masturbating helps but it’s not the same as having his lips on mine, his naked body against mine, the orgasms I give myself are stronger then John gives me but not nearly as satisfying, something about being with someone makes that special. Yes I was horny, yes John was as angry with me, as I was desperate for him to express his love.

I needed to do something, something adventuresome, something sensual, something that I felt would build a fire in John. I picked that something, one of John many times requested wishes, a wish I rarely fulfilled. It’s a simple request, he likes me to wear a dress with nothing under it. Truth is I like doing so, it’s just that I get strange desires when I’m out like that, desires for other men. That’s what got me into trouble the time I came closest to cheating.

We’d gone to a party, I became attracted to someone, we danced, he explored a little, finding no undergarments he became very verbal about what he wanted to do to me. I suppose men just assume your a slut and looking for sex if you don’t wear undergarments. I really think the things he said to me should have turned me off, they had the opposite effect. When I excused myself to go to the rest room, not really to relieve myself, instead to regain control, he followed me right into the bathroom. One thing lead to another. He unzipped my dress, I allowed it to drop to my feet, there I was naked, save for a pair of thigh highs and heals. He stepped back and devoured me with his eyes, if I wasn’t already lost, I was now, I have this secret desire for men to look at my naked body. He picked me up set me on the vanity, unzipped his pants letting them fall to the floor, pulled down his underpants and within seconds was inside of me. That is when someone started banging on the door, we both jumped, and that was the end of that. We got dressed, I left first, then shortly after he did. I’m sure some of you would say I did cheat, I had another man’s penis inside my vagina. I just don’t see it that way, I didn’t complete the act, I didn’t cheat.

I can’t say I have any really sexy cloths, I just don’t and I’d made my decision to late to shop for anything real sexy. I tried on a number of my dresses, settling on a floral print shirtdress, a little below the knee in length, it wasn’t really what I wanted but by leaving the buttons open to just above mid thigh, along with the top three buttons, it did look somewhat hot, men would look. To that I added a pair of slingbacks with 3 ½ inch heals. I considered adding a garter belt and hose, I know you men think that is sexy, but my legs were well tanned, I have nice legs by the way, so I decided to go without. The truth is I felt so sexy not wearing anything but that dress, I was wet just thinking about going out that way. I did have some visions of John maybe unbuttoning a button or two more. That wasn’t going to happen, John is fairly conservative.

John took me to one of the nicest restaurant in our part of town. I was so disappointed when he sat across from me, even though I encouraged him to sit next to me. I was hoping for a little play in the restaurant, I was hoping to give him a real shock, a good one I might add. I was on fire, I truly was, John was not, there was this distance between us. I tried to turn John on, I stayed off the topic of our problems, kept the nature of our conversations light but to the sensual side. By the time we left the restaurant I was exasperated, I even thought about just taking John’s hand and running it up my thigh after we got into the car, but I wanted this to happen in public. It was my fantasy, I envisioned his hand running up my leg, his fingers exploring my vulva while in public but that action hidden by a table, semi public sex. In the right environment, I could see it happening without a table hiding what was happening.