My Life as a Cuckold

Reaching over I placed the jar on the nightstand as she continued stroking and whispering in my ear, "I love the feel of your little peter in my hand. I love how my hand slides over the head of it. I love stroking it and how it responds to my touch. It makes me feel so secure. You are so special to me. I love you so much.

"Those men that I work with, they don't mean anything to me. Oh, they may touch me and feel me or pat my ass but that's all they do. I would never sleep with them. Every night I come home to you because you are so special and you have no right to accuse me of being unfaithful."

I started squirming, "Oh please. Let me put it in you. I need to fuck you." I started to climb on top of her.

"No! No, stay on your back." She demanded.

I replied, "No! I've got to fuck you," and then there was the excruciating pain as her hand clamped around my testicles and she began squeezing them hard.

She demanded again, "I said stay on your back or I'm going to crush these balls."

"You're hurting me! I am. I'm on my back. Please don't hurt me. Don't hurt them. Please! Oh please let go. Please."

"When I tell you no, I mean no. You have to respect my wishes."

"Yes, yes I will. Oh God, it was so pain full."

"Now you see, you went soft on me."

"It's Okay. You don't have to do anything. Just let it be," I said, while protecting my genitals with my hands.

"No, I can't let it be. I have to do this. Move your hands and let me hold you again. Come on, that's it. Oh yes, I can feel it getting hard again. First comes the pain and now comes the pleasure. Trust me. Close your eyes and let my hand give you pleasure. I know, you love the feel of my hand."

She continued her slow deliberate stroking and with her lips against my ear she continued her hypnotic whispering, "Just lie still. That's it. Let my hand sooth you. You know that you don't have any right to accuse me of infidelity because you don't have any proof and that's it. You don't have any proof. Do you?"

"No. I don't."

All the while she's whispering in my ear, there is the squishy, rhythmic sound of her lubricated hand sliding up and down my erection bringing me into submission.

She continued, "So you see, it's all in your mind. It's all in your imagination. I'm faithful to you. If you ever told anyone that I was unfaithful, they would think that you were crazy. Have you ever said anything to anybody about me having an affair?"

"No. Never."

"Well, make sure you don't because they would never believe you. Oh, the head of your peter is getting so hot and I'm getting so aroused. Do you like the feel of my hand?"

"Oh yes! I love the feel of your hand." The feelings were so intense that I began to squirm and twist. I could feel myself on the verge of climax.

She whispered, "It feels so very hot. Just be still. Don't move. Let my hand do it. Oh I'm getting so horny doing this. Don't you love what my hand can do?"

"Yes. I love your hand." I began to kick.

"Would you like to put it in me?"

"Yes. Oh please, yes. Let me fuck you. Oh God! No! I'm cumming." My legs stiffened, I thrashed my feet as the first wave overcame me and I began shooting my load into her hand as she continued whispering, "That's it my baby, cum. Oh, I wanted to feel it in me but cum. Cum for me."

All the while her hand continued it's slow, talented stroking with me kicking, grunting, moaning as I came spurt after spurt, while she continued whispering in my ear, "Don't worry about me, just cum. Cum some more. Give me all of your cum."

She continued stroking even as I pleaded with her to stop, "Oh please stop! Please! It's too sensitive."

"I will. I just want to get it all out of you so you can rest."

When she stopped, I fell into the deepest calm saying, "Oh honey, I love you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I didn't gratify you. Please let me do something for you. Let me bring you to a climax."

Wiping my semen off her hand onto my stomach, she said, "Don't worry about me. I'm gratified. I get gratified knowing that I made you cum. Now give me something to wipe my hand."

I gave her my tee shirt to wipe her hands and then I used it to clean up my stomach. She refused to let me gratify her as we drifted off to sleep.

The next morning she got right out of bed saying that she had a lot to do this day. As I was getting up, I noticed the jar of vaseline on the nightstand and it gave me an awful feeling of shame. It was a reminder that I did not fulfill my husbandry duties. More and more the jar became a source of humiliation, a constant reminder, that I was incapable of gratifying my wife. She would not allow me to. Although it was unspoken between us, we both knew, that she now belonged to her boss. He was now gratifying her.

She discovered that she could not drive me away by denying me sex. She was now going to have to live with me so she changed her strategy. She was now using masturbation as a means of dominating me and keeping me in submission. She knew that if I didn't like the arrangement, I could move out and live alone.

That morning we had breakfast and then about ten o'clock she took a shower. She got dressed and said she was going out. I asked her where and she replied, "I'm just going out and I'll be back later this afternoon."

Then about four o'clock in the afternoon she returned home, saying in a soft voice, "Hello Jack."

By her look and the tone of her voice, I could tell that she had been fucked and it caused me to have an overwhelming rush of shame and homosexual feelings. I answered her, "Hi. Where you been?"

"I was just out. That's all you need to know. Now I'm going to change out of this dress." She went into the bedroom. Then I heard the shower running and I knew, she had been gratified.

During that week, she told me that on Friday nights, she would no longer spend her dinner hours with me. She wanted to go to dinner with the people she worked with. I had to let her go, even though I knew, she would be spending her two hours in bed with her boss.

That first Friday night that she went with her boss, I laid alone, nude on our bed and imagined him making love to her. What he was doing, how she was responding and in thinking of them together, it made me angry. Then my anger turned to arousal. I got an erection and ended up masturbating.

That's what I hate about being a cuckold. Another man is fucking my wife, getting his pleasure from her and she from him. I think about them together and I get angry and not being able to do anything about it, my anger turns to arousal. In my aroused state, I masturbate thinking of him fucking her. After I ejaculate, I become ashamed and submissive.

After that first day of my coming back home, my wife now keeps a jar of vaseline in my night stand with a supply of hand towels. She uses vaseline to masturbate me into a deep sleep, she uses it to calm me when I became aroused or anxious. She uses it to probe my mind or to convince me to her way of thinking and she uses it with great success, to keep me as her cuckold.

My wife always masturbates me to the point where I'm about to climax. She feels my cock head expand and get very hot. She will act like she is getting very aroused. She knows that the very next down stroke will cause me to ejaculate so at that very moment, she will ask, "Will you put it in me?" She knows all too well that as I am saying the word yes, her hand is sliding down causing me to begin ejaculating.

After she has completely milked me of semen, she will try to act disappointed and say, "Oh, I wanted you to put it in me" but her facial expressions give her away. She has the look of satisfaction on her face, not the look of a disappointed, frustrated wife.

She wants to preserve herself for her boss and in so doing she denies me of my male dominance and masculinity. She makes me feel inadequate, like she is sacrificing her sexual satisfaction for my pleasure and I'm giving her nothing back. She humiliates me with the shame of not being able to perform my husbandry duties and most importantly, she can justify her infidelity.

One afternoon, when they thought I wasn't around, I was passing by an open window when I overheard my wife arguing with her mother. They were talking about me. I was under my mother-in-law's kitchen window so I stopped to listen and I heard my wife saying, "Mom! Mom! Listen to me. My husband suffers from premature ejaculation. He only has to look at my bare breasts and he ejaculates. He leaves me so frustrated and unfulfilled."

"So don't show your bare breasts."

"I've tried that. You don't know what it's like to get into bed with him, only to reach down and feel his little soft, mushy noodle all wet and sticky. It's awful."

Her mother replied, "Yeah! But still! What you're doing is wrong!"

"Mom! I'm not hurting anyone."

"Yes you are! You're hurting your husband."

"No I'm not. He doesn't know anything. He doesn't suspect a thing."

Her mother continued, "He knows. Men always know when their wives are running around. Believe me. They know."

"Mom! I'm not running around! It's just my manager and I have to do what he wants or I'll end up back in the secretarial pool at minimum wage."

"Well just be careful. How about helping me with these potatoes? The time is flying by."

Their conversation turned to mundane things so I waited a little while, thinking to myself: She made up a good excuse for her infidelity, that I suffer from premature ejaculation. She probably told her boss the same thing and he was all too happy to help relieve her frustration and fulfill her. That probably became her pick up line for the rest of the men she would meet in her life.

Her mother is right, I do know but I have to keep it to myself. I'm too ashamed and humiliated to admit to anyone that I know my wife is being fucked by her boss so I play the innocent, unknowing cuckold.

My wife knows that if I want to maintain my dignity and self respect, I will keep my mouth shut.

After waiting a while, I walked up to the door of my mother-in-law's house and knocked. We made our greetings and then my wife began caressing me in front of her mother which I thought was odd.

With her mother looking on, my wife became very sexual, pressing her body up against mine and in a very seductive tone, she asked, "How was your day?"

"It was Okay. Nothing eventful."

Still in her sultry tone, "Did you miss me?"

"Yes. I always miss you." I was feeling uncomfortable with her mother standing there watching us and her daughter acting so sexual.

My wife's hands were now rubbing up and down my back and buttocks. She placed her hand on the back of my head and pulled me to her as she seductively said, "Kiss me."

She gave me a very sensual kiss and then just loud enough for her mother to hear, whispered seductively, "Mmmnn. I've missed you too. When we get home I'll show you how much."

With that, she broke the embrace and glanced over at her mother. She said nothing but her look said it all, "You see Mom? He knows nothing and I have him completely under my control."

She stepped aside and I saw her mother's eyes widen. I looked to where her mother was looking and discovered, to my embarrassment, a very noticeable erection tenting in my light, summer slacks.

Over the years my wife has always kept a jar of vaseline close at hand, even if we go away for one night. Having the jar gives her a sense of power and security. The jar to her is like a whip to a lion trainer. She knows that if my semen is allowed to build up in my body, I will become aggressive and angry so she milks me which calms me and keeps me in submission. To her, the jar has become a symbol of her feminine dominance over me and my subservient obedience to her.

During the day, the job at the taxi cab company brought into my life, a whole new cast of characters. At night school, I had another cast of characters. All of my free time was spent doing home work, mostly math problems as mathematics was always my best subject.

It was at this point in my life that I began to channel my life's path to the Chinese Philosophy, of the Tao. Everything in life began to fall into place. My life was full and my brain had no time to be concerned about what my wife was up to.

To anyone trying to live with a cheating spouse, I would recommend that you distract your mind by taking a new job, or part time job or music lessons, piano, guitar or lessons in art, painting, drawing. Begin separating your life's path from that of your spouse. For you can no longer count on your mate to be your lover and confident.

After a year of driving a cab, I found an entry level position with an engineering company. It paid less money than driving a cab but it had a more promising future. It was interesting work and I immersed myself into it. Little by little I lost all of the romantic interest I had for my wife. She became my house mate and housekeeper.

Over the years I've become friends with several couples, where the wife is just like my wife, a deceiving woman. These deceiving girls will preserve their virginity by engaging in anal intercourse or fellatio. They will do anything with any number of men for they have no morals.

Then they meet one guy, who they pick out to be their husband. This is the special guy who will become her unknowing cuckold. He is the one who may not be so sexually appealing but he will be a good provider and father for her children.

He is controllable and becomes her status symbol. She always has to appear to him, to be chase, pure, religious and a virgin. With him, she will not do anything sexually adventurous or anything of a sexual nature. She feels that she must not look at porn movies with him or even allow him to bring a porn movie into their home, lest he think ill of her.

If he asks her to suck his cock, even though she knows that she is an expert at it. That she could give him the most fantastic blow job he has ever had in his life, she will answer him with, "I don't do that. I'm not that kind of a girl," and the unknowing cuckold will believe her.

So for them, it's all vanilla sex, missionary style with no adventure, no exploring for excitement or intimacy.

The marriage becomes so boring that the men married to these deceiving woman become unknowing cuckolds or womanizers. In my case: both.

In the course of my marriage, besides my wife, I've fallen in love with three married women. Two of the girls were expert at fellatio and they enjoyed giving me that greatest of pleasure. Maybe that's why I fell in love with them. Oral sex is a very important part of my love making. I love giving oral just as much as receiving it. To me, it is the greatest and truest expression of love and pleasure that you can give your partner.

I've been cursed with a wife who says,"I don't do that. I'm not that kind of a girl. I don't like the way it taste. It makes me choke." This has left me with a little resentment but then, because of my wife's refusals, I would never have known or fallen in love with those two girls who were so good at fellatio.

Now don't get me wrong, over all of these years, my wife has been a big help to me. She is a good mother and grandmother. She is my secretary, helping me keep my appointments. She does the food shopping, cooking, washing, ironing, cleaning, bill paying and balances the checking account. She is a great housekeeper and on top of all that, she keeps a full time job, having returned back to work when our first child entered college.

Now I would never want to do or say anything that would make her stop giving me all of these services. All I ever had to do over the years was give her little rewards, like you would treat an excellent employee.

As a lover and confident, my wife has failed me miserably but it was never her expectations to be my lover and confident. She wanted a husband, not me as her lover.

My wife betrayed me and I acted like a wimp. I did nothing but watch her transition herself into my 'Pack Horse' for that is the way of the Tao.

In closing this essay, I've come to the realization, that I don't want her to confess all of her secrets to me. If she revealed her secrets; She would become the most exciting person in my life. I know that I would become very aroused. I'd end up making love to her and falling back into a deeply, intense, passionate love for her like I once had. Then if she dies before me, I think the grief would overwhelm me and I don't know if I could go on.

We are old now and she is aging much faster than I am so I might out live her. If I do, then I think it will be much easier for me to say good bye to her and her secrets but then, I have secrets of my own.

Another Story:

On that very first Friday night that my wife went with her boss, I came home to an empty house. I took a shower. Drying myself I walked into our bedroom, feeling so alone, so abandoned, so worthless. I sat on the bed as I dried my legs, thinking of my wife and her boss. They have a two hour dinner break, plenty of time to spend in his apartment. They must be nude by now.

He must be feasting his eyes on her breasts. Those breasts that only I should see. He must be feeling them, playing with them and sucking on those beautiful nipples. Running his hands over her bare buttocks, spreading her thighs, licking her pussy, getting it ready for his big cock or he may have his hand on the back of her head, coaxing her to swallow all of him.

If I was a real man, I would have followed them and ambushed him and beat him senseless. Then drag her home and make her resign her job. If I was a real man but I'm a helpless wimp, who doesn't want to disturb them. I don't want to be in the way of her pleasure and happiness so I lay here thinking of him pushing his cock up into her womb with her wrapping her arms and legs around him, moaning in the pleasure his big cock is giving her.

She wants him so there is nothing I can do to prevent her from having him. I lay back on the bed and reach into the night stand for the jar of vaseline that my wife purchased for me the week before. She must have known that I would be needing it tonight. I begin to masturbate, thinking of how lucky he is to be fucking my beautiful, sexual wife.

I should hate him. I should go and fight with him but I'm helpless. She's my wife and he's fucking her with his big cock. He took her away from me. They cuckold me and all I can do is lay here with my jar of vaseline, masturbating and ejaculating all over myself, like the good cuckold that I am.

Later tonight when I pick my wife up from work, her boss will be there. He will watch her give me a little kiss on my lips and he will smile to himself, knowing that earlier, her mouth was filled with his cock and semen. I always try to maintain my dignity by acting ignorant of what is going on but there are the smirks from his friends and employees, for everyone knows, that my wife is now his. After the first night that I picked her up, I now wait for her out in the car. I'm too ashamed and embarrassed to face those people.

Earlier that evening, when my wife was first getting into his car, her younger sister saw her. She went home and told her mother. Her mother knew what was going on and she became very angry.

Laying there passively on my back, holding my now spent, shrunken, shriveled penis in my oiled hand, with my semen all over my stomach, genitals and thighs, the feelings of arousal subside. They are replaced with the emotions of shame and submission.

No longer having an erection, I feel like a woman who is being raped. He is fucking my bride and raping me. How long will he be pounding into my wife's pussy before he shoots his load into her? How many times tonight will he fuck her and how many loads of cum will he shoot into her? How many orgasms will she have? When he is through with her, will she want to come back to me?