My Life Ch. 01

She logs into her e-mail to see if anyone has left her a message. The computer clicks. The disk in the drive swirls and whirls. She taps her fingers on the desk while she waits, wondering what she should make for dinner. "Like the fucker will even eat it," she mumbles under her breath.

She's been married for 9 years. Leah has waited for that zing to hit her mind and her heart. She looks at Tim and does not see it. She doesn't feel it. Leah is numb in this. She's been numb longer than she can even remember. How many times has she asked herself, "I left my friends and family for this?" Too many. Too many nights going to bed alone. Too many days going online and buying toys on the sly and fucking herself silly because Tim sits his ass on the computer jacking off to pre-teen boys and girls on the fucking computer she's come to loath instead of coming to bed to fuck HER. The very computer she is now logging onto. Leah looks for that one zing that is going to make her feel like her life is worth living – as she lost that hope a long time ago.

No e-mail. Fuck. That's about normal. If she had an e-mail, she'd have been surprised.

Waits a minute, there's one in the junk folder.

"Come join MSN Chat!"

"What the hell," Leah whispers as she logs into BBW**.

Not 2 minutes into the chat room and she gets a private message from Phrozen.

Then another from a guy named Alan398.

Leah starts chatting in the room and feels like she's finally getting a bit of attention. She laughs out loud as a regular makes a joke about a horse and a blonde. She even starts checking out profiles and writing down names of people she'd like to chat with again. Before she knows it, 2 hours have passed and she still hasn't started dinner.

After she says goodbye to everyone in the room, she jumps up and goes into the kitchen and begins making spaghetti. She pulls out the noodles as Tim walks into the door. Tim looks at Leah, and she says, "Hey honey" with a smile on her face.

"What's wrong with you?" he chides, as he sets his lunch box on her newly polished table. Leah walks over and picks up the lunch box and sets it on the floor (as she's asked him to do a hundred times) before saying, "Nothing, just making dinner."

Tim grunts, "It's 7 o'clock, should have been ready by now" as he walks into the computer room and shuts the door.

Leah just rolls her eyes at this typical response and gets dinner going.

Several weeks months later, Leah is feeling like a regular member in BBW**. Not only does she talk to people she feels are real, sincere, and honest – but she isn't judged by her appearance. A lot of guys tell her that she's beautiful, and some are rather flirty, but none she has met have ever sparked her in a way that makes her heart beat faster.

Until . . .

RaiderLovingFool: "I hear you are pretty good at finding out who sings different songs. Do you know who sings that graduation song?"

Leah looks at RaiderLovinFool's profile, and thinks to herself, "Wow! What a handsome guy!" Blonde hair, blue eyes, devilish grin . . . and he's separated.

Leah types: What graduation song is that?

RaiderLovingFool: The one where the guy is giving advice to the students. He tells them to wear sunscreen.

Leah types: Sure, I'll look for it for you.

The conversation from there became more personal. They began discussing their marriages, their families, their interests. Leah admitted that her marriage has been bad for a long, long time. Raider admitted that his had been bad for a long time as well, and that he had finally had it about a year before and had left his wife.

After both of them logged off, Leah realized her heart was beating very fast. Her face was warm. And that she had never felt this comfortable talking to a person of the opposite sex before – on or off of the computer.

Leah and Raider began talking online every day. After about 2 weeks, Raider asked for her phone number. They both had Sprint PCS unlimited mobile to mobile, but Leah was apprehensive. She was afraid that her husband would find out about them talking and kick her out – and she was in school full time and enrolled in a student teaching program. If she was kicked out of her house, she would have nowhere to go except back to Texas to live with her mom and dad – and that would deter her from earning her degree for another 3 years. There were a lot of things at stake.

Leah realized she did not care if Tim found out. Tim had not been her husband for a very long time. His online addictions to pornography, his conversations with girls (not women, girls) on yahoo, and his behavior towards her had finally killed any feelings she had for him. She had lost all love and respect for him – if they had ever been there in the first place.

So, she gave him her number. And the phone calls began. Leah and Raider talked on the phone all the time. When Tim was working nights, Leah and Raider would sit at the computer with the webcam on, talking on their phones for 4 or 5 hours at a time. She would walk outside of the apartment and into the laundry room and make quick phone calls to him. She'd call him from school. He'd call early in the morning after Tim went to work. This went on for 2 months. Then, something incredible happened.

Tim applied for a job in Montana. They had been living in Nebraska for almost 5 years – and Tim had a great job – but this was a chance for him to nearly double his income.

And this was the chance that Leah was looking for – to get away from Tim.

And to see where this thing with Raider was leading to.

She already knew one thing. She was in love with Raider.

He was the zing she needed.

He was the one thing that made her want to live her life.

And she wanted to see if he felt the same.

After convincing and prodding and pleading – Tim finally applied for the job. He was then granted an interview. The company wanted him to come up for a week to see the area and go through the formalities of the interviews.

So, Raider began planning a trip to Nebraska – for that same weekend.

The morning Tim left for Montana, Leah went to the airport to pick up Raider. They had made plans to meet at the airport, and Leah would drive them to a local hotel where they would spend the weekend. The hotel was in a little town outside of Lincoln, where she knew they would not run into any of Tim's friends.

She headed to the airport, with nerves in her belly. She was so nervous. She kept patting her hair and checking herself in the mirror. She agonized in the baggage area. Every time someone came around the corner, Leah's heart would pound really hard.

The baggage area announced that the flight from Portland, Oregon was in. Leah became very antsy. Her eyes met dozens of others. People stared at her. She was nervous.

Then, she saw him.

On the other side of the baggage claim was the man who had come to know her better than she knew herself.

He was walking down one side, and she began walking the same direction to meet him at the end. He hadn't seen her yet. She saw his handsome face and smiled. Just as she did, he met her eyes.

The most brilliant smile broke out over his face. His face became pink, he walked a bit faster. They finally reached each other. Raider dropped his bag, wrapped his arms around Leah, and kissed her breathless. She held onto him tightly and felt her head swim with desire for this man that was finally in her arms. He let her go. He said, "Hi, baby."

And her heart was gone. It instantly became his.

And it is at that moment that her life . . . my life . . . began.