My Life Ch. 05

My house... my house... my house... "Hey, that's my house," I blurted out.

"Are you sure?"

"Am I sure about what?" I asked.

"That that's your house,"

"How should I know?" I repeated. This was getting old. Why won't these guys understand?

"Let's just give it a try," I heard his voice full of exasperation.

Another shake... why all the shaking?

"Jamiee," sounded a voice next to me.

I was lying on the couch in my house and I looked over to see who was shaking me, "Oh hey, it's the wanker," I said in recognition.

"Jamiee, you're home now, so just go to sleep and you'll feel better when you wake up," Casey explained.

"Am I sick?" I asked, my voice sounding like a small child to my ears.

"No, you'll be fine. You just need to go to sleep. We'll see you tomorrow at the beach."

"Ok," I said, but then remembered something, "Wait! Where's my bike?"

Casey looked like he was about ready to explode. His face was red and splotchy; it was funny.

"For like the hundredth time. It's in the garage where you told us to put it. Now we have to go, so just go to sleep."

Finally, it was quiet, or almost quiet. I could hear one noise, like a low grumble sounding close by. Is that my stomach, I wondered? Holy hell, I think it is. Am I dying, why does my stomach hurt so badly? I sat up and looked around, memories of smoking pot with Casey and Jarod returning in short flashes. That's not something I better do very often.

I padded into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. I don't think I ever remember being so hungry in my life. Bell peppers, big red bell peppers were in the crisper. I grabbed one and bit into it like an apple: so good, I kept thinking as I chewed. I had no idea a bell pepper could taste so good. I took several from the refrigerator, sat down at the table and began to munch.

Time wasn't working properly that evening because it seemed like as soon as I sat down to eat, my brother Brian was sitting right next to me like he'd just appeared out of thin air. He was angry and yelled a lot, but I think it was only because he wanted to eat my bell peppers and I wouldn't let him.

Then suddenly Brandon was looking into my eyes, a worried look on his features.

"Jamiee," I turned and looked at my brother, "can you hear me?"

I took another bite of my amazing pepper and nodded, "Of course I can hear you," I said, chewing on the most incredible thing I'd ever eaten.

"Good," he said, "Now tell me, are you high?"

I shook my head, "Not anymore."

"But you were?" asked Brandon.

"Was what?" I asked, looking around the room and taking another bite of pepper. Hey, there's another brother.

"Hi Derek," I said, waving at him happily.

He smiled wearily at me, and then looked at Brandon, "She's probably coming down now, but yeah, she's still pretty high. Let's find something better than peppers for her to eat; it'll help her come down faster."

Suddenly I had a sandwich, fruit, biscuits, and stacks of other food in front of me. And I did partake. It was the best meal anyone could possibly make and I devoured it as quickly as I could push it into my mouth. I had no idea my brothers were master chefs. The hunger finally abated and I slunk down in my chair.

I looked up. I didn't feel completely back to my normal self, but a sense of doom grew in the pit of my stomach when I looked around the kitchen table and saw three of my four brothers there.

"So... what's up?" I asked, trying to act innocently but knowing full well that I had done something that was not going to go over well with my overprotective brothers.

"You are in deep shit, Jamiee," snapped Brian.

"Why, what are you going to do, go tattle to mum and dad? Don't be such a fuckstick!" I railed back.

"No one is going to tell anyone," said Brandon in his oldest brother voice; luckily that usually worked. "Jamiee, are you going to make us lock you in the house until mom and dad come back? We can't let you just hang out at the beach all day getting high. What were you on, anyways?"

Technically I wasn't at the beach getting high, but telling them I was at two random strangers houses didn't seem like a good idea. Yes, I was definitely keeping that a secret.

"...It was just a little pot," I confessed, "It's not like any of you are squeaky clean. I know you've done it."

"I've never done it," said Derek. Figures, he was always the nerdy guy among my brothers.

"Well good for you," I mumbled sarcastically.

"Jamiee," Brandon said again forcefully, "talk to us, we're your family. Tell us what's going on here, girl. This isn't the sister we know."

Oh, that was too much, "The sister you know. Who in the bloody hell is that?" I haven't been home for almost ten months and not one of you called, or wrote, or probably even thought about me the whole fucking time," I yelled, my voice climbing higher as I went on, "You might be a family, but I've never been a part a sodding part of it!"

I stood up quickly, knocking my chair to the floor, and tried to walk around the table to leave, but Brian moved over a step and blocked the way. I pushed against him and moved to go around the other way only to have the route blocked by Derek, effectively locking me into the kitchen.

Brandon stood leaning over on the other side of the table and rested his closed fists on its top, "Jamiee, we can't let you run off again."

"You can't stop me. I'm eighteen. I'm an adult now."

"You turned eighteen less than a month ago," said Brain.

"Fuck you, douchebag!"

"Jamiee!" Brandon shouted, "Enough with the swearing. God, we're your brothers. Just talk to us, tell us what's going on—let us help..."

I looked at Brandon. He almost broke through my tough-guy act with that plea. He sounded so sincere... and if it would have just been him and me in the room, it would be so much easier to talk. Maybe we could talk if it were only the two of us.

"...come on Jamiee, tell us what you want?" Brandon continued.

"What I want?" I asked, not sure what he was getting at.

"Yeah, what can we do to keep you from acting out like this? Do you want to go shopping, spend a day at the spa, get your hair done? I'm sure our wives would love to take you. Maybe you could all spend some time together doing a few fun girl things, would you like that?"

I leaned against the sink with my mouth agape. This was Brandon asking me if I wanted to spend time doing girl things with his wife? I thought he knew me at least a little bit, and the thought of doing any of those things was something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy—and with my sisters-n-law. I didn't want any of those things—none of that had ever even crossed my mind. Time was what I wanted. To be included in their conversations, or at least to be around them so I could listen to them talk. I wanted to be asked about school, life, friends...

But maybe I had missed all of that. Maybe they didn't care because I never asked them those questions. But I had tried, didn't I? Maybe a few times in the past... but it was hard to keep asking when you get the you're-too-young-to-understand look. I had only hoped that when I was finally old enough I'd be allowed to be part of their world. I didn't give a rat's arse about shopping or spas.

"I want to go to bed," I simply said, my tone flat and without emotion.

Silence hung heavy in the room as my brothers looked at each other. Finally Brandon nodded toward Derek and then looked at me, "Yeah, alright," he said and Derek moved to the side.

I walked swiftly past them and went to my room. If I never had to see them again I would live the rest of my life happy. Opening the door to my room I noticed something in the centre of my bed, but as I walked over to in, Maximus leapt up on the bed and rolled over the top of it.

"Maximus, down!" I ordered. He gave me a sad look but obeyed.

Flower petals were now scattered across the duvet. I picked up a few into my hand: a yellow rose. A small, folded piece of paper was tied to the stem of the shredded flower. I picked it up and read:

'KB'

That was unexpected, I thought as I began to pick up the rose petals. I gathered them into my hand, brought them to my nose and inhaled their fragrance.