My Life's Playlist Ch. 04

Thank you for the comments and votes. This is my first attempt at writing a novella, and I hope you are enjoying the story. Also much like Pippa, my only languages are English, Pig Latin, and really bad French spoken with a Southern accent (Thanks loads Mademoiselle Baker) so the Swedish quoted here is from my poking on Swedish to English on-line dictionaries. Please drop me a line if you do speak Swedish and find I've made a mistake. - WHB

© 2009

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Song 8

Help me
In love too fast
It's got me hoping for the future
And worrying about the past
'Cause I've seen some hot hot blazes
Come down to smoke and ash
We love our lovin'
But not like we love our freedom
"Help Me" -- Joni Mitchell

"Good evening, Pippa," he said, leaning down to kiss my cheek. I started to wonder if I'd ever be able to see him without having to catch my breath.

"Hey Tor. It appeared you had a really good game tonight. May I take your coat?" He handed it to me and I hung it on the hall tree. We proceeded into the den, where he looked down on the sleeping child.

"Did he make it through the whole game?"

"No, he conked out during the second period. I'm going to carry him upstairs now and put him to bed. I'll be right back down."

Tor beat me to the couch and tenderly scooped Theo up. "Let me carry him. Is that the puck from last night?"

"Yes, he held it the entire game. He thinks it's a good luck charm. Follow me this way."

He climbed the stairs, cradling my godson like he weighed nothing. The room was illuminated by the bathroom nightlight I had turned on before we went downstairs to watch the game. I pulled down the blanket and sheet, and Tor laid Theo down. I covered him up, and traded the puck for his blankie. Leaning down I smoothed his brown hair away from his brow and gently kissed his forehead. He gave me a bleary look through half-closed eyes and said

"Night Aunt Pippa. I love you."

"I love you too darling. Sleep well."

"Is that Tor behind you?"

"Yes."

"Goodnight Tor. I'm too tired to talk to you now."

"Goodnight Theo. We can talk tomorrow if it's alright with your Aunt Pippa. Ljuv drommar, kompis," he whispered. I stood looking down at the drowsy boy, making sure that he would fall back asleep. I felt Tor's arms go around my waist as he pulled me back against him. Once again I smelled the clean scent I was learning to associate with him, and I decided to not over analyze what was happening and just enjoy the moment. It had been a long time since I'd been held by someone who was not directly related to me and my body just seemed to melt back into his without me giving it a second thought. It felt warm, and safe in his lightly muscled arms. I thought to myself, this is what it feels like to be cherished. I closed my eyes and decided I would enjoy it for just a minute more. When I opened my eyes, it was clear that Theo was out for the night. I took one of his hands from around my waist and led him back down the stairs to the den. Beau met us at the bottom, obviously on his way to find Theo and reclaim his cozy nook to sleep in. I refolded the quilt Theo had been sleeping under and put it away. I pointed to the couch. He sat on one end; I resumed my position on the other. Tor stretched his long legs out in front of him, while I curled my legs under me and faced him.

"Thank you for carrying him up the stairs. He really has gotten heavy."

"No problem. I miss putting my nieces and nephews to bed."

"How many do you have?"

"My sister has a boy who is 8 and twin girls who are 5. My brother has a boy who is Theo's age and another son who was born in July. I am his godfather, and I was lucky to be in Sweden when he was born."

"Do you have any pictures?"

"I do at my house. Perhaps someday you will visit me there and I can show them off."

"Perhaps. I just realized I haven't offered you anything to eat or drink. Can I get anything for you?"

"I see you are drinking a glass of wine. If it is not too much trouble may I have a glass?"

"It's no trouble at all." I got up and headed for the kitchen. I poured his glass of wine, and looked for some nuts or something to go with it. As I was pouring some almonds into a bowl, I felt his arms go around me again, but this time he turned me around to face him. Blushing I looked up and relapsed back into not being able to control what my hands did. Before I knew it they had made their way to his solid forearms. His hands came up from my waist and gently cupped my face, his thumbs softly stroking my cheeks, moving to trace my lips. It just seemed natural to kiss his fingers. Slowly, he leaned down and replaced his fingers with his lips. It was gentle, it was sweet, and I was a goner for sure. I'm not sure who broke the kiss first, but he stepped away with a sigh. I handed him his glass and we returned to the living room. This time he sat on my end of the couch and pulled me to the side next to him. Once again I tucked my feet up under me and faced him. He handed me my wine glass, lifted his glass, looked me straight in the eye and said skal. He took a sip, and then looked me in the eye again.

"That is the way we toast at home. Tradition says you never look down in case your enemy tries to kill you."

"Charming," I replied with a laugh. Touching my glass to his I said "Sláinte! That's the Gaelic word for health." We both took a sip this time. As we sat quietly for a few minutes, I came to the realization that our silences were never uncomfortable, they actually were quite peaceful. I took another sip of my wine and leaned over Tor to set my glass on the end table next to him. He took one of my hands in his and gently played with my fingers. I looked up at him, and he looked like he had a question for me.

"What?" I asked.

"Today at lunch you said you'd explain why it would be a bad thing for people to know we were together."

I dropped my head and stared at our intertwined fingers. I bit my bottom lip, took a deep breath and started to tell my story.

"Almost a year ago I walked in on the man I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with shagging his assistant on his desk. We met my senior year at William and Mary, we'd been together for since then, and we were going to be married last July. I jerked his engagement ring off my finger, threw it at him, and told him he could give it to his new love or shove it up his ass. I frankly didn't care which one he chose. I closed the door and walked calmly through the reception area of his firm. I made it as far as the ladies room, where I promptly lost my lunch and cried for an hour. I called Annie and she came and got me. We proceeded to come home and get spectacularly drunk. That helped for the night, but I've spent the last year trying to figure out exactly what I did wrong, why he felt he needed someone else, why I wasn't enough. Last weekend at the beach I finally had an epiphany. I hadn't done anything wrong except to settle for someone who really didn't love me like I deserved to be loved. We had the same background, and seemed so compatible. Marriage was what our parents and friends expected. I really think that's why he proposed," I choked back a small sob. God, I hate crying in front of people, but the tears started to flow down my cheeks and I couldn't seem to stop them. "If he'd only come to me and told me he'd changed his mind, but it was so hurtful. I kept wondering how many people knew he was having an affair before I walked in on him. I trusted him, and then I was betrayed. To make matters worse, he ended up marrying her about a month later, and they just had their first child. It made me feel insignificant, and it's made me gun-shy about getting involved with anyone else."

I sniffed and wiped my face against my sleeve, still not looking up. Some women are pretty criers, but I am not one of them. My nose gets all red, my checks get splotchy, and my eyes get puffy. I wondered how I could tactfully get rid of him and finish having a good cry. I felt Tor release my hand, and I figured he'd want to get away from my sniveling self as fast as he could. I've never been so wrong in my life. Two fingers went under my chin and gently lifted my head so he could see my face. He tenderly kissed first one cheek, and then the other, making my tears disappear much like my parents had when I was a child. He pulled me into his lap, tucked my head under his chin, and wrapped his arms around me. That sent me into another crying jag, as I wrapped my arms around his neck and proceeded to wet the front of his shirt. Have I mentioned how much I hate to cry in front of other people? Tor patiently rubbed my back and placed little kisses on my forehead murmuring "tyst, tyst, min sot ringa en." After a few minutes I stopped crying. I looked up at him and kissed his cheek.

"Sorry," I said. "I'm not much of a crier, but when I do it seems to be spectacular. I think it's the stiff-upper lip mentality of my father's people mixing with the highly emotional volatility of my mother's." I felt his chest rumble with laughter at my comment, and I started giggling too. Then I got serious again. "The feelings I'm having for you scare me. I've just gotten to the point where I thought everything in my life was going just fine, then I literally run into you and it all changes in a minute. I'm not sure where this is headed, and I certainly don't understand what you see in me. Part of me wants to push you out the door, and part of me wants to pin you to the couch and never let you leave until I know everything I can about you." The mantel clock chimed one. "It doesn't help that I'm really tired, and my mum called at 7:00 this morning to chat."

"Then it sounds like it is time to put you to bed," he said quietly. "We are leaving Monday for a five day road trip, but the coach has given us tomorrow off. If you don't have any plans, we could spend tomorrow getting to know one another better. What do you think?"

"The only plans I have tomorrow is to fulfill my godmotherly obligations by taking Theo to church and then we are meeting his parents for brunch."

"Do you mind if I join you?"

"For church or for brunch?"

"Both," he said.

"I go to Christ Church Episcopal here in Alexandria. We usually go to the 9:00 service because the 8:00 is too early and we bring the average age of the 11:00 service to 70. You're welcome to join us if you'd like."

"I go to the Lutheran Church when I'm home, but I usually don't go here because of practice and games. So how about if I pick you and Theo up tomorrow at 8:30? Now you and I both need to get some sleep." One of his arms went under my knees and the next thing I knew I was being lifted off the couch and set on the floor next to him. While Tor was putting on his coat I picked up the wine glasses and nuts, went into the kitchen, and put them in the dishwasher. I checked the back door and met him at the hall tree. I took his hand and led him to the steps going up to my room. Tor looked at me like I'd lost my mind when I dropped his hand and climbed the first two. I turned to face him explaining, "I know it must get old to have to lean down so far, and I plan to kiss you good-night!" He leaned forward and I made good on my threat.

"Until tomorrow," I whispered as I pulled away from his embrace.

"Ljuv drommar, min sot ringa en," he replied as he closed the front door behind him.

Yikes.

Song 9

Hail to the Redskins!
Hail Victory!
Braves on the Warpath!
Fight for old D.C.!
"Hail to the Redskins" --Corinne Griffith

There is a theory widely shared by parents around the world that the most ungodly hour in any household is the hour before you leave for church. I would have to say that this applies to godmother's who have to get 4 year olds ready too. I set my alarm for 7:00. That would give me an hour and a half to get myself and Theo in order. I got up first and threw myself through a shower, put on my make-up, dried my hair, and pulled it back with a headband. I glanced at the clock as I woke up Theo. 7:30. We still had an hour, plenty of time I thought. Somehow I blanked out the fact that when my little darling was tired, his evil twin took over. Why did he have to eat oatmeal, with butter and brown sugar? Why couldn't he have French toast? Why didn't I have apple juice? Why couldn't he watch cartoons? Why did he need to get dressed? Why did we have to go to church? Why did he have to go to Children's Chapel, he wanted to go to big church? Why couldn't he wear blue jeans? Finally I lost my temper and said the thing I swore I never would. "Because I said so, that's why!" I hissed through gritted teeth. "Here's the deal. We're going to go upstairs, you need to wash your face and hands, brush your teeth, and then I'll help you get dressed. If you do it without complaining, you can watch cartoons until I get dressed. You may sit in big church with me, but you can't change your mind if you get bored. If you misbehave, you'll have to sit in the thinking chair when you get home today. Do you understand me?"

"Yes Aunt Pippa." He jumped off his chair and ran to my bedroom. I looked at the clock and my first cussword of the day came out. This little battle of wills had brought the time to 8:10. I threw the oatmeal bowls into the sink with water, took one last sip of my coffee, and ran up the stairs myself. Theo had taken me at my word and was in the bathroom wiping his face with a washcloth and waiting patiently for me to put toothpaste on his brush. I did this on his and mine and we proceeded to brush our teeth. I told him to go to the bathroom, and I went out to the bedroom to gather his clothes and mine. When he came out, (after a reminder to flush and wash his hands) I helped him put on clean big boy pants, white turtleneck, red and black plaid shortall with the Scotty dog on the front, white knee socks and his black English sandals. I ran a final brush through his hair, kissed him on the cheek, swatted his bottom and sent him down to watch cartoons. My robe came off and I threw on my dress, fastened my graduation pearls, sprayed on my perfume, stuck my shoes on, grabbed my Book of Common Prayer, Theo's backpack, and my purse and made it downstairs with one minute to spare. I double checked that I had colored pencils and scrap paper in my purse and called for Theo to turn off the TV. He actually did as I asked without argument, and stood still as I put on his coat. Theo had gotten 3 buttons done when I finished putting my own coat on. I finished his buttons and was pulling on my gloves when I heard a knock on the door.

"Who's here Aunt Pippa?"

"Why don't we open the door and see," I replied picking up the purse and backpack as we moved towards the door. I barely got the door open when Theo flew through it, grabbed Tor's legs and screamed his name.

"Are you coming with us? Why didn't you tell me Aunt Pippa?" he asked indigently. By this time Tor had scooped him up off his legs and was holding him as he bent to kiss my check. "Good morning to you both," he said as he took my hand and we walked down the steps into his car.

"I didn't have time poppet," I replied as I buckled him into the back. I felt bad since we didn't have his car seat, but I hoped that we would make it the short distance to church without an accident occurring. We got to Church safely, parked, and walked into the entryway to the sanctuary. I took off my gloves while Theo worked on unbuttoning his coat. Tor unbuttoned his grey wool topcoat to revel a navy blue suit, pink shirt, and coordinating tie. I allowed myself one quick look as he bent down to help Theo with his coat and a thought crossed my mind that was the kind that nice girls shouldn't think in church. He helped me off with my coat, hung all three of them up, and followed Theo and I inside the sanctuary. While communicants haven't had to pay for their pews in over 100 years, we still have an informal seating assignment in the Episcopal Church. My usual pew was midway down on the right side. I held Theo's hand as we made our way up the aisle, Tor following close behind. I genuflected as I got to my pew, and whispered to Theo to do the same. I went into the pew first, with Theo insisting he was going to sit in between the grown-ups. He helped Tor and I put down the kneeler, and the three of us leaned forward to say our opening prayer. We then sat back and waited for the service to begin. The organ changed chords and began the processional. We stood joining in the hymn, and when the crucifer came by Theo remembered to bow his head without me having to remind him. The rest of the service went on as usual. Theo was exceptional well behaved, but it might have had something do to with the fact that he spent most of the time in either Tor's lap or when we had to stand, in his arms. When it was time to kneel he stood between us, fascinated with those around us and with what was going on at the altar. It came time to pass the peace, I stood on my tiptoes to reach Theo's cheek.

"Peace be with you godson," I said as I kissed his cheek.

"And also with you," he piped back. "You too Tor," he said as he hugged his neck.

I took Tor's hand and said "God's peace Tor." He squeezed mine in return and said "and to you." We proceeded to shake the hands of those around us in the other pews, many compliments for Theo's behavior being given. We sat back down and listened to the announcements and the offertory. I slipped Theo his offering money and put my own envelope in the plate. Tor took my hand and held it. I sat back and let the choir's offertory anthem swirl around me, enjoying the chance to quietly think of all the good things that had happened so far this week. I came to the realization that there is something very intimate about spending time with someone in church, sharing a prayer book and hymnal. Richard would never go with me, saying that he'd have plenty of time to go once we had kids and preferring to play golf on Sunday mornings. Tor was not only sitting in the pew next to me, he seemed comfortable being here. A gentle tug on my hand brought me out of my revelry, and we stood for the start of the Great Thanksgiving. Before I knew it, we were heading up the aisle to take communion. We knelt at the altar rail, with Theo standing between us again to receive his blessing. As we walked back to our pew Theo grabbed both of our hands and started swinging between us, causing those around us to smile. I gave both he and Tor my meanest teacher look, and Theo stopped while Tor flashed me a sheepish grin. Before I knew it we were singing the recessional hymn and receiving the priest's final blessing. Tor kept Theo in one arm and placed his hand on my lower back as we joined the other parishioners headed out of the church. Several had known me since childhood, and I introduced Tor to several people, knowing my parents were sure to get a full report. I retrieved our coats, and we put them on as we waited to speak to Father Michael McGuire, who had been assigned as our new associate rector. I had grown up with him, and it was hard for me to believe the former wild boy I knew was now an ordained minister of the Episcopal Church. Lucky for him his wife Lee was one of the nicest girls in our high school, and she seemed to have calmed his wild ways. Their three girls, all under the age of five may have helped too. I couldn't wait until they started dating, and he found out what goes around comes around.

"Pippa, I see you are keeping your baptismal promises to Theo."

"Good sermon today Mikey. You of all people should be able to speak knowledgably of turning water to wine, since I seem to remember you turning vodka into water when the campus police tried to arrest you for public intoxication after the UVA/Navy game."