My Little Witch

Claudia started helping Jack with his homework the next day, and he appeared to appreciate it. I appreciated being able to focus on what I had to do. Darlene used that time to draw me a picture while I was working more or less undisturbed on the project. I got a lot more done than before.

We decided to make Sunday the day to celebrate both birthdays and took the kids first to the cinema and then out for some hamburgers. For the first time since his mother had died, I saw Jack laughing. For once, everything seemed to be working out just fine.

---

Jack's reading was getting much better. But that wasn't my personal merit, it was Darlene who pestered him until he relented and read something to her. They were acting like brother and sister after the six weeks they had spent together now. He was one of the few that had the patience and interest to follow her complicated thought up games, even when we had some of the other kids around. He was still a bit shy around them, but he and Darlene were just getting on famously.

Four days until Christmas. Thick snowflakes formed white halos around the windows. It had been snowing most of the afternoon already. I had seen Robert probably for the last time in the morning. His trial was over and at mid-day he had been transferred to the prison where he would spend the five years of his sentence. I could see the disappointment on his face when he noticed that I was alone.

He had wished to see Darlene as well, his mum had told me. But I was leaving it up to her, whether she wanted to see him or not. She didn't say a word, just looked really serious and shook her head. Maybe it was better this way. Robert was a mess. He had gained weight; his face looked pale and puffy. I felt sorry for him, although he was responsible for his actions; he had brought all this upon himself. Perhaps he would get out after two and a quarter years or so.

I watched David through the open door of his study. Both his computers were running as he was debugging his program. In a fashion, he had been debugging our lives. Soft music wafted over from the study. Maybe he was composing on the second computer again. Last week he let me listen to a little piano piece he had composed. It was beautiful. There was so much love in it, in him.

He looked so much more relaxed and content these days. Of course we would be spending Christmas together, a holiday we both had been dreading just a few months back. Now I was almost looking forward to it, and the kids certainly were. I had planned to make a few decorations with them later. David joined me in the kitchen and put the kettle on.

"Okay, I am done for today. Looks like everything is working now. I managed to get rid of the last few bugs I think."

"Glad to hear that."

"Yeah, now I have more time for you lot again. We need to do some shopping for Christmas, don't we?"

"True, a few things we still have to get. If we go tomorrow early in the morning the shops won't be that full."

"No problem. It's still snowing outside. Let's hope they clear the streets until then."

"Yeah."

The kettle boiled and he made us both a cup of tea.

"Maybe you should stay here."

"You mean tonight? Do you think it is that bad? It's just a ten minute walk from here."

"Yeah, why not? We can have breakfast together. The guest room is as clean as a whistle, thanks to you."

"Hm, I don't know. It makes sense though."

"It would make sense not only tonight."

"What do you mean?"

He handed me my cup.

"I mean, you spend most of the time here anyway. I have two spare rooms, the guest room and the smaller room I am using for storage at the mo. You and Darlene could have them."

That suggestion startled me a bit, although he was of course right. Especially now in the winter, my flat was anything but luxurious. The gas fireplace hardly managed to heat up the living room, and Darlene's room could only be heated with an electrical heater, which cost a fortune. On the other hand, we had only known each other for six, seven weeks now.

"Oh ... I don't know. I have to think about it."

"Yeah, that is nothing to be decided straight away. I just wanted to give you the options."

"Thanks, I will think about it. Definitely."

"Okay."

"I'll take you up on tonight though. I am sure Darlene will love it."

"Great. Um ... I'll play around on the computer a bit more, if you don't mind."

"Go on. I'd love to hear another piece of your music. I loved the last one."

"Oh, then you will like the new one too, hopefully."

His eyes had lost the sadness; there was even a trace of happiness in them now. I realised that something was growing between us. Something tender and warm, that makes you feel comfortable and safe.

In the evening we watched some telly together, in opposite corners of the sofa, enjoying the peace and quiet we had after the kids went to bed. David eyes were glued to the TV, so he didn't notice the furtive looks I was casting at him. He was good looking, kind and intelligent. He made me laugh; for the first time in months, someone had made me laugh. He got on really well with Darlene. In many respects, he was exactly the man I had wished Robert to be.

I realised that the decision to move in would mean a bit more to me than just another convenience arrangement. Now that all the stress and pressure had subsided, I felt the void Robert had left. And that was the scary part of it. I could easily fall for David. I think I was filling a void for him already -- the one his sister had left. And that was basically how he approached me, like a sister, or a very special friend.

I waited until the commercial.

"David, about moving in together ..."

"Yeah?"

"Do you really think this is a good idea? I mean ok, for the time being, it certainly would be easier for us and definitely an improvement for Darlene and myself ... but what about possible future developments ... do you know what I mean?"

This was awkward. From the innocent look he gave me, he had no idea what I was talking about.

"Future developments?"

"You know, what if ... either of us ... finds someone ..."

"Oh."

He avoided looking at me directly.

"I didn't even think of that."

I started blushing.

"Don't get me wrong there ... it's going to be quite some time before I could even think about that myself ... you know, with Robert and all that. I think his transfer will finally give me the distance and closure I need. But I am twenty-nine ... you know, so far I stopped wanting anything for myself in order to give Darlene all she needs ..."

"Yeah, I think I understand what you mean."

He paused, you could see his mind racing -- that was the expression he wore when he was "trouble-shooting" or debugging.

"Really, I didn't even think about that. Hm. I am sure we could find some arrangements there though. I don't think ... it shouldn't be a problem, really. I don't know. I have to think about it some more."

The TV show resumed now, thus ending our conversation.

---

It was almost perfect. The kids got on really well together, and I had enough time for work and even some spare time for my music. It was almost like when Chris was still alive, before I learned about her illness. Whenever Claudia and Darlene went home though, the house was conspicuously empty, something was missing.

Giving Claudia the option to move in was born out of pragmatism, or so I thought. However, when we spent our first evening alone together, she broached the subject with an aspect I hadn't thought of. Or hadn't allowed myself to think of?

I was lying awake for hours. Of course, that is what people do. They fall in love, have relationships, marry; lead normal lives. I haven't even had a girlfriend after the first year of university. Before Chris had moved in, I had a dull, solitary life without any highs or lows. On very rare occasions I remembered that I was a man with needs and had paid women to fulfil them.

Then Chris came and all of a sudden I had a family. Someone to care for, worry about, shower with love and attention, occupy my thoughts and heart. Mourn for. Then there was Jack to keep me occupied, until I met Claudia and Darlene. Now it felt like a family again.

Pictures of Claudia flashed before my eyes. Her playing with the kids. Her making dinner. The way she made her cheeks hollow when she was worrying about something, the way she played with her hair and smiled when she was happy. She wasn't just an incredibly nice person; she was a very attractive young woman. How did I miss that?

This was really confusing. How would I react if she really found someone else? Maybe her moving in wasn't such a splendid idea after all. I recalled our first encounter. Darlene casting her "spell" on me. Had it worked? Was I falling in love with Claudia? Without even noticing it? Questions I had no good answers for.

We didn't speak about it during the following days. The Christmas preparations and the kids took up most of our time. We had no trouble finding presents for the kids together. It was infinitely more difficult to find something for her. It had to be special. One present I made myself, a little piano piece with some string arrangements and a flute. She seemed to enjoy my music, so I was pretty sure she would appreciate that piece too. I noticed that I was putting a lot more into it after our conversation. That there were passages in it that almost made me choke up when listening back to it.

I addition, I found a pretty little heart pendant, after roaming shops for ages, being pushed around by frantic shoppers whenever I lingered somewhere to make up my mind. When I looked at it at home, I wasn't so sure whether it was appropriate though. It looked rather like a thing you would give your wife or girlfriend. I sighed. This was getting complicated.

I noticed that I was much more self-conscious around her now. There was an odd tension building up whenever we were alone together.

Claudia and Darlene were spending Christmas at our place. The snow had thawed, so there wasn't going to be a white Christmas after all. The kids were really excited and it took quite a bit longer than usual to get them to sleep. Then we had time to wrap their presents and put them under the tree for the morning.

"The kids are positively giddy about Christmas, aren't they? I think we can expect them to be up at six or something ..."

"Yeah, it has been a long time since I have seen Darlene this way. Some more wine?"

"Cheers. Shame about the snow. I have to admit, first time for ages I am really looking forward to it too."

She smiled and twirled her hair.

"Yes, me too."

"Hm ... it is past midnight already ... Merry Christmas."

"Oh really? Merry Christmas to you."

"Um ... since we have a little peace and quiet ... I could give you your presents now ..."

"Oh ... Shouldn't we wait until the morning? Hm ... but why not? ... Hang on a sec."

She went off to the guest room and came back with a thin package, ornately wrapped as I would have never been able to. My Sellotape-massacre looked heartless in comparison. I hoped the content would make up for it. We both unwrapped our presents simultaneously. She got me three very nice looking ties. She must have noticed that I had only two -- one of them being black for funerals.

I thanked her, then watched her unwrapping the CD with my little composition first. Following her wishes, I put it on immediately. She paused to listen and then started unpacking the second gift. The music sounded much better on the hi-fi system in the living room than it had on the computer. She opened the little jewellery box to the sound of the first flute arpeggios.

"Oh ... that is really wonderful. Thank you."

She leaned over and gave me a quick kiss on my cheek. Her eyes filled with tears and she tried to look away first, but then opted for trying on the necklace. However, she had trouble with the clasp.

"Can you give me a hand with this please?"

"Sure."

The small mechanism appeared to be an insurmountable obstacle for both of us. For me because my hands were trembling like mad, as I had to home in on her and her closeness was throwing me completely off balance. For her, because she probably even couldn't see the bloody thing, since her eyes were watering profusely now. My face was just a few inches away from hers. The urge to kiss and touch her was getting stronger and stronger. Then I managed to close the clasp.

I almost fled back into my corner of the sofa. We listened to the dying notes of the piece. Then it was unnaturally silent.

"That was really beautiful too. Was that an older piece or is it new?"

"Brand new. I made it for you."

She smiled through her tears.

"Sorry, I don't know why I am bawling like that. Thank you. For everything. I'd better go and rinse my face."

"Um ... okay, I am going to the kitchen for a quick fag in the meantime."

I had managed to control my bad habit since Chris first moved in. From that time stemmed the arrangement that I just smoked in the kitchen and in my study. I desperately needed that cigarette. I felt light-headed and that couldn't have been the two glasses of wine we had. Nor could they be responsible for the distinct knot I felt in my stomach.

Claudia only returned shortly before I had finished my cigarette.

"Can we listen to it again? I don't know how to operate your stereo."

"Sure."

I sat down next to her and played it again. She snuggled up to me. Placing an arm around her was instinct. Her warm body, the scent of her hair, it all felt so familiar and yet so strange. We were sitting like this long after the music had stopped; unable to speak or move. She had closed her eyes and placed her head on my chest. When it suddenly dropped a bit, she startled and sat up; apparently she had dozed off. So much for my ability to excite women. It was late though, and it was to be expected that the kids would indeed get up really early, so we gave each other a last kiss on the cheek and both went to bed.

---

It was one of the nicest Christmases I ever committed to memory. On Christmas Eve David and I prepared everything for the morning and then drank some wine and relaxed. He seemed anxious to give me his presents, so we exchanged them shortly after midnight. He was always wearing the same old tie when he went out to see customers. When I had put up his shirts in the closet, I noticed that this was the only one he owned, apart from a black one. I was relieved to have found something I could get him and he apparently liked the three I had chosen -- actually spending much more on them than I had originally planned. But when I saw what he got me, tears welled up in me, breaking dams that had sheltered me from any stray emotion for a good deal of time.

He had written me a piece of music, so beautiful and full of exquisite tenderness that it rendered me speechless. And then there was a little silver heart pendant with matching necklace, very pretty and plain, just the way I liked my jewellery. He helped me putting it on; his hands were trembling; I could feel his breath on my neck. I slowly moved my hands to embrace him, but then he closed the clasp and retreated.

We both needed a second to recover from this, so I went to the bathroom to restore my face while he went to the kitchen for a cigarette. I stared at the bathroom mirror; my mascara had run, leaving hideous trails under my reddened eyes. My face was pale; I was feeling slightly sick. My heart was racing and my whole body felt numb. I cleaned myself up as best as I could and stumbled back into the living room.

We listened to his music one more time and this time I just huddled up, as he tenderly placed his arm around me. I could hear the heart-beat in his chest, a soothing confirmation of not being alone, being sheltered and accepted. I drifted off in a warm, cosy haze, before we eventually got up and to our rooms.

I listened into the silence, brushing my hair and getting ready for the night. I heard him closing the bathroom door. I held my breath for a few seconds, until I heard him wandering off to his bedroom and another softly clapping door. I had left mine ajar; for him. He didn't come.

---

The kids were up at seven the next morning and couldn't even be moved to dress before opening their presents. It was after eight before the first excitement died down and they settled at the breakfast table with us. David seemed a little overwhelmed when he got hugged and kissed by Darlene for the stuffed horse he had given her, as well as from Jack, who followed her example unquestioningly, as he did so often.

It started snowing again in the afternoon, and although it was too warm for it to stay, it was a great backdrop for our walk. The kids were running around a lot and ahead of us. David and I had not spoken much, but it seemed perfectly natural to link my arm to him for most of the walk. I saw the kids whispering when they noticed that.

As beautiful as that day had been, I was exhausted after dinner. It was Jack who brought Darlene into her improvised room, where David had managed to remove enough stuff to put up the travelling bed for her. She had assigned reading duties to him and he obliged until she fell asleep. I kissed her forehead before closing the door quietly and looked in on Jack, who was about to drift off too.

I wanted to tiptoe out of his room, but then heard his voice in the darkness.

"Do you like uncle David?"

"Yes I do."

"I mean, like ... a lot?"

"Yes. I like him very much. Sleep tight now, sweet dreams."

"Okay."

David was sitting on the sofa, trying to find some entertaining movie on the telly.

"Are they both sleeping?"

"Yes. Jack's reading is getting much better. He read "The little duckling" to her until she fell asleep."

"He he, I don't know how she gets him to do all these things for her."

"Well, he likes her a lot. Actually, he just asked me if I like you ... a lot."

"Oh ... Now I have to ask: what did you say?"

I curled up next to him.

"That I like you very much."

"Hm ... ditto."

Not exactly the most romantic response a girl could hope for. But it was the sentiment behind it that counted. We watched some silly Hollywood flick, although I didn't really follow the story at all. I was just happy cuddling with him, enjoying his tender touch and soft little kisses. We both fell asleep at around the same time I suppose.

When I opened my eyes again, he was stroking my face.

"Hi there ... it's after one o'clock already. Maybe we should go to bed."

I sighed and rubbed my face against his hand.

"You are bloody gorgeous."

I couldn't help but smiling. As refined and subtle as he was as a man, here he seemed a wee bit out of his element.

"Thank you. And so are you."

I stretched myself a bit, and his hand glided through that motion onto my left breast. He froze, held his breath. His eyes were meeting mine, appealing for approval. I moved my head closer to his, while I brushed over his thighs with the back of my left hand. We stopped half an inch before our lips could meet, his middle finger circled around my nipple through the fabric of my satin blouse. I pressed my lips hard against his, drawing out his tongue to roam about inside of me.

The kiss was a melt-down that made my entire body tingle and whisper to be touched. His soft sinewy hands obliged, caressing both my breasts, then stroking all the way down to my thighs and ever so lightly back up, lifting up the seam of my dress in the process. I moved my hips and thighs, so it would ride up even more. I wished his hands to touch me there, where dampness had already darkened a spot on the silken fabric of my panties. His right hand advanced, slowly, his fingers spread out and moved higher, until his middle finger arrived at the desired location. I gasped into the kiss, mumbling my pleasure into his mouth. He rubbed up and down my panties and this time I couldn't help it but break free from his lips and let out a whimper. We stopped, breathlessly, looking deep into each other's eyes.