My Magazine Ch. 12

byEgmontOriginals©

"But at the end of the day who really cares? He is simply having a paddy and I am confident that any top-notch counsel will advise him that any attempt to get an injunction to prevent publication of the article under the grounds he gave me is bound to fail ultimately, though of course an interim injunction could interfere with our production/printing schedule. We may have to plate up two versions of those pages - one with and one without Sybil Chatsworth's piece. Because of that I will need to get Timothy to place the piece about her last, so then on the alternative version we can run a filler that won't look out of place."

"What did Mrs Chatsworth say that is so terrible about her husband that makes him so angry?"

"Absolutely nothing. He's only mentioned at being away from home for long spells and when he comes home he crashes for at least a couple of days, which she describes as being rather a bore. She tried living in London semi-permanently but did not like their ministerial accommodation - an apartment and that meant no lawns or garden. Architecturally it was attractive on the exterior but the interior is very mundane and old fashioned."

"Look please print out a copy of that article a copy of the digital voice recording of that interview and any notes made before or after the recording. I'll trot that material over to Sue Boyd to see if this is something they can handle in-house or ought to hand it on to a legal specialist in that field. Oh and send a copy to Chatsworth with no covering letter, just my business card stapled to the material. I'm off now to tell Viv, I mean Vivian, and Ella that Ella's interview has made the Minister of Energy fall out of his tree and where we're at with the complaint. Tina and Timothy also need to be briefed. Bloody Fridays!"

Next day Rhoda received an important phone call. She noted details and went to find Jenni.

"The Minister just phoned - he sounded sour but not rude. He didn't wish to speak to you. He said the apology and assurances you requested would be couriered to us some time on Monday. That's all he said - not even goodbye the rude man."

Jenni was almost disappointed.

"I was looking forward to taking the brute head-on; there was no way that I was going to lose this one. But I guess it is better this way - now nothing more than a telephone spat and an embarrassing back-down for him. But the threat has been removed against our publication over that article. God men can be so stupid when their ego becomes inflamed.

Late in the afternoon Brenda had processed the Loose Lips by Rodo column. She emailed a copy to Rhonda to check and a copy to Jenni to vet.

Jenni decided to end her day at work on a high note by reading latest collection of mini-interviews.

With a mug of coffee in front of her, glasses perched near the end of her nose, she tapped the keyboard to open the document with the story heading 'Embarrassing Sex Moments.'

Oh dear, how raunchy does this column get Rhonda - oops, Rodo? Jenni wondered.

Bette - using her middle name - flushed when telling me about her most embarrassing sex moment when she was an 18-year-old student. She was drinking a light lager and I was sipping a dry martini.

She said the coach of their girls' football [soccer] team had his way with her in the female dressing room - everyone else had gone. They were sitting on the bench chatting, with Bette not yet dressed after her shower, when the coach's wife came in dragging on a cigarette. "What the hell have you two been up to?" she asked, looking very pugnacious. Bette recalls shaking with fright. "Oh, we got muddy and just finished showering when we started chatting and time just flew. I guess we'd better be off," said her husband, walking to the far corner of the dressing room where his clothes were stacked. His wife looked down at where he'd been sitting, and spat at Bette, "You bitch." Then picking up an opened packet of condoms she went after him, shaking with fury, "You liar. What's this eh?" she said, holding up her find. Bette grabbed her clothes and took off, dressing outside behind the machinery shed. The next day she transferred from football to indoor cricket.

- - -

Puss - called that because of her long finger-nails - ran her fingers down her flute of sparkling wine and giggled:

My, this one takes me back I'd got out of the back seat of my next door neighbour's car - I was about nineteen and he was, oh, about forty I guess. I went behind a bush to urinate. He was almost passed out in the back seat as he'd had a bit of trouble getting the job done. As I crouched there I thought I saw the ground move, then realised it was the car moving. I screamed to him and he replied, "Be with you in a minute, darling." Well, the car gathered speed and through the rear window I could see his head pop up in the back seat and then he attempt to jump over the front bench seat. But he banged his head on the ceiling or whatever you call it in a car, and fell back. All this seemed to happen in slow motion. He began clambering over the seat but too late - the car went through a fence and then crashed into a glasshouse which collapsed on to the car. People came running out of the nearby house and I took off, wearing only my bra. Fortunately in the next paddock were some horses and a little hut where hay was kept. There was an old horse rug over the top of the hay, so I wrapped it around myself - about four times from memory - and managed to hitch a ride home. I told the driver - an old man - the truth. And he laughed himself silly. But at my home he kindly knocked on the front door, drawing mum to the door and that allowed me to get into the house through the backdoor and sneak past dad who was watching boxing on TV.

- - -

'Ann' drinking vodka on the rocks, recalled living at home at the age of twenty and sneaked her boyfriend into her room for a bit of a cuddle:

We heard mum say to see what was wrong because I appeared to be groaning a lot I pushed Sam out of bed and told him to leave by the window. But he couldn't open it and made a rush for the passage carrying his clothes. He heard dad open the door into the passage to the bedrooms and ducked into the room opposite mine. Sam started to dress watched by my two now not so scared brothers, aged ten and twelve who began to laugh loudly, probably because of Sam's panic at dressing. Dad banged on the door and asked what was going on in there. My youngest brother said, "We're watching a man dress." My father said, "Go to sleep you cheeky little bugger" and came to check on me, but I was 'asleep'.

- - -

Drinking iced water, 'Pam' aged eleven recalled being alone in the house and going through things in her mother's room, trying on a bra, suspender belt and stockings and lipstick. In the bottom drawer of the dresser she found a book that showed a man and a women in many poses - some looking as if they were wrestling, others as if they were doing gymnastics. She had the book opened, propped up on the dresser, trying to imitate one of the moves the wrestling lady was doing, when her mother walked into the room. "You appear to be having a great time. Now let me take this book and when you're finished playing dressing up put everything away and we'll watch TV until daddy comes home." Pam said she was embarrassment to learn a few years later when she learned what type of book she had in her hands that afternoon.

- - -

"I'm now into my mid-thirties and every time I recall this experience I still cringe with embarrassment, said 'Eve', and air hostess, drinking Coke with a touch of rum. "My boyfriend and I were both eighteen, and one afternoon got so hot petting we decided we should go the whole way. But not without protection I said. We walked down to the shopping centre and he went into the chemist's. He came out empty-handed. 'You go,' he said. Inside at the main counter was Mrs Reynolds, who knew my mother. But I decided that I was not backing off; she might not recognise me. 'Hullo Eve,' she said. That made me partly tongue-tied and I asked for a packet of doncoms. 'I'm sorry, I don't think we have anything like that. But I will check. 'Girls, do we have any doncoms,' she shouted. 'The young girl means condoms,' was the shouted reply. Several people were in the shop. I fled, knocking over two display stands on my way out. Tony and I never did get to have sex."


Jenni sighed and wondered if women ever had sophisticated chats in bars. Of course they would but who would want to read about such waffle?

She was locking the door when Nico came along pushing a barrow loaded with rubble.

"Well Jenni not many of these evening lock-ups left for you here?"

"No and I'm sorry that we will leave this area so soon."

"Yeah and I'll miss you people," he said, looking sad and rubbing his left cheek vigorously. "But perhaps it will not be for too long. How are the property deals going?"

"Action is progressing smoothly. Sue told me this afternoon that she would have a letter in the mail this evening bringing you up to date."

"Yeah she must have been surprised when you introduced me to her as the chairman of your property holding company."

"She never mentioned anything like that to me. Well back to progress: there is settlement with the Rubens at the end of the month. The letter will update you that the legalities over the deal with Mrs Johnstone have completed and settlement will occur on the 30th of next month."

"Oh good, very good. You know Jenni if Zephyr decides it does not want to come down here you won't be locked in with that big investment of yours. This area is going to be redeveloped, and soon. Make no mistake."

"Nico could you please not refer to it as my money. Just think of lovely Sue and then think, 'Ah yes - the nominee company's money from clients of Sue and her partner's legal business.' You would not want a make a careless remark and provide complications for me, would you?"

"Oh no Jenni. It's the company's money, only the company's money. Goodness, I didn't even know you knew Mrs Sue Boyd, my co-director," he grinned.

"That's the ticket, Nico."

"The ticket? What ticket?"

"It's just an old saying, Nico. It means, "Yes, that's right" or 'Yes, that's what we need'

"A saying?"

"Yes, like you sometimes say, 'Good on you'. That really means I wish to heap goodness on to you for being such a nice person, but that's rather long-winded, so it's shortened to 'good on you' and people are supposed to know what it means. Of course, you being brought up here within your strong European ethnic traditions and your parents not talking English when are in home or when with other people from the Old Country, then you would have your own set of sayings."

"Yes, and I can remember being confused by some of them. It's a bit like talking in shorthand. But they were not all from the Old Country. One of my mother's favourites was, 'It takes two to Tango.' I still use that one."

"Exactly. Well, cheerio?"

"See you later alligator."

They both grinned, with Nico holding the car door open for Jenni.

"Nice pins."

"Shove off, you old flirt."

"Catch you later."

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