I never seemed to have any luck with men. I had many relationships over the years but they never worked out. I always seemed to be attracted to the wrong kind of man. I liked the 'bad boy' type and it was always ended up the same, great at first, lots of fun in bed but there always seemed to be a catch. Either his idea of rough sex included me ending up with a black eye, or his idea of having a few drinks turned out to be every night and until he passed out, puked up or made a complete fool out of himself, sometimes all three.
Then there was the one who stole all my money for gambling and not forgetting the guy that was always getting in fights and often spending a night in custody.
Oh and there had been that guy who I don't think in the whole month that we dated that I had ever seen when he wasn't stoned. I just couldn't pick the right guy. I wanted someone who was exciting but not crazy, dominant but not cruel, experimental but not a perverted, loving but not soppy. I guess I just didn't want the goody goody type but all the guys I thought might be my Mr. Right ended up being totally wrong. I was starting to think the man I was looking for didn't exist.
The only good thing that came out of all these failed relationships was my son.
It wasn't a good thing at the time, totally unplanned and unwanted. I was 25 and having the time of my life, dating lots of men and even some women, experimenting with threesomes and group sex, even some mild BDSM and of course always going after the type of men that you wouldn't bring home to meet your mother.
His name was James and I thought he was a God. Actually I when I think back now, so did he.
We lived together for 6 months and I did love him. He taught me a lot about the world of domination and submission. He was my Master and I was his willing sub, I adored him and was willing to obey anything and everything he ordered me to do. The sex was great, I was so happy, everything was going good. I was living the life I wanted........I had a hot boyfriend, parties all the time, sex day and night, and he was a good Master.......strong and dominant, nasty but not cruel, he knew just how far to push me and rewarded me when I pleased him.
But then something happened that did not please my Master at all. I got pregnant. I was of course on the pill, but with all these parties, sometimes I drank too much and threw up and it didn't matter to James if I was hung over. When he wanted sex, which was every day, he got it. I would never dare say no and I'm sure if I did, he would just take me anyway. I guess that's how it happened and James had told me his feelings on children, he didn't want any. I think it was more he wasn't prepared to have his sub give anyone else any attention. There was no way he wanted a share of my attention, for him it was 100% 24/7.
I was terrified to tell him, I thought he might beat the shit out of me. Although he had never hurt me in anger or beaten me before, our sex was always rough and aggressive and I didn't know what he was capable of if I was to ever make him mad. So I didn't tell him, I needed some time to try and figure out what to do. So I just pretended to be drinking when we were at parties, I would say it was vodka and orange when in fact it was straight juice. I got away with my pretence for 3 months, but I was starting to show and he was giving me a hard time for putting on weight and was starting to get suspicious about my behavior. Then one night he confronted me. I guess he worked it out that I hadn't had a period in awhile. I broke down in tears and confessed, telling him how much I loved him and that I wanted his baby. But tears never worked with him during Dom/sub sessions so why I thought they would now....I don't know.
He didn't hit me but he was angry at me and demanded I get rid of it or move out. I was too far gone to even consider an abortion and even if I wasn't, I really wanted my baby. So with a broken heart and very little else, I left him.
I went up north to this small town close to a beach and spent the next five years surviving on a benefit and devoting all my time and energy to my son. I named him Jimmy because even after all that happened I still had feelings for his father. I never dated in those first five years and would spend my time at night while my son slept writing in a journal, putting down in words all my memories of the times I had with James, all the parties, the sex, every nasty detail of the things he would do to me and how it made me feel. I missed him but each time I looked at my beautiful son, I knew I had made the right decision.
I missed the sex too, but I had brought my vibrator and some of my sex toys with me when I had left him, so for now I had my memories of all my sexual adventures and that helped a lot when I would masturbate at night while my son slept.
Once my boy was almost 5, I decided to move to a bigger town so that he could go to a better school and meet more people and I could get a part time job. So we started a new life and I started dating again. That was when I began to meet loser after loser. I don't know what it was; it was like I was a magnet for every no-hoper man in a 100 mile radius!
Some of them lasted a few months before things went sour and some it was a matter of weeks before they showed their true colors and I woke up to realize he wasn't what I needed in my life. I guess what I really wanted was a man just like James only one that was prepared to take on a woman that already had a son. Pretty much an impossible task.
It didn't help that I still found the 'bad boy' kind of guy attractive, I did try dating some 'nice' guys a few times but whenever I suggested the kind of bedroom games I liked, they all seemed to be freaked out by it and that was the end of that.
Sometimes there would be a year or more in-between relationships, I would give up on men and just concentrate on my son and my job, but then I would meet someone else and there would be that hope that this one would be Mr. Right and I would try again. Apart from the fact I was missing a sexual partner in my life, I was also hoping to one day meet someone that could be a father for Jimmy. He was a great kid and seemed really happy and was never a problem but I just felt that maybe he needed a father figure. He had asked about his dad over the years and I had just told him that I loved his dad but it had just not worked out, I didn't have the heart to tell him that his father didn't want him, at least not yet, maybe when he was older.
The years went by and I wasn't getting any younger, I was starting to feel me and my
vibe should get married because not much chance of me ever getting lucky.
But I wasn't really unhappy, my relationship with my son was great, we were like best friends and even though he was now a teenager, he was never one of those boys that got embarrassed to be seen out in public with his mother. We would go to the movies and do stuff together. Sometimes we would even bump into his school friends when we were out and even then, he didn't seem to mind being caught out on a 'date' with his mother and he always introduced me to his mates. I often felt like he wanted to feel like he was the man of the house and it was his job to look after me even though I had never suggested it or put any kind of pressure on him to take on such a responsibility.
So now that Jimmy was 18, I was starting to wonder when he was going to start bringing girls home. He was a good looking boy, much like his father in a lot of ways....tall, dark and handsome and sometimes as I lay in my bed with my vibe in my hand, I would wonder if he was well hung like his father too. But I was growl at myself for having such thoughts, and then read a few pages of my journal to bring back those memories of the bedroom games I used to play and masturbate before sleep.
I knew that Jimmy masturbated a lot too, because of course I did all his washing, but that's kind of normal for a boy of his age. The only thing I wondered about was who he was thinking about when he played with himself and whether he might ever bring this girl home to meet his mother.
I had no idea that in fact, I was the subject of his masturbation fantasies.
It was puzzling me a little how, when I did my laundry that I would often find some of my panties in there that I couldn't remember wearing that week, but it was a trivial thing and I passed it off as I must be losing it.....all those brain cells I killed during my hard out party days!
Other things starting happening, little things that by themselves didn't really mean much, but there was a pattern forming and I guess even though it was right in front of my face, I couldn't see it.
Jimmy started to work out a lot and he wouldn't do it in the privacy of his room, he took his weights into the lounge and he would do his exercises without a shirt on, in fact he very rarely wore anything on his top half while at home.
He would always want to show me how his arms were getting muscles and of course I would squeeze them and give him lots of praise. I figured he must be trying to impress some cute girl at school, but I didn't pry. I was so stupid, I did not know that all of this was for me. He wanted me to look at him, to notice he wasn't a little boy anymore.
When I was out he would sneak in my room and look through my underwear and lingerie and sometimes he would take a pair of my panties to masturbate with. When I think back now with all the hints he was trying to give me, I must have been blind not to pick up on any of them.
Jimmy was constantly fantasizing about me, he would masturbate night after night and sometimes even leaving his door open just a little, in the hope I might walk by his room and often leaving the shower room door ajar too, hoping I might perve at him. But I never did, I was always careful to give him his privacy and I never left my door open when I was masturbating. Although, sometimes he would listen at my closed door and hear me quietly moaning as I came. I was unknowingly giving my son even more of an excuse to go back to his room and masturbate over his mother.
Then one day I came home from work and Jimmy wasn't home. I wasn't too concerned at first, thinking he must have gone to a mates after school. But as time went by I was starting to get worried. I rang him on his mobile but no reply. Then I checked his room and it looked messy as usual but his drawers were open and I was starting to think he had run away from home. I went to my room and saw some of my drawers were open too. Puzzled, I checked to see what, if anything was missing.
Oh my God! My journal was gone! I panicked, checked everywhere, under my bed, in every draw, even under my pillow. Nothing! I knew where I had left it last night, under my nighties in my bottom draw next to my bed, with my vibe, like I always did. My vibe was still there, but he must have seen it when he took the journal. That brought another scary thought to my mind and I looked under my bed again and pulled out my small suitcase that I had stored all my sex toys and Dom/sub things in all these years. The lock had been broken, nothing seemed to be missing but it was obvious that someone had opened it and looked to see what I had been hiding.
I started to cry. My son Jimmy will hate me, he will think I'm some kind of sick freak and I will never see him again. I sat on my bed with tears running down my face, feeling lost and hopeless. Not only were all the graphic details of my sex life with James in that journal book, but also how James had wanted to me get rid of our baby and how he had kicked me out. All those years I had protected Jimmy from the truth and now he had to find it all out at once and I couldn't even be with him to comfort him when he found out the shocking truth about his father.
The only good thing in my writings was, he will read how much I loved his father and even though he hurt me by throwing me out when I needed him the most, none of my journal entries did I ever write anything hateful about James.
I just sat and cried for about an hour, then as it was now dark outside I got really worried about Jimmy. I rang all his friends to see if anyone had seen him and I was thinking if I should call the police even though he hadn't been missing for 24 hours yet. I went back into his room to look around to see if maybe he had left me a note or anything. I found no such note, but I did find some of my panties under his pillow and as I picked them up thinking how strange it was they were in his room because I distinctly remember wearing those pair yesterday and I know that I had put them in the laundry hamper. So I knew they must be dirty. I smelt them to check and not only did I get a whiff of my own scent, but the strong odor of his cum too from this morning's masturbation session.
The realization of my find was just starting to sink in, when my phone rang. I ran to it hoping it was Jimmy but it stopped just as I picked it up. Maybe it was a wrong number or maybe it was Jimmy checking to see if I was there.
I went back to my room and sat on my bed and tried to ring Jimmy again. It was ringing and ringing with no reply. I was just about to try all his friends again and was looking up their phone numbers in my directory when Jimmy walked into my room.
"I think you will find this a more interesting read," he said sarcastically as he threw my journal book on my bed beside me.
I jumped up excited to see that my boy was ok.
"Jimmy! Oh thank God you are ok," I exclaimed, so happy to see him. I went to go hug him. He pushed me back down to the bed.
"Sit down bitch! I will tell you when you can get up!" he scowled at me.
I was stunned; he had never spoken to me in such a tone before. I sat there looking up at him.
"I'm sorry Jimmy, you were never meant to read any of that stuff. I was going to tell you one day about your father," I sobbed as I tried to explain.
"Never mind all of that. Like I could give a shit about some man I never met!" His voice sounded angry and yet focused. "You are the one I'm interested in mum and now I know why nothing I ever do gets your attention. I've been going about it the wrong way," he stated. His tone sounded so unlike him. I was puzzled.
"What do you mean Jimmy?" I asked, confused.
"It's pretty simple mum," he said matter-of-factly, "from now on I'm the Master around here and you are going to belong to me."
I just stared at him shocked at what I was hearing from the lips of my sweet boy.
"Don't pretend not to know what I'm talking about mum. I've read every word in your book and I know what you like and how you like to be treated," he said in a wicked tone I'd never heard him use before.
"But Jimmy," I protested "you are my son, not my lover, you can't be my Master!" I was starting to freak out as I stood up to confront him. Suddenly he pushed me up against the wall, all those days and nights of weights in the living room showing their effect with the strength in his arms as he pinned me up against the wall.
"Says who bitch!" he yelled at me.
"Jimmy, let me go!" I yelled back, trying to sound tough but it wasn't working.
"No! From now on you will do as I say bitch and I'm sick of waiting for you to come to me. So take off your clothes. Now!" he demanded.
I started to cry, "No Jimmy no......I'm your mother......its not right.....let me go son.....please."
But he ignored my plea and pulled off my top and bra roughly; causing my big tits to spring out and he grabbed them with both hands and squeezed them hard. It felt really good, but at the same time I was terrified.
"Ohhhh fuck yesss! Better than I thought they would feel like mmmm. I've been dreaming about these babies for so long and now finally they are all mine," he said, groping me.
I tried to push him away again but he just pushed me back harder against the wall and just as I was about to beg him to let me go again he started to suck on my right nipple.
"Jimmy, please don't do this," I pleaded "please.......let me......ohhhhhhh fuck!" I moaned as he started to pull on my left nipple while he sucked hard on my right.
My body had turned against me. I hadn't meant to moan then, but it felt so damn good to have someone sucking on my nipple again, it had been a long time since my last date. But Jimmy had picked up on my moment of weakness.
"Oh, does my pet like that, does she?" he said wickedly.
No one had called me that since James, I guess he read that in my journal and was using it as he knew it would push my buttons. Then he moved his hungry mouth to my other breast and sucked even harder on that, this time his free hand going between my legs and roughly rubbing me thru my jeans. I wanted to fight him off but my whole body was on fire as he treated me like he owned me.
He stopped and stood back at little looking at me up and down like he was checking me over. Looking at me thru different eyes than he had for the last 18 years. I stood there topless and shaking, partly from fear and partly from excitement.
"Take off the rest of your clothes mother," he ordered me calmly, like he was asking for something completely normal and every day.
I just stood there not knowing if I should try and make a run for it or just do as I was told.
"This is the first and last time I am going to ask you twice to do something. Now take off your clothes bitch or I will take them off for you!" he demanded, "Do it now slut!"
He sounded just like his father when he said that and for a moment I was back there again.
"Yes sir," I mumbled quietly and started to undo my jeans.
"What was that bitch? Speak up!" he said sarcastically.
"Yes Sir!" I said clearly and hurriedly took off my jeans and g-string, standing totally naked in front of my son.
I felt like a piece of meat on display as he got me to turn around slowly, inspecting my body.
"Mmmm do you know how long I've wanted to see you naked mother?" his voice sounding full of desire and primal lust.
"No son," I replied cautiously.
"Too damn long!" he continued "and now I'm going to do everything to you that I've ever masturbated over and everything that's in that book and anything else I can possibly think of."
I could see the bulge in his jeans twitch as he spoke to me like this. My mind was racing. I knew all the things that were in my journal off by heart as it had been my source of my masturbation for many years.
"Jimmy, you can't do all those things to me....I....I'm your mother," I pleaded with him once again.
He looked at me as if he was thinking things over and for a moment I thought maybe he was going to change his mind as his expression changed from being aggressive to being more relaxed. But I should have realized I was not getting away that easy.
"Answer me this mother," he said calmly "do you love me?"
"Yes, of course I do son," I replied quickly.
"Ok, and do I remind you of my father?"
"Yes son, you are like him in so many ways," I answered, wondering where he was going with all these questions as I stood naked in front of him.
"More ways than you know pet," he stated.
?I blushed when he called me that, the name my Master called me. I knew would have read that in my journal.
"I have read all of your secret thoughts mother. You can not deny that you enjoy being owned and being dominated, it excites you. So now I have decided that I am taking over where my father left off," he said confidently, looking at me.
I had never seen this side of him before, it was exciting and scary all at once.
"Now, I am going to have you mother and I would prefer it if you submit to me and accept me as your new Master. I would rather not have to rape you every time I want to have sex," he commanded. His eyes were focused on mine as he spoke.