My Masturbation Awakening

Author's note: This is NOT a 'story', but a narrative - every word is true and real, exactly the way it happened to and for me, remembered precisely, a memory cherished in all its provocative details, and masturbated to very, very often, right down til this moment of sharing it with you. Please feel free to PM me with your feelings about it, your 'response' to it.

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We had planned a weekend visit to relatives a couple hundred miles away; but on Wednesday I learned that I had to work Saturday morning. The two teenage kids still at home were disappointed at first, then ecstatic when my wife agreed that they would go on without me. And so was I, except for a far different reason: I would be home alone - except for the morning I had to work, I would have the whole weekend, from Friday after work until late Sunday afternoon, of wild, wanton, unrestrained, unrelenting, non-stop MASTURBATION (even now, just the way the word itself rolls off my tongue sends waves of sweet, shivery chill bumps sweeping over me and fills my loins and testicles and cock with a warm, full, expectant feeling that makes me look around for a secluded place to 'do it'!) was so thrilling as it was (I became instantly and remained breathlessly intoxicated with the palpitating anticipation of the reality & nearness of it), but Oh, if only if I'd had ANY IDEA of what was about to happen to me!!

I'd been introduced to and instantly enamored of the joyous wonders of masturbation while very young ( I'd been 'at it' for several years, enjoying just those beautiful quaking internal spasms and contractions before I finally got old enough to 'cum' - what a glorious day that was!), and kept at it fervently, feverishly, devotedly all through high school, college and the military. I'd sewn my share of 'wild oats' before marrying, and, finding my wife's sex drive unequal to mine (and determined not to betray her trust), I brought my incessant practice of private pleasuring to dizzying new heights, amorously pursuing the art, act and practice of masturbation at every opportunity that presented, or that I could reasonably contrive.

I 'did it' to myself slowly and quietly beside her asleep in bed; I jacked-off constantly in the bathroom, clenching my teeth to keep anyone from suspecting what I was 'up to' in there; I pumped it up and out while driving down the highway or, in town, I would pull into a department or big grocery store parking lot and have myself really good while watching those housewives' swinging, swaying, bouncing asses ; I drove out into secluded spots in the woods and pounded myself unmercifully - sometimes going on for seconds and thirds; and especially did I indulge myself at work, right at my desk in my office, sometimes several times a day! My aching need was just so great, and it felt (and still feels) so-o-o-o good, was and still is just so 'there' for the taking! Oh, how I love to lie back and lift the golden chalice of warm, sweet wine of scintillating self-loving and let it splash out in exquisite, excruciating slow motion across and drench my gluttonous lips and tongue and teeth, reaching for it over and over again until I'm dry, and the spasms of orgasm become so agonizing that I simply must stop for the moment and gather myself before resuming my beloved self-molestation and gratification!

...

They left at noon, and I upon leaving my workplace, drove straight to the nearest (and only!) xxx adult video store, some twelve miles distant. This was twenty years ago, before the internet, when porn was limited to magazines and soft-cover books found in sleazy newsstands, with the (VHS) xxx stores still squeaky new, and so welcome to men like me! How wildly my heart would beat on these excursions, surrounded by all that beautiful sexual depravity, just waiting to be taken home and jacked-off to, urgently, desperately, repeatedly!

How vividly I remember all the details: the drive home (with those tapes - no DVD's yet - beside me on the seat!), stopping for beer, a hamburger - I did not want to have to stop for ANYTHING, once I got sprawled out naked in front of the TV, with my starved cock - I had forced myself to abstain from cumming since Wednesday, but had touched and teased and tortured myself unmercifully at every opportunity - rock-hard and straining stiffly upward, aching for my own self-touch!

And at last I was there; the doors all locked, blinds down, etc. with me naked and spread-eagled, my ass on the edge of the sofa, cum-towels in place, my as yet un-touched dick already drooling pre-cum.

I started the first tape.

I made such sweet love to my darling aching dick. My mother, in her stellar wisdom, had not allowed the doctor to circumsize me, and so I remain uncut to this day, which means that all those beautiful, ultra-sensitive nerve endings are still there, affording me an absolutely incredible and uninterrupted flow of heart-stopping, breath-taking (at times almost unbearable!) sexual, sensual pleasure! Thank you, Mom!

It also means that I've never needed lubricant to indulge my sometimes suddenly-arising sexual whims and cravings - just the slightest touch (or softly-whispered promise of one!) can take my breath completely away!

The tape was divided into 10-15 min segments, each unrelated to the one before or after; I'd been in a state of perpetual arousal since Wednesday, with no relief, and by the time I'd started the fourth vignette (about 45 min) my dick had been so hard for so long it had started to really hurt really good and felt numb and feverish out near the end of it, and I could only just barely touch it - anything more would bring me disastrously close to losing it (which I did not want to happen yet) though I'd already lost count, at twenty, of those beautiful whole-body-thrumming 'pleasure-peaks', where I would get all the delicious spasming and contractions of orgasm, but stopping just short of ejaculation, and without losing that intense state of teeth-chattering arousal that fills my senses to (oh! and sometimes even beyond!) their very limits - now-a-days known as 'edging'.

A big, strong, handsome man was fucking a beautiful, curvaceous woman, and she was loving it; the camera moved in up close, showing very clearly his long, hard, slippery, glistening dick sliding slowly in and out, going deep; he stopped, withdrew his big man-cock from her very wet, squishy pussy, moved it downward a bit, and pushed just as slowly and deeply but very manfully up her ass ... and she went berserk, as if all that luscious man-woman pussy-fucking was only a voluptuous prelude to this ultimate act of getting really 'fucked'!

I had learned early on in the exhaustive exploration and probing and plundering and indulging of my body and its insatiable sexual hunger that my asshole presented many, many opportunities for exquisite delight during my autoerotic acrobatics, but even more so than that, I had begun to wonder how it felt to be a woman, lying on her back with her legs apart, accepting deep within her body & mind her man-lover's ardor and passion, his dick rushing deep into her female body, his strength over powering and overwhelming her, his seed pouring out deep inside her. It had become over several years almost an obsession with me, and if I had known how to look for willing participants, I would have tried hypnosis - lying close beside a woman while she was actually getting fucked by another man, somehow connected to her psyche through hypnosis, so that I could feel what she was feeling, give what she was giving, know what she was knowing.

My wife would not let me fuck her in her ass, but how many times had I jerked and shot-off a hot, heavy load to the soul-searing fantasy - one of my hottest - of fucking a woman I knew or had seen somewhere as deep and hard as my manly strength would allow me, and fill her sexy butt with my spewing, spurting man-seed! And I was vaguely aware that ass-fucking was very much a part of the man-to-man loving among homosexual men, but it was so totally taboo in my world of that time that I'd never even considered it a possibility - until that moment! In that feverish, frantic moment, my brain for some unknown reason, rather than focusing on the pleasure that man must be experiencing pushing his hard, slippery dick up her ass, reached out for the woman and her ass, and sent the electrifying words to my mouth to say to my singing, thrilling soul, "Damn, he could be doing that to ME -!"

In that instant it suddenly and violently all came together - all my secret, forbidden yearnings and desires, like a terrible lightning strike, a world-shaking earthquake and a tsunami crashing all around me all at once. My naked body rose from the edge of that sofa and went rigid, my fingers had curled around my bursting, screaming, splitting, erupting manhood and, in a sex-crazed death grip, had pulled it's foreskin cruelly downward, stretching it unmercifully as it strained upward toward the ceiling even as the first hard, shattering contraction of ejaculation slammed into my testicles like a sledgehammer and knocked the breath completely out of me.

My mouth was open as wide as it could, and I was trying to scream, but there was no sound, no air or wind to make it happen. As it often happens when I deny release for an extended period of time, forcing my cum to remain churning within my belly, the intense heat of pro-longed arousal and stimulation will 'melt' it, so that rather than cumming out white and smooth and creamy, it becomes thin and watery and clear; it was scalding hot, and came rushing and surging and coursing up through me, burning and searing the insides and especially the slotted tip of my exploding dick, splitting it wide open even as my vice-like grip tightened around it, and spewing and spurting and spraying up and out and leaping up toward the ceiling above.

In a frightened panic, I redoubled my efforts to scream, but I still couldn't make a sound. Tears had filled and flooded my eyes and were streaming hot and wet down the sides of my face; my heart was pounding wildly, my mind racing even faster - I was frightened, yes, terrified, by what was happening to me, but from the very epicenter of the savage sexual, sensual, physical and, yes, especially emotional storm engulfing and overwhelming me came the swiftly-forming but crystal-clear knowledge and resolve that I would do whatever it took to get a hard, slippery, living, breathing, stretching, straining, cum-spewing dick as deep into my ass as its owner and I could get it!

And then the first burst of my own still scalding-hot cum began to rain gloriously down all over my chest and face and hair (and I distinctly remember hearing it hitting the wall behind me!), releasing at last the breath within my bursting lungs, and I began to scream and wail and cry out and sob without shame, shaking all over, clutching and clinging to the still-painfully splitting cock jutting stiffly like pillar of tempered steel from the juncture of my still very rigid thighs, oh, so joyous at heart, cumming all over myself and laughing in my soul and crying like a baby now, clutching and clinging to myself and cumming and cumming and cumming like I'd never cummed before ...