My Night With Lara Flynn Boyle

I wanted to accept her offer. But the idea of leaving the house with this thing locked onto me…

“How do I know I can trust you not to…do something crazy?”

“The same way I trusted you last night not to something crazy,” she said. “You’re almost a foot taller than me and have a hundred pounds more muscle than me; if you wanted to hurt me, there’s not a lot I could do to stop you.”

“I wouldn’t hurt you.”

“How do I know that?”

“Because I’m not the kind of person.”

“And neither am I,” she said softly, still looking me directly in the eyes. “I promise you, wallflower: no harm will ever come to you in this house.”

The softness in her voice pushed me over the edge. I handed her the keys.

Her eyes sparkled and she gave me her best smile and she actually jumped for joy: three quick bounces onto the tips of her toes. She picked up her phone and dialed a number. “Lock that other lock.”

My heart jumped as the lock snicked shut and I realized my cock was no longer under my control

“Hello,” Lara said on the phone. “I need a cab, please.” She covered the mouthpiece of the phone. “Wallflower, write down the numbers where I can reach you.”

I sat at her makeup table and wrote down the various numbers as I listened to her give the cab company her address.

She hung up the phone. “Come,” she said and walked out the door. I followed like I was told. The tube and ring and locks were heavy enough for me to feel them swaying between my legs as I walked, but they weren’t heavy enough to cause any pain.

Downstairs, we stopped at the front door. “Wait here,” she said and disappeared into the kitchen.

I looked around at the expensive furnishings, more photographs of Lara with assorted celebrities. An Irish flag – three bars: green, white, and orange – hung on the wall just inside the door. The carpet beneath my feet felt like it was two inches deep; it felt softer than the comforter on my bed.

I looked down at my crotch. Lying in the bed, I could see the tube, but from a standing position, all I could see was my pubic hair. I really was cock-less.

I rubbed my arms and found a band-aid in the crook of my elbow.

Lara came back carrying a gift-wrapped package and handed it to me. “For you,” she said.

“What’s this?” I asked, pointing to the band-aid.

“The nurse put that on last night.”

“There was a nurse here?”

“Yeah. You’re going to be spending a lot of time here from now on and I want to be absolutely sure you didn’t have any nasties crawling around inside you. A friend of mine is a nurse. She came over and took a blood sample. You slept right through it.”

I felt myself staring at her, almost frozen with disbelief.

“Aw, wallflower, don’t be mad. Think of all the fun we’re going to have.” She kissed me again. Her soft lips tasted of cigarette smoke and coffee. “Now say thank you for the gift.”

“What is it?”

“Open it when you get home.” She opened the front door. “Now, you better get dressed. The cab service is only five minutes away.”

The Porsche sat right outside the front door. I stepped outside, holding my present over my groin. I remembered the trees from last night but I still looked left and right to make sure the trees were still there, still blocking the view of the front door.

I put the present on the roof of the Porsche and opened the passenger-side door. On the front seat, a brand new (and expensive-looking) gray sweater sat on top of my neatly folded clothes, and the phrase “comings and goings” ran through my mind. Lara had had a busy night after I went to sleep. My torn shirt was nowhere to be seen. I turned back to Lara, saying, “This sweater looks—“ but Lara wasn’t there. The front door quietly swung shut. And then the lock turned.

A humming sound followed by a clanking noise came from the direction of the street. I turned around and, through the trees, saw a red-and-white cab waiting as the gate started to roll open.

I ducked behind the Porsche, sat on the stairs, and pulled my pants and sweater on faster than I would have thought possible. There was no time for my socks and briefs; I left them on the passenger seat. I could feel Lara’s eyes on the back of my neck, certain she was watching and smiling.

The cab rolled up the driveway as I pulled my shoes on my bare feet. I stood up hoping I looked casual as I took my jacket out of the sports car.

I got in the back of the cab and we rolled down the driveway. The driver looked at me in the rearview mirror and said, “Looking sharp, pal. Good way to catch a lady’s eye.”

I didn’t say a word; I just smiled and nodded.