My Own Journey

It was another damp winter evening when I stepped into the cosy saloon bar, escaping the irritating drizzle. As the frosted glass-paned door swung open my senses were overwhelmed with the smell of cigarette smoke and beer. The usual locals were already in their chosen places. Propping up the bar or sitting huddled around beaten copper tables chatting quietly and supping their pints.

A couple of heads turned towards me, greeting me with nods, whilst the barman took a fresh glass from the rack and looked at me. "Pint?" was all he said.

"Thanks John." I replied and pulled a handful of change from my pocket. My pint of bitter was placed on the bar, the frothy head quickly dissipating, as John took my cash and rang up the sale in the old till. I raised the glass in polite salute to him and turned to seek out my friend.

Edward was sat near one of the fruit machines with a couple of his buddies. He was a man approaching his mid-sixties and we had become friends through work. Being a youngster of only 18 years, some people thought it odd that we mixed, but I genuinely enjoyed his company and that of his older friends to being with people of my age. I loved hearing the stories of their youth and how it was back when they were growing up just after the Second World War. Times were tough then, many had lost their fathers and they were starting work to support their mothers and brothers and sisters. I had it easy. It was 1983 and I had a job, was living in my own bedsit and had no responsibilities.

Edward motioned for me to come and join the group. I knew most of the men, but was introduced to Mike who, it turned out, was a long-time friend of Edward. Mike had recently moved back into town after the death of his mother. Edward proudly mentioned that I had recently passed my driving test and that I would soon be looking for a car. Something he mentioned often when introducing me to his friends as he had kindly given me additional driving lessons in his car to give me extra practice.

I joined in the chatter, giving and receiving banter about the abysmal darts contest the week before and conceded that I probably wasn't going to be picked for the pub team anytime soon. Conversations flowed as did the beers. Towards the end of the evening I was engaged in putting the world to rights with Mike. We had chatted comfortably throughout the evening and hit it off well. The last orders bell rang and reluctantly I pulled on my still damp coat and wandered home. I had work in the morning, so a late session was out of the question.

A couple of evenings later I was back in the pub. It was Friday so there was no work for me in the morning. The windows of the pub were misted up with condensation. It was already busy. I eased open the saloon door as bodies were pressed closely together. Many of the clientele would be moving on to other pubs and clubs shortly as this was one of the bars along "the strip". I waited my turn at the bar and was served a pint of bitter without any questions being asked. I was known as a local and on busy evenings the staff just gave out "the usual" to their regulars. I then stepped back away and cast my eyes around to seek out companionship. Edward was stood by the jukebox, which was drowned out by the level of conversation in the bar. He was on his own, so I manoeuvred my way across the crowded room to greet him.

"Hiya!" I called, as I made my way to him.

"Hello young Jack, how is it in the world of stationery this week?" He asked as I stood beside him.

I laughed and we started chatting. A while later, and as the crowds thinned, we managed to find a table to sit at. It was swimming with spilled beer and the ashtray was full. A new barmaid came around and wiped the table down before returning to empty the overflowing ashtray. Edward asked her, her name and introduced me to her. "Look after this young man, perhaps one day he will be the one to sweep you off your feet!" he said to her. We both blushed with embarrassment. Edward did this to me all the time with every young girl that started to work in the pub. After she left I scowled at him. "What did you do that for?"

"You're 18," He said, "you should be chasing girls not sitting in an old man's bar on a Friday night."

"But I am happy coming here. I like chatting with my friends and don't want to get tied up in relationships yet."

"I know, but one day the time will come, so I'm looking out for you. And she is a pretty girl."

I glanced across the bar. Edward was right, Ruth was an attractive girl. Her tightly permed hair was tied back with a headband just like Kylie Minogue and the loose fitting t-shirt under her dungarees gave a glimpse of a lacy bra. She smiled as she chatted easily to the tall good looking man at the counter. I had no chance with her.

Feeling like a loser, I tried to explain to Edward that I found it difficult to talk to pretty girls. I got all tongue tied and self-conscious. I had still to lose my virginity and being a shy boy who had only moved into the city after leaving a countryside school left me at a disadvantage, as most youngsters had a group of friends from school to hang out with. My own group of school friends were some 30 miles away in a small farming town. It was only through work that I had started to meet people and most of them were older than me, married and with kids of their own. Those that were my age at work had plans every weekend and to be honest I didn't really get on with most of them.

Mike arrived at about 9:30 and joined us. He had been busy talking with his antiques contacts and was setting up some kind of deal. It would involve him trekking down to London during the week, but he was looking forward to staying with some friends there.

We all supped a couple more beers and chatted easily. Edward and Mike made plans to visit the theatre and I mentioned that I may be looking at a second hand car during the week. Edward and Mike both offered to come along with me if I wanted, so that I could have an experienced second opinion.

The last orders bell rang and we said our farewells. I decided to pop into the chip shop on the way back to my bedsit.

Saturday morning bought with it a crisp clear day. I showered and dressed and made my way into the city centre. I planned to visit some record shops and also to get some new jeans. I would also have lunch at the Wimpy bar as a treat. The crowds in town soon built and it wasn't long before I had completed my shopping. I came back home and picked up my Walkman, before bagging up my weekly laundry and made my way to the launderette.

Whilst my washing was being laundered I read the latest copy of my car magazine and daydreamed about driving off into the sunset with a pretty girl in a sports car. A tap on my shoulder shocked me back into the present day. It was Mike.

"I could hear your music blaring from those headphones as I came into the launderette!" He said. "what on earth are you listening to?" I chuckled and shut off my Walkman.

"It's the latest cassette from The Stranglers. I picked it up this morning."

"Oh, they're not like the old bands, you can't hear a word they say and they only know three chords at the most!" He replied jokingly. "Are you out and about tonight?"

"Yes I will be in the bar as usual this evening," I replied "I should be in there from about 8:30 onwards I would think."

"Ok, cool. I will see you tonight then. Catch you later Jack!" With that Mike left the laundrette.

I didn't give it a second thought and carried on with my domestic chores, reading with interest the article on the new generation of the Porsche turbo.

Later that evening I walked the short distance from my bedsit to the pub. My new jeans fitted tightly and felt good. The bar was quieter then the night before and I found an empty table in the saloon bar. Whilst waiting for my friends to arrive I continued to read my car magazine.

About ten minutes after I had settled, Mike arrived and joined me. He was dressed more casually than usual, in a pair of faded jeans and a shirt. A large and prominent cravat was tied loosely and tucked into his open necked shirt.

"Sill dreaming?" he said jokingly.

"I wish I could drive something so nice. Currently all I can afford is an old Mini, and most probably a non-runner at that, I joked in reply."

"You never know," he said, "I may be able to help you find a car that you could drive. Of course it won't be anything as flash as any of those in your mag, but if you need wheels for a weekend or a special occasion, I may be able to point you in the right direction."

Pushing the matter aside we chatted about more mundane things, such as my visit to the launderette and how close we lived to each other. At some point I went up to get drinks in for the both of us, and on my return he remarked on how well my new jeans fitted. "I'm of the age now where I buy looser fitting clothes to cover up the signs of my ageing!"

I smiled, "You look ok for your age, I guess. I mean, you know for a late forty somethings guy."

Mike grinned. "You can complement me like that every day of the week young man. I'm closer to sixty than forty!"

We carried on chatting, then Edward arrived and the conversations expanded further. The night carried on, and beers flowed freely. All too soon the last orders and time bells rang out closing the pub. We finished our beers and stepped into the cold night air. It was drizzling again.

Edward bade us goodnight and left Mike and me chatting outside the closed pub.

"Do you fancy a nightcap?" He asked. "I think I'm on your way home, and it's better than standing out in the rain."

"Sure." I replied "I'm not ready for bed yet!"

"Neither am I" he replied.

We walked the short distance to his home, a flat in a converted Victorian town house in a smarter neighbourhood than mine. As we climbed the stairs to his first floor flat Mike asked if I had a partner waiting for me at home.

"No, I'm single and free to come and go as I please."

He ushered me into his large living room which was furnished with large heavy looking sofas and chairs, which reminded me of a gentleman's club. I took my coat off and handed it to Mike, then sat in a wing-backed lounge chair. The old cushioning threatened to swallow me as I sank into its worn upholstery.

Mike reappeared with two tumblers generously filled with a deep amber liquor. We clinked glasses and he sat across from me on the chaise longue. Our conversation meandered for a while, ranging from cars to relationships (of which I admitted I had no experience) to fashion. Then he leaned towards me and remarked "You are aware I'm gay aren't you?"

"I had thoughts that you might be, especially as you know Edward and I know that he's gay. But I'm not one to assume anything. Neither is any one else's business but yours." I replied. "If you are asking me if it worries me that I am in the company of a gay man, then no it isn't an issue."

""Have you ever thought about having gay sex before?"

I took a sip of the whiskey and mulled the question over. I was a horny 18 year old young man who regularly masturbated. Usually my fantasies revolved around soft breasts, wet vaginas and blow jobs, but I did wonder on occasion what it would be like to be with another guy.

"I have thought a little about it but I'm worried about being overpowered by a strong dominant man. I would find that hard to deal with. Perhaps it's something that I could think about though."

Mike smiled. "Perhaps I could just give you a blowjob, you could see if you like it and we could move on from there?"

I sat silently, thinking about the proposal. Adrenaline was rushing around my body, causing me to feel like I was shaking. Mike cocked an eye at my empty glass. "Do you want another?"

"No thanks, I'm fine at the moment." I replied.

"Are you ok?" he asked, "do you want to leave?"

"No thanks, I'm fine." I replied again.

He rose up from the chaise longue and kneeled between my legs. His hands rested on my thighs. "All you have to say is stop and I will stop. OK?" He reassured me. I won't go any further than you are comfortable with, OK?"

I nodded as I let him caress me.

"Those jeans do look good on you. I have hardly been able to take my eyes off you all evening!" His hands continued to rub my upper thighs, sending my internal shivers to new levels. He then unfastened my belt and undid the button flies on my jeans. I raised myself slightly so that he could slip them down and take my boxer shorts off too. My growing erection sprang free from the loose cotton shorts.

I kicked off my jeans and shorts so that I was naked from the waist down apart from the white socks I was wearing. Mike leaned in and licked the tip of my erection, before lowering his mouth over my hard-on.

The feeling was incredible. My sensitive organ had never felt as good, as he started to suck down my erect shaft. As he did so, I groaned with pleasure. He sucked and bobbed his head a few times down the length of my shaft whilst cupping my scrotum with his hand and gently squeezing my testicles. My hands gripped the leather armchair arms as I writhed in the sheer pleasure of the moment.

Suddenly I became aware of movement in my peripheral vision. Looking beyond Mike, towards the kitchen I noticed another man looking at us. He just stood there watching for a moment. It was all that was needed for me to react. My interest in Mike's sexual act upon me rapidly diminished as did my erection. Mike noticed the change immediately and stopped sucking me.

"Who's that?" I hissed,

Mike glanced over his shoulder and gestured for the other man to leave. "That's Robert. He lives here with me. We have a somewhat open relationship so I bring home guys and he does too. It's not a problem and he won't gate-crash. Honestly Jack, don't worry."

I thought about it for a second and taking into account that Robert had indeed left the kitchen and gone off to another room, I looked back at Mike.

He cocked an eyebrow at me. "Do you want to carry on? It would be such a shame to leave things as they are right now."

I looked back at him and my semi hard cock. "Well, I was really enjoying what you were doing with me. And I'm so close to cumming!"

Mike smiled and stroked my cock a few times before licking the pre-cum off my cock head and resuming sucking me. I moaned as his mouth enveloped my shaft and his tongue worked its magic on me. Before long my shaft twitched, forewarning Mike of my imminent ejaculation. He bore his mouth down on me taking my full length into his throat. I stiffened and released my cum into his willing throat.

I released several more spurts, each one lessening in ferocity, until I was spent. My erection started to subside in his warm mouth and he gently let me fall away. Smiling at me with a small dribble of cum dribbling from the corner of his mouth he asked, "Did you like that?"

"Oh god, yes!" I replied. "That was amazing.

"I'm glad you enjoyed your first time. I hope that you feel that you can come back for more soon." He said.

I looked at him quizzically. "What do you mean?"

"Sweetheart, I don't want to overload you on your first time. I'm not kicking you out, but I think that perhaps you should go home in a while and think things over. Especially as you got so worried when Robert came home earlier.

All evening you have mentioned being with girls. I am fine with that, but you need to be sure, because, well... To be honest I don't want to get caught up in a whole heap of hurt and trouble. If you're bi, then your bi, if you're gay then you're gay, but if you're straight then we best be honest with each other sooner than later."

I understood his sentiment, although I felt a little judged. I agreed with Mike that I may need to sleep off the booze and think about the situation carefully though.

We said our goodnights and I left, walking through the cool night to my bedsit.

I climbed into bed but couldn't sleep immediately, instead re-playing the earlier scenes in my head. There was no doubt that I had enjoyed the experience, but was it just the act, or was it because I was with a man? In the end all I could do was masturbate my-self to sleep.

I woke up around mid-morning on the Sunday. Although not hung-over, I was aware hat I had enjoyed more than the normal number of drinks the night before. I made a strong coffee and did a few small chores before deciding to go out for some air. A walk would help me clear my head.

I strolled off to a local park and enjoyed the crisp sunshine on my face. Then I realised that I was on my way to Mike's flat. I walked past the front of the building and looked up. The curtains were still drawn closed. Perhaps he was still in bed. Maybe he was in bed with Robert. Did they have a row about him bring me home last night? I didn't know. I decided to carry on walking and think on what Mike had said just before I left the night before.

I ended up in a coffee bar in the centre of town. It was the sort of place popular with young couples and as I sat with my cappuccino I watched how the couples were together. Most were boy girl combinations. Additionally there were a couple of small groups of friends, some mixed and some just girls or boys. I watched each group and made my assumptions, striking out any pretty girls as beyond my horizons. Perhaps it would be easier if I was just completely gay, but I still had an attraction to girls too. I wished I was more confident.

I went back home, feeling a little low about myself and confused also. Why couldn't I make up my mind? Was I just being greedy, or was I taking advantage of Mike with my selfish urge to get laid no matter what.

I stayed in that evening and went to work on Monday in a foul mood. The day seemed to drag by, but by doing so I had more and more time to think about the events of the weekend. Each time I thought about Saturday night I became hard just thinking about how good it felt. I wanted the feeling again.

Finally Five o'clock arrived. I clocked off, and walked to the bus stop. It was cool and crisp, and the sun had not quite set, which lifted my mood a little. It wouldn't be long before the long light evenings were back with us again.

The bus entered my neighbourhood and I rang the bell as stop early. I decided to take some cash out and buy some basic groceries. Then I could get in and take a leisurely shower before going down to the pub. My usual routine was fairly similar most evenings.

When I got in I changed out of my work clothes into a bath robe. I read an article in one of my car magazines and finally got up to have a shower. Standing in the cubicle I Shaved and then enjoyed the hot water as I unwound from the days toil. Then I changed into my new jeans and a sweatshirt before venturing out.

It was only about 7:30 when I arrived in the pub. The bar was still quiet. I supped a pint at the counter and watched Ruth, the barmaid, chat with other locals. She had an easy, approachable manner about her, but it was all I could do to ask for a refill in my glass, as my shyness seemed to cause me to stumble over my words, and make me feel like an idiot. She smiled at me and left me to my own thoughts.

I was about to order another pint when my friend Edward arrived. His timing was perfect, so I ordered one in for him too. We took our glasses and sat down in a corner away from the area of the bar. Our conversation covered the usual topics, which allowed me to switch off from my deeper thoughts. The conversation remained light and even though I'm sure Edward knew that I had gone back to Mike's place, no mention was made of the events on Saturday evening.

A couple of the other "old boys" joined us. We grumbled about the state of the darts league and how poor the beer was. The conversation was in full flow between them all, and I was happy to listen to their faux arguments. Then at about 9:30 Mike appeared. He stayed at the bar and chatted with John the barman. I was close to finishing my beer and was contemplating whether or not to have another beer or leave and go home for the evening. Edward noticed my glances towards the bar and surreptitiously kicked my foot under the table. I looked across at Edward and he mouthed at me to go up and talk to Mike. Obviously Edward was better informed of things than I thought!