My Passion for Mustang GTs Ch. 02

Just as those heading to Heaven must say no to the bright, white light to stay on Earth, those who see darkness before seeing flashing, colored lights and hear disco music must say no to the pole. Suffice for me to write that what you see is not a strip club in Vegas. Hell no. What you see is Hell and unless you want to experience Dante Alighieri's inferno first hand, I suggest you not only say no to the pole but also amend your wicked ways before it's too late.

"I've been born again. Thank you Jesus! After seeing the darkness, before seeing flashing colored lights and hearing disco music with all of those beautiful, sexy, and shapely women dancing around a pole naked...wait. I've changed my mind. I've had a change of heart. I don't want to live. I want to die. I want to go back to Hell instead of spending the rest of my miserable life trying to make amends enough for me to go to Heaven. Now that I've seen the other side, willing to dance with the Devil while he plays his golden fiddle, I'm willing to take my chances with the Devil to have sex with the dozens of Nubian Princesses that he had in his nude revue."

Now I'm not an automotive safety engineer, but I'm sure that Click and Clack, my radio Car Talk show hosts, as well as my Top Gear television hosts, will all agree with my off-the-cuff crash test assessment of how to limit bodily damage when hitting an object fixed or otherwise with a motor vehicle. It may sound crazy but hitting a wall flush and square dissipates the crash energy equally across the front of the car as opposed to hitting a tree, a pole, or even one of Santa's reindeers where all of the energy is focused on one, precise point, you.

"Am I right? Am I making sense? Does crashing my car in a wall theory hold water?"

Notwithstanding Einstein's theory of relativity, Carl Sagan's explanation of how the universe began, and Stephen Hawking's discovery of black holes, I solely base my theory on how to have less severe injuries when hitting something with my moving vehicle upon my own personally experiences of crashing two cars into a wall. Not responsible for your lunacy in trying to duplicate this experience and/or experiment to prove or disprove my scientific theory on crashing a car into a wall to determine if you'll have less physical injuries and if you'll still remain alive, please do not try this at home.

Duly noted, it should be enough for me to write, when hitting an oncoming car, the velocity times the energy with your car traveling at speed X and their car traveling at speed Y, multiplied by the coefficient of...never mind. Being that you're about to die anyway and with more important things to ponder such as the appearance of the bright, white light or the lack thereof, I wouldn't take the time to worry about the algebraic equation or the formula's fatal results. Not even making a difference if you're wearing your seatbelt, the make, model, and/or type of car that you're in, unless you're driving a carbon fiber Indy car or Nascar stock car at Talladega, the life you've lived, and have a dozen religious statues on your dashboard, you may as well kiss your ass good-bye.

I've never read an official study but my guess is that there are more fatalities in cars that hit poles, trees, and other cars head-on than there are with cars hitting smooth concrete or cinderblock walls. They do have more of that information recently now with the emergence of the Internet, but it's always been a pet peeve of mine why they don't have a list of the top ten cars that drivers and passengers are likely to die or survive in a crash.

To be continued...