My Thoughts: Levels of Submission

One of My favorite books is The Loving Dominant by John Warren. This essay is one that I have working on, in My mind for several weeks, and it always gets put to the side because in the middle of putting it together I think of something else I want to write about. This time I finished it.

The topic that caught My mind's interest is in chapter 5; levels of submission. The author talks about that, in her opinion, there are three levels of submission: Fantasy, Clarity and Transparency. The following are My thoughts on the topic in an effort to get your input as well.

Fantasy is the place W/we all start (whether Dominant or submissive). I tend to think of the cyber world of chat rooms, BLOGs and forums as the way where these fantasies can be explored safely. The mind so often leads the body. My own journey began here and it was first explored in the stories I wrote and published. My characters acted out the fantasies I had, and the response from those who read them and took the time to leave comments fed My own awareness that what I was feeling was accepted by a group of people who understood what I was going through.

Thanks to the various chat rooms I've been in and observed the conversations in, I found that many people are exploring their fantasies. They test them (their fantasies) gently at first and then plunge more deeply via cyber sex and phone sex where they test to see if they have limits.

This first stage lets them find out if they enjoy bondage, with and without gags, spankings, floggings or caning. The also get to see if they enjoy things like anal play (sex, beads, plugs, vibrators, etc) or they can test their bisexual desires or curiosity. All of these explorations are safe and take a lower level of "trust" than the other two levels of submission.

Before I leave this section, I wanted to point out that fantasy can still include going to BDSM friendly clubs and just soak in the atmosphere as well as test the waters gently with a Dom or talk to a submissive and explore in that way.

Clarity is the next lever according the model put forth by the author. In Clarity a submissive commits herself to a Dominant and the trust building process begins. I separate respect and trust for what I believe is a good reason.

Respect is something I give to everyone, because it is the way I was brought up. Everyone deserves My respect. They get My respect till they do something drastic enough to loose it. However, it is a different story when it comes to trust. I develop trust in people based on My experiences with them, and expect others to do the same. Trust, in My opinion is build upon experience.

As the submissive and the Dominant progress from the early experiments where they test what T/they like and don't like they begin to build trust. It starts to prove the "Safe, Sane and Consensual" is a way of life for B/both of them. As they move deeper into new areas to explore the communication builds up and hopefully, if done right, so does the trust. Trust becomes the key building block to achieve the next step. There is a trust that the Dominant is paying enough attention to keep her safe so that she can fully enjoy the pleasures she's allowing herself - through Him - to experience.

Transparency is the next step. Transparency has no specific point where it starts, and I'm guessing that it is something that during the clarity phase happens on occasion and then builds to the point where it just stays. Transparency is the point where not only the physical aspects of BDSM are safe to explore because there is such a connection between the Dom and His submissive, but also the emotional sharing that exposes each other's soul to the other. This is probably the most difficult part for people to reach. There are so many things that are so personally difficult to share, but yet are so important to share in order to leave the self imposed constraints behind and grow: The bonding between Man and woman that sets her free to explore her true potential, under the loving control of her chosen Dominant.

In transparency the submissive gets to fully explore the boundaries that used to hold her back, and together with her Master she pushes them back and reaps the pleasure rewards that come from mastery of her self, as she dispels the feeling of inferiority (not being able to do her best in that particular situation) that held her back in the past. Together, the Master and submissive or slave crash through those old barriers and gain much more than the physical pleasure. What they gain is the ultimate in trust and their ability to share and communicate openly.

Now, your turn, what thoughts if any did this post generate and help Me learn from you.