My Twin Loves

I flushed and zipped and blew my nose. I tossed the tissue in the waste basket and that's when I saw the box. It read, "Home Pregnancy Test". I stared at it for a long time, ten seconds or so, and when I finally snapped out of my trance I lunged for the can. I pulled out the box and there was the plastic test strip. It had a plus sign on it. Plus meant pregnant. I started shaking all over. Lynn was pregnant. We were going to have a baby. I was going to be a father! That's why they were all weird, Lynn had big news to tell me and was waiting for the right moment!

I was so happy that I did a little dance in the bathroom, and I knocked the waste basket over. Some tissues fell out, a used-up toilet paper roll-and another box.

The box read, "Home Pregnancy Test". I knelt down and found another white plastic tube. A tube also marked with a plus sign.

I eased myself down, till I was sitting on the cool tile. There was a perfectly reasonable explanation. Lynn thought she was pregnant. She took a test, it came up positive. And to double check, she took another.

Sure.

I dressed and went downstairs, keeping a tight hold on the bannister. They still sat there, drinking tea. They say a pregnant woman gives off a certain glow, that she radiates with the life blossoming within her. I had to raise my hand to shield my eyes from the golden aura that limned the two beautiful women sitting on my couch.

"Think I'm gonna go out for a bit," I said. I thought they might ask after me, but they didn't. They let me go.

I drove to the nearest bar, parked, and handed the bartender my keys, my driver's license, and three twenty-dollar bills.

I pointed. "Whiskey here, and beer here. When you think I've had enough, call me a cab and give the driver the address on my license. Pay him with what's left, I don't live far."

He looked at me like I was nuts. "OK..." He set a shot glass of Wild Turkey to my left and an icy bottle of Bud to my right. I knocked back the shot, gulped for breath, and swallowed two soothing gulps of beer.

"I take it you're not a whiskey drinker," the bartender said.

"Nope." I gasped. "Another."

He poured. "Problem of some sort?"

This one was a bit easier to take. I took a nip of beer to kill the burn. "Woman troubles."

He grinned. "Women. I hear they can be difficult at times." I pointed at the shot glass and he frowned. "You sure?"

I shook my head. But I said, "Yeah."

I followed the shot with the rest of the beer. "My wife's pregnant. She hasn't told me yet, I found out another way. I guess I'm just a little bit...surprised."

The bartender relaxed, glad I guess that I wasn't cheating with the wife of some guy who might charge in with a shotgun. "Well, congratulations!" He poured. "Have one on the house."

I thought the alcohol would slow the torrent of thought coursing through my brain, but all the whiskey did was act as a giant eraser on the edges of my consciousness, it wiped the rest of the world away. I imagined what people would say when they found out. What Lynn and Amy would look like pregnant, if even the swelling in their bellies would be identical. Would they deliver on the same day? Would they both have boys, both have girls?

My God, would they both have twins? What if they had twins and the four babies were all the same, would I have to raise my children and not be able to tell them apart? Would my identical children each give me identical grandchildren? I had a terrible vision of my house filled with women who looked the same, Lynn and Amy repeated over and over, different ages, but all the same.

I raised my hand to get the bartender's attention, and a soft hand took my wrist and lowered it back to the counter. I turned and she was smiling at me. "I guess you know," she said.

"Huh?" I looked into the most beautiful face on earth. "How did you find me?"

"We thought you might come here."

A voice spoke behind me. "You know, don't you?" My head moved on a swivel, and the same face was in front of me, smiling.

I nodded. "I found the boxes in the trash."

"Oh. So, are you happy?" The room was spinning, I couldn't tell who asked the question.

"Yes. No."

"It's a big change." Their voices, their faces blended into one.

"Yup."

There was a long pause. They were sitting on either side of me. They both leaned in close.

"We love you."

I thought I was going to be sick. But it quickly passed. "I love you too." I may have said, "I love you TWO," but I was too far gone to pick up on a Freudian slip.

"Let's go home."

The bartender saw that I wasn't alone and came over for a look. "So, whoa." He could see up close that I was flanked by two gorgeous women. "Wow, double vision.' The twins laughed. "Which one of you is the lucky lady?"

The girl on my left said, "That's me." For some reason, I thought it was Amy on my left. But it was the girl to my right who said, "I'm her sister,"

The bartender said, "You are a lucky, lucky man."

"You have no idea."

The bartender handed over my license and keys, and Lynn paid my bill and left a big tip. I was ambulatory, I could walk fine, but they each put an arm through mine and led me to the door. The held on tight, as though afraid I would break away and run. But the whiskey had hold of me now, and I could barely raise my head.

Lynn drove me home, Amy followed in my car. They marched me upstairs and made me drink two big glasses of ice water and four aspirin to guard against a hangover. Then they got me into bed before I passed out.

When I woke up, I had a touch of cottonmouth, but no headache. I focused my eyes on the ceiling fan. Then I looked down. Two slender arms criss-crossed my chest. One girl on my left, the other on my right, me in the middle. We were naked under the covers. I have to tell the truth, it was the most wonderful way to wake up I could imagine.

I lie in bed, repeating the same prayer over and over in my head, "God, give me strength". I close my eyes and I want to shut out the world forever. But its too late for that now. I should have run away the first chance I had. Love has made me a coward. And now there's nowhere to run.

The girl to my right stirs, then pillows her head on my shoulder. The girl on my left sighs. "Shh," I whisper. Go to sleep. We'll tell our secrets soon enough. Go to sleep. Go to sleep.