My Veggie Tale

Even though I am happily married, our sex life is virtually non existent; it seems that we are both too tired at the end of the day or the urge just seems to be passing. We remain affectionate and companionable but I fear that is what I have to look forward to.

I am 62 years of age and working part time in a non-profit organization in my smallish Midwestern city. My wife has numerous small jobs, some of which take her out of town for two to three weeks at a time throughout the year. Of course, that only adds to the frustration of my needs for some kind of release.

I am what I guess can be called a closet bisexual – I have fantasies about being fucked in the ass by another man and sucking and tasting another's cum. I had two slam/bang experiences with men I met online but neither was memorable. Another with whom I carried an online chat with for several months (often talking him into a climax) dropped out of sight just days before we were to spend several days together in a local hotel. He was supposed to get away on some pretext from his wife and my wife was out of town for two weeks so the conditions were ideal.

Needless to say, this last fiasco left me feeling very frustrated; he being a man about 28 years my junior may have convinced him that I couldn't get it up (and I must admit to some of those worries myself). I even went out and, after claiming to a doctor in a medical clinic – not my own – of suffering from ED; I got a small prescription for Viagra and even tested it out successfully.

It has been my normal (many will see this as truly abnormal) to take whatever opportunities I can make to find something that I can fuck myself with that I can destroy later. I have to time these episodes for the rare times that my wife is gone for the day or even better, several days. I have been in that position for two weeks now and have made the best of it.

My best friend has been an English cucumber. For those who aren't familiar with this wonderful vegetable, it is long, smooth (well, it has a few rough spots on the skin at times), deep green skinned with seedless white meat inside. They can be on average a foot long and may be very slim, quite thick the entire length or a combination with a small nub at one end thickening to about 2" in circumference 12" later. They come wrapped in a tight cellophane seal that peels off easily.

However, this two-week window of opportunity gave me another experience. I read in one of Literotica's stories about a woman who like to stuff bigger and thicker vegetables into her pussy while her friend watched. It was such a turn on that I decided to expand my horizons.

Let me preface this tale by telling you that I have always wondered what a butt plug would feel like. I could never afford to buy one nor could I find a place to hide it around our small apartment. So I had to look for a disposable cheaper alternative. Then, after reading a story about the use of a butt plug (and having looked up the shape online), I went grocery shopping and found just the right thing. It is known as a Hubbard squash. Let me describe it: it is pale yellow in colour, very bulbous (enough so that it will stand upright on its own) at the bottom with a thick shaft around 2" across (and whatever diameter the equation would make that). The shaft can be anywhere from 5" to 8" long depending on the size of the overall veggie. I picked a nice big one along with two long cukes, one slim and one thicker. I had my fun picked out for a couple of nights.

After supper, I ensured that the doors were locked, the window blinds drawn and lit the electric fireplace for atmosphere and to take the chill off the air. We haven't had a great spring and now that summer is here, it is not getting very hot outside. This means that if I am going to strip, I want it nice and warm.

I spread a thick blanket on the living room floor near the fireplace and cover it with a plastic garbage bag. Leaving the warmth from the heat fan built into the electric heater to warm the garbage bag protecting the blanket, I strip and go into the adjoining kitchen to prepare my entertainment for the evening. I fill the sink with warm soapy water and thoughally wash the squash and, after stripping off the cello wrapping, the cucumbers as well. I wouldn't want to have to explain an infection in my butt to either my doctor or my wife.

Once the veggies are clean and warm, I rinse them off and pull down the bottle of Extra Virgin Olive Oil from the shelf and pour a goodly portion over each of my friends and place them, with a costing of oil, in a shallow pan. I carry them with trembling hands into the living room and with all the lights off except that given by the fire. I lay down on my side on the plastic – now nice and warm – and lift out the glistening squash from the tray.

It is shining with its coat of oil and I press it's shaft against my sphincter using the bottom of the huge bulb at the bottom to hold on to. As I start to press steadily against my butt hole, I laugh as I remember that this is my favourite squash to eat! What a coincidence!

The 2" wide head is trying to stretch me open enough to enter and I feel the pain as I continue to press harder. I keep relaxing my ass hole and clenching it as well as bearing down until I feel the outer ring of my anal passage welcome the intruder. I stop and breathe deeply and pant over and over as I continue to push and bear down. I feel my ass filling as the thick shaft slides into me and then widening as all 7" of this wonderful monster are ensconced inside me. Then the start of the swell of the bulbous shell touches my sphincter.

I hold the glorious invader inside me by clenching my ass cheeks as hard as I can and get up on my knees. With the ball of the squash on the plastic sheet, I start to slowly ride my phallic imitator with long deep strokes. As I bottom out I feel the swelling of my ass as it tries to suck in more of the wider part but there is only so much I can force this baby into me. Already, my cock is oozing precum like crazy and I have been scooping if into my palm and licking it as fast as I can.

Finally, I feel the heat of the thick shaft almost burning my insides so, with a slow rising onto my knees; I allow the squash to find its own way out onto the plastic sheet. I move it back into the pan – there is a slight tinge of brown on the end of it and I can smell the musky scent of my excrement in the air.

Immediately, before my widened ass hole has a chance to close fully, I grab the longest cucumber from its oily resting place and placing it at my closing hole, ram it in until 5" of its 12" length are snuggly buried inside my asshole. I lie on my side - still on the plastic (I don't want any messes on the carpet) – and slowly ease the slim hard veggie further and further inside me. It moves so easily now that I have paved the way, so to speak, and I soon have it almost all the way inside me! All but the last inch of this 12" monster has made it inside and I feel so pull.

My cock has grown to its slightly over 7" length and is streaming precum and I start to stroke it as I work the cuke in and out and twist it around in my nether regions. Within five minutes I shoot jet after jet (OK, only four or five) of thick cum all over my hands and my ass is clamping down so hard on the insertion that I fear I will break if off in there. Now that would be an embarrassment in the emergency room!

With a heave of relief, I slowly ease the pleasure pole from my ass and run to the bathroom to relive myself and clean up. With a slightly sore butt, I take a tape measure to resolve my curiosity and find that I had just over 11 ½" off that cucumber in my ass! If I had pushed a little more (and I could feel the easiness inside me that it could go at least another 2"), it would have slipped totally inside me and I am not sure how difficult it would have been to expel it.

Now fully relieved and since my wife arrives home tomorrow, I gather up all the evidence of my 'debauchery', and take it down to the dumpster in the back alley.

As much as I dream about feeling a man's cock slide into my ass, I know it will likely never happen. At least I know that I can take anything my dream man might have hanging between his legs.