My Wife Became A Groupie

"What? Nonsense."

"Danny, it's obvious. Can I please stay in the guest room until I've found another place?"

"Yes. But please don't bring your lovers here."

"Okay. Thanks."

Wow, that has been surprisingly easy. And I don't even feel particularly hurt. I almost feel a little bad about this, I really should be more affected, emotionally. Has the Ashley disaster maybe turned me into a cold and hard bastard? Or have I just not loved Sue? I don't know. Not as much as I've loved Ashley, that's for sure. So there's still hope I haven't turned into an uncaring asshole.

Surprisingly, what bothers me more than the end of my relationship with Sue is her statement that I still love Ashley. That has struck some nerve. I just hope she's wrong with this one.

xx

Sue leaves my apartment two weeks later without a fuss. We even manage to stay friends. I don't ask her for details or the number of men she's seen. But I get myself tested for STDs and two weeks later I'm relieved to hear that I'm clean.

After breaking up with Sue, I haven't much motivation to play the field again. Somehow, I'm tired of women. And tired of this whole mating procedure and the emotions involved. It just doesn't seem to be worth it.

xx

On a chilly October Thursday I get the first text message from Ashley since a long time. I've been thinking about her from time to time. Wondering what she might be doing right now.

"Danny, where do you live in Philly?"

What? Why does she want to know that? I don't answer. I don't want her in my life.

On the next day she tries again: "Danny, please. I'd like to talk to you. At least to say goodbye properly. And apologize."

Well, I can hardly deny her that, can I?

So I text her my address. Twenty minutes later my doorbell rings. It's Ashley. Fuck. She's in Philly? And even worse - she looks absolutely gorgeous. She hasn't changed much. She's even more beautiful, if that's possible.

"Hi Danny."

"Hi Ashley."

"Can I come in?"

"Sorry, yes." I lead her into my living room.

"Nice apartment."

"Thanks. Something to drink?" The tension is thick. I try to remain calm by being formal. She seems to be following the same strategy. So this is turning into some conversation straight from Buckingham Palace.

"Yes, a water please."

"I'm surprised you're here in Philly."

"I live here."

"Oh, for how long?"

"For about eight months."

"This is no coincidence, I assume?"

"No, I've followed you here. But I couldn't find you. I've tried for several months. Until I finally gathered the courage to ask you."

"You waited that long?"

"Yes. I wanted to live as a celibate for at least a year before I see you again. The year was endless and I was terrified that you'd be married by the end of it. But I needed the time to prove something to me and you. That I'm no slut. Not any more."

"Well, slut or not. You broke up our marriage by leaving me. But I believe you when you say that you haven't had sex for a year. And it's a good sign that you are in control of yourself again. But it doesn't really matter for us. We're history."

"Danny, I've only had sex with the band for about four weeks. Afterwards I took a regular job as a tour manager. And if they'd ask me to accompany them again today, I'd decline."

"Yeah, you've had your adventure. You dumped me without a second thought. That showed me how unimportant I've been for you. You fucked a lot. You've seen the world. At my cost. I sat at home, crying. I've been in hell. I won't ever be able to trust you again. Now you've had your adventure. You've had sex with your idols. You've seen the world. And you want to get your life back on track. And oh, yes, there was this guy. What's his name? Ah yes, Danny. Wouldn't it be convenient to take him back? The little wimp has surely waited patiently until the whole music industry has finished fucking me."

She's crying now.

"Yes, sorry. I'm so very sorry. I've been thoughtless and selfish. I was overwhelmed by this opportunity. I was unable to resist. Even though I felt terribly guilty. But it cost me too. The best thing I've ever had. You and our marriage."

I don't say anything. I can think of no witty reply.

"Danny, I've seen a shrink. And I've started to remove the band tattoo."

"They've tattooed you? They've marked their slut? It keeps getting better and better." Why do I even care? Why am I even interested in this stuff? Just get rid of her, Danny. She has said her piece.

"We all have it. The band and the complete staff. As a souvenir. It seemed like a good idea at the time. But it might always remind you of what I've done. So I've started to have it removed. It's just a small symbol anyway."

"Okay, Ashley, now what do you want?"

"My ultimate goal is to get you back," she sincerely says, trying to look brave.

"Why do you think I might want that? After what you've done to me?"

"I don't know, I'm just hoping for a miracle. I will do everything I can but I don't know if it will be enough. I live in Philly now, I have a job here. And I have nothing else to do here. I will spent all of my free time to try to get you back. To try to convince you."

"I don't love you any more."

"I know. How could you, after what I've done to you? But I will try my best to rekindle that. I might fail, but I will at least try my very best."

"My former girlfriend cheated on me too. I really have enough. I don't want a woman around me any more. Nothing steady. I don't even want one night stands right now. I don't want to be hurt again."

"Danny, I'm so very sorry. I've been a terrible person. I even knew it back then. And deep inside I knew that you'd leave me. And I think I even appreciated it. It was a healthy reaction. But I tried to suppress that thought. I mean, I've been with Jimmy. The famous rock star. And his band. I've felt so honored and flattered. A groupie at the age of 26. For some of the biggest stars worldwide. When they could have all those young girls. I felt like a teenager again. When his staff wanted to fuck me, it turned sour. I declined and the tensions started to grow. Even his security guys wanted me. I absolutely refused. I had sex with the band members only. And even that quickly began to lose it's appeal. They are not very attractive from close up and they all are boring and rather selfish lovers. Jimmy is not a bad guy though and surprisingly insecure in some ways. So Jimmy and I decided that it would be best if I filled a position as one of the tour managers. They needed someone urgently and they had plenty of young groupies anyway. So I stopped having sex with anybody about a year ago. But the traveling was just marvelous. So I stayed with them. The money was good."

"Yeah, I'd loved to have seen these places together with you." I feel hurt again. This conversation is not good for me. It rips open old wounds. And I'm not even sure why I'm having it at all.

"Danny, I know and I'm sorry. I've been a selfish bitch. I've been an absolutely terrible person for the four weeks I cheated on you. And I've been selfish for the months I continued to tour with them. But at least I came to my senses and stopped the fucking. And I felt a terrible remorse."

"But not enough to return to me."

"You had already said that you left me. I guessed if I have to win you back anyway..."

"You could as well finish the tour. And add some more damage to what you've already done."

"Yes. Sorry. I have some savings now and I would love to use them to travel with you. As a couple or as friends. Whatever I can get. To the places I went to with the band or to others. You decide."

"Ashley, you've said your piece. Anything else?" She looks surprised. She has said everything and has failed. She has offered everything she has. And it isn't enough.

"Danny, I will devote my life to getting you back. But I need a chance. I need to have contact with you. Only that way I can convince you. We need to be friends at least."

"No, Ashley. That doesn't appeal to me. I admit that I'm not as completely over you as I've hoped. But all you bring me right now is pain. I want to get my life back into a balance. I need my wounds to heal."

"I know that I'm selfish again. But I can't let you go."

The whole scene at the concert flashes back into my mind. All the hurt, the helplessness. I start to cry a little. I think she's never seen me cry. She looks absolutely stricken.

"Ashley, this is not good for me. It still hurts too much. Please leave."

"I'm so sorry. So terribly sorry...," she says, while leaving my apartment. She's also sobbing now.

xx

Next day, Saturday, 9 a.m.

My doorbell rings. Still a little sleepy, I go to answer it. I'm surprised, Ashley is standing there. She's holding some kind of picnic basket and just breezes past me into my kitchen.

"Good morning, Danny," she says while she starts to unpack her basket. "It's breakfast time."

"Ashley, please leave. I've had a bad night." My voice is hoarse and trembling. I'm afraid I will strangle her if she stays. I can barely contain my anger. Her brazen behavior pisses me off mightily.

"Oh. Yes, mine hasn't been too good either. If I'm honest, my nights haven't been good since that damn concert."

She suddenly loses her put-on happiness and begins to watch me closely.

"Danny, I'll leave you now. Enjoy your breakfast."

She sees the look in my eyes and practically flees from my apartment, leaving the door open. I grab her damn basket and throw it through the door behind her, missing her. She shrieks. I slam the door shut. This is as close as I've ever been to hitting a woman. My hurt seems to have fully turned into anger by now. That bitch. Cheating on me, deserting me, humiliating me, shutting me out of her life for months. Seeing the world. Having a wonderful time without me. And then coming to my home, simply claiming me back. Turning my life upside down. With lots of confidence. And assuming a shitty picnic basket is all it takes. Damn. And the worst thing is how all of this still affects me emotionally. I wish I could treat her cold and dismissive.

I try to cool down by running for about an hour. I feel much better afterwards.

xx

Next day, Sunday, 9 a.m.

My doorbell rings. Groundhog Day. And, sure enough, Ashley stands there. She's brave, I have to give her that. And I'm a little flattered that she takes this risk for me. She's obviously very determined.

"How's your mood today," she asks tentatively?

"Better. Come in." I actually feel quite calm today. Confused, not aggressive.

"Thank you." She smiles, looking relieved.

She closes the door and places her hands behind her neck.

"Yesterday you wanted to hit me. Do it, if you want to. I deserve it. I should have stayed long enough yesterday to take it. I was just too surprised. Go ahead."

I look at her, unbelieving, for a full minute. She keeps her face stretched forward and her eyes closed, awaiting the hit. Unbelievable. After an eternity of conflicting emotions running through my head, I slap her very gently - barely noticeable - on the cheek. And then I grab her and kiss her violently on the mouth. She immediately responds and returns my kiss, moaning.

I drag her to my sofa, roughly undress her and fuck her forcefully. I don't care about her feelings as I unload inside her and simply push her away from me. I don't even look at her as I go to the shower. I don't care in the least how she feels about this. She can leave whenever she wants to. I even hope she leaves, so I can come to terms with my confused emotions.

When I return from the shower, she still stands in front of my sofa, awaiting my reaction. I just point to the door. She immediately complies, saying "Thank you, Danny," while she's leaving. I can't help being impressed by her. And I'm starting to be afraid of where this whole thing is leading to.

xx

Next day, Monday, 6 p.m.

I have already anticipated it. I just wasn't sure about the exact time. My guess was six o'clock and that proved to be correct. The doorbell rings. My guess included Chinese takeaway. And again, that is correct.

"You're not too surprised, are you?"

"No. I guessed six and Chinese takeaway."

"Right on the spot, Danny." She smiles coyly. Being angry with a truly beautiful, smiling woman is a difficult thing.

"Come in."

"Thank you. And Danny..."

"Yes?"

"Thank you for yesterday. That was more than I deserved."

"Oh, I wanted to apologize for that."

"Apologize? Don't you dare. That was the best thing happening to me in more than a year."

"Well, you've had a shitty year then."

"Yes, mostly. But I've had a great time yesterday. And just to let you know - I'm clean and on the pill. And of course, you can use me in any way you want. Whenever you want. Without obligation. I think that's self-evident, isn't it?"

"Good to know. So if I'm horny, I just call you for a blow-job."

"Of course!" She looks surprised and almost indignant. "I thought that much was clear."

"Good. Now, let's eat. I'm hungry."

"Great."

"Will you bring food every day?"

"Yes, if you let me. Or I'll cook."

"Well, let's see."

We just eat our meal in silence and afterwards I ask Ashley to leave. She does so without complaining.

xx

She repeats that on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Either she brings takeaway meals or she brings food to cook me a dinner. I never touch her again, though. On Thursday I ask her to omit Friday. I don't tell her that I have a date with Clara.

xx

My date is quite nice. The only problem is me. I'm being unfair by comparing Clara with Ashley. And unfortunately, she can't compete. Ashley is a real stunner, centerfold quality. Clara is nice and pretty, but she's in a completely different league. Nevertheless, I enjoy the evening. And I take her to my apartment to have sex with her. It feels good. I don't need Ashley. I can be happy without her.

xx

I'm barely awake on Saturday morning, shuffling around in my apartment and trying to produce some coffee for me and Clara, when the doorbell rings again. I check the clock. And sure enough, it's nine o'clock. Shit, I've forgotten Ashley's new habit. Clara is still here, wearing one of my T-shirts.

I open the door.

"Good morning, Danny." Ashley says while she enters. "Ah, I'm Ashley, Danny's ex. I'm just bringing breakfast." And - unbelievable - she offers Clara her hand.

"Ah, hi, I'm Clara."

"Nice to met you. You two are hungry, I hope?"

Clara looks at me questioningly. I just shrug my shoulders.

"Sure," she says.

"Good. You two need your strength back."

I think I look as dumbfounded as Clara as we watch her setting the table. Ashley manages to make some light conversation, seemingly ignoring the weird situation.

After breakfast, Clara more or less flees my apartment.

"Well, why did she leave that early? I expected you to want another round after breakfast, like you usually do."

"I think she was rather surprised how you handled the situation."

"Ah, ok. Why?"

"Maybe she expected more jealousy? Some tension maybe?"

"Okay, Danny. She doesn't know that I don't expect to have you exclusively."

"I've used a condom."

"Oh, thanks." She smiles.

"What for?"

"To hear that you plan to have sex with me again. And to hear that you have used only one condom with her. That means that there are two shots left in your magazine."

"And you assume to be shot with those?"

"No, I don't assume. But a girl can hope, can't she?"

"Okay, then let's give you my best shot."

She shrieks a little for joy while she jumps off her stool. And this time, I enjoy the sex with her a lot more than last time. I even put a little emotion in it. And I take my time. She is very submissive and caring. And she seems to enjoy it massively and showers me with kisses afterwards.

She leaves without a fuss afterwards and I tell her to visit me only after we agree on it. She agrees but is clearly a little disappointed.

xx

I limit her visits to about two to four times per week. We usually eat and have sex. The sex is getting better and better, even better than before she left me. She refuses me nothing. And I begin to dare being more open, affectionate and emotional again. She senses it and is very grateful.

"Ashley, I've noted that you don't refuse me anything now."

"That's right, Danny. You haven't even tested my full potential."

"Before you left me, you have always refused to have anal sex. And you haven't swallowed. Now you do."

"Yes, and I will do a lot more. And to answer your implicit question - no, I haven't done that for them. Only oral and vaginal sex, always with condom. No deep throat."

"You can deep throat?"

"Yes, I've practiced it for you, using a toy. You want to try?"

"Yes, but isn't that painful?"

"No, not painful. A little arduous, but I'd really like to do it for you. I have learned it just for you. It would be a shame not to use it. Because no one else will ever benefit from it."

"Sounds good. May I ask where your tattoo is? I haven't seen it."

"I've had it removed. It can be seen if you look very closely. I will have two more laser sessions, then it will be completely gone. But I won't tell you where it is. If you want to look for it, you're more than welcome." She smiles wickedly. I have to laugh and start searching but can't find it.

xx

We sit on my sofa, watching a movie. She's more or less back in my life for three months now. And I decide it's time to take stock.

Do I love her again? Yes, I've probably never really stopped.

Am I still mad? No.

Am I still hurt? Yes, a little. This will probably never completely go away.

Am I happier with her than without her? Yes, definitely.

Am I afraid that she'll do such nonsense again? A little, yes. Trust is still an issue.

Do I understand why she has done it? No, not completely.

Do I want to see a shrink with her to understand it? No, that won't change anything.

So what do I want? I want her in my life, if I'm honest. But permanently. Marriage was obviously not enough to ensure that. But what will? Nothing. I can't keep her against her will.

Do I want to take the risk? Maybe. That's the big one. I suddenly realize that she's watching me intently.

"So, have you come to a conclusion," she asks? Obviously she knows what I was thinking about.

"Some, yes. But not all yet."

"Can I help somehow?" Bruce Willis is doing some thing or other in the background meanwhile, being mostly ignored.

"I've decided that I want you in my life again. But I don't know how to do it."

"It's easy. Just tell me what you want. I'll be anything you want. Slave, wife, lover, mistress, friend with benefits."

"The thing is that I love you, Ash." This is the first time I've told her that after the concert. And the first time I've called her Ash again instead of Ashley.

"Oh, Danny." She immediately starts the waterworks and hugs me.

"But I won't survive if you leave me again. I'm so afraid to make a commitment."

"What can I do? Have a tattoo with your name?"

"No, that can be removed. And it won't stop you anyway."

"Do you want a contract? Leaving me penniless if we split for whatever reason."

"Maybe. This won't stop you if you really want out. But it might stop spontaneous foolishness."

She gets some paper from her purse. "Here, read this."

It is a contract. Some kind of prenup. Saying that she will leave with nothing if we split for whatever reason. No money, no part of our retirement savings or housing. No custody or visitation rights for our children. And it says that she will walk through the streets naked with a sign "cheater" if she cheats on me. I have to laugh.

"Children?"

"Just covering every possibility."

"That's pretty harsh." And I'm questioning if it's even possible to give away rights to children that aren't even sired. But it's a nice detail, showing her determination.