My Wife's Sister

"Hi Jeff."

"Brenda"

I may still love her but I was still upset with her so I kept my greeting short.

"Uh... How have you been?"

How had I been? What did she think? I started to boil. Before I could check myself, I started to blow up. I was barely able to curtail my anger in time.

"How do you think I've been you cheating..." I saw her shrinking from me as I yelled. I had to pause and catch myself. "I'm sorry... Uh... I've been okay I guess. Drinking a bit too much lately. Confused about things too."

She looked pale and nervous. The woman I loved, the woman I had spent the better part of my life with was afraid of me. That hurt me deep inside. My heart was breaking. I loved her still, and she was afraid of me. Could we patch things up?

The young woman that must have been the 'guest' broke in.

"I'm Jill. You must be Mark's father. I wish we could have met under better circumstances."

I took her proffered hand and shook it gently.

"Me too. I hope that we can get to know each other a bit more though. Mark hadn't told us he was seeing anyone... yet."

I glanced knowingly at him; he saw the slight reprimand in my eyes I'm sure. Jill kept me on track.

"Look, you two need to talk, so Mark and I will be in the other room. If things get sticky or loud we'll come to the rescue, okay? You guys just sit and talk things over for now. Try to keep your cool though. This is an apartment building and the walls and floors are thin."

Mark and Jill left us to our own devices.

"I guess I need to explain things to you Jeff. First of all, I'm so sorry. I really am."

"So, you have something you need to be sorry about? Did you sleep with some guy?"

"Not exactly."

"I don't understand. Not exactly? That's kind of like being half pregnant dear."

"It wasn't just one guy, and we didn't sleep."

"More than one guy? YOU?"

Her revelation hit me hard. Frankly I was flat stunned. She had been with more than one man? This was not the person I had married years ago at all. I didn't know who she was.

"You did this openly and freely of your own choice?"

"Not exactly. I was drunk... I think I had way too much to drink that night. Marie had also been pushing me for weeks to get out and let my hair down. I don't know, maybe I was lonely too. I just don't know how it all came about, but suddenly, there I was on a bed with four men... actually it started with just one guy, but by the end all of them were... anyway, Marie was there too, and by the end of the night I had been with all of them. Yes... Marie too. The guys kind of arranged that. It wasn't rape, really, but they were quite forceful. I was drunk enough that I guess I didn't think about what I was doing and how wrong it was until it was far too late."

Her revelation hit me like a ton of bricks. I had expected to hear she had cheated on me... I hadn't figured more than one man, nor her and Marie doing things together either. They were sisters for Christ's sake. I sat there, not knowing what to say. Our talk had taken about five minutes so far and we were already into the part about her having been with other men. She wasn't hiding... or I didn't think she was hiding anything from me. She must have read my mind.

"I will tell you whatever you want to know, Jeff. If I can. Part of all that went on I'm not sure how it came to be. I'm not sure when I became a slut either. I am though. I had sex with four men I didn't know, and I used no protection at all. I even enjoyed part of it... for a while. I don't know why I did it. I don't know what caused me to forget my wedding vows, or my husband waiting for me at home. All I do know is that at one point I heard myself begging for more. I was such a slut. I'm a terrible person. I don't deserve you... I don't deserve to live."

Her sobs took over her ability to speak and she just collapsed. I watched her, not knowing who this person in front of me was. I didn't say anything. I was too shocked and stunned to even know where to start. This was all too much for me to handle. I began to feel ill.

"I-I-uh... oh... shit..."

I started to throw up. I ran to the kitchen sink and let loose. After a while, I turned on the water and flushed it down the drain, then headed to the bathroom for a bit. I stayed in the bathroom for about fifteen minutes. I mostly leaned on the counter and threw up from time to time. I calmed down and was able to settle the stomach with a glass of water. Wiping my face off, I returned to the kitchen table.

Brenda was in tears, crying softly. I wanted to go to her and hold her. Hug her to me and tell her it would be okay. The problem was I didn't know if it would be okay ever again. I sat down heavily, wanting to be able to know what to say or ask without getting sick again.

"So... you and Marie's nights out were for scouting for men then?"

"NO. That never happened before. We had gone to a new club. I told you that I had been drinking too much. Anyway, these guys were buying us drinks and dancing with us. They complimented us and made me feel beautiful and sexy. Lately you haven't been paying attention to me, so I guess it went to my head... Marie's too. Then, the next thing I know I called you and left the message that I was too drunk... and then we went to their place."

"Lately I hadn't been paying attention to you? I hadn't been paying attention to you? Are you hearing yourself Brenda? You're the reason, you and your sister. You haven't been letting me even try. I've tried to get you to go out with me but you've been crying that you and Marie needed to be together. Not only that, but you told me in the message that you were at Marie's, Brenda. You lied to me."

"No... at the time I thought we were going to Marie's. The men wanted to take us to their place first though, it was just to be for a minute so one of them could pick up something, so we never thought it would be a problem. We ended up becoming sluts there though. If only I hadn't thought you should have paid more attention to me, I might have been better prepared to fend off what happened."

I couldn't help my voice raising as she mentioned again that she thought it was my fault somehow.

"I haven't been paying enough attention to you lately? Again with that? God Damnit! Need I remind you that you've been the one ignoring me? You're the one that has been going out with Marie every Wednesday, Friday and Saturday night. Always Marie this and Marie that. You've blown me off more and more while taking up her cause to me. You're the one who has been pushing me out of your life."

I saw from the way her eyes changed that she suddenly realized she wouldn't be able to blame me all that much for what she'd done. It was like a veil had lifted when that thought hit her. She slumped in her chair and finally gathered enough will power to continue.

"I-I know Jeff. I mean, I didn't realize it was me until... now. You're right about that part. You hadn't been paying attention to me because I had been with Marie so much and cutting you off from me. That, and it pissed you off so much too."

"You like being a slut then? You've mentioned it several times. I've never called you a slut nor have I treated you like one either, you know."

"I hate it Jeff. Hate it. Something inside me snapped that night and I found out I liked what I did with those men. It was the tastes, textures, sizes, and combinations I guess. It was all so different and new to me. Deep down I loved the different things we were doing and some of them I'd always wanted to try with you, but couldn't bring myself to ask you to. I lost myself in the whole mess and now I've lost you. I hate it because I found myself with other men doing things that I should only have been doing with you, and for you. I know that I've driven you away for good now too."

"Maybe."

Hope shown in her eyes and her whole posture changed. She saw that maybe there was a chance that I'd be able to forgive her and we could get past this nasty bit of time.

"I'd do anything Jeff. I want to be with you. I want to stay married to you. I won't go out anymore ever unless you are with me. I'll be a stay-at-home wife and do anything you want me to do. I'll do anything Jeff... anything."

"So... now you're suddenly willing to talk to me and work with me? What about when you were going out with Marie? Are you going to start that again later on when things cool off? You know that she drove a wedge between us don't you? She was taking up all the time that you used to spend with me doing things."

"Oh Jeff... I'm sorry about that too. I never really realized how much I'd been ignoring you and avoiding you. I don't know why I let myself do that either."

"Well, it isn't going to be all that simple now Brenda. You've cheated on me... us really. You have been with other men... several of them. How do you think that makes me feel? Do you have any idea of what that makes me feel like? Any idea? Then, you were going to try to pass it all off to me saying you stayed with Marie. Would you have kept up the lie after that if I hadn't found out? Are you going to be lying to me from now on too?"

My voice had risen. My teeth clenched. I could feel the hot anger bubbling up and I was fighting to keep it in check. I was losing that battle though. Brenda could see it in my eyes too. I saw her look of fear as my voice began climbing in volume.

Mark and Jill slipped into the kitchen at that moment.

"Hey dad... mom? So... how's about we take a short break now. Maybe dad and I can take a walk... or maybe dad and Jill?"

Jill grabbed my arm and dragged me out of my chair. I had half risen up, so it wasn't much of a tug for her, but I had the distinct feeling that she had some strength there, of that there was no doubt.

"Come on Jeff. You and I can take a walk. You can bounce some stuff off of me, while Mark and Brenda have a chat. Okay?"

"Yeah... fine."

It was probably the best thing they could have done at that moment. My anger had been running wild in those last few seconds and it had gotten close to where I would not have been able to control it. I'm not sure what I would have done had I not been sidetracked like I was, and that thought will haunt me for a long time.

We walked for about a block before Jill started talking to me.

"Jeff, I know you're angry and you have every right to be. Brenda and I talked about what she did while Mark went to get you. She is really repentant you know? She is so sorry she did something like that and possibly ruined her marriage. She really is feeling guilty about it all. I believe her and I think the alcohol played a large part in this whole mess too."

"And so she should feel guilty. She messed up big time. First her bitch... sorry... her sister Marie takes up most of her free time, time that she used to spend with me. Then they both end up in a drunken gangbang. I want to beat them both senseless. I hate her for that so much right now I just don't know it I'll ever get over it."

"You know, my mom and dad went through this very same thing a few years ago. Mom went out with her girlfriends a couple times a month. One night they all had too much to drink and mom got involved with some guy. I thought at first that dad was going to die of a heart attack, then I thought he was going to kill mom. They worked it all out in the end though. You and Brenda will too."

"Your parents are still married then?"

"I said they worked it out, not that they stayed married. Look Jeff, what Brenda did was wrong in so many ways and on so many levels... but that doesn't mean that she doesn't love you still. I know it seems that she has tossed you aside, but she hasn't. She messed up and got caught up in a situation that went too far, too fast. It happens. Alcohol and drugs are the two things that cause things like this to happen most often. Lowered inhibitions coupled with peer pressure and having 'fun' can do that to anyone."

"Well, it doesn't really matter now does it? I mean, the dirty deed is done and she strayed. I on the other hand never strayed. Of course I didn't have a sister or brother coming over dragging me away from my wife all the damn time either."

We were walking and talking and I found my anger subsiding. Jill had a way of talking softly and soothingly that helped a lot that was for sure. I wasn't sure where Brenda and I were headed now, if we'd stay together or if we'd divorce, but I was willing to try to work through it all.

"I think I can go back and talk a bit... quieter now."

"Let's walk a bit more okay? I have a question or two for you."

"Okay then... ask away."

I was trying to cheer up and sound like it too. Inside I was all messed up still, and not in any mood to be happy at all. Maybe that was part of my problem. I was trying to figure out why Brenda would get into such a situation, and then when she had and I found out, it had hurt me to the core. I was trying to hold the anger in, to keep myself better than her. Righteous indignation perhaps?

"Jeff, before Marie began coming over and taking Brenda away all the time... how were things between you guys?"

"Uh... fine I think. I thought anyway. I mean, we have been together for twenty years and all, so some of the magic in our relationship has worn off, naturally, but I thought we were fine. Far better than most married couples with the time we had together."

"Did you take Brenda out much before?"

"Not often enough I guess. Maybe I was taking her for granted a bit too much. But Marie really drove the wedge between us though. I mean, after they started going out, if I tried to get some time in with Brenda she'd either refuse because of Marie, or she'd get mad at me for trying to take her away from her sister... the bitch. Sorry... Marie isn't one of my favorite people right at the moment. Anyway, with Marie competing for Brenda's attentions with me, it was bound to happen eventually I suppose. Drifting apart I mean."

"Did you bring Brenda flowers or compliment her for no reason at all? You know... did you make love to her often?"

"I don't think our sex life has..."

"You don't get it Jeff. I said 'Make Love' not have sex. There is a difference and making love doesn't necessarily mean having sex you know. Women love to made love to. That means endearments, caresses, flowers and candy, romance... you know... were you romancing her?"

"Oh. Well... not really. I mean, we've been together so long I guess I just assumed..."

"That the hard work and effort needed to keep her was a thing of the past?"

"No. I mean... damn... you have a hard way of putting things don't you? I know one thing though, I shouldn't have to keep fighting to keep her faithful to me, that's something that placing the ring on her finger should have stopped totally."

"Okay, I can see your point there. I also know that a couple need to keep each other close to each other's heart. Small things, here and there, add up to the big thing... know what I mean?"

"Okay, I guess I could have and should have been working harder at letting her know what I thought and how I felt. I suppose I could have tried being more romantic too."

"Bingo." Jill was working hard to make me think clearly, something I needed to do.

"But... she wouldn't give me a chance after I realized I may be losing her. I mean... I tried to take her out, I tried to do things for her, and I even complimented her more trying to let her know that we needed equal time together. Marie had already taken that time away though. Some of the biggest fights of our marriage have been in the last few months over her and Marie's girl's night's out. She was all about her sister and far less about us."

"I hate to say this Jeff... but you two drifted apart. You should have noticed things a bit before the nights out right? I mean, what she did was flat out wrong, yes, but do you think that this would have happened if you two had been getting along better in the first place? Look, I know it's not all or even mostly your fault Jeff, but I do believe she needed something at that time she wasn't getting from you. If only she'd said something or you'd noticed it somehow, it would have prevented all of this I'd bet."

"Maybe. You're taking her side now though. I mean, it's more than just me that caused this. It's not my fault. I may have not helped my case much, but she is the one that refused to try after she knew I was trying. She locked me out, not the other way around. Besides that, SHE cheated on us... even though I was angry about her time spent with Marie, I never even thought about doing anything with some other woman, ever. I love Brenda too much to do that to her."

"You're right about that too. Let's go back and see if you can ask her about that. Be direct, but keep calm. I know that Mark thinks the world of you two, and getting divorced over what happened won't fix things really... for either of you. Talk it out... maybe love will bloom again and you can put this behind you. I say that because I heard you say 'you love Brenda too much to have cheated on her'."

I wish I could be as confident as this young woman was. Jill seemed to know things. I guess she had been old enough when her parents had their problem, she must have picked up some things along the way. Back at Mark's, I found Brenda clear eyed and waiting for us.

"So Brenda, where are we?"

"I don't know Jeff. I know where I want to be, but I don't know if you will accept that or not."

"Accept what?"

"I cheated on you. It was a one time thing that will never happen again, as long as I live. All I can say is that I'm so sorry, but that doesn't make it go away. We will have to deal and cope with my cheating on you, and you will obviously have a hard time believing me from now on, since I destroyed any trust you had in me. Can you accept that I realize what I've done was wrong, that I'm sincerely sorry, will never do anything like that again... and can we move on from here?"

"I don't really know Brenda. It's not so much that you cheated, it's how you cheated on us in a one night drunken... group thing. I mean... I'm not sure I could even accept one man, let alone four ... and your sister too. That hurts. Actually, what hurts worse is I was trying to figure out how to win you back and you wouldn't give me a chance. Now, you are asking me to give you a chance after you've been with four other men and a woman. I never cheated on you. I never strayed. Maybe I am guilty of not working on us enough, but I know it takes two to tango. I don't know."

"At least we can talk about it. I am sorry for having done what I did. Being with those men was not in my plans, ever. I never, ever intended to cheat on you. I hate to say it, but the alcohol helped me to get into the situation that allowed me to lose my inhibitions and do what I did. It was wrong. So very wrong. All I can say is, that things got way out of hand, and before I thought... Well, I never thought, I guess."

"It leaves an ugly picture in my head Brenda. Were they better? Stronger? More virile? Larger? How much did you enjoy it? Why? I mean, the questions in my head fill me up to the point that I feel like there isn't room for me. Anywhere. I also wonder if there is room for me in your life any more."

"Don't. Don't say that! There will always be room in my life for you Jeff. I love you. Look, I screwed up big time and I can't fix it. I can't make that stupid, terrible night go away, or to have never happened. All I can do is try to move on, and hope you will forgive me some day, and maybe trust me some day again too. I don't deserve it, and I know if it were you in my shoes I'm not so sure I could forgive and move on either. Those other men, they were just different. That's all. I didn't notice much of anything in particular, just the differences between them. It was like a deep dark fantasy come true for me that night, and with the alcohol added I just let loose when I shouldn't have. I'm sorry."