Myka's Tail Ch. 06

Many of the witches around the circle, including Gina and Mary, had flinched when Millicent had mentioned sealing away Mathias soul, which made it clear that she was not messing around at all.

"I am not going to do that, however, you worthless mound of offal. Instead I am going to give you everything that you have been seeking for more than three hundred years."

With a wave of her hand, Millicent summoned the cane which she sometimes used when she walked, and drove the point into the earth with a loud crack of thunder. She then bowed her head and began to speak, and my spirit trembled in terror to hear those words, even though I could not understand them. I could feel her drawing on the power of the earth and the locus that we had just created, its anger matching her own. And as quickly as she had begun she was finished, and only Mathias groaning in the silence of the night could be heard.

"Know this, accursed one. You shall from this moment on bear the weight of immortality. You will watch the passing of eons in absolute solitude, and until the very foundations of this world crumble you will wail in despair. I grant you the power and control over magic that you have always desired, yet you are now bound and cursed to defend this sacred place, and you will stand endlessly as its protector."

Millicent cracked her cane into the ground once more, and the circle around Mathias glowed even brighter, and we all watched as his body began to float in the air, slowly turning like a feather caught in a light breeze. And then he screamed out in agony and anguish as his body began to stretch and elongate. I watched as his skin turned brown, and became covered in endless wrinkles and fissures. His feet burst out of his shoes and then stabbed into the ground, while the rest of his body swelled and continued to grow.

Before our eyes, what was once the body of Mathias had become a living, and still growing yew tree. It groaned and cracked as new branches and leaves shot out of what had once been hands, and the body had become a very wide and gnarled trunk with roots that dug deep into the earth. Though it seemed endless, Mathias' transformation had taken only a few minutes, and we could now hear the breeze moving through the giant canopy above us. I took one last look at the new tree in our clearing, and while it might have been a trick of light and shadow, I was sure that I could vaguely make out a face, crying out for mercy, etched into the bark.

I wasn't sure how long I had been laying with my head in Kelli's lap, waiting for tears that would not come, but it felt like an eternity. I could hear things going on around us, with witches from several covens working together to tend to those who were wounded, human and wolf alike. At some point I heard both Penelope and Cassandra arrive together, and my heart closed itself off just a little bit more at Cassandra's frantic sobbing as she and several others worked to keep Ali alive.

Millicent eventually made her way over to Kelli and me, with Kita by her side, and with a gesture she conjured a stool to sit on. She said nothing, and just sat there with us, letting her hand stroke through my hair. Kelli was holding me tight, and rocked me back and forth while softly humming, not knowing what she could do. After several minutes she looked up at Millicent with a burning question on her lips.

"How is it possible that you have so much power, and we never knew? None of us ever felt anything like that at all."

"My dear Kelli," Millicent answered with a sigh. "There are witches who choose not to hide their power. They almost flaunt it so that they can gain influence by intimidation. I was born a very long time ago, with more magical potential than anyone had seen in one person in hundreds of years. Because of it, I was both a witch to be respected and a force to be feared. And I suffered much until I learned how to use only the power that I needed at the time. I made many mistakes, however, before I reached that point, and in many ways I caused much suffering for others too."

"I'm sorry," Kelli whispered, and I could feel shame come over our bond. "I shouldn't have said anything. It was stupid of me to pry."

"Nonsense, child! You were curious, nothing more. But I would ask you to heed my advice. While I was the most powerful witch to be born in my time there had never been another able to surpass me, until you came into your own power. Be judicious in the use of your abilities, and use it for the good of all, for when you finally discover the limits of your own potential, you child will make anything that I can do look like nothing but parlor tricks."

"There is no way that I could ever be that powerful. I mean I wasn't even born a..."

"You knew, didn't you," I interrupted, and pitched my voice low enough that only the three of us would hear. "You knew long before tonight that this would happen."

Millicent just closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath, and then sighed as she hung her head. I couldn't tell whether she was feeling guilt or shame, or both for that matter, and I really didn't care which it was. I sat up from Kelli's lap and gripped Millicent's chin to force her to look at me, but when her eyes snapped open I was unprepared for the depth of her sorrow that rolled over me like a wave.

"Yes, sweet one, I knew," she whispered in answer. "I knew this day was coming since the first moment that I laid eyes on your father. When we first talked, I watched the future burst out into a thousand different possibilities, and of all of them, this was the least terrifying. You may not want to hear it now, but your father was a noble and brave soul who made a choice that kept unlimited power out of the hands of evil, and in doing so he also saved the lives of you, your bond mate, and the rest of your families."

"I wish that we could go back somehow so that I could make sure I never went into Cassandra's shop that day. Then none of this would have happened."

"Oh, my dear child. You know in your heart you don't mean that," Millicent replied and laid her hand again on my head. "If that would have been the case, you would never have found your bond mate in Kelli, and the things that happened here would have happened to someone else, or someone besides that. And if you will permit me to say it, I believe that of everyone who might have been given the chance to bear the burden you do, only you possess the strength to face the challenges and heartaches that have been, and will be, a part of that burden."

She let me go after a few moments, and I turned away because she was right. I didn't want to hear what she had to say. A few minutes later, Millicent stood and left so that Kelli and I could be alone. I looked around some more, and I saw that Cassandra and two from another coven had managed to stabilize Ali, and her eyes were open and alert as she was given some water. Mary and some of the others were using magic to bury the few wolves that didn't survive the fight, and I was told that Gina had transported Avery away so that she would not be caught up in the many, many questions that would follow.

Kelli's dad eventually came over and picked me up in his arms, even though I grumbled in attempted protest. He didn't say anything, only walked Kelli and me over to my mom, and placed me in her arms which surrounded me with an iron grip. Mom held me and shook with her sobbing while Kelli and her family held mom, and Kita laid on the ground with us all, and whined with us in our sadness.

How long we stayed there like that, I could not tell you. The others in the clearing went about whatever business they were doing, and I paid them no more heed. After some amount of time, I remember Kelli's dad once again picking me up and carrying me the entire distance back to our house. He and our moms made sure Kelli and I were in bed and at least settled before they left, and I remember that it was many hours before sleep eventually claimed me.

Some amount of time went by, and I could barely recall what happened. I found out later that my department at school sent another professor to pick up where I obviously could not, and because of the efforts of our parents and Kelli I was able to take incompletes for the semester and make up the work later. I was so numb that it was days before I would get out of bed for anything other than a toilet break, and some water when my thirst got too great. I could vaguely remember Kelli talking to her dad outside of our door, but even her anguished desire for understanding from him failed to rouse me from my stupor.

"I just don't know what to do," she told him, and even in the emotionless state I was in I could hear the tears in her voice. "She doesn't even want to anything at all anymore. I think she only drinks when her body can't take it anymore, and I have only been able to get her to eat once in the last two weeks. What do I do, dad? I'm lost."

"Sweetheart, sometimes all you can do is just be there for someone. I know you want to do more to help, but right now more is currently not helping. Perhaps you need to just back off for a little bit."

"I don't think I can back off, dad," Kelli cried out again and the tiny part of me that was still feeling anything at all, realized she was now sobbing. "Myka gets more distant from me every hour. I can actually feel her closing off our bond a tiny bit every passing moment. I don't think it's a conscious thing, but the fact is no matter what I do, I am losing her."

There were many conversations like that while I was locked away from everyone and everything, and the only real effect that it had on me was to push my rational self deeper into retreat, which let my more primal mind express itself to a greater extent. After a while, that part of me managed to instill enough motivation in my broken psyche to get me to step back into some vague semblance of life. And once I finally got out of bed, I went back to my work with a vengeance, and for a long time it was all I let myself care about, and the only thing I would actively do.

Once I was finally out of the house, and was interacting in some ways with the world again, the lack of understanding about what had occurred brought another interrogation down on us. Over the course of several weeks, we were questioned again and again by local and federal authorities about the incident that occurred on Halloween. Like before, the answers we had were confusing, and made no sense to those that had no idea that magic actually existed, but our new found friends from the other covens came to our aid in that regard.

The story that finally closed out the inquiry held that, on Halloween night, Mathias and several hired mercenaries, along with a woman wearing a deep red cloak, attempted to disrupt a pagan rite that included several self-styled practitioners of witchcraft. Our family was there to observe as friends, and when Mathias and those with him attacked, we did what we could to defend the others. In that fight the red cloaked woman killed my father, and Kelli's dad had mortally wounded Mathias, who fled the area and currently could not be found. From the descriptions that everyone had given of his injuries, the experts concluded that they were definitely looking for his body, rather than expecting to find him alive.

For those in charge of the investigation, it was the easiest explanation that actually made sense, and the matter was laid to rest. For the rest of us who had been there, we knew that the Betrayer was still out there, and we would have to be much more careful in the future.

For me, however, weeks upon weeks passed and all I allowed myself to feel was the obsession with my research, and the comfort of my bed at night. As she had feared, I had completely closed myself off to Kelli and our bond, and I wouldn't even run with Kita and the other pack members anymore. Somewhere in the depth of my grief and the weight of my guilt, I had decided that I was not going to feel anything, which would prevent me from ever getting hurt again. Even when Kelli held me every night, I allowed nothing past the wall that had closed in around my heart.

The night of the next Valentine's Day was when I got a huge dose of reality. It was like any other day since Halloween, which meant that I was in the field doing research before the sun had come up, and I didn't come home until about two hours after it had gone down. I was going to grab something to eat before I went down to our room and got into bed. If things stayed true to form, I would lay awake for several hours, some of which Kelli would hold me for, and then I would end up asleep for perhaps two, maybe three hours. Then I fully expected to be up again and out the door before dawn.

When I came in through the door, however, I was astonished to see that there were a whole lot of people there. Ali and Jess were sitting in the corner loveseat of our family room, snuggled up together, and on the floor just to the side, Kass was sitting between Paul's legs and leaning back against his chest. Our parents were sitting on the main sofa, and Mary and Gina had pulled up seats from around the dining room table. Everyone appeared to be talking quite amiably to each other, and for a moment I wondered where Kelli was, before I retreated behind my wall and quit caring yet again.

The hands that wrapped themselves around my shoulders made me jump in surprise, and I looked around as Kelli began pushing me into the room with the others. When I started to resist and then tried to turn away from everyone, she leaned in and whispered so that I was the only one who would hear.

"We've all had enough of this Myka, and you will stay here and talk to us, even if I have to compel you."

I looked into her eyes and for a short moment the barrier that I had placed between myself and our bond got very thin. I felt a terrible sadness from her, and it almost made my own heart ache because I knew that I was the cause of it. I also knew with a certainty that she was serious when she had hinted that she would use her ability to force me to sit and talk with all of my friends and my family. So to keep some shred of dignity I went into the family room and sat on one of the empty chairs that had been placed there for Kelli and me, but I decided right then that I would listen and not care what was said, no matter what.

"Good. Now that you're here we can actually begin," mom said as she stood up from her place on the couch. "Myka Ann Carlisle, every one of us in this room have finally had enough of your attitude and your behavior."

I knew mom was right, and I could see in all the eyes around me both concern and determination, but I still managed to look her in the eye and just shrug. I felt Kelli tense up next to me when I did, and I almost saw flames begin to dance around my mom's head.

"Do you think you are the only one who is sad, or hurt, or devastated by your father's death? If you do than you are certainly much less intelligent than I took you for. How you ever graduated college with a brain like that, not to mention the utter miracle that must have happened for you to get into a PhD program, is a wonder to me."

"Whatever," I replied in a deadpan voice, though I could feel a touch of anger start to claw its way up from deep inside. "I really don't want to, or have time to listen to this."

"No Myka," mom almost shouted at me when I stood up to leave the room. "You sit your selfish ass back down in that chair until we are done here, and I will say when we are done. Do I make myself clear?"

Her voice was almost like the voice of Millicent on Halloween, when I was told to let go of Mathias and to leave him be. It still amazed me that I had obeyed then, and I felt a similar amazement when I sat back down in the chair just because my mom had said so.

"Do you have any idea what you have been doing to us all for the last three months? My god, you act like you have no friends anymore, and all they want is to help you, because then maybe they might feel better about all of this too. While you have been busy being a complete shit, Paul and Kass have patiently waited for you to get your act together so you could all get married. And don't get me started on how you have treated Kelli, the woman I know you love more than anything in this world, and who I love like my own daughter as much as I love you."

"Well they should go and get married then," I shot back becoming irritated, though I couldn't respond about Kelli because I knew it would hurt too much. "There's no real point to it anymore because it will all be taken away within a year, or maybe two."

"How can you even say that Myka," Kass gasped, and I could hear the pain in her voice. "You promised that we would have a double wedding, and we are going to hound you until it happens."

"And if you two would just make up your minds and realize you are perfect for each other," Paul added while looking at Ali and his sister. "Then we can just make it a triple ceremony and then mom and dad will be over the moon happy."

Everyone in the room but me laughed at his comment, and I had to fight a little to keep from cracking a smile, but I was still resolved to maintain my emotional shell.

"In fact, the idea of a three couple wedding is just what we all need right now," mom stated, and Kelli's parents both nodded in agreement.

"Well, you can find another couple if you want to make it a three way," I almost sneered, and stood again so that I could storm out and make my point. "None of you have any idea what I'm going through, so stop thinking you're all smart enough to help."

I expected the shocked gasps that came from pretty much everyone there, and I winced as I felt the knife like thrust of Kelli's anguish that forced its way around my wall. What I didn't expect was the speed at which mom closed the distance between she and I, and when I was able to turn my head around again, and noticed the ringing in my ears, I realized that mom had slapped me so hard that I had nearly fallen over.

"How dare you! How dare you make a mockery of your father's memory and belittle MY pain! You may have lost your dad, but I lost my husband! I love you little girl, but the love I shared with your father ran so deep that there is no way YOU could possibly understand what I have lost! If, however, you think long and hard, and I mean really think, about what Kelli truly means to you, then you might just scratch the surface of what I feel!"

Tears were streaming down mom's face by this point, and in my head I realized that I had gone too far. I could see the discomfort on everyone's faces, and my barriers were so cracked now that I could feel the terrible and constant ache that Kelli was feeling for me. My own tears were beginning to flow, but I was still going to try and lock myself back up if I could.

"You're wrong, mom, and no matter what you have lost you weren't the one who killed him," I said back to her and the last part came out just above a whisper. "That's on me."

"What in God's name makes you think that you killed your father? The woman in red, and that god forsaken Mathias were the ones who killed him, not you little girl."

"I should never have gone into that shop, and I definitely should not have taken that costume and the tail from Cassandra. Then none of this would have ever happened."

My own tears were now running like twin rivers down my face, and I was having a hard time dealing with my emotions after having ignored them for so long. I was also surprised that the next burst of anger came from Ali of all people.

"You really think that my mom would have given this opportunity to someone else," she cried out, nearly getting in my face to punctuate her words. "She waited for years for you to come along, and all I ever heard about while growing up was that whoever accepted the gift of being that Neko would change the world. She passed up a lot of potentials, and that was just during my childhood. I can't tell you how many people were passed by before I was born. The day she found you was one of the happiest in her life, and she couldn't quit talking about how we had finally succeeded."