- NonHuman
- Mystical Meow
- Page 10
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The girl was completely with a star burst in black on her left arm, while the boy was black with a white star burst on his right arm.
"Oh sis, they are so beautiful. Yanna?" as all focus they notice that Meowlyn had gone quiet. "Jerren?" whispers the beauty as they all watch him try to see and save his perfect mate.
My love, please. Tell me what to do. We can't leave our children to grow alone.
Breathe, my love. Breathe.
I am, but you aren't.
I am. Listen to the trees. The whole planet. I am breathing, just softly.
In other words, you are leaving me.
Never. At that she opens her eyes to him with a smile and breathes deep. The whole planet shudders with it.
"So now you are completely Meowlyn?"
"Yes." Whispers the wind around them.
"So you will never be able to leave Meowlyn again."
"No." whispers the wind. But you can, my love.
"Do you think I will ever leave you alone? You are a part of me."
With a smile she looks at her babies fully for the first time.
You will never hear my voice, but my mind will always be open to you. Because you are the stars above Meowlyn, your father and I decided to name you; Kailani and Kian.
"A'Yanna, you are really the Goddess of my heart. Thank you for loving me."
And you are always within my heart, my warrior, my best friend. Thank you for loving me.
As all watched the babies were cleaned and dressed. Yanna turns into a panther, and to the surprise of the nurses so did the babies. They snuggled up to their mother and latched on. They all laughed when Yanna lets out a grunt/growl of pain.
They have teeth! They are as sharp as little blades! Grumbles the new mother.
As they nursed soon they noticed that both parents were falling asleep. A bubble soon surrounds them.
"When I first tested them both, no one thought to look into their futures. And of the two of them, just the two of them I have seen wonders beyond reasons. So the Council of all worlds have agreed that Meowlyn will be the center of us. We have agreed to come here when Council is in session. Even though you appear to be asleep, Meowlyn A'Yanna do you agree to this?"
Yes, Meowlyn agrees.
"Rest well, we will find our own ways home. Be safe, and we love you."
We love you. With those words all slowly disappear to their own homes.
The ones of Meowlyn rested with the breath of their lady flowing through the trees. Her heartbeat sending them all to sleep.
Rest well until next time...
MYSTICAL ME
- COMMENTS
hunter_killerover 8 years agoI got so confused reading this, the writing style was nothing but quick scentences with no real direction. I like the premise of the story but you need to add more. You could have lengthened the twin switch thing, I honestly have no idea what happened there by the way, to at least a half page. And I don't thing a quick way did you do this I forgive you would be enough to permit forgiveness for six years of banishment and having to lose her verginity in front of a group of haters. I recommend you take down this submission and add more description and more story to it. Use other stories as examples and try to actually paint a picture for us to get lost into, not something where we supply almost all the imagination. I rate it as 1 star.
Anonymousover 8 years agoSo far your work is like a government employee, sloppy as hell and half-assed. It's almost as if you're in a race to get something done, like a building contractor trying to come in on a project under budget and months ahead of schedule. You build the frame and neglect everything else. Take more time, flesh out the scenery. You can see it in your head, but you're failing to put enough down so the reader can see it. I've tried to read your other submissions and they're the same. Your prologue doesn't seem to end nor does it actually lend anything to the story. Add more descriptions, build your characters, and build your surroundings I'm a huge fan of catgirl stuff, so I get over joyed when I see a new submission, but in this instance I'm let down. Quit writing words, start writing stories.
