Nancy's Story

He was breathless and shaking and I was openly sobbing. "David, even if I thought it possible, how could I just leave Michael and divorce him. He's done me no harm. He's even been kind to me in his limited way. He's wrapped up in his ministry - it's - just him," I ended lamely.

"Wrapped up in his ministry, is he," David spat out. "I never intended to tell you this, but you force me to it. Do you know what he's doing when he goes to most of these so-called seminars and synods?"

"Well whatever they do at those sort of meetings, I suppose," I stammered.

"I'll tell you what he does," David almost shouted, "he screws my mother. He's been screwing her for years. They go away together and she tells my father she's off to town for a few days, and he tells you he's off to some grand gathering. Haven't you noticed how their departure so often coincides? I've known for years what those two have been up to."

I was now wracked with sobs. David made no move to comfort me. He sat looking straight at me. "Many years ago, you gave me little more than an hour to decide whether I wanted you or not. Now I shall be kinder. I shall give you one day – from now until this time tomorrow, to decide whether you want me. I shall be here this time tomorrow for your answer. He rose and departed.

I was in utter turmoil. Confronted by David's question and his revelation of Michael's adultery, I was utterly lost. I wept until I had no more tears, then my customary confrontational manner began to emerge. I knew what I must do.

Michael came home about 10-30 p.m. I told him I must talk to him. He protested he was tired and wanted to go to bed. I told him to forget it, what I had to say was too important. He saw trouble and sat down.

Without prevarication I told him about David and I, and that the children were David's not his. While he digested this horrific information, I launched into the subject of his own sexual activities. Battered on all sides he sat hunched in his chair, saying nothing.

Having got started, I thought I might as well finish the news. " David wants me to go to Canada with him, and he wants to marry me."

That set him in verbal motion. "Bu…but…you can't. You're years older than him."

"Don't give me that," I jeered, "you've been screwing his mother for years, and she's no spring chicken." I might ask you why you turned off me sexually in the first place. Why you put me in a position, where I found consolation in the love of a young boy. I might ask, but I won't, because I can't be bothered any more. I have a lot to consider."

"But," he howled, "if you leave me it'll ruin my career." "If I blow the gaff about you and that woman it'll ruin your career," I retorted. "I won't, but someone else might. So don't give me that stuff about your career." "And now I'm going to bed. I won't embarrass you by sleeping with you, and I suggest you use the spare bedroom. I'm sure you wouldn't want to sleep in the bed where David and I have made love. By the way, David will be coming to see me tomorrow. We shall have a lot to talk about, and I suggest you might find it more comfortable if you stayed away all evening. Perhaps you could arrange a 'committee' meeting with his mother."

I retired to bed, but not to sleep. I was in chaos. I had used my last reserves of emotional energy to confront Michael. I wanted to think, but my mind would not allow me to put two thoughts together. About to doze off I would come to with a start as some horrifying picture of tomorrow and beyond lurched into my head.

Finally, in the early hours of the morning, I dropped off, only to be awakened by the noise of the children. I dragged myself out of bed and staggered off to attend to their needs. Michael had gone. He must have cleared off very early.

The day slouched miserably on. I found myself impatient with the children. I dropped things and couldn't be bothered to clear them up. I tripped on the edge of a carpet and cut my shin on a chair. Nothing went right. It was like living in a pall of gloom.

The time eventually came for David's arrival. Dead to the time he had stated he was there on the doorstep. He looked tense and anxious, but not nearly so tense and anxious as I felt. The children were asleep in bed and Michael was still out somewhere. We went to the lounge and sat opposite each other.

David began. "For the moment I don't want you to tell me what you've decided, but I would like to know if you have decided." "Yes, I've decided," I said wearily. One question then. "Having decided, is there nothing that will change your decision, whatever that decision is?"

"No, there is nothing that will change my decision."

"Nancy, when I left you yesterday I was hard, even cruel. I felt I had to be in order to force you to really consider and decide, just as you did to me all those years ago. Now you have decided, and you are sure that the decision is unalterable…" He looked at me and I nodded…"then I want to tell you something I have never told you before. Whatever your decision, I want you to know this, and always remember it."

He paused for a moment, took a deep breath, and continued. "Almost from the first time we made love, something strange happened to me. It wasn't just sex…lust…even love. It was something more. To put it the best way I know how, I understood what the Bible means when it talks about a man and a woman becoming 'one flesh.' You are my other half. You must have noticed how reluctant I am to withdraw my penis from you when we have finished. It's not simply that I want more sex with you – I always want that – but when I withdraw I am separating from the other half of myself. In you, I am whole."

He stopped, then started again very gently. "Now tell me your decision, please."

Looking straight at him, I began. "First, about what you have just said. I knew about this very early in our relationship. It wasn't during that first burst of passion, but afterwards, the next day, when you took me so tenderly on that sofa." I pointed to the sofa. "I knew then that you were the other half of me. I never intended to say this to you – I was so aware of the age difference and the fact that you might find a girl to marry – I never wanted to cling to you – but I felt the same as you. Now my answer. Yes, I shall come with you to Canada, and if you still wish it, I shall marry you.

We sat in silence. After a while David got up, drew me to my feet and lovingly kissed me. Just like all those year ago he half carried me to the sofa. Again he stripped himself and me and kissed me all over. I knew this time what it meant. He was reclaiming me.

As his penis entered me he looked straight into my eyes and said softly, "I've come home, my beloved." I returned his intense gaze and said, "And I welcome you with joy, my love."