National Nude Day

This country needs a National Nude Day.

Not National Naked Day, because naked hints at smuttiness and carnality and evil and at being against the Christian Right and the Fundamentalist Islamic Brotherhood and the devout Hassidic Jews.

Naked is flaunting one's body for prurient purposes. You can always tell when someone is naked and flaunting their bodies...they wear jewelry or scarves or tattoos in strange places like big neon arrow signs flashing (sorry) to accentuate that part of their body.

Nakedness leads to wanton sex in the trees and streets...for free! How could wanton sex be controlled for pleasure and profit if it were everywhere and didn't cost anything to look at? The economical equivalent of a couple of small third world nations would be lost in New York City or Reno alone!

Ah, but Nude. Now that is a whole different concept. Adam and Eve were nude until the bitch bit the fruit! Then...kazam, just like that, she was naked and she snatched a fig tree bare to cover her snatch. She likely stitched up something for her ol' man to drape around his balls too. They were bad.

David, the shepherd boy knew how to make an impression, that lad did! He must have wanted to show that he had no contraband or weapons in his luggage when he strolled out to do the twist and shout with the big guy. He had so little on him he could have breezed right through security at most any airport. Not even a speedo! The future king was nude and everyone there was proud to admit it, too.

Of course the Christ Child was born sans clothing, but I think that we can sidestep that issue for a little while. It was mid winter or so the story goes, and the story does mention swaddling clothes and mangers. Who knows what happened in the next ten years. We can be sure that he was nude on the cross even if the powers that were considered him naked because they wanted him properly shamed. Not unlike the selected Abu Grebe and Guantanamo prisoners of today, it's difficult to feel good about yourself when you're naked. But if you are nude, well that is different!

Nude is innocent! Nude is childlike. Nude is playful. Nude is joyous. Nude is carefree. Nude is happy. Nude is clothing optional, au natural, sans duds.

Naked is guilty. Naked is Adult. Naked is bashful. Naked is bad. Naked is burdensome. Naked is work. Naked is fearful. Naked is clothing missing. Naked is something to hide.

Nude is love. Nude is caressing. Nude is clean. Nude is free. Nude is honest. Nude is sex.

Naked is lust. Naked is groping. Naked is dirty. Naked is expensive. Naked is corrupt. Naked is prostitution.

Back to National Nude Day. Not that we would ever see such a thing, but suppose the United Nations passed a resolution proclaiming some appropriate day...Vernal or Autumnal Equinox come to mind because the seasons would all be a bit chilly except in the far North or the far South and who cares about Alaskans or Kiwis (they are a tough bunch of bricks anyway)...to take the day off work and have a world holiday. Celebrate mainly by stepping out of our threads and cavorting nude.

We could schedule massive parades to march in. Be a good idea to carry parasols and wear flipflops I suppose.

Can you imagine how difficult it would be for Dick Chaney to be taken seriously trying to give a speech on any subject...nude? I can hear McMillan is his name (?) the press secretary, cautioning President Bush against holding the press briefing (funny enough in itself) in the Rose Garden.

The strippers could be undressed without feeling as though they were working.

Oh, for the most part we would be a really ugly sight, scary ugly, funny scary ugly, silly funny scary ugly. And have you ever noticed how difficult it is to be afraid of silly things?

The police and soldiers would look like mommy and daddy. No one could carry a concealed weapon...well, not a very big one and not very comfortably even if they did.

The homeless people and the rich, the educated and the underprivileged all would look the same.

But there still would be differences. The soldiers, even with healed wounds would have their scars of bravery. Some would walk well but on fleshless legs and hug with machine arms.

We might be amazed at the number of us who carry the healed wounds of disease...breasts and bags from cancer...those signs of self-inflected hurts might remind us of the scars that don't show even when we are nude...scars on our souls. And thus reminded...might we not...could we not just perhaps be a little nicer to each other...be a little more open...a little less covered and hidden with our feelings, too?