Nearness of You

"Who's that?" I asked.

"I don't know. He shows up on and off. You never get to see his face. They seem to like to perform for him, though."

"Why do they do it?" I asked out loud. "I mean, how can they do it?"

"Maybe it's not a bad thing. Maybe we just think it is. The world wants to accept all these horrible things that happen. We're supposed to applaud gay couples. We're supposed to think everything is fine as long as no one gets hurt. Maybe this is the same thing." She turned and rested her head on her folded arms which were suddenly on my lap.

"Really - what is it? Love? At least with them it's a guy and a girl. You think if they were separated at birth and met years later, that they'd have some inborn understanding to not feel a physical love with each other?

"Think about it. Being related doesn't mean you have to love someone, so why should it mean you have to automatically feel just normal family love for someone." She was on a roll and was getting animated.

"And if we're talking about fucking, like Fred and Martha Sykes, then what's wrong with that? Hell, animals have all these natural instincts for survival and they fuck their offspring and siblings all the time.

"If you can't feel pleasure with someone in your family, that's what's wrong." She shrugged and turned back to the TV. The abrupt stop in her speech was enough to make me realize what she was rationalizing.

I kept going back and forth seeing her as my sister, who I loved and had grown up with, and then I would see this amazingly exciting young woman sitting naked with me as we watched porn.

"Danny, are you a virgin?"

"What?!"

"C'mon. I think we should get all that stuff behind us. I want us to be open with each other. I don't have anyone in my life who I can tell anything to. I want that to be you. There's no reason to be embarrassed or ashamed. It's just sex. If we understand that, then we can talk about anything.

"Yes," I finally said. What she said made a certain amount of sense. It would be nice to be able to tell her anything. As close as my best friend and I were, there are some things that guys just don't want to share. And a sister is probably the only female who can be both a girl and a pal to talk to at that age.

"I'm not."

"Really?"

"I've only done it twice. Once with a boy from summer camp, and then once with a boy from school."

"Who?" I realized that I sounded a little angry. Jealous maybe?

"I can't tell you. I know I said we'd be honest, but that's not just for me to say. It was nice and I don't want him to get into this."

"That's fair, I suppose." I glanced up a moment to see Martha Sykes kissing a young female fan in a motel room. The girl had a BUTTON HOOKS tattoo on her shoulder.

"What have you done?" Sandy asked. She was getting up from the carpet.

"Mostly just kissing. Some touching and stuff like that." She smiled at that.

"Was it good?"

"Yeah," I said thinking back to the first. It was my summer girlfriend from when I was 15.

"You're thinking of someone. Who are you thinking of?" she asked as she stood in front of her mirror. She was pulling her long hair into a braid. She barely looked at her hands as they wove the golden hair together.

"When we rented that cabin for the summer."

"I remember that. You were gone almost all the time."

"There was a girl. Shelby. She was amazing."

"Tell me about her." She came back and sat in front of the chair. "Was she pretty?"

"She made me go cold when she looked at me. I mean, she made everything just stop inside."

"Wow." Sandy lit up as she smiled and listened to me tell her about the first girl I loved. I told her about the drive-in and the ice cream. As I finished I saw that her nipples were hard. I was too. My dick made a tent out of my thin robe.

"You two never did it?"

"No. She was a little scared to go that far. I was happy just to do what we did. It was a headier experience than what would have been a bunch of rushed, awkward fucking."

"Oh, totally." She laughed and then noticed my now aching hard-on.

"Why don't you take off that robe, Danny? It's just us here. You aren't uncomfortable that I'm naked, are you?"

"You know, as we've been talking I think I got used to it."

"See," she laughed. "We should be this open to each other all the time. I don't want to be one of those siblings who freaks out when they find out the other one is a real person underneath the brother/sister clothes."

I thought about it. And almost immediately I realized she was right. Why not?

"Okay. But understand that this may happen for absolutely no reason." I pointed to my hard dick.

"It's okay, Danny. Really. I think this is going to be good for us." I swallowed hard and stood up . I undid my robe and let it fall to the chair. I quickly pulled down my shorts and kicked them aside. I sat down and felt my dick lay up along my belly.

"Better?" she asked. She kept her eyes on mine. I smiled.

"Yeah. It's different, but nice."

Her eyes finally dropped to my cock. I was trying to sit with a little consideration for her, but with her sitting right in front, it wasn't easy.

"How big is it?" she asked finally.

"Jeez, Sandy."

"C'mon. I measure my tits, so why can't you measure your dick? I'm sure you have." She grinned and scooted closer. I could feel her breath on my balls. "Please. I'm curious. I know it's big."

"I don't know."

"Sure you do." She came closer. Her shoulders held my legs apart. However, she hadn't made a move to really do anything.

"I think I checked once. I was bored."

"I knew it. Tell me. C'mon. My tits are 38c. There. Now you have to tell me."

"Uh, 10 inches." I swallowed dryly. For some reason I was embarrassed to tell her. "It was 10 inches."

"That's big, isn't it?" She wasn't kidding. She didn't know.

"Uh, yeah. I guess. Some guys are tall, I got this." I looked up at the ceiling and took a breath. The video was still playing, but I hadn't been watching. I looked back down.

"I don't know why I'm getting so nervous. I don't," I told her. She sat back a bit, her shoulders breaking contact with my thighs.

"It's okay, Danny. This is a lot to adjust to. You're used to thinking that I shouldn't know such a simple thing as what your body looks like."

"You're really serious about all this, aren't you?"

"Yes, Danny." She looked to the TV. "Do you want to watch any more right now?"

"No."

"Me either." She clicked the VCR off. "Tell me about another girl."

"Don't you want a turn at this?"

"I want to hear about you right now. We can get to me later."

"Okay. There haven't been that many."

"That's okay. There will be." She sat Indian-style in front of me. Her hands held her ankles.

"I was pretty close to Cameron Richards."

"Didn't she live down the street? They just moved last month."

"Yeah. Their daughter was my age. We ran around a bit."

"Was it serious?"

"Kinda."

"She didn't want to have sex?"

"Her older sister got pregnant when she was 16, and that freaked Cameron out. We almost did it a couple times, but she could never quite do it."

"You could have used rubbers."

"There was still that chance that it wouldn't work. She just didn't want to end up like her sister."

"That's too bad, Danny. She was pretty."

"No, it was fine. We did a lot of other stuff."

"Oh? Do tell."

"Really? You really want to hear about...that?"

"For the 100th time, Danny. Yes. Tell."

"I think she really liked me you know? Like a kind of...well, not love, but-"

"I think I know what you mean. It's almost as good."

"Right. Well, we used to sit out in her backyard. They had this small gazebo. It was screened in and just nice. She'd make us something to eat and we'd sit out there and talk. I mean, for hours. Sometimes we'd sit there and just say nothing while we watched the yard.

"She'd sit in my lap sometimes. I liked that. Her hair smelled like citrus. I loved how she smelled. I can almost smell it now. Just thinking about it."

"You really miss her, don't you?" Her voice was thick with sympathy.

"Yeah."

"Was it hard when she left?"

"Man, I was such a baby about it. You know, for the first time since I was ten, I cried. Not big sobs, but tears and my throat was all tight. It was tough, sis." I finally looked down. Sandy's eyes were glistening.

"I didn't know you had any of this going on."

"No one did. I didn't want anyone to see me like that. Cameron was a bigger mess than I was. Our goodbye kiss lasted forever. I didn't want to stop. She wouldn't let go. Finally, she had to leave and she ran to her house. The moving trucks pulled out a few minutes after that." Sandy listened to me talk and wiped a tear from her cheek.

"I wish you'd come to me. Sometimes it's nice just to have someone to be miserable with."

"Maybe."

"Tell me something good about her. I want to hear what she was like." I smiled as I thought about her.

"When she kissed me, she always wiped the lipstick from my mouth with her thumb." Sandy smiled almost to herself. I think this struck her as doting, or intimate.

"Did you guys do anything except kissing?"

"Sure." I looked at her sitting there. "How much do you want to know." She just looked at me with this look that told me I'd better stop asking that question. I took a breath and plunged right in. It all came out in a rush.

"When we'd sit in the gazebo, I'd slide my hands down her panties and finger her until she came. I had her curled up and put my finger up her butt a couple times. She really liked that one. Sometimes I'd eat her out. She screamed so hard the first time I made her cum that way I thought her parents would hear us for sure.

"She gave me blowjobs that made my eyes roll back." I grinned nervously. I wondered if I had gotten too graphic. But once I'd started, I couldn't stop.

"Wow. And here I thought you never hand any experience at all."

"Don't let me make you think I've been around the block all that much. Cameron and I were just learning. It felt good, and we made each other feel better than we had before, but we were just trying things out."

"Hey don't knock it. You've done more of that kind of thing that I have. Sure, I've had sex twice, but the first was just painful, and the second was nice, but that was it. We never did the really intimate things you did."

Sandy stood up and went to her dresser.

"Let's go out and get some lunch. My treat."

"It's only nine."

"Well, we can drive around a bit. Maybe go to the mall first. I don't feel like sitting around here all day." She pulled on her underwear, suddenly making me feel incredibly naked. My hard-on had mostly gone away and my dick just hung between my legs, making me self-conscious.

"Okay. I'll meet you downstairs." I got up and grabbed my robe and underwear. I went to my room and got dressed.

"Well, all set?" she asked as I came downstairs. She was sitting at the kitchen table with her purse. She was wearing a tight red top that showed the amazing curves of her body. She wore a black skirt, simple white tennis shoes and no socks.

"I'm ready. Let's go."

We spent the morning at the mall, breaking for lunch and then we drove around until finally coming home. Our parents were home by then. The day went normal from there. Dinner, TV, talk, and then mom and dad went to bed.

By that point, I had done plenty of thinking about the night before and that morning. I'd like to say that I was rolling right along and that I had everything under control. The truth was, by the time I went to bed, I was a mess. Lust, love, confusion, and a thousand other things were competing for my attention.

I was staring off into the darkness when I head the handle turn on my door. It makes two squeaks. It doesn't matter how quiet you try and turn it, it makes two squeaks. I closed my eyes at the sound. I heard the door click softly.

I don't know how long after the door clicked that I felt the covers pull back. I was on my side and I still had my eyes closed. I felt the mattress dip down and then a warm body slide along my own body. She had just taken a bath. I could smell the water and the clean scent of her hair as she moved herself into a spooning position.

"I want to sleep in here tonight, okay?" she asked in a soft voice. I opened my eyes. She was pulling the sheet back over us.

"What about mom and dad?"

"They never come up here." She was right.

"Okay."

"I just want to sleep in here." She pulled my free arm over her shoulders. She was shaking a bit.

"Are you cold?"

"No," she said. I held her close. "Just hold on tight, okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'll hold you." The moon was bright and after a few minutes my eyes could see her in the soft blue light. Her small hand locked fingers with my other hand by the pillow. She had her head on my arm.

"Do you want to sleep or do you mind if we talk?"

"We can talk."

"I don't really know what I'm doing Danny. I'm sorry." She sounded full of her own mixed-up thoughts.

"It's okay."

"Can we listen to some music?"

"Sure. There's a CD in the alarm clock. Hit the button in the front left corner."

"What is it?" She reached her arm across the bed.

"The one you loaned me. Norah something or other."

"I love that one." She hit the button. Music came up soft and half muffled from the simple speaker.

"Tell me something."

"What?"

"Something. It doesn't matter."

"Okay." I thought a moment. Her breath came warm through her mouth on my elbow. "I have a scar on my left hand that looks like a crescent." I could feel her hand moving along mine. She pulled it up in the moonlight. She mad a small noise when she saw it and pulled my hand back to her shoulder.

We laid there and listened to the CD. She moved some and I couldn't keep my erection down any longer. I didn't try to move away, and she didn't react one way or the other.

"It's so hot," she said as my cock grew up along her back. "Maybe it's too big."

"What?"

"Maybe that's why those girls didn't want to do it. Maybe they thought it was too big."

"They would have said."

"They didn't want to hurt your feelings."

"You think?"

"It's only a guess."

"You never told me about you."

"What do you mean?"

"You said you would tell me about you later. Well, it's later."

"You don't want to hear about that." She turned around to face me. Her big breasts pressed into my ribs. My cock was flat between her body and mine. She held her hands clutched at her chest. Her head rested just under my chin.

"You don't have to if you don't want to, but I'd like to hear it. It doesn't have to be anything you don't want to talk about. Just something."

"Okay." She didn't say anything for almost five minutes.

"When Amanda brought that video of herself over, we watched it together. She asked me if I'd ever kissed another girl. I told her I hadn't. She asked me if I wanted to try it. I wanted to. We sat in the big chair together in my room and necked for a while." She stopped.

"Did you like it?"

"I don't know. I mean, I obviously didn't hate it. We sat there for almost half an hour. I even let her feel my boobs. I guess it was nice. I don't think I like girls, but it was nice with her. We never did it again."

"Are you sure you did it right. I mean, when I kiss a girl, I can't get enough." She laughed and buried her head in my shoulder.

"Let's go to sleep now. I think I just want to sleep."

"Sure," I said. I kissed the top of her head. I'm still not sure if it was a brotherly thing to do or something more. I can say that it was meant as nothing more than a gentle kiss goodnight.

We slept. I dreamed of being happy. For the first time in my life, I dreamed of simple happiness.

I woke the next morning, briefly confused to find a warm body pressed up against me. It was just a moment, however, as I realized where I was and what had happened.

Sandy was holding me like a giant stuffed animal as she slept. I watched her sleep for a while. She was so peacefully pretty. I moved my hand down her back and felt the smooth round of her hip. Her breath was slow and hot on my chest. I didn't wake her. I let her sleep soundly. It was still early. Our parents were likely just waking up. The moon was still out.

After a few minutes, I fell back asleep. When I woke again it was almost 10 in the morning. Sandy was gone. I felt the mattress. The sheet was still warm where she had been. She had to have just left, I thought. I pulled myself out of the tangled sheet and sat up.

My cock was rock hard, just like every morning since I was old enough to call it a cock. It rose up flat against my belly. I thought there was something wrong with me the fist time I woke up that way. One embarrassing chat with my father later, and I was less concerned. Now it was normal.

To be honest, I lied to Sandy when I said it was 10 inches. It was actually a bit bigger. But it's also a bit embarrassing. It sounds like a dream come true to think of having a dick that big. But after a while, especially as a young man who has to take gym class, it makes you feel like a freak.

"Sandy," I called. "Sandy." She came in from her room. She was wearing a simple yellow sun dress. She smiled when she saw me.

"Hey, I was just coming to wake you up. We slept the whole morning away." She came over and sat in my lap.

"Thanks for letting me sleep with you last night."

"Forget it."

"You mean a lot to me, Danny. More than I realized."

"Last night you said you really didn't know what you were doing. Is that still true?"

"No. I think I've got it all worked out." She leaned over and kissed me. It was gentle and I felt her tongue lick my lip as she broke it.

"Tell me something, first."

"Anything." She waited as I tried to form the right words.

"How long...I mean, is this all just from the last couple days?"

"All what?" She stared at me, and I watched myself in her brilliant eyes.

"This," I said, moving my hand over her thigh. I brushed a lock of her hair behind her ear and traced the tips of my fingers down her neck and over her shoulder. "All of this. Us. What we're doing. What I think we're doing."

"I told you I didn't know what I was doing, Danny. I wanted something that I knew wouldn't happen. I wanted..."

"This?" I finished for her.

"You're everything I've ever wanted," she said. Her voice was choked and soft. "I didn't know what to..." She just stopped as she shook her head trying to compose herself.

I turned her around on my lap. I put her back to me. Her legs parted and hung alongside mine. I pulled her dress up and out from under her butt. I lifted it up and over her head as she raised her arms.

She wore small, yellow panties. Her hair was in a braid and I moved it to drape over her shoulder. I did what I had wanted to do since the first night. I put my lips to the side of her neck. My tongue came out and licked around to the back of her neck. She tasted wonderful.

My hands were up and holding her big tits. She sighed, parting her legs even more. We rolled back and were on the bed together. My mouth covered hers and our tongues rolled over one another. Her mouth was warm and tasted of milk.

"Please, Danny," she whispered. "Make it gentle. Please."

I slid down her body a bit. I felt her hands come down and grip my cock. It was the first time she had ever put her hands on it. It pulsed and I tensed a bit.

"Oh, God, Danny. It's...be careful, please."

She guided the head of my dick to her smooth, plump lips. She was slick already. Even with her readiness I had to go slow. The head pushed in and she gasped. Her arms tightened around me. I pushed slowly. Inch by inch. I moved inside her. Her eyes went wide and she took short breaths.

Finally I was in as far as I could go. There was an inch or so still to move. She looked like she was in pain. I slid back a little. The pressure on my cock was indescribable. I kept pulling out. She relaxed some and I slid back in. We did this a few times until she felt comfortable.