Need Some Help Ch. 03

I want to thank rnebular and MMBNY47 for editing and reviewing it. He has made the story so much better.

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Tom

I had done exactly what I wanted. I sought retribution and had achieved it. My wife felt horribly guilty and now was facing depression.

I was starting to feel guilty as well, was it too much? Had I pushed her too far?

When I first found out I was in a cold rage. I had hidden my feelings by being extremely condescending and sarcastic. The plan was to shame them both but mostly my wife.

I had exceeded my expectations by making my sweet bubbly wife now a shell of her former self. Gone was the affectionate loving woman, replaced by the lifeless, woman who was simply drifting through her day to day life.

I was not worried, she had done most of what I had told her to do, now I felt like I needed her back.

Her counselor had told me she would like both of us to start meeting with her and to continue to see Jenny alone at least weekly. I agreed.

Jenny

I still felt devastated. I craved for the loving husband I had. I know I made a terrible mistake, but I am so consumed with guilt I don't know what to do to fix it. My counselor told me that she would like to start meeting with us together. Hopefully that will give me an opportunity to try to win back his love.

I met with Dr. Hughes and this time Tom joined me. This was very difficult, and I was scared to death. Dr. Hughes introduced herself to Tom and told us that she was happy that both of you are here.

"I'm glad you are both here. It means that you are both open to discussing whether this marriage continues or not."

The thought shocked me, and I said, "What are you saying? I thought this was about possible options for reconciling. Are you giving up on us already?"

"No not at all. These sessions are to determine whether you both want to reconcile and what are the best ways to accomplish this if you agree."

I looked at Tom and he was nodding his head. "Thank you Dr. Hughes I appreciate your honesty. I don't know what will happen, but I am open minded and will see where these sessions lead us."

"You see Jenny, whether you stay together or split up, is not for me to say. That is for you to both to decide. I wish I had a magic pill that made couples stay together and live happy ever after. Unfortunately, that is between you. I would be happy for you to reconcile, but only if it is what you are both committed to do."

I lowered my head in shame and felt myself get teary eyed again. "Is there any hope Tom?"

Tom was startled but said "Yes I think so, but it will take a long time for me to trust you again. Is it worth all the efforts and pain we both will go through?"

"YES, YES, YES, it is, my life will be nothing if I lose you."

Dr. Hughes took over the session and led us through how we can discuss our problems openly. As the hour was ending, she mentioned that we would meet again next week. I would continue with both sessions. My individual session and the one with Tom.

As we left the office, I asked Tom if we could pick up some food on the way home. He agreed and said we would pick up something.

Tom

I liked Dr. Hughes. I thought she was very honest and professional in the way she conducted herself. I appreciated her perspective. I was worried she might have a bias toward Jenny, but after meeting with her, she didn't seem to at all. Her job was to see if we could save our marriage or not.

I still loved Jenny but didn't know where this was going. I decided to continue with the counseling and see if I could get some additional help from the good Doctor.

Jenny

My days just drifted from one to the next. I was on autopilot and just working and coming home. I stayed away from everyone. I was becoming a recluse and continued to sink into depression. My husband, the love of my life was simply my roommate. We did not cuddle or laugh we simply existed with each other. I cried most every night.

Dr Hughes had given me some meds for depression, but they made me so lethargic. I felt like I was sleepwalking. I couldn't focus and seemed to just daydream a lot. I needed a change, or I was truly going to go crazy.

During our next joint session, I tried to explain to Tom how meaningless my act of stupidity was. He had done nothing wrong, it was truly just two ships passing that happened.

"Tom, it wasn't preplanned just acting like two animals in heat for ten minutes. We only flirted for a few days, just an incredibly stupid act of lust. It wasn't even good, it was like just a base act and it was over very fast. I hardly even looked at John during the act I just closed my eyes and gritted my teeth. I only opened them when I felt his sperm squirt on me, I was not even very wet. I have had more eroticism from a gynecological exam. It was truly nothing.

Tom looked at me with a blank look on his face but said nothing.

Dr Hughes asked, "Were you trying to have children?"

I told her, "We were just starting to think about it because my clock was ticking.

She explained to both of us that this does occur sometimes to both spouses before they "settle down" to parenthood. Sometimes they experiment with a final fling thinking it will all be over because parenthood is a complete change to your lifestyle. Sometimes men and women have a final act of passion like it is the last time they will ever be able to do it.

She continued and said it was total bullshit, well that's what I heard anyhow. Parenthood was indeed a major change for a couple, but it hardly was a death knell to romance. We had so much to look forward to. Maybe, I acted subconsciously but did not even realize it. She was not condoning it merely trying to explain how some people act when confronted with a change in lifestyle.

To Tom's credit he said he could understand the concept but could not understand the act itself. I told him I never planned or thought about it at all. I simply did a horrible thing and will never forgive myself for the pain I have caused you. I began to cry.

At least Tom looked at me with some sympathy. I needed him so much.

Tom

I was surprised by today's session. I expected Jenny to be apologetic, and I thought she might eventually mention how long they were intimate. Her disclosure made me feel better even though they had sex it was not quite the premeditated act I thought it was. It was still betrayal but not planned. I realized I was splitting hairs, but it made me feel a little better.

That night as I sat on the sofa, Jenny came up to me a sat beside and held me very close. She was not letting me get away. I finally put my arm around her and she cuddled against me and wept and begged for forgiveness. I felt badly, because her sense of worth was always wrapped up in her idea that she was a caring and giving person. She had always been that way. Now she had to deal with that shattered self-concept.

I held her as she cried, herself to sleep and I picked her up and laid her in the bed. I gave her a kiss and for the first time in weeks, I slept in bed with her. In the morning I awoke to her with both arms wrapped around me. I was so hard my cock could cut glass. It had been a while, and I was finally getting horny again.

I slowly got up without waking Jenny and took care of myself in the shower. I had needed that release so much. There was a lot of pent up energy and intensity, and I felt better after the shower. As I was getting dressed for work she was up and making breakfast.

She looked so nice in her skirt and blouse and I felt myself getting horny again. She gave me a dazzling smile and kissed me, "If I'm given the chance I will never ever fail you again."

"Jenny, I know you feel badly and I appreciate your efforts, but we still have a lot of work to do, because I still have reservations about us. I do still love you but have been hurt more than I ever thought possible. I appreciate what our counselor is saying, and I do feel she is helping me and you too."

"Tom, I think she cares but also realizes that we have to work this out between us. I've let you down terribly but sleeping beside you last night was the best feeling I have had in weeks. You complete me and if I lost you I would be devastated. That's the truth."

"I wouldn't feel too damn good either," I said and smiled.

She rushed over and hugged me again. I kissed her on the forehead and headed off to work.

I was now in a mess. I loved her but hated what she had done. I could not leave her when I drove her to depression, but I was still wondering if I could ever trust her again.

Jenny

I felt so much better. My counseling sessions were going well, and Tom was finally showing me some affection. I was still worried, but I finally felt like there was some hope for our relationship.

I was more focused at work and as the weeks went by I rarely saw John except strictly for work related matters. I think he was doing as badly as I was. His wife who attended many of the school functions was very kind and nice. That made me feel even worse, as Tom was not the only one effected by what had happened.

Tom

Jenny was almost back to her old self. It had been six months and mostly all the problems had evaporated. We were making love again. I admit I still had times when I would get mad, but she would grab me and tell me she understood.

As our relationship improved, Jenny wanted to discuss when we could start a family. This scared me to death. I had just gotten back to starting to trust her. She had always wanted children, as I had, but I wanted our relationship back to at least close to where we were before her affair. She could detect my hesitation when we discussed it. At first, she understood but as time when on she became more direct.

Jenny

Tom knew I wanted children so much. He had also wanted children and whenever I discussed this with him now, he would get quiet and say he was not quite ready. I understood his feelings, but I also wanted him to know I was desperate to give him a child. I told him I wanted him to be the father of my children and that we would both be great parents.

Our relationship felt almost back to normal, we were making love about twice a week. We went out at least once for dinner and we cuddled on the couch and in bed. However, something was missing, Tom never wanted to talk about kids anymore.

It was getting close to a year since my "mistake." I felt Tom was being a little too stubborn. Finally, I'd had enough. I met him at the door when he came in from work. I told him, "we needed to talk."

He raised his eyebrows and gave me a look of concern. "Tom, please tell me when you think we should start a family. I need you so much and want to give you beautiful children. Please honey tell me what I can do so you will be ready?"

He looked at me and said, "Jenny I don't know. I think we are getting closer and I do love you, but parenthood is an enormous decision. I only want to raise children with the guarantee that we will never split. My parents divorced when I was in my teens and I hated it. Even though I know they both loved me, I always felt responsible for their breakup. They both told me I had nothing to do with it, but I always felt guilty."

I had never heard him tell me that. I was surprised but also felt sick. I think he wanted a 100% guarantee that we would always be together, and I hoped so as well. Unfortunately, there are no guarantees in life. It finally dawned on me that maybe he could never truly trust me again not to fail him. I ran to my room and cried.

In a few minutes he came up and kissed me as I laid in the bed. "Tom, I know I made a mistake, but I don't think you will ever trust me enough to have a child with me. Honey, there is no way I can ever prove I will not fail you again. My promises and my love will not be enough."

He held me in his arms and said, "Please be patient dear I know it has been a long time, but we are closer, and I feel maybe just a bit more time we will be where we need to be."

"OK, Tom I will wait, but please forgive me and let me be your wife and mother to your children."

We continued for a few more months, but it was obvious I would never get him back completely. I resigned myself to either being childless of moving on. I cried again.

Tom

Jenny was loving and kind to me. I could just never cross that last obstacle. Finally, Jenny, said "Tom it is time. I think it would be best for us to divorce. I love you but there is not enough love to keep us together. I was at fault but no matter what happens you will never want a child with me."

I tried to interrupt, "No please let me finish, I understand your feelings and I think it would be best for us to start new and not look back. You are a good man and I believe you will be a wonderful Father, just like I will be a wonderful Mother. Unfortunately, we will just not be with each other.

Tom hung his head and I saw tears in his eyes. "Jenny, you are right, but I am sorry because I hurt you too and could never allow myself to forgive you like I should. You will be a fabulous Mother and will be a wonderful wife to someone who is more able to appreciate you. I am so sorry. I do love you, but I agree, we should divorce."

Tom

The divorce was amicable, and it was official after three months as we pretty much split everything 50/50. Jenny and I spoke many times. We usually had dinner together and I found it pleasant even though it was sad.

A few months later, my friend, Jeff, wanted me to meet his sister. I had only been out a couple of times since my divorce and wasn't in the mood for a new interest, but I reluctantly met Sarah.

When she agreed to go out with me, I thought we would go have dinner and then a movie and I would take her home. I rang the doorbell and when she opened it, my heart skipped a beat. She was pretty. Her eyes were blue, and her brown hair was shoulder length. Her figure was nice and something in her smile made me feel good.

I stuttered, "SSSarah, it is nice to meet you." I sounded like a teenager going on my first date. She laughed and gave me that smile and I felt something special about her. I had never felt like that before. She grabbed my arm and off to the restaurant we went. We never made it to the movie and stayed at the restaurant until it closed six hours later. I totally enjoyed being with her. This was a first date. I knew then, I was going to pursue her relentlessly.

I knew I was falling in love because as soon as I left Sarah, I was counting the hours before I could see her again. I felt like a new man. We went out constantly for six months, we knew about each other's past. We both were divorced, we both wanted children and we loved being with each other so much. Our love life was fantastic as well, she was adventurous, and I loved everything we did.

I proposed after nine months and we had a quiet ceremony with family and friends.

I stayed in touch with Jenny. She told me she had started dating. It is funny I felt some jealously but did want her to find some one special. There will always be a part of my heart for Jenny. I know she made a mistake, but I think it will never happen again.

Epilog

It has been 5 years and much has happened. I have a three-year-old son and am very happy. My relationship is fantastic. I married a wonderful woman, Sarah. I love her as I use to love Jenny and there is no baggage. She is very similar to Jenny. She is perky, sweet, and sexy as hell to me. I have become more demonstrative in my love and more openly affectionate. Sarah is a great wife and mother. She does not work, but plans to start once our son, Tommy goes off to school.

Jenny, well she also found someone, and he was a nice man who was a few years older than her. They also have a child, a beautiful little girl named Ruth. Jenny told me it was a biblical name for a woman who was faithful, something that she was not. Her husband is a Minister and has complete trust and faith in his wife. She did tell him the truth and wanted him to be aware of her past. James is a good man and could overlook her indiscretion and still love her. Something I could not do. I have met him, and I think he is a perfect husband for her. We see them occasionally and they seem very happy.

I suppose we both got what we wanted. Sometimes, you can still love someone but cannot stay married. We both made mistakes and with help from someone else we both came out very happy. Life is change and how you adapt to it.