Never My Love

"...Then I met this really amazing group of people who not only encouraged me to do my best, but they also taught me how to reach down inside of myself and bring out the true talent that God gave me... Tomorrow we will stand on the razor edge of a great precipice; and if we pass the audition, that will be fantastic and many doors will be open for us. But if we don't, it still won't alter the fact that I love each and every one of you with all of my heart...and that will never change."

I suddenly heard someone begin to sniffle, and looking in the direction the sound came from, I saw Camryn sitting on her stool with big tears raining down her pretty face, but before I could respond, she quickly rose to her feet and within milliseconds, her arms were around my neck and her face was buried in my chest as she continued to cry.

"Don't cry, Cam," I gently replied, "I didn't mean to upset you, I swear."

"That's just it, you didn't upset me at all," she softly replied, leaning slightly away from me in order to be able to see my face, "You're the first person, well, the first man that's ever told me he loved me without having an ulterior motive; and I'm just happy, Jake...really happy."

"Dammit, Camryn," I teased, "Just when I thought I had women all figured out, you go and pull this crap."

"Oh, shut up," she giggled, "Just when I thought you were a nice guy, you go and pull this crap."

"No, shit, Jake," Jessie Harris teased, as she and her sisters began to hug me as well, "Don't be an ass all your life, because we love you, too...all of us."

"She's right, bro," Randy grinned, as he, Rob, and Keith all joined in until it evolved into one great big group hug, "I think I speak for everyone here when I say that without you, none of this would be possible..."

~~~~~~

After practice was over with, Rob and Keith asked me if it was okay if they took Laura and Leah out for dinner.

"We'll have them back at a decent hour," Keith smiled, holding hands with Leah, "If it's alright with you?"

"C'mon, bro," I grinned, "You don't need my permission. Keith. And if it means anything, I'm glad that my sisters are with you and Rob. I know that you guys will take good care of them, and it's one less thing I have to worry about."

"Don't wait up for us, Jake," Leah giggled, "Besides; Ashlyn gave us a set of keys to get back into the house with, okay?"

"That's fine, sweetie," I smiled, placing my arms around her's and Laura's waist, and then deciding to tease them one last time before they left for the evening, I smiled, and said, "Don't wake me up either. Now that I'm a married man, I've turned into a grumpy bastard."

"What do you mean now that you're married?" Laura giggled "You've always been a grumpy bastard, Jake," both of them giggling as they walked out of the front door.

"Damn those two," I smiled, as Ashlyn laughed, "Those girls pride themselves on being a pain in my ass."

"Why don't you tell that stuff to someone who believes it, Jake?" she grinned, "You wouldn't have it any other way, and you and I both know it so; hush."

"You're right, Ash," I chuckled, "But I can't let them know that, or else they'd both be that much worse."

"That's bullshit, too," she continued laughing, "You'd love it that much more."

"Aw, hell," I chuckled, taking a seat beside her on the couch and pulling her into my arms, "I can't get anything past you, can I, my love?"

"Nope," she teased, quickly kissing my lips, "But that doesn't mean that I don't love you, baby."

"I know," I told her, gently kissing her lips in return, "Have I told you lately how much I love you, Ashlyn Benson?"

"Yes, you tell me all the time," she sweetly purred, "And I adore you so much because of it, my beautiful husband..."

~~~~~~

Later that night after Ashlyn and I had finished making love, my beautiful wife lay naked, sleeping in my arms with her body snuggled nice and warm next to mine. True to their words, I heard my sisters coming into the house around eleven-thirty that evening. And then after another few moments, I heard the door to their room quietly close, which allowed me to relax knowing that they'd made it back safe and sound.

As I lay there in the darkness beginning to allow my body to release the day's tension, which wasn't really that much; I began to think about everything that had happened to me up to this point in my life. I thought about growing up with Leah and Laura and how sweet they were when they were little. Don't get me wrong, I knew that the two of them loved aggravating the shit out of me, but it had always been done with love and kindness.

And although they'd pulled one of their never-ending pranks on me when we were younger, they took the repercussions of their actions fairly well, except for the one time in the not so distant past when Leah slapped me in the face. However, even then, things between us still found a way of working themselves out.

I thought about the fire that had left me severely scarred, and terrified that I was going to end up looking like some kind of gross oddity for the rest of my life. I remembered thinking that because of those same scars, I was going to be cursed to have to spend the rest of my life alone, not knowing what it felt like to be loved by a woman, as well as everything that went with it. I even remembered how the girls I went to school with treated me, too. Sure, they were nice enough to say kind things to my face, but it was when my back was turned that their true feelings came out, which brought Robyn Beryl to mind.

It was her words that cut me the deepest, and although she, too, was somewhat kind in her actions toward me, my gut told me that just the thought of my touching her made her skin crawl. Even when I walked across the stage to receive my diploma at graduation, I still bore the scars that the fire left in its wake, but I was beginning to take on a very different mindset by that time.

Even though I was certain my classmates would remember me as being tragically scarred, as well as permanently damaged; I'd been given assurance by a very special person that not only would I be made whole again, but also so beautifully new that, unless someone had truly taken the time to really get to know before hand, they would never in a million years be able to recognize me once this person was finished with me...That special person would also, through what I now know was God's divine intervention, come to mean everything to me, as would I also come to mean to that person...my beautiful Ashlyn.

And it was at that moment that all of those terrible and painful thoughts were permanently eradicated when I thought of her, too...Ashlyn, the beautiful woman who lay next to me, the kind and gentle soul whom, just being near her, drove the torment from my heart, the woman who, after removing the terrible scars that once brought me pain and anguish, loved me enough to want to spend the rest of her life with me...this woman who had freely given herself to me and was now my wife.

It hadn't been but a couple of months ago that we had become man and wife, and even though Ashlyn was almost seven years, and what some people would call a full generation, older than me, she never once stopped encouraging me to be the man that she claimed she knew I already was, and had no need to prove that fact to her, or anyone else for that matter. It was also then that the words which my father once told me about her at our wedding came to full bearing in my heart, soul, mind and body, "This girl doesn't love you because she needs you. She needs you because she loves you, Jake!"

"Damn," I thought to myself, "You said a mouthful there, Dad," leaving a smile on my face at remembering what he'd said, knowing that he spoken the truth. Shortly thereafter, sleep began to permeate my conscious mind, making me drift off with the promise of something wonderfully new on the horizon in the not too distant future...something that would not only more permanently cement the bond between Ashlyn and I, but would also make a positive impact on the world and give peace and hope to those who, before then, had only known pain and anguish...

~~~~~~

The next morning when I woke up, I once again woke to an empty bed. However, when I looked at the clock I saw that it was nearing ten o'clock; and knowing that my band mates would be at the house in another ninety minutes, I immediately put on a pair of boxers and a tee shirt and made my way toward the kitchen to get some coffee in me before I had to get dressed...

~~~~~~

Imagine my surprise when I walked into the kitchen and discovered that the Harris sisters were already there, sitting around the kitchen table with Ashlyn, Leah, and Laura, all of them grinning at me like the proverbial Cheshire cat; as their eyes scanned my body from head to foot."

"OH SHIT," I yelled, and then made a mad dash back to the bedroom to throw on a pair of pants, their girlish laughter echoing all the way down the hall for me to hear.

When I returned to the kitchen my face was beet red, and I heard Joanie Harris giggling along with the rest of the females sitting at the kitchen table as she smiled and told me, "Damn Jake, I never knew you had such nice legs," which made not only the other two Harris sisters, but also my own sisters, and leave us not forget my wife, Ashlyn; all fall into a fit of sophomoric, girlish giggles as they laughed at my expense.

"Ha, ha," I sarcastically said, "Ya'll are about as funny as a rubber crutch."

"Oh, lighten up, you big baby," Jessie giggled, "We were only teasing you. We didn't really see anything."

"Whatever," I chuckled, "I guess I should count my blessings...at least Camryn wasn't here, or else she'd never let me live it down."

No sooner had I mentioned Camryn's name when I heard the toilet flush in the front bathroom, and then as the door opened a few seconds later, she appeared with a knowing grin on her face saying, "Damn, I missed it," which of course was followed by another round of female laughter.

"What're you girls doing here this early?" I asked, I thought we weren't supposed to start breaking the gear down for at least another hour and a half."

"I called Ashlyn this morning and asked her if it was alright, Jake," Camryn said, "Me, Jessie, Janie and Joanie wanted to talk to you away from the guys for a little while. Please don't be mad."

"Of course I'm not mad," I gently replied, "Is something wrong?"

"Yes, and no," Camryn uneasily answered, "If we tell you the truth, do you promise that you won't get upset?"

"Come on, Cam," I assured her, "It can't be that bad can it?"

"We think it is," she began, "All of you guys in the band have all played in front of people before and you're all more or less seasoned pros. This going to be our first time playing in front of a big audience, and to tell you the truth, we're scared to death that we're going to mess up and make you guys look bad."

It was then that I came to realize exactly how much trust and responsibility had been placed on my shoulders; and in doing so, I came to realize that the entire fate of Covenant was now in my hands and in my hands alone. I wasn't really worried about Rob, Keith, and Randy, because I knew from having already talked to them that those guys had all played in most of the local clubs and bars that were in and around the Houston area.

As far as I was concerned, I'd played at countless recitals by that time and I was no more afraid of an audience, regardless of the size, than I was the man in the moon, or the proverbial monster under the bed that we all fear as children. Still though, the female members of Covenant had never done so, and now they were afraid. So, as someone they apparently looked up to, I knew that I was the one who was going to have to do whatever it took to relieve their fears.

"Haven't you and your sisters ever played at recitals, Jess?" I asked, "After all, I know that you've all three been classically trained, yes?"

"Of course we have," Jessie said, "But the recitals that we played at were always held at our teacher's house. Plus, there were never more than fifteen to twenty people there at one time; and even then we were still terrified, Jake."

"This will be no different, I promise you," I gently told them, "Not only are we going to be in a dark theater, but there are only going to be maybe two, or three people there at the most, and that's counting the judge, or judges if there's going to be more than one. Besides, with the stage lights on, you won't be able to see more than four or five rows back, believe me."

"But you don't understand, Jake," Camryn said, tears pouring from her eyes like a spring rain, "We're really scared," and then she couldn't continue for crying.

"You're making a mountain out of a molehill," I softly told them, "It's not going to be as bad as you think, I promise."

"That's easy for you to say, Jake," Joanie suddenly and angrily replied, "You don't know what it feels like to be afraid. You're a real good looking guy, and people love you so; this stuff has never been a problem for someone like you."

"Look, I've never lied to any of you, and I'm not about to start now," I calmly replied, trying my best to maintain my temper, "But if ..."

"I've got an idea," Ashlyn smiled, as she politely interrupted, rising from her seat and walking into her office to retrieve her briefcase. Upon her return, she took a moment to knowingly look into my eyes, and then sweetly asked, "Jake, I need you to do something for me, baby. Would you go for a drive for about an hour or so? I think some girl talk is just what the Doctor ordered here."

"No problem," I replied, "But where am I supposed to go?"

"Do you remember that restaurant down the road where I you and I went breakfast that one morning?" she smiled, as I nodded my head, "Good, go get yourself something to eat...and take your time, okay sweetie? Everything is going to be fine here, I promise," and then she leaned over and gave me a gentle kiss...

~~~~~~

Chapter Twenty-Two

The restaurant that Ashlyn was talking about was a place which is no longer there, called, "Sheridan's Diner". It was family owned and operated and had been there, according to Ashlyn, since way before either of us were born. Robert and Alice Sheridan were two of the finest people I've ever met, and on that particular morning, Ms. Alice met me at the door with a smile on her face and a menu in her hand.

"Good morning, Jake," she brightly smiled, "Where is that pretty wife of yours?" and after she seated me, I explained the situation to her, telling her that I was there to eat breakfast, if they were still serving it.

"Of course we're still serving breakfast, young'un," she sweetly replied, in her genteel South Texas accent, "What can I get for you besides some coffee?"

"How about a Sausage Omelet with Jalapeno Peppers in it?" I grinned, "And could you give me some hash browns on the side, please?"

"Comin right up, cutie," she grinned, "Would you like a glass of Orange Juice as well?"

"Yes, ma'am," I respectfully replied, "Oh, and could you ask Mister Robert to put some of that killer hot sauce that you guys make in a little bowl on the side, please?"

"I sure will," she kindly replied, gently patting me on the cheek, "I'll be right back with your coffee and O.J., hon."

"Yes, ma'am," I smiled, "Thank you, Ms. Alice."

"Any time, baby," she grinned, "It's always good to see you, Jake."

"Thank you, Ms. Alice," I politely replied, "It's good to see you, too..."

~~~~~~

Meanwhile, Ashlyn later told me what had occurred right after I left, and had been gone long enough for her to know that I wasn't going to return any time soon.

"Okay Ladies, what I'm about to say to you is very important, and I'm going to let you know ahead of time that I am in no way trying to be a bitch to the four of you," she told Camryn, and the Harris sisters, "But Joanie, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about, and you're wrong about Jake...dead wrong.."

"Oh, really," she spat, in a halfway hateful tone of voice, "And just how would you know that? You don't play an instrument, Ashlyn."

As opposed to saying anything further, she simply reached into her briefcase, retrieving a manila folder, and then after closing her briefcase, she reached into the folder, and pulling out a stack of the "Before" pictures of me that had been taken before she'd done the reconstructive surgery on me. Then she sat them down on the table and said, "I want the four of you to look at these pictures; and don't say a word until you've seen them all."

Ashlyn told me that it got as quiet as a tomb, and when the four of them looked at the pictures, she could clearly see by the awful looks on their faces that they were disgusted by what they saw.

"God, these are awful, Ashlyn," Joanie quietly said, after having looked at the photos, "Why would you show us those terrible pictures, and what does this have to do with Jake?"

"This is Jake, dammit," Ashlyn almost growled, after showing her one of the photos and then slamming it down on the table, "He was burned in a fire when he laid his own life on the line to save someone else's. You have no earthly idea what it means to be afraid, young lady. I was there when he was afraid that he was never going to look the same again. I was there when the girl he loved shunned him because of his scars; and I was there when everyone but his family treated him like he was some kind of monster. Oh, and I was also there when he was afraid of walking across the stage to receive his high school diploma because of the way he looked," and by this time, Ashlyn was nearly in tears, "But you wanna know what? He did it anyway...he did it, regardless of how afraid he was. There's something else I think you need to know. Even though he was terrified at the thought of having to go through a very dreadful, very frightening, not to mention an extremely dangerous and mentally taxing ordeal while he was undergoing the five plastic surgeries that were performed on him; he still did it anyway, with the recovery being even more painful for him than the surgery itself...Jake is the bravest man I've ever known, or will ever know; and he's got more heart than anyone I've ever met, and that includes the four of you put together."

Then she gave them a deathly cold stare, and with an angry, quietly seething, tone of voice, Ashlyn said, "All Jake ever wanted to do was play his music, and if you think he's the musician as well as the person that you say he is, then you need to get over your spoiled little girl bullshit and help him put on a good show...you owe him that much. If not, then all four of you can take your shit and get the fuck outta here, because I'm not going to let anyone hurt my beautiful Jake any more than he's already been hurt," and by that time my precious Ashlyn was so drained and overcome by emotion, that she laid her head down onto the table and cried like she'd just lost her best friend...

~~~~~~

When I returned to the house, the girls were all sitting around the table, every single one of them looking like they'd been crying. Ashlyn immediately rose from the table and placed her arms around my neck, while she held me close. At the time I didn't know why, but she suddenly began to cry into my chest which immediately made me worry.

"What's wrong, baby?" I softly asked her, "Are you alright, Ash?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, everything is perfect," she replied, gently leaning away from me smiling, "I believe that Camryn, Jessie, Janie and Joanie have something that they'd like to say to you," and then after looking at Leah and Laura, she smiled, and told them, "Come on, sweeties, we need to leave them all alone for a few minutes...we'll be out by the pool, Jake," and with that said, Ashlyn gently kissed my lips, and then she and my sisters walked out the back door to the patio, closing it behind them...