New Job

All through high school, he had been a math nerd, nursing the secret dream that when he went into the real world, his intelligence would force people to respect him. College gave him the hope that it might be true, watching professors manage a class of his peers he wanted desperately to believe that someday he could get attention. He thinks he just has to get away, put some distance between him and the jerks who keep getting his crushes and the women who forget his existence the moment he's out of their sight.

So he takes a job in a big city far from home, as a financial analyst. He flies out, moves into his apartment, walks the city for a while to get a sense of the place. After dinner, he walks into a nightclub, watches women gyrate and drink. After a few futile attempts to get their attention, he goes home.

He meets his boss on Monday, in the lobby of the building. A fat, balding man in his mid-fifties, he tells him to call him Mr. Johnson. He had been told to meet a Mr. Williams, the boss says that is his name, but he is to call him Mr. Johnson.

He takes a rapid dislike to his boss, crude, bullying and unkempt. As they get into the elevator, Mr. Johnson tells him that the receptionist is his whore, he dismisses it as puffery. He asks about the work he'll be doing, is promised a full tour to explain everything.

The receptionist behind the front desk stands up as they walk in. She is wearing a tight t-shirt and miniskirt, he can see the black bra through the fabric. He is introduced as Neil and is too stunned to correct his boss.

She giggles, hands her boss some messages, the boss tells her he has something for her later, right now she has to show Neil around. He tries to tell her his actual name, but she introduces him to everyone as Neil. He is never told her name.

There are six cubicles, four occupied. Bob is a nervous guy, blushes when she says his name, can't speak in her presence. He does some of the data collection. Candy is next to him, she also seems embarrassed about her name. The receptionist tells him she kisses the boss's ass, Candy blushes and looks at the floor. He starts to get worried, but as the receptionist keeps walking he follows, unable to take his eyes off her butt. Tubby is the other woman, overweight and morose. She doesn't react, just looks at their shoes, the receptionist says she does data collection. The fourth is the other analyst, John. He's withdrawn, cringes at the name, looks like he's about to cry. Mac is their IT guy, he sits at a separate desk, playing computer games when they walk up. Mac tries to make some joke about abandon all hope, then cringes as she threatens to slap him.

He asks about his work, she leads him to his cubicle and is given the manual for his job. He spends the day reading it, during which time no one in the office speaks to one another, except when the receptionist leaves, telling Bob to sit at her desk. She comes back a few hours later accompanied by Mr. Johnson, Bob rapidly retreats to the cubicle.

He leaves the office shaken. The job itself seems pretty straightforward, but the office dynamics seem really bad. He walks around for a while, looks for activities for the weekend.

After a week, he's worked out how to do everything through programming, and he moves into testing new procedures in his spare time. He figures if Mr. Johnson can run this place, he can show the bosses that he can do better.

The only problem is that the receptionist keeps wearing sexy outfits and disappearing for hours with her boss. He keeps going to the bathroom during the day, jerking off at the thought of what he could do with her once he is in charge. It takes up an increasing amount of his thinking, he has trouble focusing on his real job.

Then one day the next week, she comes to his cubicle as he's returning from the bathroom. She asks if he noticed the jar on her desk. He says no, she curls her finger and walks away, he follows hesitantly. He had passed her desk daily, but never noticed the jar stuffed with cash, clearly labelled "Wanker Jar".

She explains that the guys in the office are charged for jerking off to her, $10 per time. He is shocked and ashamed, tells her it won't happen again, she laughs. She says he's going to be yanking it for her every day, just like all the other losers, and he's going to pay for it.

He tells her he's got plans to take over, that he can run things better than Mr. Johnson. She asks if he means the little programs he's been building, on company computers and company time. He says management will appreciate it, she says they appreciated it when Mr. Johnson took it and presented it.

So now, his job is redundant, the only reason Mr Johnson keeps him around is to see what else he can get from him. He won't be allowed to quit, Mr. Johnson has her sexual harassment complaint against him in his desk and he'll get him fired. Whatever pervy things he imagined doing with her will pale against what she accuses him of doing. All he will do is sit at his desk and design ways to make Mr. Johnson look good, or sit on the toilet and pay her for the privilege of jerking off.