New Year's Eve: Jealousy

Finally, I tapped on the door, lightly… after a minute, a little harder. I heard the crying become muffled, almost stopping. A quiet "One minute!"

The door opened, Marie looked at me and whispered, "Chance" and fainted!

MARIE

I came up from a deep fog, my face feeling wet. Chance was sitting on the bed wiping my face with a damp washcloth. He was looking at me, his concern showing. I started to speak, but he put his finger on my lip "Hush, not yet" he quietly murmured.

I lay there, looking at him, one of his hands wiping the hair back from my forehead, over and over, the other taking mine. He looked drawn, tired! We stayed that way for a while, my body slowly relaxing, my mind going still.

Finally I sat up, looking at him for a moment, and then turning away. "Chance, oh God Chance, I'm so sorry, so damn sorry!" Tears started streaming from my eyes and I couldn't continue.

"How are the kids? I've missed them fiercely, especially my little girl!"

"Oh, Chance! They are fine. I visit them at least once a week. At first Cassie would cry when I came in without you. I started telling her stories about you; you know all the silly kid things your mom told me. I know I should have moved them somewhere, back to the house or got an apartment. I think I've been a little crazy – I couldn't make any decisions! Chance, are things going to work out?"

"Marie, we need to talk, but not now. I think we are both in shock now. I'll see if Candace can find me a place to stay and we can talk in the morning – maybe take a walk after breakfast."

He ran his hand over my forehead and then taking his thumb wiped the tears from under my eyes. He kissed my forehead and left the room. A few minutes later Candace brought some tea, and stayed and talked with me until I got sleepy.

The next morning, awakened by the sunshine and the birds fighting with the squirrels, I got up and jumped in the shower. I wasn't sure why but I felt better. I didn't know what was going to happen but I felt as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I could stand tall again.

I really didn't have any hope that Chance could forgive me - I hadn't forgiven myself yet. But at least things would be resolved and we both could get on with our lives. I hoped that at a minimum we could become friends. I didn't think I could face never seeing Chance again. Getting dressed I went into the dining room to find something to eat from the morning buffet.

Chance was sitting there, drinking coffee. As he saw me, he stood and pulled a chair out so I could sit. Hesitantly at first, then with more verve we started talking. By unspoken agreement, we didn't talk of anything serious. I talked of my stay at the B&B: of the beauty of the forest, the almost tame animals. I blushed when I told him the stories Candace and I made up to keep guys from bothering me. He grinned at the aids story, and laughed out loud at hearing how he had beat up my boyfriend! It was good to hear him laugh; it had been so damned long!

He told me some of what he had done, the cruise, some of what he had seen, the restaurants. His face darkening a little, he admitted to drinking too much without saying why. But I knew, and I looked down, feeling sad.

After breakfast he asked if I knew a place we could go to so we could talk. I asked Candace if she could fix a box lunch and a thermos of coffee for us. I went back to the room and changed into shorts, a sleeveless blouse and walking shoes. Going back to the lobby, I found Chance waiting, with the lunch and coffee in a backpack. His shoes were okay for walking and he had borrowed a pair of shorts and a tee shirt from Candace's husband, James.

Without talking much, I think we both were feeling some trepidation over what might happen, we started down my favorite trail. It was up a narrow valley along a bubbling, cheery creek. There were lots of birds, squirrels, and once, a couple of startled fawns leaping off into the brush. It was a warm morning, still cool in the shade, with the promise of a hot afternoon. Except for the noise of the brook and the animals, it was a deathly quiet place. There was a faint breeze, just audible swishing through the tops of the oaks and scattered pines.

After an hour – we made several stops to watch animals, or look at the fish in the stream – the valley widened out where another creek ran into our larger one. There were several large flat rocks in the middle of the brook. We walked gingerly across a log someone had placed there. We laughed as the log started turning and we had to jump the last couple feet.

Chance took a blanket from the backpack, opened the thermos and poured some coffee. Looking at me, with a serious look on his face, he said, "Marie, we have to talk now!"

THE END OF DAYS – CHANCE

"When you left I thought you were going to David. I thought about following you; I don't know, maybe kill him! I had a terrible anger! It was only remembering the kids that kept me away. All I could think of was running, escape! I couldn't stay and face you knowing you were sleeping with David… no, let me finish! I know now you never went over there, but that day I didn't. Imagine my feelings!

"Marie, I have to tell you, on the cruise, there was a woman!"

"Chance, you don't have to say anything. This is all my fault!"

"No, part of it was my fault too. It got out of hand! I don't know what's going to happen with us, but we must start with honest and better communication than we have had the last few years! Do you agree with this?"

"Yes, of course! I'll do my best also."

"On the cruise, I met this woman on the first night at dinner…"

I told her about Muirinn. When I told about the last night, about what Muirinn had said and how she had left, Marie started crying. I think partly because of the sadness of it, but also partly because of realizing how close she came to surely losing me. I went on and told her about the rest of the trip, the loneliness and the drinking, and of how it was the pull of the children that brought me back.

Timidly, Marie asked, "Then it wasn't me that you came home for?" as she started crying again!

"No, Marie! Don't forget I thought you were with David! Now I don't know what to think! I just don't want to run anymore and I want my family back if there is anyway we can reconcile.

THE END OF DAYS – MARIE

"Oh baby! I'm so sorry! At first I just didn't know what happened. I hated myself for what I had done but I didn't know why I had done it! Last month I called my psych professor from college and asked her if I could come down and have lunch with her. I explained everything that had happened, and she told me what she thought.

"She said she sees this all the time at the school. Alcohol acts like a sedative on the central nervous system, and what is most affected is behavior and emotion. Judgment goes out the window. She said that's why a lot of drunks think they are okay to drive. Some people are much more affected than others, and that I should stay away from having too much to drink.

"I guess I was horny anyway, the alcohol and sex was going on, and God, Chance, I just lost myself. I'm not making excuses. I know I was wrong. I'm not telling you this so you will forgive me. This is something that has helped me try to get my life back together. Since that night, I never drink more that one glass of wine and I stay out of situations that could evenlookbad!

"Chance, Idolove you! Life has been so dark with you gone. Staying here, coming to the glade, the quietude, the beauty; it has helped me stay sane! Do… do you still love me, baby?"

Chance looked at me, staring. He reached out with his hand, brushing my cheek. He leaned forwards, putting his arms around me. I pulled back… lying down on the blanket, pulling my husband down on top of me!

A pair of orioles twittered in the tree, watching the spectacle of the man and woman. A squirrel paused, waiting… the water, splashing over the stones in the brook, gurgled, burbled, on to the great sea far away! Life on the world stage goes on, bothered not by the foolishness of two mere humans.

NEW YEAR'S EVE – THE MONA LISA SMILE

I was in the coffee shop at the hospital, choking down a partially warmed up cheeseburger. Marie was up in the operating room for emergency surgery. Throwing away the garbage in the trash, I got a cup of halfway decent coffee and sat by the window, watching the rain streaming down the windows, causing the world to blur.

In spite of myself, I thought back to the previous New Year's Eve, of the pain, heartache and misunderstanding, the long period of blackness. I had refused to see or talk to David, and finally my brother had moved to Seattle. The kids were fine; my Cassie owned my heart more than ever.

Marie was, well, she was in surgery. Thinking of all that could go wrong, tears formed in my eyes, brimmed over and slipped gently down my face. Marie, Marie…

A hand touched my shoulder, briefly. Looking up I saw a volunteer holding a tissue for me. Taking it and wiping my eyes, I looked askance.

"Please come with me," she said quietly, "the nurse wants you."

"Do you know anything? How is she?"

"No, the nurse just said to find you, that you would probably be down here."

I followed her up to the nursing station. The nurse showed no emotion, face like a sphinx.

"She's back from the OR, you can see her now." Looking at him, assessing his mood, she continued, "things might not be what you expect – I wanted you to know."

Opening the door I saw in a flash that Marie was looking at me, a Mona Lisa smile on her face. Before I could say anything a nurse stuck a squalling bundle in my left arm. Stunned I looked at it, bewildered by the wrinkled beauty of the angry face! As I started to look up at Marie, the nurse pushed another bundle into my right arm, this one placid in her wrapping, looking at me with her barely open eyes, somewhat haughtily.

Looking up from the twin miracles, Marie was laughing and crying, mouthing "I Love You!"

Life was good.

The end!

Well folks, I'm sure an ending different than either "mischevious" or "Kanga40" envisioned. I'm also sure, as usual, some readers will be pleased… and some not! As Doris Day would say, "Que Será, Será!"

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