That's my story about how I lost my virginity. I hope you enjoyed it, I know I did. This is my first story, I'd love any feedback, ratings, and tips you can give me, I'd love to write another.
Roxanne4u
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English
Self-Pimping
I could have enjoyed this story if I thought it was pure fiction. But as a true confession it falls flat.
The narration is well done, but is so detached and clinical that it makes the story seem contrived and not remotely erotic. Your character—you—approached the entire experience without a shred of emotion. You could have chosen a man to who you had at least some crumb of attraction. It's almost shamefully cold-blooded, the way you set yourself up and used your neighbor as a pimp. Neither Roxanne, Angela, nor Tom had any sense of moral decency.
You and Angela both knew that Tom was shagging other women all over town, yet no one gave a thought to the danger of venereal diseases (STDs). You took him in your mouth and in your cunt without and kind of protection.
Before you write any more, you need to learn how to use capitals and punctuation marks.more...
Good writing, do it more often.
I am moved to write to you because there is much to be praised here. The writing is both unadorned and elegant in its simplicity. You are a very good storyteller. You know how to structure your story and you have a sense of drama. If you continue to write, I can promise you that you will be better and better.
Thank you for your effort.more...
Well written
You should continue writing. You tell a good story and you kept my attention. I look forward to more
Safety
An explanation as to why your mother put you on that birth control injection at the age of 16 would be of interest.
There is no thought to STD's given, showing some interest would have been better.
I think that a guy 30ish being set up with an 18 YO would need to expose the purpose at the beginning.
Other than these things it was a thoroughly enjoyable story, well written. Please do some more.more...
Great story
Great story, would have loved being your first
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