Nice Day for a White Wedding

"You look amazing." I said when I was finally able to form coherent words.

She grinned a perfect smile. "Thanks, Mac. You look pretty damn fine, yourself."

I blushed at that one. "Thanks, Kat." I said as we headed out the door.

We drove to the church. Ironically enough, Billy Idol's "White Wedding" was playing on the radio. As Bullitt pulled into the parking lot, people turned and stared as the big V-8 announced our arrival. Every guest there besides us was Upper Crust Old Money. Ok, this was going to be even more fun than I'd anticipated!

We showed our invitations to the bouncer at the door. Ok, "bouncer" might be too generous of a term. He looked to be one of Reggie boy's NoNeck security goons that accompanied him to public events. It seems that the Penningtons have made some enemies over the years with their business practices, thereby making the NoNecks necessary. That didn't surprise me in the least. Reggie boy's family is of the school of "Do Unto Others Before They Do It To You." Their version of The Golden Rule. Or it could be "He Who Hath The Gold, Maketh The Rules."

And from the looks of disdain that Kat and I were getting from the Snobbish Elite, I felt even better about what was going to happen this fine day.

As we took our seats in the pew, I leaned over to Kat and whispered in her ear. "Remember not to eat anything chocolate at the reception."

She gave me a soft giggle at that, and kissed me quickly on the cheek.

The service was long and boring, typical Catholic wedding. I had to fight several times to keep from falling asleep, but whatever.

Reggie looked admittedly dashing in his Navy uniform. Another reason to hate the turd. He had been a Navy officer before resigning his commission to go into business with his family. His Annapolis class ring glinted and gleamed as he waited for Maggie to walk down the aisle.

Then the Wedding March began to play, and here she came, her snobby ass father by her side. I remembered our wedding, and how he'd been scowling at me the entire time. Now, however, he was beaming with pride that his "darling little girl" was finally marrying someone of her own station. I wanted to punch the shithead in the face, but refrained. All would be paid in full at the Reception.

So it went. I won't bore you with the mundane details of the wedding vows (that she didn't take seriously, the first time around), or the exchanging of rings (that she shit on with her affair with the Asshole), or anything else for that matter.

Then I won a Best Actor Oscar, Emmy, Tony, and Golden Globe all at once when I congratulated the both of them as we got to the Reception. Kat would have won for Best Actress, since she had taken Maggie's betrayal of me as a betrayal of everyone who worked for me and had loved her like a sister, too.

Reggie rubbed it in my face with another "Angus, old boy, I hope there really are no hard feelings. The better man won out in the end."

It took every bit of self-control I had not to pound him into the ground, wreck his testicles, elbows, knees, and make his plastic surgeon a VERY rich man with a full face workup. Instead, I said "You're right. The better man did win." After which I grabbed a mildly surprised Kat and kissed her with everything I had.

Kat froze for an instant, then returned my kiss with enthusiasm. Right there in front of Reggie and Maggie, I claimed Kat with my lips and tongue.

That first kiss was amazing! Everything around us disappeared for a moment as our tongues dueled, then danced slowly, and her arms came up around my neck as her fingers ran through my hair. Her nipples hardened against my chest, and my cock hardened against her thigh.

As we broke the kiss, Kat looked at Reggie and Maggie. "Yeah, the best man really did win." She winked, and left the "Happy Couple" standing there with their mouths hanging open.

We shared a grin as we took our assigned places, and we had some Lobster for dinner. It was actually damn good. Then it was time for the real entertainment as the wedding cake was wheeled out. Reggie and Maggie did the ceremonial cutting of the cake, and the ceremonial cake in face for both of them. Everyone laughed, and people went up to get a piece of cake for themselves. We decided to wait for the end of the line, since it was going to be one hell of a show.

Sure enough, as soon as we got to the cake itself, all fuckin' hell started breaking loose.

It started with a fart from the bride, of all people. Not just a soft poot, either. The ripper could be heard from across the dining hall. It was followed by a resounding ripper from the groom himself. I glanced in their direction, and said "You're excused!" in a loud voice, which caused some chuckles from the Snobbish Elite around me. Oh, they weren't going to be spared, however.

Then Maggie got a surprised look on her face as a gurgling sound escaped from her, followed quickly by an expression of pure horror. Reginald's face scrunched up as he smelled something foul, then let loose with his own gurgling sound from his ass. They looked at each other in horror as more farts and gurgles were heard from the rest of the guests.

Maggie and Reggie boy were up and running as quickly as they could, and I could see brown fluid dripping on the floor from beneath her dress, followed by Reggie trying to hide the spreading brown stain on the back of his Dress White pants. Both were making a mad dash for the restrooms, and were soon followed by more guests as they realized that they had just shit themselves.

Kat and I left quickly and quietly, and were sitting in Bullitt when we couldn't hold our laughter anymore. We both had tears streaming down our faces as we damn near busted our guts laughing so hard.

"Oh my God, Mac!" Kat laughed, then held her stomach as she guffawed. I was laughing just as hard as she was.

"Do you think I used too much?" I said between tear filled bouts of laughter.

"How fast does that shit work?!" She laughed again.

"Well, the boxes at Costco said it worked well, but not to use too much of it." I snickered as our laughter finally died down a bit.

"How many boxes did you pour into the cake mix?!" She asked incredulously.

"All of them." I smiled serenely, causing Kat to just about die laughing again.

I'd used a powdered chocolate flavored laxative and poured it into the boxes of cake mix that the caterers had set aside for the Pennington wedding. The cake and cupcakes were almost pure laxative, since I'd dumped out most of the cake mix boxes and replaced them with the powdered laxative. I'd also poured some in with the regular cake mix, so that it wouldn't be TOO strong.

But damn! I didn't expect it to work THAT fast! That was just the icing on the cake (HA HA).

The night I'd gone to the caterer, it was ostensibly to work out a contract with him for the chocolate my factory made. He'd contacted me a few months prior, and I'd promised to get back to him. I told him that we'd been a little backlogged, due to several of my team members getting sick, but once we were back up and running, I was able to take some samples to him. He had a greedy look in his eyes as he thought I was going to give him what he wanted.

When he'd given me a tour of the place, he showed me the kitchen, and had even pointed out that they were catering the Pennington wedding. I'd already known, of course, but he didn't know that the bride was my cheating gold digging ex-wife. I played nice, then as soon as he told his people to knock off for the day, he went back to his office after shaking my hand. He said he would get the paperwork drawn up for the contract, and would let me and Tim know when it was finished. However, I think he must have forgotten all about that contract in the days that followed the wedding itself.

As soon as everyone was gone, and I left his office, I made for the back door to the kitchen, propped it open, then drove my car around. I switched out the powdered cake mix for the powdered chocolate laxative, and left. I made sure the door to the kitchen latched, and made sure that I didn't leave any boxes that I'd brought with me behind.

One thing Captain Drake had taught us back when I was in was to never leave a trace behind. He's a good guy. Last I heard, he'd resigned his commission and was now a History Professor at UCLA.

By the day of the wedding, all the evidence was gone. Nothing could tie me to the Super-Lax cake. Only Kat and I knew of the plan, and she wasn't talking.

When Kat and I made it back to our place, she looked at me seriously. "Mac, that kiss earlier..." She started.

"Kat, I know I was out of line, but you look so beautiful, and I couldn't help myself." I blurted. She put a finger to my lips.

"Let me finish, baby." She said. "That kiss earlier was the best damn kiss I've ever had. You're a good man, and damn fine for a white boy. What I'm trying to say is that I think we could be good together." She was blushing somewhat, and I leaned in and kissed her slowly.

Our lips touched, and hers parted to accept my tongue in her mouth. We kissed lovingly and tenderly, and I couldn't help but feel that I had been missing out on something so good for so long.

As our lips finally parted, we looked into each other's eyes. "I think we'd be good together too. Only one way to find out." I smiled, and she smiled back.

Once inside, we kissed slowly again. I slipped the straps of her dress off her shoulders as I kissed her. My hands found her bare breasts and squeezed lovingly. Her nipples hardened in my palms. We finally broke the kiss, and I lowered my mouth to her dark chocolate Hershey's Kiss nipples.

"Mmmm I want you to fuck me, baby." She moaned as I sucked and licked her perfect breasts.

"Do you want me to fuck you hard, sexy lady?" I asked in a growl, my mouth finding hers and our tongues dueling hard.

She broke the kiss first. "Fuck yes I do! I want that big fuckin' cock deep up in my hot little pussy!" She snarled back as she stroked me through my pants.

I broke all land speed records getting naked, and getting her naked with me. Her hands stroked my back and neck as our bodies came together. The feel of her skin on mine was electric, and I kissed her hard and passionately again as I laid her down on the bed.

She spread her legs for me as I moved between them, and grasped my cock to put inside her. She rubbed the head of my cock between her soaking wet pussylips, then showed me to paradise when she inserted the head into her pussy.

I thrust forward slowly as she gasped. "Gimme that dick, baby!" She moaned as I started thrusting faster and harder.

There was no finesse, that first time. She wanted to get fucked hard, and I was more than happy to oblige her. She screamed as her nails raked down my back, and I roared as I unleashed a torrent of cum inside her. I then collapsed on top of her, and her legs wrapped around my back as we clung to each other desperately, trying to catch our breath.

She slowly unwrapped her long luscious legs from around my waist, and I slumped to the side of her, landing on my side. She ran her hand down the side of my face lovingly as she gave me a smile of satisfaction. "Wow, Mac! What the fuck was that bitch thinkin'?"

"You mean you didn't see the dollar signs in her eyes as she walked down the aisle?" I smirked. "Kat, I'm not as rich as the Penningtons, or Reginald Penis-tiny in particular, but trust me when I say that I will NEVER leave you hanging in bed."

"Penis-tiny." She laughed long and loud. "You mean Mr. Brownshorts?"

"Yeah, they should probably legally change their last name now." I agreed while chuckling.

As we came down from the latest round of laughter, I pulled Kat to me and kissed her again. My cock hardened again and Kat noticed.

"Damn, baby! You're hard again already?!" She exclaimed, stroking my cock gently.

"You do it for me." I shrugged.

"Must be jungle fever." She diagnosed.

"Well, maybe. But if it is, I'm pretty sure it's a permanent case." I agreed as I recaptured her lips and moved back between her spread thighs.

This time we made love long and slow, neither of us hurrying to the finish as we had the first time. That had been born of lust and need. This time was born of love and gentleness. Kat had never been made love to, before. She would tell me later that all the guys she'd been with had just wanted to fuck, and hadn't really cared about her needs. I aimed to change that, and change it I did.

We spent the entire rest of the day and night in bed together, and we both came a lot. We showered together, then fell into bed for a 69. After that, she laid claim to me by grabbing ahold of my cock and saying "This is mine!" She then mounted me and inserted my cock into her hot wet tight cunt and said "And this is yours! Any questions?"

Needless to say, I didn't have any questions.

Now, some may ask why I set up the caterer the way I did. The problem was that Sal, the owner, had made a pass at Kat when she'd first gone over there to negotiate with him, back when he'd first shown interest in doing business with us. After slapping Sal upside the head when he got too fresh, she came back and said that we shouldn't do business with him.

What changed was when they were announced as the caterers for the Pennington wedding, and I saw the opportunity to kill two birds with one stone, so to speak.

The fallout from the "Brown Wedding", as the press put it, was instantaneous! The News channels and Newspapers ran it the next day, and there were great shots and video of the bride, groom, and guests running for the toilets off the dining hall. I had all the guys and girls from the shop over at Kat's house with us to watch the festivities. None of the scenes there showed us, but everyone knew we'd been there. We all laughed so hard we cried as the Snobbish Elite ran for the toilets as if their asses were exploding. Needless to say, a LOT of Upper Crusty Snobs were thoroughly embarrassed by the shots of them struggling to keep the brown stuff from stinking up the place too badly.

The only people I felt sorry for were the janitors who had to clean all that mess up afterwards.

Of course, about a week after the wedding fiasco, the cops came around asking questions. Kat and I had attended the wedding, but we both said that we left when the shitstorm (HA HA) happened, as we were worried about our own health. We kept straight faces during our interviews, and only died laughing after the Detectives had left. We never heard from them again.

Reggie boy sued the caterer, but Sal the caterer skipped the country rather than pay the settlement. Last we heard, he'd lit out for Italy, where he was from. Not sure what happened to him after that.

Reginald Pennington The Fourth was caught in bed with another man's wife, less than a year after the wedding. Who caught him? Her husband, and he was NOT very nice to Reggie boy. He'd called Maggie up, and she'd had a few choice things to say to Reggie when she'd gotten to the offended hubby's house.

Maggie was on the doorstep of our new house shortly after that. At least Reginald ended up losing a testicle in the ensuing melee. It seemed that while she'd had no problem cheating, herself. She absolutely wouldn't STAND for her hubby cheating on her. Kind of a double standard, wouldn't you agree?

Yes, Kat and I moved into a larger place, since her little two bedroom just wasn't quite big enough. A four bedroom ranch style was our new abode, and I had it halfway paid off by the end of the first year.

It seemed that Reggie boy had made Maggie sign a pre-nup saying that if she filed for Divorce for any reason, she walked away with nothing but what she had brought into the marriage. She still had her 125K a year job, but that was it. No billions for Maggie Sullivan. It was late the following year when we heard a knock on the door. Kat was 4 months pregnant, so I gave her a quick kiss and jumped up to grab the door myself.

I answered the door to a crying Maggie. "What do you want, Maggie?" I asked in a neutral tone.

"I'm sorry, Mac. So sorry for everything!" She sobbed.

"Hey, you were the one who wanted to trade up." I shrugged. "What happened?"

"I caught Reginald cheating on me." She admitted as she sobbed even harder.

"Wow. Tough break!" I said sarcastically.

"Mac, I'm really sorry. I was wondering if there might be any chance..." She cut herself off as she saw a pregnant Kat walk up from behind me.

"Baby, who is it?" I heard Kat ask as she came alongside me. She smiled at Maggie.

"It's Maggie, and she was just leaving." I said as I slammed the door in my ex's face.

I threw the deadbolt and took Kat in my arms. "She's the past. You're my future. I love you, sweetheart."

"Aww, I love you too, baby!" She said as she kissed me.

Kat and I had eloped shortly after we found out she was pregnant. A small civil ceremony, which was her idea, and we were Husband and Wife. She's still my Manager at the shop, and she's still one of my best friends.

I love my wife.

The End