Nighttime Confessions 2nd Thoughts

It's now or never I said to myself and then I said, "We need to talk Don!"

I was shocked to see him smile briefly then answer, "Yeah, I know. It's not too hard to guess what we are about to talk about."

I must have startled him again with my look of shock and no little fear, but I was so confused.

He obviously knows!

What the hell is going on?

He's not angry.

Last night was one of, if not the most, exciting nights of lovemaking I have had with him.

Then a very distasteful thought struck me. "Please Lord," I prayed to myself, "don't let him be some kind of wimp that gets his jollies from sloppy seconds." As that fear grew in me, I knew I would lose all love and respect for him if it were true.

He blushed again but now, fearing what would happen when I told him what I had done and how I was feeling, I was not amused.

"I guess I should explain about last night!" he said as he held himself a little more upright as if to show he was not ashamed in any way.

He's still blushing!

"Meg, please hear me out and let me finish before you jump to any conclusions or make any judgments about me or my motives. Everything that I did last night has been building up in me since before you left for the conference." He paused as if to collect his thoughts, then continued, "When we talked about various ways you might handle the possibility of Frank Morello hitting on you, it started me thinking. Initially I was angry at him, but that's a "catch 22". All men would like to have a wife attractive to others as well as themselves and, in a way, your concerns about Frank made me see my own feelings more clearly."

At this point he looked me in the eyes and that kind, gentle look that I have relied upon for so long was there and he continued, "Frankly Meg, I was jealous! Through this week as I tried to work through that jealousy, I began to realize how desirable you are to me. PLEASE, don't get me wrong! I love you dearly and if our lives together don't change at all from what it has been, I'll die a happy man. It's not that I don't trust you. I do and I was sure you would deal with Frank just fine, but the truth is, thinking about someone making sexual advances to you made me realize there is so much more I would like to do with you . . . sexually."

Damn! He is still BLUSHING.

There was not one thing in this entire world, aside from traveling back in time and undoing that stupid thing I did with Phil and his friends, that could have made me happier at that moment. I rushed into his arms and hugged and kissed and hugged and kissed him over and over again.

When we finally stopped he held me close and said, "I'll take that as agreement!"

"Don I love you and having you tell me all that is wonderful. There have been times when I wish we had been a little more adventurous. Being with you has always been important to me. Having you hold me in your arms after love making will probably always be the most significant part of being with you but yes, I . . .I," now I was the one who was blushing. "I want to try new things with you, things to show you how much I love you, things that you would like to do with me."

"Meg, not just now of course, but sometime, I'd like you to tell me what you would like me to do with and to you and what you would like to do with and to me. I promise that if you are not comfortable with something, I'll let it go. I might be disappointed but never be angry or hurt. O.K.?"

He hugged me again and said, "Meg I love you and I love what I do with you, and I swear that if any of this had made you uncomfortable I would, just as I told you, be satisfied with our lives as they are and I would die a happy man. Given your willingness to try out a few new things just adds to the excitement and the love I already feel for you. To tell you the truth I've been nervous all week but I've also been horny as hell."

"Don, I love you. I love you so much I don't think I can adequately express it and I need you to know that I am more than just "willing" to try new things with you. I'm excited about it and I'm looking forward to it. In fact there's something I'd like to do right now."

I moved my hand down to find him hard. I slipped out of his arms and down his body stopping only to undo his belt and pull down his trousers and boxers, freeing his cock, which delightedly, sprang up into my face. I kissed the head then took the knob into my mouth running my tongue all over it. Once I had his attention in that way, I gently pushed him back into the sofa and pulled off his shoes, socks, pants and boxers while he removed his shirt.

Once he was naked I began removing my own clothes, not in a striptease way, but gazing all the time into his face. His eyes roamed hungrily over my body and he gave a little start when I unclasped and removed my bra.

"Sometime soon I'm going to dress differently for this. Would you like that?" I purred.

"Yessss."

"Stroke yourself. Keep it hard for me."

His hand went to his member immediately and he began to stroke himself. A thrill at seeing I had such power ran through me as I knelt between his legs and began to suck on him. We had had oral sex before but given our busy lives we usually rushed to what I have referred to as the "main event".

This time I had something else in mind.

I tried a few things and after a while began to pay attention to how Don reacted and learned what it was that he liked. After only a few minutes of careful observation and trying a few different things with my tongue and my mouth, I began to figure out what was going to get him off.

My mind is working in weird ways. Here I am sucking my husband's cock, determined to get him off, and somehow my mind finds a new way to feel guilty. There really isn't any good reason we hadn't done this earlier. We had just become complacent, satisfied with the intimacy we had both felt after lovemaking and never really getting any more inventive.

What a shame and what a waste of our love!

We could have made what we did do so much more than it was!

Just then, Don's excitement regained my attention and I continued with my blowjob and with the joy of learning more about him and learning to please him even more. I was looking forward to having him do the same in return too.

"Gonna cum Meg!" I heard him growl. I could feel him pull back but there was no way in hell I was going to let that happen!

I increased my pace and after only a brief period of surprise, pleasant surprise I hope, when he realized I wanted him to cum in my mouth, he relaxed to enjoy it. I felt his cock begin to spasm and then his cum squirted into the back of my throat.

To the best of my ability to recollect, I managed to take it all in and swallow it down. That in itself was neither a turn on or off, but the look of extreme bliss on Don's face made it all worthwhile. I'm going to be doing more of this. That is, of course, if Don doesn't throw me out when I tell him what I have done.

I slid up beside him on the sofa and felt that contented feeling I always have in his arms. After a while he turned me to him and asked somewhat excitedly, "What can I do for you now?"

I knew what I wanted but I suspected it would be a while before Don could accommodate me so I told him I had something in mind but we would have to wait a while.

We stayed locked in one another's arms for a while exchanging kisses now and then, which increased in passion as time went on. Occasionally my conscience would rear its ugly head and I would begin again to wonder how I was going to manage to get around to telling him what I had done. But those lapses were becoming fewer and less demanding and I was falling into the easy way of thinking I might avoid telling and hurting him, especially after he was the one with the sense to re-ignite our passion for one another.

He soon was hard and, pressing on his chest to keep him on his back, I straddled him pulling his newly resurrected cock into me. I was so wet he slipped in easily and as I began to ride him, I pulled his hands to my breasts and had him rub the palms of his hands over my hard nipples.

"I'm looking forward to a lot more of this!"

"God yes!"

Later we showered together, washing each other off tenderly and making a number of comments that, when thought through, basically said we could have been enjoying each other like this long ago. It wasn't as if I had forgotten the difficult task I still had ahead of me but my mind did slip back to Phil and the sexual excitement and orgasms he led me to. I recalled even more vividly how the lack of intimacy when we were done was missing from that relationship and how very, very much better it is to look to your own partner for both.

Sex IS a physical act!

A physical act that can lead to wonderful feelings and where the combination is right, it can communicate even more fantastic feelings of love and continually renewed commitment. I'm sure the "silly seven" as I have come to think of them, have enjoyed their "physical sex" and I'm equally sure that among at least most of them, there are strong feelings of friendship which they enjoy as well but not real intimacy. What is missing there for me is the opportunity to have both the passion and the intimacy in the same relationship.

Again, for me with Don, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Exciting love-making with him, combined with that wonderful intimacy to follow, amounted to far more than sex with Phil and his friends combined with intimacy with Don ever could!

If it's the thrill of the forbidden you are looking for, try shoplifting or something else like it. The price you will pay in the long run will probably be far less.

As important as this revelation was to me, I was still faced with a difficult task. I was trying to decide when and how to tell Don what I had done and given Don's determination to bring more excitement into our love life, I found myself putting it off.

Actually, I should have realized that no decision IS a decision and that, like it or not, I may have decided to keep my dark and dirty secret and hope Don never found out.

I did make one decision however. I wrote the State Athletic Association and resigned from the competition committee citing personal workload problems.

The next six weeks made a marked change in our lives together. Don was coming home right after work about two and sometimes three nights a week but he was paying the price for it too. Each time he got home at a decent hour, he had a large briefcase with him and when the kids and I had gone off to bed he headed for the dining room table with his briefcase for an hour or two and sometimes three.

A few times, when I was awake when he finally came to bed, I did the best I could to make it worth his while.

It amazes me how much I have learned about what it takes to bring David off quickly or conversely, how to hold him on the edge. All I had to do were two simple things; try new things and pay attention to what happened, and, just ask him!

I know that for those moments, I was able to get my mind off the convention and my stupid mistake with Phil. I had a sense of renewal and, when I got past my own good feelings, it became apparent that our whole family was enjoying the new us. Both kids seemed more confident and focused and in spite of the fact that Don and I had put ourselves, and our alone time, somewhat higher on the family priority list, we all seemed to benefit. Whether we realize it or not and often without knowing the cause, our kids often reflect us and, when were taking care of ourselves properly, they benefited.

In order to make better use of our time, we arranged with some fellow parents to car-pool the kids to practice sessions. One afternoon when the kids were taken out to the gym and the practice field by another parent, Don and I were enjoying a glass of wine and each other. It was one of those events that will remain special in my mind, not because of any extreme orgasmic delight but because of the gentle, tender caring way we had made love.

I have said many times that the best part for me is the intimacy we share afterwards. Today, that intimacy, which I find is so important, seemed to permeate all that we did and at that moment I was on an emotional high, so much so that I was confident I could begin to share my dark secret with Don.

"I love you Donald Prescott!" I said as I kissed him. Upon breaking the kiss and hearing him murmur his love for me in return, I started with my plan. I began to remind him of his indiscretions, mostly to focus on how I had forgiven him and that I, more than anything else, wanted him to give me a chance to make up for the hurt and embarrassment I caused him and forgive me too.

I asked him if he remembered the incident at the bachelor party and he smiled rather enigmatically then got up and went over to his clothes closet. After rummaging around in there, he pulled out something and handed it to me. It was a photograph of Don with a surprised expression on his face, which was almost jammed into the breasts of the naked woman apparently standing behind him.

He explained, "When I refused to take part in the extra-curricular activities with the stripper, some of the guys got upset and were afraid I would spill the beans. They had her stand behind me and when she tapped me on the shoulder and I turned, they snapped the picture then threatened to get it to you with a made up story about my participation. As I recall, the story got out anyway and John Cross gave me the picture and apologized several weeks later. I would have showed it to you then but you were pregnant with Sarah and, for some reason I cannot remember, we were going through a rough patch, so I put it away thinking it might be something we could laugh over together someday. Until you mentioned it just now, I had forgotten all about it."

My plans for further discussion were falling apart at the seams but Don asked, "What ever made you bring that up?"

"Don, this is embarrassing but I was sure you did have sex with that stripper and I was so upset at the time, first because you did it, or at least I thought you had, but most of all because you didn't admit it, take responsibility for screwing up and apologize. It appears now that I punished you for doing nothing more than keeping quiet about other people's shortcomings. The rough patch, as you so delicately put it, was me being angry with you and thinking seriously of leaving you. I didn't because I was afraid I couldn't manage the pregnancy on my own and didn't want our two kids to be without their father. I brought it up because I want you to know how grateful I am that I didn't do it and that in spite of not facing you with it and getting it all out, I forgave you. I'm so glad I did. It seems all too late now but believe me, I'm sorry for what I did and I'm sorry for not confronting you with my suspicions in the first place and getting it out in the open."

We were laying on our bed at the time and I felt safe in his arms. He pulled me to him and kissed me.

"Too long ago and too far away to worry about." He said as I nestled back into his arms.

"I feel like such an idiot! All this time I thought you had sex with her and just refused to admit it. It took me a long time to rebuild my trust for you and all the time you were innocent. Boy have I ever been a fool!"

"Meg, that was a long time ago and I don't think it matters a bit anymore besides, I suspect that the halo you are putting on me may not be deserved. Now that we seem to be on the topic let me confess to a near miss. Do you remember Barb Collins?"

"Yes. I was pretty sure you had an affair with her too!"

"I didn't but I came all too close. I felt badly for her and I did what I could to help her. A lot of the time she just wanted to talk but, not long before she left, she got on to a kick about repaying me for my kindness and she offered to have sex with me. I thought she was kidding at first and I laughed, but she insisted she was serious.

Her divorce apparently had nothing to do with sex. I gather that she and her ex actually had sex outside their marriage. When I pointed out that I was married and that I loved you, she said that sex and love were separate things. I don't remember exactly how she put it but she said she didn't love me and didn't expect me to love her either but felt we would enjoy sex together and that no one would find out. She said that she didn't see that as being inconsistent with me loving you.

At the party she had just before she left, she asked to speak to me privately and in her bedroom she made her last pitch. It wasn't that she wasn't attractive. She was and I admit I was sorely tempted but I was afraid of losing you and I chickened out. It scared hell out of me when that old busybody, Ruth . . whatever her name was, caught us talking up there. I was so frightened, I recall I lied and said I had felt ill as an excuse for being up there and I remember sucking up to you for quite a while after that."

"Are you O.K.?" he continued, as I'm sure he could feel me shudder with fear. I had been counting on him knowing I had forgiven him his transgressions and was asking for the same consideration in return, but now it seems I had merely punished him for what I thought may have occurred but now know it didn't.

No matter! He deserves the truth and I'm going to tell him.

Don," I said as I sat forward and turned to face him, "I love you very much and these last few weeks have been heaven. I . . ."

"We're home!" came a shout from the doorway.

Don and I had lost track of the time and here we were naked in our bed when the kids arrived home expecting their supper. We jumped up, scrambled for our clothes and headed downstairs to hear about their day.

Although I was on the verge of telling him about Phil right then, later I once again was too fearful of the consequences and once more put it off.

As I mentioned, about six weeks after the conference, at a point where I had pretty much put things to the back of my mind once again, I noticed something one day that bothered me more and more. I was sure I had seen a letter in among the pile of bills we usually receive, that was addressed in a neat script that I would guess was a woman's handwriting. Something distracted me about that time and I didn't give it another thought until I was picking up garbage later on, including the now discarded envelopes, and noticed it was not there.

I might have passed it off as my mistake too, but that night there was a marked change in Don's behavior. I was awake until almost 1:30 before I finally fell asleep and I woke at 3:15. Don was still not in our bed.

I decided to get up and see if he was O.K. when I noticed the telephone light was on. Who in hell could he be talking to at this hour of the night?

I went downstairs only to find Don working away at the dining room table.

I asked who was on the phone and Don said he had just noticed it wasn't hung up properly and had put the handset back.

I had seen that look on Don's face before and it struck me that he was hiding something, but at that moment, he said he was coming to bed and I was distracted enough that I let it pass. We snuggled together and slept for the very few hours left before our alarm.

Maybe it was my overactive imagination but Don seemed on edge and deep in thought.

I got very little done at work that day.

Don still seemed distant when I got home that night. He had the inevitable briefcase with him as he was home before me. On the positive side, dinner was made and the kids had all their gear ready for their respective practices. Apparently it was our turn to drive and Don was taking Sarah, Brad and some of the other kids to the gym and practice field.

I was left home alone. Something was up with Don and I needed to know what. It had occurred to me that he had acted this way before, after that incident with the bachelor party and similarly when he had been with Barb that night, but after a moments consideration I realized the only similarity was that he behaved outside his norm. He was hiding something!