Nilofar Pt. 01

"Ma'am, we also have a vast collection of hearing aids with special offers, if you're interested in buying a new one!" I add, after confirming the total for the fourth time and bite my tongue, immediately.

The old lady has her hearing aids on but still finds it hard to hear me properly and I know I must be in trouble for being rude with the customer if this escalates, somehow. To my relief, she only smiles when I return her change, making me realize she has missed my comment as well.

I don't waste any time before closing my counter and almost run to the washroom. I'm not sure what's wrong with me because during my total career, of more than five and half years, I've never behaved like this with any of our customers. I need to calm down and a small break might work, but it doesn't. I'm out of the washroom next moment, snapping at the cleaning lady on the untidiness the toilet.

It's not her fault actually, that someone must have left without flushing, and on any other day I would've politely informed her about it, but it isn't a normal day. Checking my watch every five minutes, I wait for my shift to end and as soon as it's four o'clock, I close my counter, run to the locker, take my purse and I'm more than ready to leave. On any other day, I'd love to spend time with Mike to learn some managerial skills or look for some extended hours to earn extra wages, but not today.

************

Stepping out of the store, I can't help but foolishly search for the bag for a few seconds before starting towards my home. I walk fast, trying to cover the distance as fast as possible, and I freeze on the spot as soon as I take the right turn.

The hive is directly in front of me and my feet are too heavy to move. The name itself speaks about the hive, which is nothing more than a big, old building with small rooms, similar to a dormitory. I pass it every day on my way to work and home. I've never entered it, but, after living in the same area for more than three years, I do have certain ideas about the place and the people living there.

The low rent (no rent), makes it a certain choice for girls, who are into prostitution, and guys belonging to small gangs, or are thugs and burglars. I'm restless, but I'm not sure if it's because I want to go home or visit her. After my behavior, I owe her an apology for sure, but there are issues, more than one, actually.

Firstly, I don't have her complete address. The hive is a huge place and it'd be tough to find someone only by their first name.

Secondly, I'm not sure about walking into a place full of criminals, as per my knowledge. I'm not sure how they might behave with an outsider and, if I'd get into any kind of trouble inside, the chances of finding any help will be equivalent to zero.

Thirdly, I behaved really rude and I'm not sure if she's still angry and wants a piece of me rather than my apology. I simply have no chance against her.

Lastly, if everything goes right, walking into her room after the help I gave her and the gift I'd offered her, will surely give an impression I'm a lesbian stalker, trying desperately to get inside of her pants. I sigh in frustration before continuing on my way back to my flat.

"Hey, Jess! You're early," Rebecca says as she faces me at the basement door of our apartment.

Being a friend, she knows about my hectic schedule and looks surprised to see me home so early.

"Hey, Becca. How are you?"

I'm trying to change the topic because I'm not sure what a good answer would be.

"I'm fine, Honey. Are you okay?" she asks, sounding concerned.

"I'm fine. Not much pressure at work, so, no extended shifts," I say, which is only partially true.

"Good for you. You need to rest for a while. By the way, if you're not busy this weekend, we're planning a girls'-night-out on Saturday. Would you like to join us?"

"I'll let you know if I can make it," I say, not denying her directly.

This isn't the first time she's invited me for a girls'-night-out and she knows there'll be no further response from me, as usual, so doesn't push it before leaving with a smile. Stepping inside, I go directly to the bathroom and start the water running into the tub.

I love my small flat. I know it's not as big and nicely decorated as compared to many, but it has a small drawing room with an open kitchen, one medium sized bedroom, bathroom and a small balcony with a nice view above the park. It's sufficient for a single person and provides me with complete privacy.

In fact, it's my third residence within the last six years. When I came to this city, after running away from home, Nicky, my classmate, provided me with shelter. She also helped me find my first job at the same café where she used to work back then. That flat had two bedrooms, and the rent was affordable to share.

It was going well, until Nicky started dating Rick, a freelance and part time photographer. I used to have morning shifts and, most days, and had to leave for my job half asleep because I could hardly sleep with someone screaming, 'Oh, god, yes! Harder!' in the next room, all night long.

I didn't complain, though. I was grateful, to Nicky, for her help and support, but things became worse when Rick started staying all day, too. He didn't have a job and was always there, sitting at the couch, watching sports and sipping beers, even when Nicky was at work. He didn't behave badly with me, but I wasn't comfortable with a guy ogling me all day long and soon, when they started fighting over Rick's unemployment and Nicky's affair with the Manager of the café, I had enough.

I'd already changed to my current job as a cashier at the store with higher pay, and it was going well when I used the excuse of the flat was too far from my workplace, before moving in with two others girls, who used to work at the café. Dahlia and Sasha were a couple of years older than me and took me under their wings, like a little sister.

They were straight and used to date often, including double dating, but didn't bring anybody home with them, knowing it might make me uncomfortable. Dahlia was an awesome cook and I learned a lot from her. Sasha eventually received the scholarship she was after and had to move abroad.

It became tough for Dahlia and I to share the rent so, when we failed to find another flat mate, Dahlia decided to move in with her friends. She asked me to move in with them, also, but that was too far from my workplace. So, I started searching for another option until I found this one...BHK. The rent is a little higher than I prefer, but a few extra hours of work seem to be okay with me as long as it provides me complete privacy and the freedom to decorate it as I wish.

Since then, decorating the condo almost became an obsession of mine. With my minimal income, I couldn't afford to buy pictures of Picasso, but whenever I have some spare money, I buy showpieces such as flower vases and candle stands with scented candles. Not because I needed them, nor do I have visitors to show it off, but it was one of my ways to cherish myself.

Standing in front of the full length mirror in my bedroom, I take more time, than usual, observing my half naked form. When I left home, more than six years ago, I was skinny and a couple of inches short of five feet. I haven't grown even an inch since then, but, certainly put on some weight during the last couple of years, which gives me nicer curves.

I've always had blonde hair, light blue eyes, thin lips and a small nose. Not too bad, I guess, but was it enough to draw attention from someone like Nil? I don't think so. She must've sensed my uneasiness when she flirted, but that can't be serious. All I need is to get her out of my mind.

NILOFAR

"How much and how long?" asks K.

She was into business, only a couple of years ago, until she met Antonio Gibson, the eldest of the Gibson brothers, and became his girl since then, but whenever there's talk about money, she sounds like the same prostitute she used to be, with the same 'I don't give a shit' attitude.

"Forty and I'll return it in a week," I say, knowing I need to find a way to pay her back.

Frankly, I don't think she'd be too concerned about lending me the money. I wonder why she hasn't moved to a nicer place, yet, because I know she has enough money saved.

"Make sure about the time you..." K continues to speak, while taking the money from the locker.

Her words fail to reach me as my attention is focused on the woman standing on the opposite side of the road. Quickly moving away from the window, I make sure she doesn't notice me, without losing my focus on her. She looks uncertain as she looks at the building and, maybe, is trying to decide something as my heart starts beating faster with anticipation.

I don't think there's any other reason she's looking this direction other than she's looking for me and I'm not sure what to expect from it. Maybe she wants to apologize for her behavior? It was my fault, I acted like a bitch. Why would she be sorry for that? No, she might want her money back, now. That's possible, of course.

Maybe she's realized I'm not worthy of her friendship and is looking for me to refund her money. I've already decided on refunding the money, but the thoughts of losing her, even as a friend, breaks my heart. Not for long though, because the moment I see her start walking again, I start running.

"What the fuck?" K keeps cursing but I'm out of her room before she can finish.

"Fucking, crazy bitch!" K shouts loud enough to wake the dead, but that doesn't stop me.

I'm running for my life. I'm not exactly sure why I'm running and what I'm going to do, because I've left the money with K, but I know I need to run. I keep running, jump skipping the steps and almost colliding with a few people on my way down, but never compromising my speed until I reach the street in record time, only to see her taking a right turn.

I keep following her, while trying to decide on my next move. I could've easily run to her, but what if she's still angry and snaps at me, again. This place is far too close to the hive and I have a reputation to keep. So, I continue following her until she walks into an apartment. `So, this is where she lives!' I think to myself.

After waiting for a couple of minutes, I walk into the basement and start searching the mailboxes for her flat number, only to realize I don't have her name. The name on her nametag, attached to her shirt, starts with J, for sure. Putting pressure on my dull brain, I keep trying as hard as possible to recall it, but to no avail.

With no other options left, I finally start searching for names starting with J. The first name I find is John Tailor and Ashley Tailor, flat no A3...obviously not who I'm looking for. The second name I find is Jenny West and Ann Lee West, flat number B1. Sounds like a lesbian couple and I start panicking all of a sudden.

She's attractive, she must be, at least, a couple of years older than me and it's not unexpected for her to be committed to someone or even married, yet. Shifting my gaze from one mailbox to another, I keep looking at the names sculptured on them, hoping to find more J's, until I reach the last one...Jessica Ashton, flat number D4.

Stepping outside, I take one final look at the building, knowing I'll be coming back, soon, with the money. She's definitely out of my league and I can only hope she finds a way to forgive me, somehow, but that doesn't stop my heart from sending a silent prayer before starting my return to the hive.

Please, God! Let her be Jessica Ashton! Please, please, please.

CHAPTER 3

As I stand under the shower, I'm still battling to keep the thoughts of Nil out of my mind while scrubbing the dirt off of my body. I wish I had a bathtub, like I used to at my home. Affording one isn't a big issue, but the bathroom itself isn't big enough to accommodate one.

After I leave the bathroom, wearing nothing more than a silk robe, I walk directly to the kitchen and start to cook for dinner, hoping cooking and then a new movie on my laptop will keep me too busy to think about her.

Sitting on the bed, with my laptop in front of me, I search for a good movie to watch, tonight. Watching movies is one of my favorite pastimes, especially if it's a thriller. It doesn't take me long to find the movie I've been thinking about watching for weeks now, but couldn't find enough time due to my hectic shifts.

As I chew the popcorn, I try to concentrate on the movie, but my mind continually returns to the incident of the afternoon, in particular to Nil. Knowing there's hardly any chance of seeing her, again, I can't stop wondering how she'd react if we actually do. There's no denying I was aroused by her presence. 'How can someone, I barely know, have such an effect on me? I was ready to be taken by her, in the storage room, at my workplace! It could have ruined my career!'

Finding someone attractive, after so long, must be the reason I find it difficult to control my urges and I'm sexually frustrated, as well. I need to get laid and be in love, again! I've been living in a cocoon after the incident for more than six years now. Isn't six long years long enough? I'm no beauty queen and life isn't a fairy tale in which one day my knight in shining armor will come to my doorstep searching for me. Maybe, it's about time I start thinking about Becca's invitations to go out and try to find someone.

There's no point in continuing to look at the screen of my laptop when I can't concentrate on the movie so, about half way through, I give up on it and shut down the laptop. I decide to make my way into the dining room to have a quick dinner and, then my bed for a few extra hours of sleep.

Rolling from side to side, I struggle to find sleep. The thoughts are disturbing, but not enough to make me wait too long before drifting away and eventually start dreaming of Nilofar, again.

THE DREAM

A big smile appears on her face as soon as she sees me entering the class and I smile back. Patting the seat next to her, she indicates she wants me to sit next to her so I walk through the classroom, as usual, and sit on the empty seat next to my only friend, Nilofar.

We were a happy family until my father died in a road accident, when I was twelve, and my mom became seriously addicted to alcohol after his death. It must've been one of mom's drunken nights when Jason, one of my late father's friends, took her to bed and seeded her with his own child. They were married soon after the pregnancy was confirmed, but I wasn't ready for it.

My early relationship with Rick didn't help much, either. I've always known I'm attracted to girls and he was one of the few friends I had, but when he asked me out on a date, I couldn't find an excuse strong enough to deny him. The day he took my virginity, on the backseat of his mom's car, I felt a sharp pain, at the beginning, but nothing afterwards. I continued lying there, like a dead, until he finished, then I got up and cleaned myself before returning home.

Afterwards, it didn't take me long to get rid of him and being a jerk, he didn't waste any time spreading a rumor that he'd left me because I was too cold to be the girlfriend of someone as hot as he was. I could've pounced back, and let others know the truth, but I wasn't one of the big mouthed girls who loved humiliating boys, in front of others, about their lack of sexual capabilities.

The rumor turned out to be beneficial for me though, because, after the gossip, the few boys who might have been interested in dating me, stopped approaching me. I was happy I didn't need to search for more excuses to turn them down.

That doesn't mean I don't have friends because I do, but most of them are geeks and bookworms, just like me, and their friendship is based on nothing other than helping each other with our studies. Nilofar is exceptional, though.

She has stunning looks, a body to die for and she's definitely the most popular girl in the school, but she prefers to hang around with me rather than the group of girls and allows me to help her, if she needs any, with her studies.

Besides her looks, she's also intelligent, witty and easy to talk to. A perfect combination of beauty with a brain and I'm completely head over hills for her. We have so many things in common, we never find it difficult to have long conversations, but our friendship is limited to the school. She has affairs with guys, but when we are together, she doesn't discuss her personal life. So, we stay as friends. Knowing she's straight, I can't find the courage to tell her about my feelings for her. I'm afraid I'll lose her friendship because I don't have many to lose!

************

It's the Friday morning after the final exam and I'm on my desktop computer, looking for the best colleges and the courses they're offering, when I hear my mom calling me.

"Jess! There's a call for you!"

It takes me a few moments to realize I'd hear her correctly because there are very few people who call me. It isn't the first time anyone has called me. When my paternal grandma was alive, she'd call me, at least, once a week and, during my short-term relationship with Rick, he called me a few times, but that was more than a couple of years ago. I suppose my lack of phone calls is the reason I don't have a cell phone of my own. I run to take the call, anyway.

"Hello?" I say, tentatively, not knowing who's calling me during these early hours of a weekday or what to expect to be hear.

"Hey, beautiful. How are you?"

I freeze on the spot. The voice is so familiar, I don't need a second guess to know who's calling and I can hardly believe she's actually calling me! She doesn't have my number! Or, does she?

"Are you still there?" she asks when I don't respond.

"Yes. Yes, I'm listening and I'm fine," I reply, hurriedly, afraid she might disconnect the call if I don't respond quickly enough.

"Thank God! I was starting to wonder if this was a good idea to call you this early, but I couldn't help myself. I hope I'm not disturbing you or waking you from your sleep."

Waking me? Really? When did she start to care about waking me? What about all of the sleepless nights I've spent flipping and tossing all over my bed, thinking about her?

"I've been awake for a while and was checking a few colleges and the courses they offer."

"So, which college have you decided to join?"

"You know, I think I prefer the local university rather than going abroad."

I can't help wondering if this is the only thing she has on her mind.

"So, did you call only to ask which college I may go to?"

"Not exactly. I'm wondering if you're free tomorrow night."

"Yes, I'm free as always. Why?"

"Aren't you going to the annual prom?"

Shit! I completely forgot about it, but it isn't anything I think would be worth remembering. Last year, I went to the prom only because I had to be there to collect my reward for the 'most innovative project of the year' and I also cheered for Nilofar when she was crowned as the prom queen. But the Cooper sisters had outdone me this year so there's no other reason for me to go to this prom. Maybe Nilofar is still expecting me to be there and cheer for her, but I think it'll be tough for her to win the crown, this year, since the rules have changed.

Previously, only the guys were allowed to vote for the competition, but according to the new rules, both boys and girls can vote. I have no doubt Nilofar will surely beat Betty Knox, the captain of the cheerleader team, with the guys' votes and Betty has her gang of girls who, without a doubt, will vote for her. I can vote, but my single vote won't matter and I think Nilofar knows that, as well. Maybe she wants to see me, one last time, before we drift away from each other. I give her the only excuse I can think of.