No Apologies Ch. 02

Well, I had another conversation with my mother about my porn habit. It went pretty much the same as our previous conversation. She implied that I was somehow "disrespecting" her beliefs by looking at porn. I told her that that wasn't my intent, and she said she realized that (then why did you bring it up? I wondered). She emphatically stated that she had never liked porn and even went so far as to ask me what I got out of looking at porn (to which I was sorely tempted to respond "an orgasm" but, of course, refrained from it). I started feeling somewhat guilty about this. That is, until I remembered how her and my father used to take me WHEN I WAS A KID to see these racy movies at the local drive-in almost every night back in the seventies (and those of you who ever saw a typical movie at a drive-in will definitely know what I'm talking about!).

Again, you know where I'm going with this, don't you?

Actually, this is the third straight Sunday that we've had this conversation. And it's getting old. During all three conversations, she's insisted that I respect her beliefs. But respect is not--I repeat--NOT a one-way street. And, by her doing this, she's going against her own beliefs as it says repeatedly in the Bible that God is the only one who can judge. She told me that by her not saying anything to me about my porn habit she's condoning it and therefore fears she won't receive God's blessings. But my mother has HBO and pay-per-view, including ADULT pay-per-view, which begs the question why doesn't she take these things out? I mean, using her logic, isn't she in fact condoning what these channels show--HBO, of course, features such adult fare as Real Sex and Sex & The City--by continuing to pay for them to come into her house? And, again, using her logic, isn't she condoning my porn habit by simply inviting me into her house?

In case you were wondering, I didn't say any of this to my mother since I learned a long time ago that there's usually little point in arguing with people who call themselves Christian. Now don't get me wrong, I do love my mother and appreciate everything she's ever done for me. However, there is a limit to my love and appreciation, especially when it comes to judging me and making assumptions about me the way she's obviously been doing even though she's insisted that she's not judging me at all. Well, if she's not judging me, then just what in the blessed hell IS she doing? What my mother apparently doesn't realize is that by her condemning me the way she's clearly been doing she's actually turning me off to her viewpoint. Again, all of this begs the question, is my mother truly upset with me about my porn habit--and, of course, everything else she feels is wrong with me--because she feels I'm going against God . . . or because I'm going against HER?

Talking about porn itself for a few moments, you want to know the real reason why people, Christian or no, have an alleged problem with pornography? Believe me, it has very little to do with morality or alleged morality and more--a hell of a lot more--to do with people's uncomfortableness or uneasiness with the whole issue of sex and sexuality. The following is an excerpt from an article I read about this very subject that I think says it all: "Pornography makes folks twitchy because it reminds us that sex is also for the pure, dazzling pleasure of it. Pornography also reminds us that at the ecstatic moment of orgasmic release, no one (including our daughters) is thinking about holding hands on a moonlight walk on the beach." Put another way, pornography or so-called pornography dispels all the romantic and religious baggage that people, especially in puritanical America, have dumped on it. And, quite frankly, it rather amuses me that people like my mother, who implied during our latest conversation that pornography was somehow demeaning towards humanity, make porn out to be more insidious or evil than what it actually is. I mean, like the Hustler motto used to say, IT'S JUST SEX!! I truly believe that if you have a problem with pornography, then you have a problem with sex in general. Again, the real problem that people have with porn is that people--there again, particularly in repressive America--prefer to have sex with the lights off; pornography shows sex with the lights ON. It's like noted sex guru Susie Bright once (rightfully) pointed out, sex for pure unadulterated pleasure--solo or otherwise--doesn't deserve all the bad press it gets. Not only that, but one thing that Christian fundamentalists obviously haven't taken into consideration (but then, maybe they have!) is that by demonizing pornography the way they have they've automatically made it more appealing and hence more desirable and helped to turn it, at least in an indirect way, into the multibillion dollar business that it is today in this country. Forbidden fruit, as it were.

Remember back when former president Jimmy Carter, who claims to be a Christian, confessed in Playboy to having "lust in his heart"? Remember all the hell Jimmy caught for making that completely honest and heartfelt statement from his (supposed) Christian breathren? Religious leaders, such as Billy Graham, came out and said that the only woman they've ever lusted after was their wife. To which I say a honest and heartfelt BULLSHIT!! I was listening to Mr. Carter give a radio interview a few years ago saying how Ronald Reagan's camp latched onto this and turned it into a major campaign issue during the 1980 presidential elections and his poll numbers dropped about 15 percentage points as a result. Besides this, my mother's conversation about my porn habit reminded me the time her sister, who also claims to be a Christian (even though she's a full-blown alcoholic!), went to the doctor about her genital warts (yes, genital warts!). When the doctor examined her and told her what she had, he advised her to inform her husband about, shall we say, her condition. My aunt told him that she wasn't married. He then told her that she should tell her boyfriend. She said that she didn't date. He then told her that she should tell her partner. She then snapped at him with much haughtiness, "I'm a Christian! I don't have sex!" The doctor then brought her down off her high horse by pointing out to her that she's had sex sometime in her life since, of course, that's the only way to get genital warts!

As I emphatically pointed out in my previous essay, I make no apologies about my porn habit. I make absolutely no apologies for the type of person that I am or what I do or anything of the sort. Not only that, but the very idea that there are people who are strictly good and those who are strictly evil, as my mother clearly believes, does not coincide with what the Bible says about evil being at the true heart of man. One more thing about my mother's condemnation of me and my porn habit: Along with taking me to see those racy drive-in movies WHEN I WAS A KID, she also got me my first subscription to Playboy. I asked her, with her being a Christian and all, what God would think about me, uh-hum, reading Playboy. My mother responded, "That's between you and The Almighty."

I think that about says it all, don't you?