No Contest

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He pretends to be dying in order to get laid.
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I, Travis Paul Johnson have been advised of my Miranda rights and my attorneys have been involved in my decision to make this statement. I am confessing of my own free will. The County Prosecutor has made no guarantee of the outcome of the felony charges pending against me.

(Signed) Travis Paul Johnson, defendant

(Witness) Arby Van Dyke, Detective, Chicago Police Department

(Witness) Karla Peticrew, Cook County Prosecutor's Office

(Witness) C. Frederick Blum, Esq. Attorney

Dated: April 7, 2002

Emily Carrera, CCR, Court Reporter

The story we told the Last Wish people is all a lie-my true age is eighteen and I'm not sick at all. I just want to say that we didn't mean any harm and I'll give back all of the stuff.

It's not easy being the shortest, and only virgins in the Senior class at Schaumburg High School. We just didn't want people to make fun of us anymore, and we wanted to get laid before graduation, that's why we did it.

Me and Kevin were in his basement watching TV and smoking weed during Spring Vacation, when we saw this show on TV about kids who got a special wish cause they were sick or something and there was this one guy, who was thirteen who got to spend the whole day hanging out with the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. Kevin, says to me, "Dude, that's way cool, I wish we could hang out like that, but not like be really sick or anything."

Justb then, the guy who has the show says that the kids just have to get a letter from their doctor saying they're sick, then these people from the Last Wish Foundation take care of everything. We both sat up and looked at each other and Kevin taped the rest of the show where they gave the address and stuff.

We made up the story about me having cancer. Kevin's mom works for a doctor and she had some of his office stationary in her briefcase for when she works at home sending out bills and stuff. We just popped a blank sheet in the printer and made up the letter that we sent to the Last Wish place, that I was just thirteen and dying and that my dying wish was for me and my best friend, Kevin to spend the night at the Playboy Mansion. We just picked there because we saw it on the Escapade Network and it looked cool with all of those shaggable babes, and it was nearby.

We gave them my number for Kevin and his number for me, so that when the Last Wish people called, we'd know it was they and pretend to be our dads. We didn't think it would work, but about a week later the phone rang and some lady asked for Kevin so I knew it was the Last Wish people. I was real excited and talked to the lady and told her that I (Travis Paul Johnson) was 13 and that I only had a year to live. The lady asked to talk to Kevin's dad, and I told her he went out and to call back in half an hour. I called Kevin right away and told him what happened and while we were talking, he got a call waiting beep and it was Last Wish Lady.

When the lady called back, I changed my voice and pretended to be Kevin's dad. The lady was real nice, and asked me a bunch of questions about me and Kevin, how long we'd known each other and stuff. Then she said not to tell me (Travis Paul Johnson), but that they were going to grant my Last Wish. About a week later we each got a letter and that's when things got complicated and we had to make more stuff up.

The first problem we faced was when they wanted my Mom to sign a consent saying that I could go. Since we couldn't use my mom, or Travis mom, we had to find an adult willing to go along with the situation and we decided to try Lil, an old lady alcoholic who lived over Big Ed's Place, a bar on West Schaumburg near SHS (Schaumburg High School). Lil buys beer and cigarettes if you give her a few bucks and we'd been over there a couple of times.

We pooled our money and me and Kevin went over to her place with $44 and a liter bottle of Gin in his backpack that he stole from his dad's liquor cabinet. We climbed the stairs to Lil's apartment and she was there, still sleeping. We pounded on the door for a long time before she let us in. Lil was 40, I guess, at least, and kind of fat with messy bleach blond hair about half-grown out.

She always reeked of beer and cigarettes, and she had brown fingernails and a wrinkly face from smoking. Lil always tried to hug and kiss the guys, especially after she'd had a few drinks, which was most of the time, I guess. She was just wearing an old pink robe when she let us in and I could see her pubes below her saggy stomach, and that she had a hairy navel. She wasn't pierced anywhere, but she had a Harley tattoo on her chest.

Lil got kind of mad when we told her what we wanted her to do, and she said she was going to call the cops if we didn't get out of her place right away. I was ready to call the whole thing off, but we'd come too far and we didn't want to get in trouble, so Kevin said to wait on the porch and he'd talk to her in private and offer her the money and the gin.

Kevin was in there for awhile and I could hear them talking down low, then it was quiet for a while. I guess about ten minutes went by before I knew Kevin was doing her, because I could hear the springs creaking on her old twin bed over by the window. Kevin was kind of red faced when he came out, and wouldn't say anything. We hung around Woodfield Mall until about three, and went back to school so that we could take the bus home like normal.

Kev instant-mailed me that night to say what happened. Lil was afraid she'd go back to jail if she went along with The Plot, that's what we were calling it, so he offered her the gin AND the money. She said she'd think about it and tried to kiss Kev like she always does. Her robe was open and Kev got a woody and old Lil saw that right away. They were sitting together on the ratty old couch and she rubbed her tits all over Kevin and touched his cock through his pants.

She told Kev that if we wanted her to play my mom, that he'd have to give her something nice and she put his hand on her tit. Kev was pretty hot by then, and when she led him by his belt over to the bed, he didn't fight her.

Kevin almost had sex twice with Mindy, his ex before they broke up, so he was pretty experienced. I asked if he kissed Lil and he said that he had to, and that she wanted him to suck on her nipples and that they were real big and dark brown, not pink like Mindy's.

She wanted Kev to kiss her around her pussy and to lick her down there too, but he told her that he was being treated for strep throat and she said that he'd better not then. Kev said that her body wasn't all that old looking, and that she had a lot of hair around her pussy. She used her hand to help Kevin get his dick into her, and he kept slipping out because she was so wet inside, that's what took him so long to finish banging her.

I asked Kevin if it was very revolting and he told me that it was, at first, but that when he got hotter, he hardly noticed how she smelled, and that his cock felt real good in her pussy, and that he came a lot. And he said that Lil would pretend to be my mom when the Last Wish people came to the house to surprise me on Tuesday.

I kind of wished that we could call the whole thing off right there.

On Tuesday, I told my mom that I was sick and she checked my forehead and said I could stay home in bed. Once she left for work, I took the city bus over to Kevin's house and we took his sister's car over to Big Eds to get Lil. She was still in bed and we had to get her cleaned up and ready to go. She didn't have very many decent clothes, so we went by the Goodwill thrift store and found her a pretty nice dress and some jewelry for three dollars.

We drove back to my house and gave Lil a couple of drinks from the liquor cabinet to get her in the right mood. She kept grabbing Kev and trying to get her hand down his pants and they were kind of fooling around until the Last Wish people showed up. He was still hard when the doorbell rang.

I tried to act real surprised when the people came in and told me that they were going to grant my last wish, but I was real nervous and couldn't hardly talk, but Kevin and Lil said I did just fine and acted just like a kid who was dying. The Last Wish people and a reporter from the Chicago Sun Times took some pictures of me, Kevin and my "Mom" together; Lil hammed it up telling them stories about my supposed childhood, how smart I am, how she was so proud of my courage, blah, blah, blah.

They brought me some nice gifts, a Sony Laptop computer, a phat MP3 player, a Louis Vitton travel bag, and some video games, clothes and stuff from The Gap and some downtown Chicago stores. They said that the Playboy organization would send a limo for Kevin and me on Friday morning, and that we would go all over Chicago with the Bunnies, to the museums, restaurants, and to a Chicago Bulls game in the evening, before spending the night at the mansion.

Lil did her part and signed my mom's name on the papers. After the Last Wish people left we, Kev and I, checked out all the neat stuff while Lil drank more of dad's booze, then Kev drove Lil back to Big Ed's Place so he could get his sister's car back before she came home from school. Lil was all over Kevin as they walked out to the car and I could see that he had a hardon.

I didn't feel like eating dinner that night and Mom thought I was still sick. I did some homework and went on the computer for a while after dinner, then came downstairs and asked Dad if it would be OK if I spent Friday night at Kevin's house. He said OK, and asked if everything was all right, and he said that if something was wrong, I could always come to him or Mom.

I wish I had.

Friday came and I acted like I was getting ready for school until Mom left for work, then I got together a toothbrush, toothpaste and a few other things for spending the night and put them into the Vitton bag. About 9:30, the limo arrived and two babalicious Bunnies got out with the driver and came to the door. The Bunnies looked real hot, even though it was too cold outside to wear the little outfits they wear in the magazine. No bunny ears, but the little earmuffs they had on were cute.

The driver carried my bag while Misty, Cindy and me walked out to the car. They were real nice and said that they were sorry to hear about me being so sick, and they asked all about me and my family and stuff. It was real hard to remember that I was supposed to be thirteen and dying. The driver opened the door and we got in.

Kevin was already inside; sitting on the seat between two bunnies that did have on Bunny ears. He was grinning ear to ear, and said, "Hey, dude. Check it out."

All six of us sat together in the back, around a kind of little bar, which had a sound system with a CD changer, TV and DVD player that popped up. Kev tried to open up the bar top, but it was locked. I found a hip-hop disk that I liked and popped it in the player and kicked back.

We amused ourselves by messing with the sound system and opening and closing the moon roof, when we weren't sneaking looks at the girls and making small talk, mostly about school, what it was like being a bunny and stuff. We stood up and stuck our heads out the moon roof when we were on the Dan Ryan Expressway, but it was way cold out, and we got back in before the driver turned off towards The Loop. It was cool having people staring at the limo, wondering who was inside, and I was enjoying the special treatment by the time we reached The Mansion.

I thought the mansion would have a lot of open land around it, sort of like a castle, but it turned out to be right in town. We drove in through a gate and pulled up in front. The girls took us inside while the driver carried our bags. There was a little desk in this big front room, after you went up a couple of steps, and a bunny had us each sign in. We signed our names extra big and I turned back a page to see who had signed in the day before and do you know whom I saw there? That's right! Ozzy Osborn!

Some woman dressed in a business suit came down and told the Bunnies something and than came over and hugged me. She asked me how I was feeling and said that if I needed anything, to ask for her, and she gave me a card with the Playboy logo and her name: Christie Hefner, President. I looked at her and saw that she had some tears in her eyes and then I felt guilty. I let her hug me again then they took us to a meeting room where there were all kinds of fruit and bread and cheese and stuff, even sushi and caviar. There were more Bunnies serving drinks, and a couple of photographers.

Two of the Bunnies took us over to the other side of the room and we got to meet Hef. He was way old and had a toupee, but I tried not to stare. We talked for a minute about our plans for the day and Hef said he hoped he could go to the Bulls game with us. Then he called for attention and people kind of gathered around Kev, Hef and me. He gave us each a maroon jacket with the Playboy symbol on the pocket, some expensive sunglasses that made us look like Men In Black, and introduced me and Kevin to the people there. People applauded and they took a group picture. That's the one that was in the paper.

After lunch, we found out that we were each assigned an "ambassador." I got Misty again, and Kev got Bethany, a tall girl with long dark hair. Misty was real pretty, with perfect skin-she had a light tan and natural, blond hair. And really big, beautiful tatas. I could make out her nipples through the Bunny suit, but what really knocked me out were her lips and eyes.

Her lips were kind of puffy, not thin at all. And her eyes. Perfect; natural blue. We got to talk alone for a few minutes, while we ate lunch at the reception. Her real name was Michelle Renee Anderson she was 20 and from Gainesville, Florida. We were talking and she asked if I had a girlfriend. I told her "no", then added, "I guess I never will." She was quiet for a minute, then smiled and changed the subject.

We went to the Field Museum first, then over to the Sears Tower. Kev kept trying to kiss Bethany in the limo but she wouldn't let him. I played it cool with Misty. When we were on the observation deck at the Sears Tower, I touched her hand and she smiled at me. It was a cold and gray day and she stepped closer so I could put my arm around her.

People were kind of staring at us; two teenage guys with a couple of Playboy Bunnies, and a group of sailors stopped and took pictures of us. Misty said that happened at lots of their outings, and that they had met a few celebrities, mostly movie stars and sports figures, but they weren't supposed to talk about them. She did say that Ozzy is just like he seems on TV, though. It was nearly seven p.m. when we got to supper.

We went to a table reserved for us in a special back room at Marios-In-The-Loop, a real fancy place. Guys have to have a jacket and tie to eat there, and the girls took off their little elastic bow ties and had us put them on. I looked over at Kev and he looked stupid and we all four were laughing when Hef came in with his wife, who was old, not as old as our moms though, but way, way younger than Hef. She was way cool, too.

Kev and I ate like pigs. We had flaming Crème Broulette for dessert and left for the Bulls Vs Celtics game in Hef's limo. You don't have to park in the parking garage and walk to the United Center when you're with Hef. We parked right out in front and walked in; right past the ticket booths to a private elevator that went to a special suite, where we waited with other VIPs for the game to start. Adam Sandler was there with some woman, but he didn't even look at me when I said hi. We waited on the other side with Misty and Bethany while Hef talked to Britney Spears, who was with some country music star.

The Bulls lost 88 to 102, so it was pretty quiet on the ride back to the mansion. We chatted a few minutes with Hef and his wife; then Misty and Bethany showed us to our rooms.

Kevin's room was right across the hall from mine and they had bathrooms with really big bathtubs that looked like the old kind with the feet, but were really whirlpool tubs. We each got a Playboy robe to use and keep, so we both looked like Hef with real hair. I asked, kind of hopefully, where Misty was sleeping and she said that the bunnies have a room where they stay while they work at the mansion. The only bunnies that get special treatment are ones that were featured in the magazine that year.

Misty hugged me goodnight and I could smell her hair and feel her big breasts against my chest. She wasn't wearing perfume or anything that I could tell, but she sure smelled good. We said goodbye and I followed her to the door. I saw Bethany out in the hall-she kind of pushed away from Kev, who looked at me and shrugged his shoulders. The girls were talking softly as they walked away.

Kevin complained about Bethany, how she was probably a lesbian and that I got the good one. I said I was the one supposed to be dying and it was only right. Besides, it didn't look like we were going to score, so I said I'd see him in the morning.

I decided to take a bath and started filling the tub. I lay on the bed and switched on the big screen TV-they had the regular channels, plus the Playboy Channel, which I watched while I fingered my tool, thinking of Misty-how good she looked and smelled and felt.

I was about to pull my meat when I heard a soft knocking, more like clicking on the door. I put on my robe and went to the door, figuring it was Kevin. It was Bethany. She had on a flimsy robe that covered a kind of a teddy and I could see her boobs right through it.

Bethany put her finger to her lips and I let her in. She smiled and stood real close to me, so that I could feel her breath on me and smiled. I couldn't take my eyes off of her and my cock got rock hard right away even though she hadn't said anything. She looked around and asked if I was going to take a bath. I said like, sure. But I'd really forgotten all about it.

Bethany went over to the tub and bent over to feel the water. Her bush showed a little beneath her teddy when she bent down and I could hardly breathe. I was afraid I might hyperventilate like Steve French did in PE once. When Bethany turned around, I was breathing hard and my hands were shaking and ice cold. She smiled again and unlocked the bar, and rummaged around until she found a small bottle of wine and some glasses.

She asked if the wine would interfere with my treatment, and I said no, even though I didn't know what she meant at first. She meant my cancer treatment. I had forgotten about that. She said that we should undress first, and I did, right away, even thought I'd never been naked with any woman but my mom. My cock was rock hard, and it pointed strait up.

Bethany took off her teddy and slippers and we stood there looking each other over. She was kind of slim, and her breasts weren't large and round like Misty. Instead, they were more pointed with the area around her nipples kind of puffy and pink, standing out like a breast on a breast. My eyes looked down toward her waist, which was thin and kind of muscular for a girl, to her pussy.

She had just a little oval patch of curly hair above her pussy, the rest was bare and I could see the pink inner lips bulging out. She put the glasses and wine bottle on a little metal and glass table by the tub and told me to climb in, which I did. She went over to the toilet, tore off a band of paper from the seat and sat down.

I could hear her peeing and my heart was pounding in my ears when she came over to the tub and stepped in. It didn't take long for the wine and the bubbles from the whirlpool to relax me and we were talking and laughing like I'd known her for a long time. We took turns washing each other and she put her legs over mine so that we could scoot in close, facing each other. I was afraid to kiss her at first, but I did, since I felt like I was somebody else. It's hard to explain.

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