No Penis Necessary

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lionshell
lionshell
24 Followers

-When you engage in breast play, cunnilingus, or any type of sexual exchange, kiss and toucheverywhere. Don't just focus on the breasts, vulva and ass. Kiss her stomach, her neck, her arms, her eyelids, her feet, etc. Touch everywhere while kissing. Examples: stroke her calf and Achilles tendon while you kiss the sole of her foot, run a finger down her spine while you kiss her mouth, and touch behind her knees while you kiss your way down to her pussy.

-Make eye contact frequently while you're kissing and doing everything else. This helps create and maintain the emotional and intellectual connection. It shows that you value her for who she is, and not just for sex—although eyes can also be very expressive of lust and your appreciation for her body. Many women love it when you look them in the eye while you're performing cunnilingus—just look upward while your mouth is busy, and see how hot it makes her.

-Compliment her frequently and sincerely. Complimenting her body is important because a lot of people (not just women!) are self-conscious about their bodies, especially during sexual acts. Let her know that you feel special for being allowed to see and touch while she's naked. Tell her what parts of her body you particularly love and why, and not just the obvious parts. Do you like the firmness of her arms? That freckle on her hip? The way she grooms her pubic hair? Also tell her what you like about the parts of her personality that show during the act(s): enthusiasm, tenderness, sense of humor, etc. Make love to her with your words.

-It helps your partner to be comfortable with her own body when you're comfortable with yours. If you don't act like your body is something to hide or be nervous about, then she will be more likely to feel the same about hers. The human body is beautiful. Love it, love your own, love hers.

-If she's particularly shy or insecure about her body, go ahead and turn the lights off. Besides, when the visual element of sex is minimized, it becomes more about the touching, the feeling, the sounds, the smells, and it's generally just really hot. Blindfolds are good for this, too.

-At all times, let her know she is cared for. Hold her close, touch her softly, and tell her you love her (if you do). Show that you want to be with her, and not just during sex.

-Of course, you don't always have to be gentle and tender. Hard, rough, high-tempo sex is a hell of a lot of fun, and it can still have a loving tone to it, even if it's a wilder, more energetic love. Nothing wrong with that!

-Make love to her entire body, with your entire body. You're more than a mouth and hands. Rub your body against hers, put your arms around her, wrap your legs around hers. Show her all the things you can do that a vibrator can't.

-What feels good to you? If you enjoy having something done to you, she will most likely enjoy it, too. This is especially true if you're female(-bodied) yourself, but men can borrow techniques from touching, kissing, and even fellatio, too. At the very least, it will be a good place to start, and you can both take it from there.

-If it seems like something will be pleasurable for her, it probably will be, just like when you give a massage. Just be thorough, and stick with each type of touching, kissing, rubbing, etc. for a while before you move on to the next one. Give each touch, each motion, time to be appreciated. (This is one part that I tend to have trouble with, personally.) You might have to put a good idea on hold for a little while, but switching away from the current one after only a minute will make it feel rushed and will give less time for her to really appreciate and enjoy it. Pay attention to her ongoing reactions to get an idea of when to move on to the next technique, and what she might like next.

-Sex is funny—admit it and embrace it. Joking around and laughing about the inevitable awkwardness that is inherent to sex will help everyone realize that no one has sex quite as perfectly as we like to imagine, and that we shouldn't feel ashamed for that. It also helps relax everyone and keep them from feeling too pressured to perform. Laughter is just another way to have fun with someone you care about, which is really the point. So go ahead—bump your teeth together when you kiss, trip when you take off your pants, and headbutt each other by accident.

Communication!

-Start by talking about some of the things you both like. You don't have to make detailed lists, but a few generals ("I like lots of breast play," "How do you feel about having your hands held back?", "Just so you know, my clitoris is extremely sensitive," etc.) should be helpful. And you don't have to be academic and detached about it. Just keep the information going while you get into your groove.

-Everyone is a little different sexually, so ask often how she's feeling. Encourage her to give direct suggestions in addition to answering your questions. A lot of people are hesitant to give make specific requests because they're afraid it will hurt the other person's feelings if they say, "Not so hard, and a little higher, please." Make it clear to her and to yourself that if she asks for something different, it make it better for everyone. Listening to her doesn't make you a bad lover; it makes you agreat lover, and helps you get even better.

-All this talking can be done without breaking the mood, too. You can use honestly sexy tones in your voices and phrase yourselves to be conducive to the mood ("How'sthis? Mmmmm, do youlike that?" etc.). She can gently move your hand to where she wants it ("Mmm, right here"), or say, "I love it when you do that" or "Would you try another finger?" without making things awkward. To encourage her to give you feedback (last paragraph), maybe something like "I want to make you feel amazing, and I want you to help me do it" would work for you.

-Also, pay attention to her non-verbal cues. How is she moving? How much is she moving? What kind of sounds is she making? Is she pushing her body against yours or just lying there? Is she holding your head right where it is, or is she trying to guide you to somewhere else? Keep in mind, though, a lot of women suddenly stop making noise when they're approaching orgasm, and stopping right then to ask how she's doing will disrupt it. This makes it especially important to listen to everything she's doing all along the way.

-Sometimes comfort levels change. Someone might try something once and decide she doesn't like it, or change her mind about a sex act just before you get to it, or even during; it doesn't happen often, but it might. If you think your partner might not be comfortable with something she's already consented to (or even suggested), just check in and ask how she's feeling. If she's changed her mind, respect that, and let her know that you do.

***

Of course, all of this, especially knowing when she's aroused and consenting, will become easier and more streamlined the more you get to know someone and the more you have sex with each other. This kind of goes without saying, but it's good to keep in mind.

Remember, everyone is different. No one will fit all of these guidelines exactly. The main thing to remember is to be comfortable with yourself, with her, and with each other. As long as you truly care about each other and communicate, you should be able to fully please each other, physically and emotionally, and have a good time doing it.

Don't forget that sex isfun. It's easy to get caught up in pleasing her, but don't worry so much that it becomes a chore. Relax and make love because you love her, but also because you enjoy doing it; she'll be able to feel it when you're having a good time, and that will help her enjoy it all the more.

lionshell
lionshell
24 Followers
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9 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
Amazing and thorough

Great advice. I'm especially impressed with how this instructional doesn't just objectify us (women) or make organism the ultimate goal. Sex is so much less fulfilling when our partners make us feel like our bodies need to be behaving in a certain way.

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago

Very well-written, it's great to see an emphasis on consent, and the fact that everybody is different. More people should read this!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 13 years ago
beautiful.

thank you so much for this! i've only recently started my first relationship with another woman and was completely inexperienced, so this is such a helpful guide. but apart from anything else, it's beautifully written and i have to agree: very respectful and caring. this is exactly the way i'd like to be treated and it makes me happy to realise what it is that i love about my girlfriend and the way she treats me during sex. so thank you for that, too!

WowOwowwhaleyWowOwowwhaleyover 13 years ago

Thank you for this, having sex with my girlfriend for the first time on Saturday, this should help a lot.

lindtchillilindtchilliover 14 years ago
If there's any justice...

... you should have women lined up round the block...

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