tagGay MaleNot a Date Ch. 04

Not a Date Ch. 04

byMJRoberts©

This story starts right where Not A Date chapter 3 ends. You may want to read NAD 1, 2, and 3, first. Alternatively, this can read as a standalone story.

*****

POV - Ryan

I woke up before Jake. It was amazing how child-like he looked when sleeping. I stared at him, and my heart lurched. Last night had been magnificent. More than magnificent, earth-tilting.

But truthfully, this morning, I didn't know how to take it. Switching roles with Jake, my self-image had the rug pulled out from underneath it. In the twisted alleys of my mind, I've always been the big, strong guy. In every way. And that meant being a top. Being a bottom, even once, even as good as it felt, was weird on my ego.

What was I worried about? That my whole world would come crashing down?

Yeah. I guess that covers it.

I slid out of the double sleeping bag as quietly as I could. Jake's breathing didn't change; he didn't even twitch a muscle.

Man, that boy sleeps like the dead.

Is it because he lives life to the fullest, so when he conks out, he's really out? Nah. He's probably just a heavy sleeper, lucky bastard.

I'm just the opposite—breathe on me sideways, and I'm awake enough to chair a board meeting. Maybe it's an innate instinct to protect. Or maybe I just needed a sleep doctor.

Although, I slept pretty soundly last night. Hell, every night Jake's been with me, come to think of it.

Freaky.

I grabbed a pair of shorts and walked out of the tent. I just stood there naked for a second, with the shorts in my hand, staring up at the mostly dark sky.

I put the shorts on. Watched the beginning of the sunrise. Did some stretches.

For a second, my thoughts were too scrambled to make sense of anything. As if last night fundamentally changed something. Everything.

Who the hell was I?

Before last night, I would have known the answer to that right away. Now, I didn't know which way was up. Did Jake fucking me change something? Did it change everything?

I paced back and forth.

And Jake. He was funny, smart, talented, cute and holy hell in bed. Or not in bed, per se, but everywhere.

I flushed hot just thinking of it. Oh, fuck man, the sex was hot. Hottest I've ever had, hands down.

Hands everywhere.

Hands on my hips, pulling me backwards onto his cock...

I looked back at the closed flap of the tent. Looked over the lake at the rising sun.

Sigh.

And Jake. Yeah, he was all that. And more. Kind. Sweet.

Oh God, he was sweet.

Ryan, get a grip.

I could admit it to myself. I've wanted him since the first day he walked in the door three years ago. But I didn't know if he was gay. I hadn't wanted to risk an office romance if it had even a tinge of 'bad idea'.

I can admit that every article of clothing I bought or put on, I had him in mind. I dressed to impress every single day. Specifically, there was only one person I wanted to impress.

Jake.

Fuck, I've got it bad.

Thank God he said something and asked me out. Otherwise, I probably would have been pining for him for the next three years.

I'm usually the one who makes the first move. Part of my big-man-on-campus, dominant alpha male thing, I guess. But not this time. This time, it was Jake who had the suave start. Or not so suave. I laughed as I thought of that ridiculous ruse he thought up on the spot.

God, I love him.

I closed my eyes against the onslaught of pain that caused me.

From what I've seen, Jake's not the type of guy to really love with his whole heart like I am. He's the kind of guy to make a witty remark when it gets too close to emotional. He was a teenager in a man's body whose jocular repartee was an easy way to keep everyone at arm's length.

Yeah. I was charmed. In love. But at arm's length.

Fuck. I hate that.

I hate feeling like this. Soft. Wussy. A wave of anger washed over me. That's better.

I hit the ground and did a couple of push-ups. Then a bunch of one-arm push-ups. Much fucking better.

"Oh my God. You're working out? You crazy savage. Want me to sit on your back while you do push-ups, just to give you a bit of a challenge? Maybe I should find a tree trunk you can carry."

And there he is. That's my boy. Sarcastic before the word hello.

And naked. Very, very naked.

I popped up to standing. "Just keeping myself fit for you, lover."

He snorted. "Forget keeping fit for me. How about providing coffee for me? Need. Coffee."

"No coffee out here in the wilderness," I said.

He looked like I hit him.

"Only kidding, baby," I said.

"Grrrrrr..."

I smiled. Yeah. That's Jake. Make me smile before hello, too.

I walked over to him, pulled him into my arms, and nuzzled his neck. "Hello, baby."

"Coffee." This time, he said it with a 'me Tarzan, you monster' inflection.

I laughed.

I kissed his neck, slid a hand down to his hip. "I have to get back on top," I whispered.

"Whatever," he said. "Feed me coffee, and you can fuck me while I gulp, if you'd like."

I blinked.

"I'll have my coffee with two sugars," he said and paused, "and some Ryan cream."

"Gross."

"Yeah, but pretty funny."

The sun came all the way up, instantly making it warmer.

"I'm up now," Jake said. "I guess I could fuck before coffee."

"Always the romantic," I said.

"You want flowers with that?" Jake asked. He bent down, picked a dandelion weed and handed it to me, wiggling his eyebrows. "Now you ready?"

I ignored him and started a fire, got water in the pot, started coffee.

I crouched down by the fire. He came and cuddled into me, as if he was going to be all mushy. I got the feeling he was going to apologize, not for being crass and wise-ass, but for being so before coffee. He gently stroked the back of my hair where it met the top of my neck.

Goosebumps broke out over my skin. Jake lightly brushed my arm, and what he meant as a casual caress caused my blood to boil and a tidal wave of lust to roar.

Growling, raw need took over. With a lunge, I turned around and tackled him.

I don't know how he did it, but Jake flipped that out-of-control switch in me every damn time.

I ground my hips against him with a primal, fast, ferocious desire to fuck him. Viciously. Violently. No condom, no lube, just savage take over.

I saw something flash in his eyes.

Fear.

I backed off.

His panting was loud.

We didn't say anything.

It was a long second in time. Me, crouched like a predatory animal on the balls of my feet. Him, half-sitting―half-lying, with his arms propped behind him and a look of wild shock and raw vulnerability on his face.

Like he'd never seen me before.

Like he didn't know what would happen.

Like he'd been thrown overboard and was waiting to see if someone would throw him a lifesaver.

But like whatever I did, he would take it.

I stood up slowly and took off my shorts. I walked over to him, opened my legs in a firm stance and stroked my cock.

Really slowly, standing almost on top of him, I aimed my dick at him and slowly, slowly stroked as I grit my teeth and thought about what I wanted to do.

He didn't move.

His face asked a question, which I interpreted to mean 'do you want me to get up on my knees and let you come all over me?'

But that's not what I wanted to do.

Without a word, I turned and walked away.

He followed me into the tent.

I put a condom on with one hand and picked up the bottle of lube with the other.

"GET DOWN ON THE FUCKING GROUND!" I yelled.

Oh shit. This is not how I wanted to do this. But it was like I couldn't stop.

Jake laid down, face up, still looking at me with that expression of open wonder.

I knelt down and got between his legs, lined myself up with his hole.

I squeezed my eyes shut. This was not how I wanted to do this.

"Jake," I said helplessly. My voice sounded strangled, gurgled, out of control.

"It's okay," he whispered.

I shook my head. It was not okay.

"I get it," he said.

Oh God, I love him.

I shook my head again.

"Ry." The way he said my name, low and accepting, like he understood everything and still wanted me, just made the desperation more... desperate. "Take what you need."

Oh God.

Just the very tiniest bit, I pushed against him. He grabbed my ass and pulled me in a little.

Fuck, it was good.

"You're so tight," I whispered.

"Yeah," he whispered back. "It's the breakfast special."

I couldn't help it; I laughed. And just like that, the spell of desperation was broken.

I slid the rest of the way in and watched his eyes roll back in his head.

"Baby," I said softly.

"Do it," he said.

In a way, we'd always fucked. It was always so intense, so blazing hot, so fast. But this time, I wanted something different. I wanted to make love to him.

Please, God, let me do this right and make love to him.

I slid in and out, slow and sinuous, sexy and loving, hopeful and vulnerable, and still—yeah—hot.

I pushed his knees up higher. I wanted to say something to him, but I didn't know what.

"Baby, you're the best thing that ever happened to me." In. Out. I looked down to watch my cock love him.

"God, I want you so much; it's more than I can handle," I said.

He reached up and pet the back of my head, softly stroking my hair. "It's all right," he said. "It's all right. I got you."

Jake smiled up at me, his lips curling up the tiniest bit in a cross between a smirk and a super hot, magnified, sunshine ray of pleasure.

In. Out.

My toes started to tingle, and I couldn't hold back any more. I let my eyelids flutter down to half-mast as I started to push in and out of him faster.

"Jake, Jake." My face tensed up. My body was fighting itself, straining, trying to make slow, beautiful, love-making movements to please him and resisting so hard against its need to barrel forward.

"Jake," I said. My voice said it all. My need to be top but not to hurt him in any way. I needed to be big, but I needed not to make him feel small.

He looked me right in the eyes, warm and accepting. Still searing right into my soul.

"Ry. I get it. I feel you. I GET it."

Thank God.

The look of warm acceptance from him said even more than his words. Then he caressed my waist and gave me a full-out sexy, wolf smile. He opened his mouth and licked the edge of his teeth.

Oh fuck.

"Ry, it's okay. Let go."

Faster.

"Oh God. Oh fuck. Oh God, Jake. Jake!"

"I got you," he said again. "I got you."

My right hand started to seize up into a claw. I was losing the battle against holding back. He was so hot. I couldn't stop pumping harder and faster. My whole body tightening.

His 'ah, unh, ah' sounds. Fuck, oh God. And the moaning sounds, oh God, his moaning.

The roar in me just got louder, mixing with the slapping sounds, the sight of me stroking in and out of him. My body started heating up, and up, and up. My temperature spiked past fever toward consumption.

My reserve was slipping; I started pounding into him harder.

"That's it. Fuck me, Ryan."

This feeling was not normal. This feeling that my whole body was turning to molten gold.

"It's okay, Ry. Let go."

Jake moaned loudly, the most visceral, primal, pleased, sexy sound I've ever heard. Not just a groan or a plea. A loud 'uhn' on a sigh, like all he wanted in the world could only come from me.

Oh shit.

I had to breathe through my mouth. I couldn't get enough air.

No, I can't let myself go this way. I can't.

It was too raw, too vulnerable, too... complete.

"Give it to me, Ry. It's okay. I want you. Let me see you."

Jake scratched his nails down my back as our eyes locked.

Faster. Harder.

Tears started to roll down my face. My chest heaved, and I started to scream. Unintelligible 'ah...unh...ah' sounds getting louder and louder.

This was making love. But I couldn't do it anymore; I needed to fuck.

Something broke loose inside me, and I started hammering into him.

Crazy. Ferocious. Thunderous.

Glorious.

Magnificent.

I wasn't going to last, but I didn't care. I grabbed his thighs harder and let my animal self take over.

My whole body shook with the need to come.

Give more, I told myself. More, Ryan. A few more strokes. He's right there, almost there. Hold out. You can do it.

I came hard. Incredibly hard.

He came a moment after.

We stared at each other. My face was so hot, and my ears had that kind of buzzing ringing sound, the kind that causes temporary deafness after an explosion goes off.

Then he was laughing.

What?

"Feel better?" he asked.

I grinned sheepishly.

"Yeah," I said. I pulled out of him and cleaned up.

"Well, that took the edge off," he said. "Ready for round two?"

I looked at him and couldn't hold back a smirk. Still the same old Jake. I might have changed, but he didn't.

"Oh sure. Give me thirty seconds," I said.

After about ten seconds, he said, "That was thirty seconds. How about now? Now? Wait a sec. Now?"

I just shook my head.

"Enh." He jumped up. "I think I earned my coffee."

I grabbed him and kissed him. A long, thorough, possessive, 'you are mine, and I'll do anything for you' kiss. Then I let him go to finish making coffee.

"I changed my mind," Jake called out from the tent. "I LOVE camping."

I smiled. Jerk.

I handed him his coffee and made breakfast. I kept looking at him, trying to suss out if he was okay. I didn't want to be some domineering asshole who took and took and just did what he wanted with no thought about his boyfriend. I didn't want to be a domineering anything. Yeah, dominant maybe. Domineering, no. I certainly didn't want to hurt Jake because I was too self-serving to notice. No way.

Jake ate a huge breakfast, cracked wise, told me a funny story about being in a café during the week, and seemed as happy as the sky was blue.

We made love twice more that day, between hiking and swimming and lying in the hammock. It was still fast and furious, but it was also sweet and stable and the same holy hell awesome sex we had before we came up camping. Thank God.

"I could get used to this," Jake said.

Oh yeah. Me too, baby. Me too.

Sigh.

Sunday, I spent a lot of time reading while he took repeated naps.

Poor guy. I must have worn him out.

Now, if that doesn't make a guy smile, I don't know what does.

Smile.

In the mid-afternoon, we cooked s'mores over the fire.

I love my job, but for the first time in a long time, I wasn't looking forward to Monday.

Because I didn't want this to end.

While in a way, it seemed like a really long weekend—because I had changed so much—it was also far too short.

I looked at the afternoon sun, getting lower in the sky. Of course it has to happen. It was time to go.

We started hiking back down, which of course, was a hell of a lot easier than hiking up. I could tell Jake was mellow. He only made two or three wise cracks.

POV - Jake

I stared at Ryan's ass as we hiked down the mountain. Although, it was a little harder to see under the pack than it had been when we were hiking up, because of the angle.

I thought about the weekend, or more specifically the morning. The thing about Ryan was he was kind of hard to figure out. It was sort of like he was two different types of people rolled into one. Which, hey, I like a good puzzle any day. This could be interesting.

On the one hand, he liked boring as shit movies like—what the hell did he call it? Amèlie. What was with that? So he had this really artistic, adult, sensitive side. And then, holy shit, he was staggeringly stupendous, shockingly super awesome, fucking fantastic caveman yesterday morning. What was with that? That was like, intense. Major intense. But, oh shit, was it hot.

I thought I got it at the time. I mean, I knew then. I'm still kind of pretty sure, I think. He just has to be like, I don't know, king ape. Which is fine, I like to be court jester. As long as he lets me wear the king's robe and pretend to be king ape once in a while, I'm fine. Especially if he goes all caveman on me afterwards like he did. Holy fuckballs that was hot. Whoa.

I tripped over a root and landed flat on my face.

Boom.

Mouth full of dirt.

"Shit."

"Baby!"

He turned around to help me up. Lifted me up with one hand is more like it. Dusted me off. Oooo baby, baby. Brush me again.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I was fantasizing and watching your great tush, and I wasn't paying attention to where I was walking."

He smiled at me.

"Maybe I should let you walk ahead."

"Nope. I'm good."

He shook his head at me.

Like I'm going to give up the view.

We continued walking, and I continued ruminating. Let's see. First not-a-date. Holy hot fast sex on my floor. Second non-date, yowza incendiary holy smokes hot sex in his office. Third sort of date, just sleeping. Fourth—camping—definitely date. Sex on the grass, sex in the tent, sex in the water, sex against the tree, sex on the grass again.

Ryan turned around and looked at me. "Jake are you okay? Your face is a little red."

"Just fine. I always turn this shade of red when I'm trying to see under your pack and use my X-ray vision to burn through your shorts."

Ryan shook his head at me.

And, even with all the searing sex, the best thing about this weekend was probably when Ryan said, "I'm your guy." So, he's a caveman and a metrosexual. What the hell?

Now, I shook my head.

And he can cook.

Totally weird.

But pretty awesome.

POV - Ryan

We were silent for most of the drive back. Once we got back to the city, I asked, "Want to stay the night at my place?"

"I didn't bring another change of clothes," Jake said.

Which I took to be a no.

I dropped him off at his apartment. I kissed him long and hard, trying to let both the possessiveness and the caring come through. I caressed his cheek.

Then I gave him a gentle kiss. "I'll see you at work tomorrow morning. Oh wait, I won't. Crap. I just remembered I have an early morning meeting in Seattle. Fuck. Okay. I'll see you in the afternoon if I get back early enough."

"Okay," Jake said.

"It's too long," I said.

He rolled his eyes and hopped out of the car.

I went to the Italian restaurant to pick up something for dinner. There was a waiter there, a little blond twink who'd flirted with me once before. I'd forgotten he was there until I went in. He saw me standing by the door and put a lot of extra swish in his hips as he sauntered over. I looked down. I didn't want to encourage him, not even the tiniest bit. But it was good for my ego. I hate to say it, but the fact that Jake didn't want to come home with me, or invite me up to stay with him, bruised my heart a little. I completely gave myself up to a guy, and he was okay with seeing me whenever.

Maybe Jake wanted to see me more. Maybe he was just cautious. Maybe I would never fucking know because my boyfriend is a comedian.

Fuck.

I ordered the most decadent, fattening, cheese-filled thing on the menu. I took my to-go box from the twink as he batted his eyelashes at me, and I very subtly shook my head.

I didn't even put my food on a plate. I ate out of the Styrofoam container, standing up at the sink. Not really like me. I could use a drink too.

Maybe I'd watch a movie. Resident Evil, my ass. I took out my iPad and went to Netflix streaming. No, no, crappy, no, seen it, no, hell no, romantic comedy, no. The Book Thief. Yeah, that was just about my speed. Seeing someone else go through something tough was bound to make me feel better.

I went to sleep early.

In Seattle, I was off my game. I presented my drawings, and that of one of the other architects, to the potential client, but I couldn't tell if he was satisfied or not. He kept the meeting short, which was not a good sign. He didn't hire us on the spot. I hate that.

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