Not a Love Story

I was back on gay hook-up app and once again looking for man sex. In particular, I was looking for one man, B. He was hairy and attracted to sperm like a grizzly to honey, he detected scents like musky cock and man sweat at great distance.

He was a creature of habit. I saw his slut bear profile. I smiled to myself and sent him a message.

A: Hi there, B. You said that some straight men get a craving for man sex every six months and here I am, back again, looking for your hot, talented arse and mouth. [I blew him an emoji kiss.]

B: Glad to hear you haven't given up on man sex.

A: I loved it. I want to go further. To show my appreciation, here's how turned on I am thinking of you. [I sent him a picture of my cock, the strong veins lining my shaft were popping, promising texture for his tongue. Precum shone on the tip, offering scent and taste, too.]

A: You deserve it.

B: [Lapping tongue emoji] That cock deserves my ass.

A: So, did you get my emails?

B:?

A: I sent you emails about the heat, wondering if you would like it even hotter?

B: Are you referring to the heatwave?

At this point it occurs to me B doesn't remember me and didn't get my emails.

A: Yes! I was offering to come to your workplace and bend you over your desk and have hot office sex with you. [I had so wanted to use his arse and mouth to come.]

B: That's my fantasy. To be used.

A: Used like a toy. Like a slave.

B sends me emojis of a horny devil, pouting lips and a photo of his cock covered in precum. He writes, "Use me". He uploads a picture of himself on his knees, back to the camera, head turned, eyes sluttily imploring come hither, hands pulling aside the firm, thick flesh of his arse to reveal his star. I am not really turned on by the pornography of the photo. It is the lust in the eyes that cause me to grasp my cock. I also like that he is a bear, muscular with a bald head and a beard but with soft eyes and lush, thick lips. To be honest, I am leading him on to gain his knowledge - I want cock in my arse too. But now the memory of the m2m sex has been triggered. It was hot. I am already hard thinking that I am going to fuck the self-proclaimed "cock slut" whether he remembers me or not.

A: You are an irresistible cock whore. I'm hard. I want to cum deep in your arse.

B: I want your cock now. [Emojis of slurping mouths, and water droplets splashing] Precum is leaking everywhere.

A: Tomorrow?

B sends me a picture of precum oozing out from his under his foreskin and along the shaft of his cock. And I confess, "I want that precum. I want to tongue back that foreskin and rake my teeth along that shaft".

He sends more cock pics. I send some prepared ones back. He tells me, "My partner doesn't get home for two hours, we have time for a quickie". I am getting annoyed as he is obviously lost in the idea of a quick fuck.

A: I don't do quickies. Remember the summer. You said, "20 minutes is all we need". But I was there for hours.

B: I remember. That was loving. [Reality - his reality - has dawned on him. He sends a heart emoji.]

A: It was man love. You were my introduction to man sex. [I send an emoji heart to match the beating heart one I receive.]

B: You were the guy fucking three different women and they all knew about each other.

A: Who wants to fuck the same person for the rest of their life? [A winking emoji] I'm post-family. Have fun or replicate the nuclear family again? No brainer. [I send a horny devil emoji.]

To be honest, I love the immediacy of being openly lustful with him. Yet, after B and I had fucked a second time, we had lovingly held each other and briefly conversed in that honest way only fresh lovers do. I was trying to work out why he wanted to be one half of a couple because he was obviously looking for intimacy with his legs spread wide. He wouldn't talk about his partner though.

B then sends an emoji of a peach sprouting a rainbow. I reply, "I'll join you at the end of that rainbow".

B: I remember we went bareback.

The memory is intense and a little bitter, but I was trusting of him then and I am forgiving, lusty and curious now. I write back: "You raped me with your hot, greedy man cunt." That is true. It was also true that sex with a man for the first time had been a relative disappointment. He hadn't taken the time to find out what I had wanted. He wasn't as good at fellatio as my female lovers. Instead he attacked my cock with wildness and slurps but little in the way of subtlety. Then there was the initial kissing - what was this flicking the tongue out thing? Lizard action! Ugh!

I recall his hands, lips and mouth tweaked, flicked and suctioned around my body instead of seducing it. In contrast, I explored his body in deliberate, sustained caresses but I was lost on how to treat the male body. Its angles were strange, the lack of curves was baffling, the rectangular trunk form, the fucking fur around the nipples... Reality disappointing my fantasy. Not to mention the lack of a clit to tease with tongue, mouth, fingers, thumbs, palms. Nor were there slender legs curving around and over my buttocks directing me into wet, pulsing cunt. There were no swaying hips or jutting breasts and no bubble butt. Confronted with reality, I recollect being only initially semi-hard in his presence. And his cock was small. Ha! Not even fucked, but I was already a size queen.

But I wanted man sex and I knew straight sex could be disappointing too, so I persevered. I remember lying back on the bed looking at him via a wall-length mirror. I was almost detached from the fellating I was receiving. I thought of how I had got to the bed. My undressing had been unceremonious and practical; there was no charming to the floor of my muscle enhancing clothes. He was already undressed and said, "Let's go to the bedroom". Small talk had centred around the obvious fact I was about to have sex with a man for the first time.

That's when it had hit me. This was hook-up sex as transaction - get me off and I get you off. I didn't want that. I wanted passion and emotional engagement not just carnality. To enhance the mood, I became verbal and introduced timbre to my voice. "Mmmm! I like that. Go slower. Lick my balls. I love your rough beard against my balls. Make me a man's man. Make me not so straight. Make me want to kiss you at Pride. I'm going gay. That's why I'm here. Seduce me! Fuck me! Turn me! Worship those balls." I was turning myself on and he was responding and emboldened. He licked over my perineum. Oh, my delirium! I bucked. Now I was fucked. Now I knew why I was here.

A: Does it turn you on to know that I find this as easy as losing my virginity to a woman?

B: You are ripe for the plucking. Do you like your ass played with?

A: Yes. But slow! Tease it! Lather it. Saturate that arsehole. That's why I'm here. My women won't do that. They won't let me do it to them." I was lying but I had to know if a man could do that better. Oh! He could. He lapped at my hole. He fingered my hole. Slathered his tongue ravenously over my balls and shaft. Into his mouth he took my whole cock in one life affirming swallow. "That's it! Make love to my cock. You worship cock? Yeah! Be my cock slut. I'm going to take your arse. But first let me fuck that beautiful mouth, leave cum deep in your throat. Let me taste my cum on your lips." My language became brutal. My cock morphed into a head-flared-out, vein-popping, blood-engorged pleasure giver. We were finally on the same page, though not reading from the same paragraph.

He saw I was teasing my own nipples. I threw my head back and arched but I was now enjoying his gaze. When we looked, it was eye-to-eye. Lust was in the air; male pheromones were a heady, intoxicating mixture. I was thrilled to be there. "Yes! I'm not so straight. Com'ere. Let me kiss your lips." I knew his mouth would taste of my cock and I wanted to kiss him. Kissing always heightens my lust. Kissing a mouth that has sucked my cock adds to the sensuality. That soft taste was another reason for wanting to be with a man. Mmmm! Cum-softened lips.

He moved up my body and I pulled him in for a kiss. We glided our cocks together. I reached down and held his cock next to mine. I took his sticky sweet precum on my fingers and smeared it over my lips. I think he said, "Sexy" as we kissed it into each other. "I like this!" I moaned as I dappled copious precum on his nipples and - now suddenly approving of their masculine difference - purposefully sucked, nipped and feasted on them. To do that, I had raised him over my hips. He straddled me. He worked my saliva and precum-covered cock against his arse. I could feel his inner heat radiating against my cockhead.

A: You like that don't you?

B: I love your cock.

A: Tease my nipples like I tease yours. Play a little rough.

B: You sound so bear.

He finally got the teasing of my nipples right. I returned to caressing him although his body shape still felt wrong. Then I felt him swing his puckering arsehole over my cock. We were grunting our approval of the stimulation. Sweat was forming. My hard cock was playing over the yield in his flesh. I looked into his eyes and he looked into mine. I blew him a kiss. And in a hot, greedy action he positioned himself over my slicked-up cock and he showed me just how much of a cock whore he was. With a cry of ecstasy, he arched his back, breathed an orgasmic "OHHHH!" to the ceiling, and took my six inches balls deep into his man cunt.

I was assaulted. I had given no consent. I had brought protection. Through conversation we had established we should be clean of infection. but I had never sanctioned bareback sex. His hole was hot and greedy. He clenched my cock. I didn't move. His lustful motion decelerated as it became clear I was raging. Time slowed as I thought about the implications. I prevaricated between wanting to smash my fists into his jaw and wanting to continue feeling the pleasure that had begun to arise. We were both sweating, both unsure. I decided to fuck him up the arse unapologetically. This would be an ethnographic, participant observer study of selfish gay sex. We would talk later.

I also resented him taking me balls deep because I love slowly entering a woman and I had been deprived of unhurriedly entering my first man. Later I gloried in telling him: "I love the feeling of pussy lips parting and my cock going in millimetre by millimetre, teasing as I rotate my hips to touch as deeply and as powerfully as I can. I like to circle clockwise, anti-clockwise, press against the perineum, run cockhead and shaft over the clitoris and then into the vulva and then rub my cock behind the clit, stimulating, feeling her sugar walls tighten. I love to scissor to find new angles and stimulate new areas. I keep slim and toned so I can push deep and touch far inside while grinding against the clit. I stay fit to have the stamina to keep caressing and stimulating her pleasure points - inside and out, guaranteeing cream runs free on my cock. I practise yoga to control my breathing and muscles, ensuring I can make love for hours, to prolong coming until we can cum together."

He got the message. What I didn't tell him was that as he viced on my cock, the thoughts in my head were: "What a fucking selfish twat. What a cuntin' thing to do! Now I can join my girlfriends in saying that men are bad in bed."

My first time with a man and there was fuck all romance, not even bromance - just fucking. In fact, I had become softish inside him. I forget what we said to get over the moment and I probably blocked it out because what he said was inane and because I had lied about appreciating the egocentric gesture performed by his insatiable, needy arse. Why did I lie? Probably because he performed an act that ignited lust both violent and sexual and I didn't know how to deal with it as I am not a violent person.

Now I was going to dominate him and make myself cum and go. I wanted him to see my cold blue eyes while I screwed him. I had a mission, so we went missionary - but only after I had had to manually stuff my semi-hard cock back in his hole while baiting him to stimulate my nipples to send blood to my cock.

At first, with my cock inside that void, we moved arrhythmically while I tried to maintain hardness. I breathed in the tension, I kissed him deeply, forcing him into the soft bedding - it might as well have been bacio della morte because I felt betrayed. I thought of the time a woman and I fucked ferociously because we didn't like each other but still turned each other on and because we needed release. Thinking of her, I conjured an erection by thinking of how I would power into him because I wanted that orgasm. Finally, I was hard and without inhibitions. I forced his hands behind his head, held them there with my left hand. I began to increase my strokes to pounding level.

After that I remember a blur of uncompromising sex. The fuckee groaned appreciatively as my fucker thighs aggressively smacked against his while I was holding his legs over my shoulders. I fucked him antagonistically, calling him "a slut, a man cunt, a sperm dump, a cum whore, a cock-loving bitch who deserved to be fucked hard".

I said things I would normally regret but he thrust back at me as I pawed and sadistically twisted his breast plate tits. He thrilled when I leant in and tongued sweat from his neck and called him "My gay man". He swooned as I once again kissed him hard into his pillow and then allowed him to kiss me back. I maliciously forced him to beg to lick my fingers. And I let him lovingly suck them as one might suck a fat, juicy cock. I slapped his arse cheeks. He moaned for more. I raked my teeth across his neck. He said, "Do me!" In a serotonin-induced trance we fucked. At some point I lifted up from whispering breathy obscenities into his ears and looked skywards. Then I closed my eyes and sailed serenely to my own wave-crashing cum.

I orgasmed with delayed fury and relief and it sounded like it. I collapsed and lay trembling on top of him. He gaped from arse and mouth. He stated, "You bred me! That wasn't fucking, that was something...!"

I stayed a little while inside him until my cock flopped out of his dripping arsehole and I rolled to his right side. But I was still unforgiving of his violation. I looked at him and kissed him on the forehead. "I think I'm not so straight, but I definitely prefer women." It was an honest backhanded compliment. A good 90 minutes had passed. We were sweaty and satisfied. The sex had been ultimately gratifying. It had been physical, but it lacked female finesse.

But why had it been a disappointment? I realised the problem. As I was coming, he had worked his cock to orgasm amidst grunts and moans. This meant I hadn't indulged my desire to suck, rim and behave like a sex positive slut would have done - as B had done. I had wanted to know what it was like to enjoy cock not just arse and now I had to leave. We were soft and sated, yet I had not indulged all my desires. There would have to be another time. I ceased struggling with trying to justify what had just passed. Instead, I acceded to the pleasure coursing through my veins. I accepted the sex for what it was, and I had liked the ferocity of that man sex.

Back in the present and fresh from reminiscing I wrote, "Yeah, you raped my cock. I'm going to have to fuck you hard for that". I sent him a picture of my hard cock. He sent me a close-up of his arsehole. I smiled as I remembered how I had once rimmed that hot male cunt and spanked the surrounding flesh red.

B: Do you remember our second night?

A: The night I properly sucked cock? Of course.