Not What it Seemed

That didn't satisfy her.

"Look Kevin, if this is going to be a problem, I can call my dad and get my own place."

I didn't want that. I enjoyed having her with me.

"No need for that Beth. Just promise to not get mad at me if I tell you why I'm disturbed."

She gave me a look of both confusion and apprehension.

"I don't know why I'd be upset at such a sweetheart like you. Just spill it Kevin."

Sweetheart? I liked that. I wanted to be her sweetheart but in just a different way than she intended it.

I hesitated to make sure I spoke my thoughts correctly. I wanted no misunderstanding.

"Be patient with me Beth. It's not easy to explain."

"What, is the truth that hard to say?"

"This time, yes."

I knew I was cornered, I'd just have to blurt it all out and pray that she didn't run away scared.

"Okay...but remember that you are the one that wanted it."

"That's fair Kevin. I have been the aggressive one. I want the truth...no matter what."

"Okay. We've been close cousins since we were little...except now we aren't even cousins if what you're saying is true. I am disappointed that my parents didn't tell me but that's only a small part of my problem although I do feel like a dunce for being so uninformed."

"Now remember, you asked for the rest of it."

"Yes, Kevin...we've already agreed on that." She was getting impatient.

"Beth, I've developed feelings for you...feelings that would be unnatural if you were my cousin."

"Feelings, Kevin? As in romantic feelings?"

"YES!" I blurted out somewhat louder.

"Yes, Beth. For God's sake. We get along well as friends, you are very attractive and sexy, and as long as you were my cousin, I could keep those feelings in check. That kept me from ever going any further than being cousins."

"Now, I'm not living with my cousin. I'm living with a girl that I've had a crush on for so many years. That changes the way I look at you."

"I don't want you to leave. I enjoy having you here. I just wish you felt the same way about me. That would make it easier."

"Hey blockhead (a favorite friendly insult of hers), what makes you think I've never thought of you that way?

"Not once have you ever shown an interest in me other than like a friend. Damn it Kevin, I'm not the kind to make the first move. I may be fairly liberated in some areas but I still like the guy to make the first move."

"Well, shit Beth, I thought you were my cousin. I felt like such a pervert for even looking at you in a sexual way."

"So, when you thought I was your cousin, you'd just have me living here to lust over...but never act on it?"

"Exactly. It didn't matter how hot I thought you were, I was not going to get romantic with my cousin."

"Kevin, that makes sense. In fact, I will admit to admiring your self-restraint."

"Look, you and your brother Doug and nice looking young men. Doug knew we weren't cousins but he had no desire for me at all. I just figured that you had no interest in a tall, skinny blonde with small boobs, a tiny ass, and an average face. You could get a real hot babe if you tried."

I took offense to that.

"What in the hell do you mean by that? I just told you about my feelings. I must obviously think that you're pretty hot. Hell, I got excited when I saw your tits the day you moved in."

Oops. I didn't mean to say that. Was I in trouble?

"Hold on a sec. How did you see my tits that day?"

Time for honesty. I knew she wouldn't let me off the hook on this one. Me and my big mouth.

"To clarify, just your left tit."

"That's not an answer, Kevin."

"I know. You were wearing a loose fitting sleeveless blouse that day. No bra. When we got back to the apartment after lunch, we were unpacking your things."

"Sometimes you would bend over and it gave a sizeable gap on the sides of your blouse. Your left boob was on full display. I tried not to look, but it was just too sexy to ignore. I got several looks that day."

"I'm really not a pervert Beth. Guys notice things like that. If it hadn't been me, it would have been any other guy. In my case, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Besides, what was I supposed to tell you? Hey, Beth...your boob is showing?"

"Yeah, I guess that would have been more than awkward. Still, the thought of exposing even that much is kind of embarrassing."

"Really, more embarrassing than me telling you about my feelings for you?"

"Why would that be embarrassing, Kevin. I'm flattered by it. Showing off my boob wasn't on purpose. That's embarrassing?"

"Why would that be embarrassing? It was a nice sight...and you have a very attractive left boob. Take that as a compliment. Also take as a compliment that you have a very beautiful face because I mean that just as much as I meant the comment about your boob."

"Okay...we're even on the embarrassment stuff. I have to get to class soon. Can we finish our discussion later? I should be home before 5. What time are you home tonight?"

"Beth, I'll be at home after 2 today. I only have two classes on Monday and Wednesdays. I'll go to my next class and then I'll probably have to go to the library before coming home."

"Good...we do need to talk Kevin. I think we both know that things have changed."

"No shit! I just knew if it was good or bad."

"Don't worry Kevin. It's all good. I'm not going anywhere. I want to live here. It's just that we need to discuss things in more detail. I don't expect much homework tonight so maybe we'll have a few hours together."

I probably spent the longest wait of my life waiting for Beth to be finished with classes. I took the liberty of getting a pizza for us to share for dinner. At 4:55 Beth came through the door. Smiling.

"Hey! Oh, you got some pizza? Good call. I didn't feel like cooking anything. You must not have wanted to cook either. Gives us a little more time together."

We were thinking the same thing.

"Hey, let me change into something more comfortable."

Beth came out wearing that same sleeveless shirt that she had worn the day she moved in.

"You're right Kevin. I was checking it out in your mirror and my boobs do come into view at the right angle. God, I wonder how many guys would have seen my boobs if I hadn't been wearing a bra."

"I didn't wear a bra that day because it was hot and I would be sweating from the moving."

"I assume you're wearing one now, right?"

"Why should I Kevin? You've already seen it. Besides, I know not to bend too far to give you a show. So there!"

She laughed at her tease as she playfully stuck out her tongue at me. That was typical of Beth. We always teased each other.

Still, I wanted to dive into the pizza as well as the vital conversation that got suspended earlier in the day.

I decided that brutal honesty was the best way to approach this.

"Okay Beth. Let me start. First of all, I was fine with this being completely platonic when I thought you were my cousin. If I had known what everyone else knew, I would have asked you out a long time ago."

"Kevin, my only problem is that people look at us like cousins, even though we all know that we aren't. I know it's not incestuous for us to have these feelings, but I'm not too sure our parents would agree."

"I've always looked at your parents and addressed them as my aunt and uncle. This is a very difficult position we're in. I share similar feelings for you but..."

She paused as I saw some tears escape from her eyes.

"Why does this have to be so damn hard? I fight the urge to be pissed off at everyone that would pass judgment on us."

I understood her better at that point.

The fact is that if we had been boyfriend-girlfriend, there was probably no way that her dad would have moved her in with me.

If we act out on our feelings, then sex would certainly be a possibility in the future.

"Kevin, if we take this further, you know we'll have to keep it quiet from our family, right?"

"I know. I've already thought of that. I can handle their disapproval but I really need the financial support...and so do you."

"No kidding. Without your uncle picking up the tab on my part of the rent as well as your pickup expenses, it would be tough to make it."

"And if he got upset enough, he could pull me out of college completely by not paying my tuition."

I was still staring at her chest, knowing that there was no bra underneath. Again, my mouth went off before my better sense kicked in.

"Beth, could I ask you a favor? Would you please raise up your blouse so I could see both breasts...I mean...I've seen one already."

Did I really say that? I'm not sure who was more surprised...me or her. Me and my big mouth. I think the blood I was supposed to be using for my brain had completely gone to my cock.

"I can't believe you asked me that?" Beth said in obvious shock. "Why would you ask me such a thing?"

"I'm sorry. My big mouth went off before I could think about how rude that sounded. It's probably because I enjoyed that first time so much. Please forgive my juvenile request. You don't owe me that."

She looked satisfied with my apology.

"Don't worry Kevin. I guess you get a little too honest at times. Actually, I'm flattered and shocked that you'd ask for that, though."

"Flattered?"

"Well, obviously you liked what you saw. Someone like myself that doesn't have much up top...well, it's nice to know you like them."

"Thanks Beth...you're the best. Yes, I really did like what I saw but I need to be more discreet in the future."

That brought Beth to the next question.

"Speaking of discretion, how do we handle our feelings?"

Again, honesty was going to be my best policy.

"Well...think about it."

"We've know each other our entire lives. We've been great friends. Feelings have developed but never acted upon."

"What would have happened in normal circumstances? We would have dated. Held hands. Kissed. Groped. Emotions and hormones would have ran wild and we'd be in bed together probably. That's just the normal progression of a relationship."

Beth looked at me. She understood and agreed with what I was saying.

"That's the part that disturbs me Kevin. What if we got to that stage? How long do we live together and go to school together before people know we're an item?"

"How long before our parents know. I love Bill and Evelyn so much. I don't want to hurt them."

"Beth, since you want my honest opinion, I'll give it to you."

"Okay."

"It is impossible to ignore the feelings that exist. Living together for the next 3 years will expose and enhance those feelings even more. Again, I'm being deadly honest here. I have looked at you for years now wondering what you look like under those clothes. Nothing you can do can change that. That's just the man in me."

"Again, I'm just trying to be truthful. I'm not making a pass at you or dropping any hints. I'm just sharing what the next three years will be like. When I thought you were my cousin, it was much easier to keep those feelings at bay."

"Now, I see you as a beautiful and available young lady. Also, I don't just want you as a sex partner. I've always desired being around you even when you were dressed up in layers of clothes during the cold winter."

"You see, I've always loved you. Today, that's taken a different turn for me. So, for me, I'd like to get to know you in a more romantic way but keep it as discreet as possible. Guys already think that my cousin lives here but eventually they can know the truth."

"I think during Christmas break, I can talk to mom and dad and see what they say. If they make too much noise about it, we'll just continue to keep it under wraps until we graduate."

A lot of conversation followed. Some of it was light-hearted. Talk of childhood events. Family Christmas on the ranch. We'd always spend Christmas Eve and Day at her house on the ranch.

Before we knew it, we'd only eaten one piece pizza each and it was getting near 9pm.

"I think it's time for bed," Beth suggested. "Remember, we still have to get up at 4 in the morning to get ready for work at 5."

I was enjoying the evening so much since the tension had broken. This night was almost like any other night. Great conversation and laughter...and teasing.

Although I didn't usually give her a hug at bedtime, tonight was different. I headed to my bedroom to change into my pajamas and before departing, I gave her a nice hug.

"Thanks for being so understanding tonight Beth. You made it easier for me to open up."

"Same here, Kevin. Things have changed. I'm going to treat you more like a boyfriend from now on. We've easily progressed to that point."

Usually, I'd close my bedroom door when changing but on that night I left it open. I didn't care if Beth walked in and saw me. In fact I hoped that some night she would. Who knows? Maybe that would be the spark needed to take things to a more physical level. I wanted her that night but I knew it wasn't going to happen.

Beth came in after I had changed for bed. Usually she would grab her clothes out of her dresser and change in the bathroom. Not this time.

She took out her short pajamas and laid them on top of my bed. She casually removed her top, revealing those amazing small tits that I had wanted to see. Without saying a word, she pulled down her pants, revealing a pair of plain white panties. She put on her pajama shorts first, saving the covering of her breasts until last. I didn't say a word but my eyes were fixed on her partially naked body.

I was fixated on her smallish breasts with large puffy areolas and nipples. She noticed my stare.

"Look Kevin, we're going to live together for the next three years. There's no need for modesty. At the very least, we can change clothes in front of each other."

"I agree but...let's face it...your boobs were on display for quite a while."

"I know. You wanted to see them. No big deal anymore. You'll be seeing them a lot from now on. No need to cover them up."

Wow. What caused that sudden change of attitude? I wasn't going to push my luck any further by asking to see more.

Ten minutes later my mind was still swimming with all the events of the day. I never had the kind of feelings for any girlfriend like this. Yes, the feelings of lust were there, but the feelings of love and caring were not there before with the others.

With the other girls, I would have been content with a bed buddy and nothing else. I knew that this was different because I had known her for so long as well as loving her for so long. Even if she really was my cousin, I still would have loved her and cared a lot about her. She was a special person to me even before the revelations of the day.

I knew I needed to sleep but my mind wouldn't shut down. I tried laying on my back, both sides, and belly but sleep wouldn't come to me.

I heard footsteps. Beth must have to go to the bathroom.

No, she stepped into my room and sat on the edge of my bed.

"I can hear you in the other room moving around. You're not able to sleep either, huh?"

"You too?"

"Yeah, if you don't mind, your bed is bigger than mine. I'll just lay next to you."

"In fact, maybe if you put your arm around me, I'll be able to go to sleep."

I couldn't believe it. She was laying next to me in a thin cotton pajama top with no bra on...and she wants me to put my arm around her. Does she even have a clue how tough she's making this on me? I've been trying hard to behave.

Without waiting for an answer, she pulled the covers over herself and snuggled next to me. Her ass was right up against my cock.

I put my right arm around her waist, being careful not to touch her tits. However, my arm was now against the elastic waist hem of her pajama bottoms. That's all it took to get my cock hard. Beth noticed it.

"Good grief Kevin. It didn't take much to get you hard. You must be a virgin, right?"

"What's that have to do with it? I have my arm around a beautiful woman wearing nothing but thin pajamas and no bra. It's a natural reaction. I honestly can't control the feelings. I can only control what I do with them...and that's hard to do."

"Are you a virgin, Kevin? A simple yes or no is enough."

"Technically, yes."

"Technically? What in the hell was that mean?"

I told her about Allie.

"So, everything but insertion, huh?"

"Insertion and oral. I've seen and felt up everything else."

"How about you, Beth? You still a virgin?"

She got quiet.

"Hey, I answered you honestly. You owe me the same."

"I know I do. I guess we're alike in more than one way. Mine is even stranger than yours."

"Really? How's that?"

"I was at a party when I was 15. There were a few guys there. I got talked into playing strip poker. Once I was naked and lost a hand, I had to do a dare. Well, my dare was to take a cucumber out of the fridge and insert it."

"My hymen was broken that day, but I've never had a man inside of me. That so-called girlfriend of mine is no longer a friend. I was 3 miles from home and that would have been a long walk at night. If I had called mom or dad, I have no idea how they would have reacted towards her parents, even though they weren't home at the time. They were customers of Dad's. I know I shouldn't have done it but the others had done it and the peer pressure was strong."

"Keep this between us. They still don't know about it."

"My lips are sealed, Beth. I'm just so sorry that it happened. It was almost like raping yourself."

She began to cry.

"That's exactly how I felt Kevin. That's why I like you so much. No, I love you. You have the ability to understand how traumatic that was, even though you're not female."

"I love you too, Beth. Let's turn over and get some sleep. Don't worry about my cock. If it needs attention, I have years of experience in taking care of it."

"That's funny, Kevin. You have quite a way with words. By the way, put your arms around me again. No rules. Your hands can go anywhere they want. I won't stop you."

I couldn't believe my ears. Anywhere? Should I test her invitation?

I put my arms around her waist like I had done before. My cock was still hard and I knew that I'd eventually go into either her fold out bed or the bathroom to relieve the tension.

I slowly moved my right hand up to her breasts. There was no resistance at all. I got a great feel for those small orbs that I had just seen less than a half hour earlier.

Would she let me move my hand below her panties? Maybe, but for the night I wanted her to get some sleep. She was motionless as I played with her boobs. I felt the relaxation in her body. I knew she'd be asleep soon.

For my part, I was going to have to remove the hardness of my pajama bottoms from against her ass.

Once I realized she was asleep, I slowly moved my arm away from her as well as my crotch against her pajama covered ass.

I had no sooner stood up that I could see her head move up in the darkened room.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm sorry, I thought you were asleep. I need to take care of this hard-on and I didn't want to wake you up by doing it here."

"What if I help you take care of it?"

"Huh?"

"Turn on the light, Kevin."

I did as I was told. Beth took off her covers and stood up.

She quickly removed her pajama top, revealing her sexy tits again. Just a quickly, she removed both her pajama bottoms and underwear...standing in front of the bed completely naked.

I saw her full blonde bush in all its glory. My cock was aching for a release.

"What do you think I mean, Kevin? Take off your pajamas. Lay on your back. I'll take care of that hard-on for you and then we'll just sleep in the nude, okay?"

Who was I to argue? I did exactly as I was told.