Notes From The Underground

Karolyn often wondered if Kathryn had found herself in the same predicament during her engagement. They had of course, discussed kissing and the effect it had on them, but their discussions had been brief and full of nervous tension due to the uncomfortable and personal nature of the subject. Karolyn often thought about Kathryn now that her own time was approaching. She missed her friend and so wished that they could talk again. In fact, Karolyn had found herself quite alone after Kathryn had left for her honeymoon. The two had been best of friends during most of their school years and their friendship had seemed to intensify just before Kathryn's wedding.

As with most small groups of girls, friendships had formed and intensified based on both age and personality. The old saying that opposites attract seemed to apply to the group. Kathryn and Karolyn had been the two oldest, with Karolyn the more outgoing of the two girls. Although, Kathryn had been older, she was always reserved and thoughtful, cautious, and accepting of authority and the status quo. Karolyn was the exact opposite, spontaneous, confident and sure of herself, and always questioning Headmistress Echo and her teachers. It would seem on the face of it, that they would have made an ill matched pair however each girl's strength seemed to complement the other, Kathryn's thoughtfulness checking Karolyn's spontaneity and Karolyn's self-confidence challenging Kathryn's caution.

It was likewise with the other girls, especially Krystal and Kourtney, the two youngest. These two formed the other pair in the relationship cliques that dominated the group. Unfortunately this left the Krystyn (the 'middle child'), as the 'loner' of the group, although it would have been unfair to characterize her as lonely. Quite the contrary, Krystyn managed to drift between the two cliques quite easily, but usually ended up spending her time with Krystal and Kourtney, rather than Kathryn and Karolyn. After Kathryn's marriage, Krystyn spent most of her time with the younger two girls, shying away from Karolyn. This was due to the fact that like Karolyn, Krystyn was vivacious and outgoing and both girls ended up clashing personality-wise more often than not. With the younger girls, Krystyn found her matching 'opposite' with the relatively shy and reticent Kourtney while dominating her more outgoing partner, Krystal. The end result was that Karolyn found herself without a partner or confidant in the now, smaller group of four girls. Not that this really bothered her, since most of Karolyn's free time was spent with Laura and India planning the wedding. Still, there were times when it would have been comforting to have Kathryn around, if for no other reason than to share her excitement and anxiety.

She had questioned Laura, India, and Headmistress Echo about Kathryn on several occasions and each time the response had been the same: as a newly married woman and wife, Kathryn was busy and preoccupied with her new-found responsibilities. In time she would hear from her, but for now she needed to be patient. Karolyn had accepted this at first, but after more and more time went by without a word from her friend, this explanation seemed less and less satisfying, and she had questioned the Headmistress again.

"It seems strange that Kathryn has not even sent us a greeting" remarked Karolyn. She had just finished another planning session with India and the Headmistress has stopped by to get an update on the latest news for the big event.

India and the Headmistress had exchanged brief but knowing glances before Echo replied "Not at all. After all, she's probably just got back from her honeymoon and there is so much for her to do settling in with Alex and all. You'll hear from her soon, I'm sure."

Karolyn looked at the two older women, but she remained unconvinced. "Surely she can't be that busy. How long would it take to dash-off a quick hello to her old friends?"

The Headmistress sighed and said sternly "I know it's hard for you to understand now, but when you get married and take on all the responsibilities of a wife, life can become quite demanding. You will find this out for yourself soon enough. You will see Kathryn again fairly soon, I can assure you, and when you do, you will have plenty of time to catch-up. Till then, I suggest you worry about your own concerns. After all, you don't want to make Laura unhappy, do you?"

"No ma'am" said Karolyn. She could tell from the tone of her Headmistress's voice that pursing the matter further was futile. No additional information about Kathryn would be forthcoming. After Headmistress Echo left, Karolyn questioned India, who was not only more sympathetic in most matters, but usually helpful. "I still don't understand" she said.

India looked at her and patted her hand. "You miss her don't you" she said.

"Yes" said Karolyn. "We were best friends. I can't believe Kathryn has completely forgotten about me, no matter how busy she is. It's not like her. Not at all".

"She hasn't forgotten about you my dear" said India sympathetically. "It's just that…that…well a new wife has so much to think about and do. I am afraid I have to agree with Headmistress Echo this time. You'll just have to be patient. Everything will become clear in time."

Karolyn could see that her Aunt was sincere and she dropped the matter saying "OK, I guess you're right. But I hope it's not too much longer."

"It won't be, I assure you."

That had been two weeks ago and still there had been no word from Kathryn. Karolyn decided to try another tact, this time with Laura. Looking at her moonlit fiancé, she said "What do you think Kathryn and Alex are doing right now?"

The sparks in Laura's eyes went out and they became as dark as her lips in the saturating moonlight. However Laura instantly replied "They are probably sleeping, after all it's late."

Karolyn frowned. "I mean, do you think they are back from their honeymoon? If so, do you think they have finished moving into their new place?"

Echo had warned Laura about Karolyn's inquiries and curiosity about Kathryn, so she was not entirely unprepared for these questions. Still, Laura had not expected the abrupt and sudden introduction of this topic into their usual evening routine. After a slight pause she said with a sly smile, "They are certainly back from their honeymoon. As for settling in, well, that can take some time".

Karolyn failed to see the humor in her fiancé's comment and she persisted more forcefully "Have you heard from Alex?"

"No…not lately. But I'm sure she's fine".

"How can you be so sure?"

Laura's brow creased as she fought to control her temper. She disliked this farce and her role in it and even worse, she was not used to be questioned, especially in this manner by a subordinate. Suddenly she sympathized with Alex and what she had been forced to endure. It would be nice when this was finally over and this silly child was safely diapered in the dungeon. Perhaps, when all was done, she and Alex could go on their own 'honeymoon'. Taking a deep breath Laura said "Look, if there was a problem I would have heard about it. I can't just intrude on Alex's personal life like this. When she and Kathryn are ready we'll most certainly see or hear from them. Till then, it's not worth worrying about."

Karolyn was not satisfied with her fiancé's response. I was just like Headmistress Echo's and India's. She was about to question Laura further when Krystyn approach them.

"There you are! I've been looking all over for you two. Headmistress Echo said to tell you its past light's out and to finish up for tonight."

Karolyn frowned but said "OK. Tell her I'll be in shortly."

"OK" said Krystyn, running back into the Schoolhouse.

It was clear that she would not be able to question Laura further tonight, but Karolyn made up her mind to continue the conversation at the next possible opportunity. Laura walked her back to the Schoolhouse and after a long lingering kiss, said goodnight.

As Karolyn undressed for bed she resolved to press Laura and India further until she obtained a satisfactory answer. As she sat down and removed her shoes, she noted a smooth and tapered white cylinder lying on the floor next to the foot of her bed. Reaching over she picked up the smooth plastic object and looked it over. It was clearly not hers yet it looked familiar. Examining it more closely she noted the grooves along its length. Where have I seen this before she thought? Then it occurred to her, it was the handle to the automatic cleaning wand that serviced her room and the Schoolhouse daily. It must have fallen off the machine earlier in the day while it cleaned her room. Well, she would give it to one of the staff tomorrow. However as she reached out to put it on her desk, she noted the smoothness of it surface and the way it tapered to a perfectly rounded cap at one end. Suddenly an idea flashed through Karolyn's mind. It would be absolutely perfect for…Blushing she tried to banish the idea from her mind as she dropped the cylinder on her desk. After undressing and brushing her teeth, Karolyn closed the light and climbed into bed, naked.

She had been sleeping naked for almost four years now. This had started a couple of years after she had discovered the Secret. The Secret was almost too embarrassing to even think about, but shortly after the hair had appeared on her pisshonie, Karolyn had discovered the intense and incredible pleasure she could give herself, alone in her room each night, by touching herself. There was one spot in particular, on her pisshonie, her secret spot that sent unbelievable waves of pleasure through her body when she rubbed it. The pleasure was so intense and exciting that once experienced, it quickly became irresistible not to mention additive. After the first few times Karolyn had found herself unable to resist and she began an almost nightly routine of rubbing her secret spot. It was only on days when she was completely exhausted (and this was very infrequent) that she refrained from indulging in her additive and secret habit. Of course, Karolyn had been curious about her secret and wanted to ask Headmistress Echo and even Kathryn about it, but it was just too embarrassing a subject to even broach with anyone else. At first she had worried about it, but since it seemed to leave no tell-tale signs or have any ill effects, Karolyn's anxiety had receded after awhile (although a constant nagging guilt had persisted in the back of her mind).

As time went by, Karolyn began to actually look forward with considerable anticipation to these nightly bedtime sessions by herself. Although her guilty feelings persisted, so did the memory of the intense physical pleasure (which seemed to increase as she got older). In fact her cravings intensified especially after spending time kissing Laura. Although Karolyn longed to discuss this with Kathryn or one of the other girls (or even India for that matter) her embarrassment was as intense as her pleasure and she knew that she would never be able to broach the matter with anyone. Her bedtime secret therefore became the Secret. Karolyn had also noted that the more she indulged herself with this guilty pleasure the more 'adventurous' she became in exploring her body 'down there'. Ideas, too shameful to even contemplate, sprang unbidden into her mind as her addiction grew along with the need to extend and intensify her taboo pleasure.

If she had asked herself, Karolyn would truthfully admit that she could not remember or tell the first time she had done the Unthinkable. It had happened perhaps three months ago during one of her nightly sessions. As she lay in bed rubbing herself (and although she did not realize it) moaning with the tingles of pleasure that rushed through her body, the idea of the Unthinkable leapt into her mind seemingly out of nowhere. As the fingers of Karolyn's right hand massaged her wet and quivering pisshonie, she could feel the opening between her legs become looser and increasingly dilated with each stroke. Funny, but she had never noticed this before (although she had often wondered why and how she became so wet when she rubbed herself this way). Spreading her legs wide she explored her pisshonie's loose opening with her finger tips. That's when the Unthinkable happened. Seemingly unbidden by her conscious mind, Karolyn found herself exploring the deep and hidden recesses of her pisshonie with her index finger. As she poked around inside she found the Spot. Without warning her body convulsed in a wave of intense pleasure that almost bordered on pain. When it subsided Karolyn found her body bathed in sweat and trembling from the spasm of pleasure. Sitting up in bed, she found that she was breathing hard and waves of heat seemed to radiate from her skin.

Shaken, Karolyn had staggered, legs trembling, into her bathroom and into the shower, running cool water over her head and over-heated body until her breathing retuned to normal and her knees stopped shaking. After hastily drying off, she returned to bed her mind in a daze. Her head was whirling and despite her shock over what she had done to herself Karolyn fell almost instantly into a deep and relaxed sleep. The next day, the events of that evening occupied her mind. The day seemed to drag and Karolyn struggled through it as if in a fog. After dinner she immediately retired to her quarters, alone, to finally think about what had transpired and to try and make sense of it. However her knowledge of her body and its workings were too limited and too shrouded with taboos for her to make much headway. At first Karolyn surmised that she had accidentally triggered some spasmodic reaction in her body by touching herself in the unthinkable way she had the previous evening. Perhaps it was like a 'Charlie-horse' or muscle spasm induced by holding your leg or arm rigid for too long. At first this made sense to her. After all, just as holding your leg tense and rigid for too long was clearly foolish, sticking your fingers inside your pisshonie was also unwise, not to mention forbidden. In fact perhaps, this was the very reason why it was forbidden to do such a thing. Lucky she had not killed herself. In fact, the thought of being found dead, naked in bed, with her fingers inside her pisshonie sent a shiver of panicked fear along Karolyn's spine. What had she been thinking?

Horrified, Karolyn decided that what had happened had been a warning; that she had been lucky, and she resolved then and there to stop her secret nocturnal activities before they got the better of her. Feeling a bit better as well as relieved, she showered and went to bed. However sleep did not come so easy. Instinctively her right hand wandered to her pisshonie and Karolyn found herself absently running her fingers through the hair between her legs. Mortified, she got up and put on her longest and thickest nightgown. However as she lay in bed, her mind continued to be troubled. Although she was relieved by her decision to abandon the Secret, part of her mourned its loss. She knew it would be difficult to give up something that brought her so much pleasure; in fact paradoxically and despite the danger, it was the only thing that she could truly call her own or that brought her such intense joy at the school. Sure Kathryn and the other girls were close and even intimate friends and they did have good times together here; but, their lives were so controlled and regulated and their privacy severely limited. In addition, they shared everything, even clothes at times, and the few possessions Karolyn could call her own were inconsequential: a toothbrush, some odd items of clothing, and a few stuffed animals, perhaps. Even her room did not really belong to her and ultimately she must leave all this behind when she eventually married. The Secret however intangible had been truly hers. She would miss it greatly. Alone in the dark Karolyn sighed. Why did everything fun and pleasurable in life always turn out to be wrong?

The next morning Karolyn felt better and was pretty much her old self. However that night she returned to her musings over the Secret and the Unthinkable. Melancholy, she knew it was too dangerous to return to her previous ways, still she continued to mourn her loss. This continued for a week or so during which her physical craving grew. By the end of the second week, Karolyn was becoming somewhat frantic. This was going to be much more difficult than she had thought. Even with her longest and heaviest nightgown on, her right hand seemed to find its way unbidden to her pisshonie. Karolyn found herself rubbing herself in short bursts through the heavy garment in a vain attempt to calm her ever heightening desire. As little tingles of pleasure traversed her body, she fought to control her shameful physical addiction. Then it happened. She must have rubbed too long or too hard but before Karolyn knew what was happening, the intense wave of pleasure swept though her body. God! It felt so good! Especially after her two week abstinence. When the pleasure subsided Karolyn, sat up horrified at first at what she had done. However she quickly noted how good she felt; her body felt relaxed and her mind calm and strangely relieved. Perhaps she had been too hasty with her analysis. Maybe it was OK after all to indulge in the Secret. After all, she had done so for a long time before the Unthinkable had happened. Maybe if she just refrained from putting her fingers inside her pisshonie, she could indulge again in her wonderful addiction.

Karolyn decide to experiment. She would go back to her Secret for a week and then see how she felt. If nothing untoward happened, then she had probably overreacted and would continue. If on the other hand there was another incident, of any kind, she would have to quit for good. For the next week Karolyn resumed her former nightly activities, being careful to keep her probing fingers away from the forbidden opening in her pisshonie. As she had hoped, all went well with her secret pleasurings and by the second week she had returned to her old habits. Karolyn also noted that she felt strangely better: more relaxed and even tempered and that she slept much more soundly.

However as time went on, she found it harder and harder to keep her probing fingers way from the opening into her pisshonie. Eventually the inevitable happened and during one of her nightly sessions, she found herself probing the insides of her pisshonie again. As she moved her fingers inside she again touch the Spot and her body was instantly convulsed in an intense seizure of pleasure that left her breathing hard and covered in sweat. Unlike the first time, Karolyn did not panic. As she recovered, and cooled down, and as her breathing returned to normal she noted in a detached sort of way her physical reactions. It was not unlike running a race. The sudden burst of intense 'activity' in both cases left her breathless and sweaty but none the worse for wear. In fact, she felt relaxed and calm, if not happy. She had clearly over-reacted the first time. Yes, she had exerted herself, but no more than she would have in doing a good dash. Karolyn decided to experiment again; she would stick her finger inside again the next few times and see what happened. If she continued to feel the same way, then she decided, it must be safe after all to do the Unthinkable and she would continue whenever she felt the need or desire.

And so it went and with time Karolyn's anxiety over the matter faded until it was but a distant memory. The only problem was that in order to do the Unthinkable, Karolyn needed to twist and stretch her fingers till they hurt. Doing this once in a while was not so bad, but just as the Secret was addictive the Unthinkable was even more so. Soon, Karolyn's fingers where aching even during the day, making her daytime activities difficult and uncomfortable. As she looked at the cleaning wand handle in her hand, she realized that she was holding the solution to her problem. No one would miss it; maintenance had probably already replaced it anyways or would do so before morning. Moreover she could easily conceal it in her room, and even if it was found, she could always claim to have 'forgotten' to turn it in. Besides, who would be wiser anyways as to what went on? It was not like the handle could 'talk'.