Nothing is Ever What It Seems Ch. 03

Hallie counted the seconds until she heard her front door close.

"I'm sorry, Jack." She said again, and heard her pathetic little voice.

Jack went to her, but before he could reach her, his son rushed towards his mother, dropping the soldiers in his hands and outstretched his arms, defending her from his father.

"You've already made Uncle Brad leave." He said, his voice quivering. "Don't you d-d-dare do anything to mommy-"

"Alex, no! Say sorry to your father now!"

"NO!"

"NOW!" Hallie shouted at him.

Her son looked up at her and saw the tears in his mother's eyes. He then turned to his father and whispered the words, "sorry." He said quietly.

It was clear from his tone that he didn't mean it. Worried that Jack would say something, Hallie said sternly, "Alex, go to your room. Don't come out until I say so."

Throughout the exchange, Jack had said nothing. She was worried that her son's outburst would result in him striking out at him. She remembered clearly when her son was just a toddler, Jack had slapped him hard once when he wouldn't stop crying. Jack was drunk when he came home and had told Hallie he needed to stop her three year old son from crying.

When Hallie couldn't, he had slapped him hard across his face to shut him up. That had made the child cry even louder. Hallie had rushed over and shielded her son from any further abuse, hugging him tightly.

Jack had told her to move but she wouldn't and so she had suffered the abuse, until he was satisfied and Alex had stopped crying.

From then on, Hallie had vowed she would never allow him to hit her children. She would rather kill him than see her children harmed.

"He's a mouthy piece of shit isn't he?" He grinned he said to himself as he watched his son climb the stairs, "He'll make a good lawyer."

Hallie stared at him open-mouthed she didn't expect the reaction.

Just when she thought everything was okay she turned to go back to the kitchen but Jack held her back by grabbing a chunk of her hair and pulling it near the root. This caused Hallie to drop to her knees. The pain was excruciating.

He twisted a chunk of her hair and tugged it harder. He leaned down so that he was level with her, his face mere inches away from hers, "Never disobey me." His hand gripping her hair moved even closer to the roots and he pulled harder, until a few strands gave way. "If I see you with alone with any man again, this will not be your only punishment, you hear me?"

Hallie nodded as tears started to form in her eyes from both the pain and humiliation.

He dropped the tight grip on her hair. Immediately his other hand grabbed her chin, so that she was forced to look up at him. He started squeezing painfully on her jaw. "Say it!"

"Y-yes I understand, J-Jack."

"I like it when you're like this, babe. I really don't like hurting you." He said but he squeezed even more painfully. "But it's like you get a thrill out of pissing me off." He lowered his voice as if he was telling her a secret. "It's as if you're so stupid that you can't see I don't like that cunt, so you decide to invite him over to my home. I told you I didn't want him to come near you."

"I'm s-sorry Jack... please forgive me. Please."

He leaned down again, his face coming very close to hers. Hallie flinched, in fear he'd hit her again. Instead he kissed her cheek lightly. He wiped away a tear with the pad of his thumb.

"You are so beautiful." He said to her, as his hands went to the button on her shirt.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Hallie pretended to sleep as she heard Jack get dressed. He zipped his trousers and left her on the carpeted floor. She heard the front door close and was relieved that he was going out. She mentally counted to sixty, to ensure he wouldn't come back.

Immediately she dressed herself and got up to turn off the cooking food in the kitchen. It was good that she left it on a very low heat when she heard the argument between the brothers. Then, she ran upstairs to her son's room.

Alex was in bed and when he saw his mother near the door. He pulled the covers over his head. She could see the tears that stained his face.

She went to him and sat at the side of his bed.

"Alex-"

"Go a-away." He said stuttering his words through the tears, "I know I did n-nothing w-w-wrong this time!"

"Honey it's not that." she said trying to ease the covers, but Alex held on tight. "I-I like uncle Brad. He was nice. He was p-playing with me. Until he came home. You always take his side, e-even though he is wrong. Always!"

Hallie couldn't say anything, the words choking her, and her tears blinding her rational mind.

When Alex realised his mother didn't say any more he eased the cover over his head and saw her desperately trying to stop her tears from falling.

His lips quivered as he realised he had hurt his mom. He went to her and laid his head on her lap. "Mommy, I don't hate you, I love you... b-but I hate him. I know he...h-hurts you. But you don't say anything."

He paused trying to contain his emotions, "U-Uncle Brad said I was a man today because I won the soldier game against him. He said soldiers fight for their country, their p-p-parents, brother, sister, w-wife and children. But I'm not a man... I can't protect you."

She hugged him tightly, "No, honey that's not true. I failed you."

He reached up and played with her hair, "Mommy, why do y-you stay with him?" He asked.

"Alex, you're too young, you don't understand, I..." She tried to think of an excuse, "I love your daddy."

"No you don't" He said in a matter of fact tone. "Love means respect and should be unconditional."

Hallie looked down at him in surprise, "where did you learn those words?"

"Ryan told me."

Hallie paused feeling a strong ache in her heart.

"He told me if you love someone you should never hurt them."

Of course Ryan would say something like that, Hallie thought.

"That man hurts you..." Alex continued, "so why do you stay with him?"

"Alex, it's complicated-"

"Then explain it to me!"

"When you're older you'd understand honey. For now, just understand that I want the best for you."

"Mommy, if you want the best for me, I don't want to see him any more. I hate him, I hate this place. I hate seeing him shout. I hate everything whenever he's around!"

"Why can't you be with Ryan?"

"Alex!"

"I heard them talking about you when we went on the Ferris Wheel." He took a deep breath, "Ryan loves you mommy, why can't you be with him?"

"Alex, listen to me." Hallie said desperately, "Never say this when your father's around. If you love me, then please do not anger your father."

"Have you ever thought about being with him?"

"No, I haven't Alex."

"But you love him too, I see how happy you are when you are with him."

"I'm happy when I see Jared too. I'm happy when I see your teacher, Mr. Gardener. I'm happy when-"

"It's different with Ryan." Alex cut in. "You smile differently."

It always amazed but always annoyed her slightly how smart her 7 year old could be.

She closed her eyes, trying hard to think and concentrate. Is it that obvious that even Alex could see it? She was fearful - maybe Jack already knew...still she couldn't allow her son to ever repeat this.

"Alex, Ryan and I are just friends. I am very happy with your daddy-"

Before Hallie could continue, Alex already shifted and laid back on the bed. He pulled the covers to cover himself and turned the other way, ignoring Hallie. it was clear that the discussion was over.

"Alex-"

"I want to sleep. Please t-t-turn the light off when you go o-o-out."

Defeated, Hallie left her son's room and made her way to her own room.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

You smile differently...

Her son's words were clearly etched in her mind as she tried hard to fall asleep.

Was it that obvious?

It was clear her children adored Ryan, and it also seemed that the feelings were mutual on Ryan's side. But can she really leave Jack? Can she ignore his threat and find happiness?

Stop entertaining these thoughts. You already know the answers to the question... Jack would never allow you to leave him.

Slowly the tears fell onto her pillow, soaking the cotton and she hated herself for how weak she was.

All you do is cry... that's why Jack knows he can walk all over you. Leaving him, you'll protect your children...

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

09/11/08

It's always strange how two people's path cross. Alin and Jared had met at my wedding and they had been inseparable.

I like Jared.

He was exactly who I had pictured would end up with my picky best friend. But then due to some misunderstandings they had split up ... A WEEK before they were due to marry. There were allegations that Alin had been unfaithful to him. I know of course that is not true. But Alin had confided in me that she had seen Jared with that bitch, Faye.

Somehow, my intuition told me that Jared would never do that to Alin. He loved her very much. To me, it seems absolutely ridiculous. I don't know why, but everything seemed too coincidental for my liking.

We haven't seen Jared for awhile now. Well by awhile, I mean maybe three years plus now. He is a reclusive man after splitting up with Alin.

But there was one thing I had never imagine to happen...

Alin and John Haltor getting together. Of course, that creep had been stalking Alin ever since she had worked for him three years ago. I can tell she doesn't like him.

Hell, I hate that guy too. he's a piece of shit. But then again, who am I to talk? John Haltor may be a shit and a philanderer, but at least from what I've observed he'd never strike Alin...

For me, it's strange how I could ever end up with my husband. Even writing the word 'husband' seems strange and foreign to me. In hindsight, I don't know why I married him. Maybe it's a combination of his fake charm, his worldly presence and my parent's hard-selling and constant nagging. Of course, at the end of the day it was my choice. There's no one to blame. I chose this, therefore I should suffer in silence.

I try never to mention Ryan in my diary entry. "Just in case" is my number one excuse. Whenever I recall how we first met I always laugh. I instantly disliked him when I first set my eyes on him. He was this handsome guy sitting at his desk, looking as if he was king and demanding my 'peasant' friend to work fourteen hours everyday.

From then on, we argued non-stop over everything. To be honest I was the immature one. Ryan normally avoided an argument with me, but I judged him and thought he was no different to my husband.

I provoked him and did my best to piss him off.

As I spent more time with him, I finally realised he wasn't this bad guy I had conjured in my mind. Still I was too proud to admit my faults. It wasn't until Tiffany left him did I see his soft side. Ryan was distraught when she left him. Jack would never feel a shred of sadness if I left him.

I don't know why but I couldn't bare to see Ryan moon over an undeserving woman. It angered me a lot. Something inside me snap and I gave him shit for his inability to move on.

Of course he was not receptive at first and angrily told me to mind my own business. I didn't give up. I continued to push him, until one day he finally opened up to me. That was when I realised what a judgemental bitch I was. We talked for a long time in his office whilst I was waiting for Alin to finish so that we could go for lunch.

In the end, I had forgotten all about lunch because I was so engrossed with the conversation, and of course Alin had been busy working.

Our relationship started to slowly change for the better. We joked around and started to confide in each other. Friday was the day I used to always drop by to lunch with Alin and because she worked so hard I found myself spending Friday lunch with Ryan instead. Alin was always very engross with her work so I would buy her and Ryan lunch and then spend the time with Ryan in his office. It became our ritual and I found myself strangely happy when Friday came.

I don't know when it started, but whenever Ryan spoke about Tiffany, it pissed me off. When Tiffany came back begging for his forgiveness I'd give him a thousand reasons why it was a bad idea. The thought that he might take her back frustrated and angered me greatly. At the time I didn't know why I was so pissed. Sure he was now my friend, but I'd never felt so angry about anything - not even when Alin decided to date that ass hole John. I was pissed at her but not angry. It was hard to describe but it always left a bitter taste in my mouth and my insides twisting at the thought of Ryan giving Tiffany another chance.

I never really assessed my position until one day when I snapped at him for being an idiot if he took her back. Naturally he would argue back, which later turned into a full blown argument. Ryan's parting words to me were, 'why do you care so much?'

I stormed away from the argument and later recounted every words exchanged between us. It was then I remembered his parting words to me.

'Why do you care so much?'

'Why do you care so much?'

Yes, why do I care so much?

That was what I repeated to myself, and the more I said it to myself, the more the uncomfortable truth started to appear.

I had an ulterior motive.

I didn't want him with Tiffany.

I didn't want him with any other women.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

After returning to her own room, Hallie showered and got into bed quickly.

She laid there but was unable to sleep, she was still sore all over from the assault from Jack... but contemplating the future. Could she leave Jack and be with Ryan? She knew his vindictive nature. If she left him he would make her pay. He'd already told her once... can she really make the same mistake twice?

"You smile differently..." Deep down, Hallie knew her son was right. She was happy with Ryan, and it seemed her children were happy with him too.

She never wanted to admit it to herself, but she actually loved him. He was great with her kids, and in turn they adored him too.

She prayed Jack wouldn't come home for another few weeks.

It seemed someone was listening to her prayers, Hallie thought happily. Jack had called her and told her he would not be home for a few weeks. He was flying out to London to assess a situation in the headquarters there.

It didn't really surprise Hallie why he would tell her where he'd be. Throughout their marriage he had come and go as he pleased. When she pleased him the way he wanted, he'd be somewhat compliant. The thought that she'd allowed him to be intimate with her sickened her.

She was again alone with her 2 children, and the babysitter Jack insisted on hiring. She was a 19 year old coed that looked like she stepped out of a porn scene. She came around Saturday afternoons and stayed till the evening.

Sometimes Hallie would take the kids out till late evening but the babysitter would not come with her as instructed by Jack. Instead he said she needed to do 'housekeeping.'

Hallie didn't know what hurt and saddened her more - the fact that Jack could allow one of 'mistresses' to look after her children or the fact that he thought she was a complete moron. Since Hallie didn't know Jack was going to be out of town on such short notice, she forgot to tell the babysitter not to come. Now that she was here, it did help a little that she could look after Penny whilst she cooked.

"Mommy, where are they? I thought you said they'd be coming at five. Its already three minutes after five!"

Hallie's mind chuckled at her sons' impatient and excited tone. It took a few days for him to talk to her in a friendly tone again. It hurt her so much to realise she caused her son such distress. She tried so hard to be a good mother, but ultimately she knew she had failed him. She was the cause of his unhappiness.

"Honey' they'll be here! Remember when Alin gets here, no more running up to her and hugging her tightly. She's having a baby and I'm worried you'll knock her over."

"Okay. I'm so excited to see Jared and Ryan as well!"

Hallie wasn't even sure Ryan would come today. Alin and Jared came back from the wedding yesterday and told Hallie they wanted to come around and show her the wedding photos and also to catch up with her. Hallie had blurted out that they should ask Ryan as well. This prompt a moment's silence on the phone. It was obvious they were thinking, 'why don't you ask him?' But instead of making things awkward, Jared had cheerfully replied that he would ask him.

"Is Alin going to have a boy or a girl?" Alex asked as he peeled carrots and handed each peeled one to Hallie.

She smiled at her son's eagerness to help her. The slutty babysitter was outside sitting on her ass watching TV.

"They want it to be a surprise. So no one knows."

"Well, in the beginning I always wanted another brother. But now I want a sister."

"Why?" Hallie asked as she cut the carrots.

"Because boys will turn like him." He said softly his eyes never leaving the carrot in his hand. " I sometimes worry I may turn like him. I am... his son.

She stopped what she was doing and turned to him. He continued to peel the carrots silently. She knew she was a bad mother. She knew she was ultimately the one who could initiate changes and yet she was too scared to change. Coward.

There was thousand ways she could change the situation, and yet she chose the only way she knew how to deal with a situation. Avoiding it.

"Alex, you don't understand... your father, he is a good man."

Her son looked up at her waiting for her to finish her sentence with examples.

"He... has done a lot for other people. Like, he wins cases for people and, um... and..."

She was saved by a knock on the door.

Her son walked off at hearing the door and Hallie breathed a sigh of relief

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Hallie busied her herself with the preparation of the food. Jared had offered to help her out but she ordered him to out to look after the kids and Alin for her.

"Hey, do you need any help?"

Hallie froze.

Earlier when she came out of the kitchen to greet them she was both surprised and ecstatic to see that Ryan had come too. She quickly told them she was busy with the preparation so that she could hide away in the kitchen and not give away the true extent of her emotions.

She turned around hesitantly, "Ryan." the moment she said his name she instantly regretted it. her voice was squeaky and ridiculous.

Get a hold of yourself Hal's.

She cleared her throat and tried again, "Ryan, it's okay. I'm nearly done. I know a football match is on."

He ignored her and went straight to the unwashed vegetables. "You're nowhere near done - the more people helping the quicker it gets done."

There was no warmth in the voice - it was very matter of fact. "Thanks you." Hallie replied, hurt by his indifferent tone.

They worked silently but efficiently. Though they did not exchange more than a few words between them, they worked well together, as if they had done this countless times. Their trance, however, was broken when the slutty babysitter bounced in.

Earlier on Hallie had seen the babysitter flirting madly with Ryan. She saw the way she was bending over and pushing her breasts forward and touching his arms. That was also part of the reason why she quickly went back into the kitchen.