Nothing to Talk About!

"Please, don't talk like that Daddy. Tell me you will be fine."

"I am all right now, very sad, but I will get over it if I can avoid all contact with your mother," I said. "I will let you know where I live."

"Can I come stay with you after my school year?" asked Amelia.

I had tears in my eyes when I promised her that she would always be welcome to live with me.

***

The division in Tucson was small with only 30 employees and the district manager was more a father figure than a ruthless boss. I liked the instant familiarity of the crew and they made me feel welcome. Within a month, I had my eyes on a nice condo.

I never was in contact with Martha, but I had regular news from my attorney and my kids. Moving on was anything but easy. There were some instances where it was really hard.

First, my attorney informed me that she was ready to contest the divorce. She said that she didn't want a divorce and was ready to fight it to the end, even if it would bankrupt both of us.

"Fine," I told my lawyer. "Forget the divorce. I don't fucking care. It was only to give her a chance to move on with her life for the 24 years of happiness we shared together. Just tell her I don't want to have any more dealings with her, to have a nice life, and that I say 'Fuck you bitch'. Can you say that?"

"Because you are my friend, it will be a pleasure, but I will still bill you an extra 50," said my attorney.

It was a bit harder dealing with the kids. One by one I had to convince them that there was no turning back. The first snag was with Amelia.

"Dad, Mom went crazy when I told her I was going to live with you this summer," said Amelia. "I told her that I would come and visit, both her and grandpa and grandma. She was so weird that I had to avoid my phone for days."

Martha also went the deep end when Ross decided to split his summer between her and me.

I never inquired about Martha. It was my way to move on and get on with my life. It was hard because I still had some feelings for her, mostly feelings about our lives before the betrayal. However, the kids keep giving me information about her.

To my surprise, it seems that she was as depressed as I once had briefly been. That's simply unbelievable after what happened with her sister. It's simple: you cheat, it hurts the people you are supposed to love, it destroys your marriage, and you move on with your life. How could she be depressed when I went out of my way to make sure that she could move on without having me around?

Her refusal to divorce seemed a way to avoid facing the fact that her behavior caused the destruction of our family. Stupid, isn't it? I had been in denials for a few hours. She has been in denials for the last two years.

Knowing that the kids spoke regularly with me, she used them to convey her apologies for her behavior. From the information provided by my kids, I learned that it had been the first time she had let herself dragged by her sister into a sexual escapade. I didn't really believe it. She apologized to the kids (and indirectly to me) for her betrayal. She admitted that it was intentional, that she knew well what would certainly happened if she went with Nadia, her lover, and a male friend of his. She told the kids of her shame when she thinks back about that evening. She had cold feet for a while but decided to drink heavily to alleviate her shame and guilt. When she got my voice-mail about my imminent return to the house, she had just finished a fuck with her blind date. She was leaking cum when the highway patrol took her to the drunk-tank.

She believed that I would reconcile with her if she atoned long enough for her betrayal, and if she could let me know that she loves me. Through the kids she tried to convince me that she would do anything to show me her love.

I knew that the kids hoped that I would reconcile with her. But I didn't find it in me to even contemplate to speak with Martha.

The fact that I was living so far away from their mother was also hard for them because they had to make a choice: her or me.

Martha was always after the kids to tell her where I was living. All she knew was that it was in a southern state.

Almost three years after I left her, she finally discovered where I was. One day, as I was leaving work, I saw her stalking the office. I was certain of my kids, so I didn't know how she was able to discover the city where I lived.

I knew from my kids that she was sure that I would change my mind if she could meet me. I sure wanted to change HER mind about that.

She didn't see me because I left from a side door. I grabbed my phone and punched a number.

"Hi Louisa!" I said. "You remember what I was telling you about my ex-wife? Well she's here and will probably follow me back home. Be prepared. See you in a bit."

I managed to walk in sight of Martha so she would follow me. When I pulled from the parking lot, I had Martha close on my tail. I drove around town a bit, stopped at the grocery store then headed back home.

Arriving home, I pulled into the driveway of my condo. I didn't have to get my keys as Louisa, a very pretty Latino woman in her early thirties opened the door to let me in. Two minutes later, the doorbell rang. Louisa, a toddler of 12 months on her hips, went to open the door.

From my vantage point in the kitchen, I could see the surprise of Martha.

"Si!" welcomes Louisa, and she added with her heavy Spanish accent. "How can I help you?"

"Hi, ... I would like to speak to Yvan," said Martha.

"Y, somebody at the door for you," yelled Louisa.

As I was coming from the kitchen, acting as if I was surprise, Louisa handed me the toddler.

"You take care of your daughter now while I finish the supper," said Louisa.

I took the young one and turned toward Martha.

"Well, well, well! I can't say I never expected that, but it is still a surprise," I said, sarcasm dripping from my voice. "You know that I should thank you for what you did."

Martha was looking at me, speechless.

"If you hadn't betrayed me, I would never had moved in this part of the country, and I would still be in the cold, surrounded by concrete back in the Northeast. Now I live here, I have a beautiful mistress, and I am starting to build up new family memories with Louisa and Tamarita, my young daughter."

Martha was openly crying. After that long a time, my sorrow and my anger were gone. I was tempted as an empathetic human being to comfort her, but it passed. I was on a mission.

"So Martha, what do you want after almost three years?" I asked.

I had to listen carefully to what she said as it was hardly above a whisper.

"I needed to apologize. I needed to tell you how sorry I was for what I did and for how much I did hurt you. I needed to tell you that it was never about you, but only about how stupid I became. I needed to tell you that I loved you then, despite everything I did, that I love you now, and that I will love you forever. You were the best husband and father a woman could want. I was just a cheap tramp. I'm sorry for what I destroyed."

Her apologies were getting at me. It was time to finish that charade as soon as possible.

"Well, no harm done," I said, faking to be in high spirit. "Water under the bridge as the saying goes. It has been so long since I thought about that, that I can say for sure that I forgive you."

"I wish you a very happy life," I said while looking at Tamarita in my arm. She was all smile. "A life as full of love as mine is."

Tears streaking down her face, Martha mumbled something, came to me, gave me a small hug and fled the house. I closed the door behind her.

Louisa came out of the kitchen and grabbed Tamarita. I leaned my back on the closed door and let my own tears flow down.

Louisa gave me a heartfelt hug, kissed my forehead, and picked her phone.

"I'm better let Horacio know that I will be back home soon with his daughter," said Louisa.

"Thank you Louisa," I said. "And tell Horacio that I am expecting you three for a BBQ Saturday."

"Will do boss! See you tomorrow at the office!"

The following week, my attorney received the divorce papers signed by Martha.

I am certainly moving on, but at my own speed. I have a few female friends, intimate with only one, but nothing serious. I think that I am finally getting over what happened to me. I am definitely less skittish when a woman moves in my vicinity. I know that I should give carte blanche to Louisa to set me up with a nice young woman, and now I believe that I will just do that.

However, after that visit, I am second-guessing myself. I am second-guessing not about leaving Martha but I always thought that I had nothing to talk about with Martha, that she knew exactly what I thought about a cheating spouse and the way to deal with it. But having heard a bit from Martha, maybe I should have confronted her at the time even if I always hated confrontation.

I know one thing for sure: it was better for me to just disappear as I did. I loved her so much that if I had confronted her I would probably had believed her remorse and heeded her apologies. And I would probably have lived a miserable life of distrust before going through the divorce route.

But now, three years removed from her betrayal and our live together, Martha's apologies helped me feel like I can now really move on. It was the closure I needed. I can let go of my pain and start again to believe in love. One day, I might even let her know that I don't really have a second daughter. I just might but I doubt it! I don't owe her anything anymore.

The end