Nova's Journey Pt. 04

Chapter 9

The more time I spent with Embry, the more I began to realize how I was feeling about her. It wasn't that my feelings for Skye had changed, simply that I could appreciate Embry for who she was and what she offered me. Embry was playful, easy-going, and fun, very different from how she initially presented herself. I found that I had not been a special case, she had a cold exterior to most people she met for the first time. We were close in age and had a lot in common, it was very easy to get along with her.

The lessons began after that, I was assigned to Embry for a week to do whatever she told me to do. Thankfully, she didn't overly abuse this power, she took the time to explain to me basic medicines and poisons and how to treat people with common injuries. We spent a couple of days working with the caravan's doctor, whom I was unaware had a close friendship with Embry. He assisted in providing texts and supplies, for which he was compensated by Embry in a number of ways. I was surprised at the number of connections these women had within the caravan, I would have never imagined the myriad of ways in which they operated in order to supply themselves. It wasn't only the days that were busy, but very often the nights as well. I didn't realize it at first, but they were conditioning me, training my body to want physical attention, to be accustomed to consistent work. Embry was easing me into gleaning information from people in return for favors, we would practice each night, working carefully on wording, which questions to ask, how to ask them, and, most importantly, how to defuse a situation that was developing. All of these concepts were taught in very basic means, she was simply introducing me to them in order to assist later instructors I would have.

"Good," she smiled at me, "We're done for tonight."

I nodded and stretched, yawning.

"Don't tell me you're tired already," she gave me a devious glance from the feather bed where she was seated.

"Not at all," I said standing and approaching her.

"You're such a bad liar," she shook her head and stretched out on the bedding. I laid out next to her on my stomach, face down, I was beat. "How did you ever make any sales?" she was just prodding me now, I sighed into the bedding.

"It was my charm," I turned to her smiling, before wrapping an arm around her and pulling her to me. She laughed, kissing me,

"Also bullshit."

I paused,

"How did you know my other secret? I'm very adept at bullshit."

She smiled and shook her head,

"If you're tired it can wait until tomorrow, I don't think it will kill you to miss one day."

I was a little shocked, granted we had been busy for almost an entire week, but this was the first time she wasn't insisting on pulling my clothes off.

"Are you being nice or are you sick of me already?" I knew if I played with her a little, she'd be more receptive. Embry was the type that if you didn't overwhelm her with seriousness, she would open up.

"I don't want to push you, that's all." she brushed some hair from her face and when her eyes fell on me they were soft, too soft. I cocked my head, looking into her eyes and seeing concern, seeing something more. Her expression changed suddenly, she turned and rolled away from me, out of my grasp. She saw that I was catching on.

"Embry," I reached for her and put my hand on her hip

"Go to sleep," she said simply, "Tomorrow will be busy."She reached for the lantern and blew it out, placing it a small distance above her head where we wouldn't hit it.

This wasn't good enough for me. I was impatient and young, I didn't understand when to let well enough alone and I wanted an answer. I curled up behind her and knew I had to be gentle, tactful, or I would be pushed away. I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her back against me, she pulled my hand to her chest and wrapped her fingers in mine. I knew; I understood then. I didn't have to ask, I shouldn't have, but curse my curiosity, curse my need to know. I moved close to her ear, whispering,

"It's not like you to just let me off the hook like that,"

She was silent and still, but I knew she was listening.

"The way you look at me, the way you treat me, you're being too soft, I've noticed."

At this she sighed angrily, and looked over her shoulder at me,

"Do you want me to force you to do things with me every single night?" She was almost indignant, this wasn't even what I was arguing about and I was shocked she was becoming so defensive, but I should have been wiser, more understanding.

"Embry," I said flatly, "We both know you wouldn't do that."

"Oh?" She rolled on to her back, "How can you be so certain?"

"Because even when you're pissed off, you still hold my hand."

She fell silent, I felt her fingers move between mine, as if she was wondering whether or not to release me. Her chest rose and fell quickly and I could feel her heart pounding in her chest where she had me clutched against her. She sighed.

"I'm such a fool, I should have stopped the moment I knew."

My hand had escaped her grasp and landed gently on her cheek, turning her toward me. I felt her chest shake and tears on my thumb. I was terrible. My attempt to play and prod her had hurt her more than I could have ever imagined.

"I'm so sorry, I never meant to..."

She touched the outside of my hand and shook her head.

"I know," she said, "but that doesn't make it hurt any less." I could hear it in her voice that she was trying to fight the tears.

I felt so guilty, but there had to be a way to make this right. I moved close to her this time and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her to me.

"I don't need someone to tell me that I fucked up, that I did the wrong thing," she reached around me and wiped her eyes again, "I don't need you to tell me that it will be ok, or lie and tell me you feel the same." I felt her take a shaky breath. "I really don't need you to give me shit for it either."

"What do you need?"

she chuckled, pulling away gently,

"I need you." she kissed me gently and I could feel the tears falling, running down her face. I wiped them away with my hands and kept her there with me, I wasn't going to let her go. I rolled her onto her back and put myself on top of her. I reached nearby to a small bowl where she kept her mint and put one in my mouth, I felt her smile as she continued to kiss me. She sat up and pulled me into her lap. I couldn't help but chuckle, she was eager as well. She tugged at my shirt, lifting it up over my head before I reached down and began to undo her boustier. She leant into me, almost pushing me over backward, and trailed kisses down my neck to my chest as she undid my support from the front with one very skilled hand. Her lips were like silk on my skin, gentle and caressing. I glanced down to see the forest staring back at me alluringly in the dim moonlight, appropriately chasing the mildness of her lips.

"Cheater," I said breathlessly, leaning back up. She smiled deviously and supported my back as I leant back in toward her. The support slipped from me and into her hands. "Tonight it's my turn," I slipped out of her lap and reached for her belt. She was quick on the draw and was reaching for mine as well. I had become much more adept at undoing them in the last week. I pulled it from her, placing it next to her, she had already started on my pants. I was already barefoot, anticipating going to bed as it was, I wiggled my way out of my pants, kicking them away from me before I was atop her again. I reached for the mint once more, pinching it between my fingers before rubbing it gently into her skin.

"I'll never forget this," I whispered into her ear as I nibbled it and began to kiss her neck. She sighed, my hands were already at work. I hadn't abandoned the mint, using it on the more delicate parts of her chest, I felt her body responding, she trembled. I knew what I wanted to do, I just wasn't sure I'd be any good at it, I hadn't done it before. I moved slow, using what I could: my hands, lips, tongue, and body, to express how I felt. That I wanted her as well, even if it wasn't in the way she wanted. I cared about Embry, she was probably the best friend I had ever had, and I didn't want to hurt her. I felt myself moving closer to where I wanted to be and I felt her body trembling fiercely, my lips were traveling down from her navel and my hands were moving up the insides of her thighs, similarly to what she had done to me, wanting me to beg. She recognized my movements, I heard her chuckle in the darkness.

"I'm not like you," I said, my lips were working around the insides of her legs, "I won't ask if you want me to stop or have you beg me to continue." I saw her head tilt up and her eyes looking questioningly at me in the dim light. I shook my head, knowing she could see me, "No," I said simply, moving closer, I ran my fingers over my tongue "You're going to have to beg me to stop." My fingers pressed in and I felt them sink. My tongue moved in against folds as well. She moaned and I watched her chest buck as her hips moved against me. I moved painfully slowly with my hands, pressing gently upwards. I wasn't quite sure what I was doing with my tongue, Embry sensed this.

"There, right there," she said breathlessly, her stomach clenched and I felt her tighten around my fingers. I made circles on the nub in the middle, it throbbed. I recognized it now, it was the same part on Skye that I had used my fingers on before, but this was much different.

"Yes, like that," she moaned again, "Keep going." her hips moved against me now, much more than before. "Don't stop," I heard her say breathlessly, "Please don't stop." I continued, I wasn't going to stop. She needed this, she needed me, I would fulfill her, the way she did to me before, the way she had every night since. I felt her tense and she moaned again, I sped up, her whole body tensed and shook. I felt her constricting my fingers, and throbbing against my tongue, she relaxed, I stopped, removing my fingers. She tipped her head up to look at me, I smiled from between her legs and licked my fingers. I moved up over her with the intent of resting against her chest but she pulled me in and kissed me.

"I can see why Skye loves you, you're soft just like she is."

"So are you," I said simply, running one hand through her hair before shifting beside her.

She shook her head,

"I'm not usually, but it was different with you."

"Why?"

"You already know why,"

"But that's not why you were soft at first, I know this isn't something you've had forever, is it?" I was beginning to doubt myself and my ability to read people, maybe I had missed something.

"No, I actually didn't like you at first."

I laughed,

"I could tell."

"At first I was afraid of upsetting Skye, and what she would do. But after you woke up, when I had to use that sleep dart, I realized you were much more than what I thought. After that I was more concerned with hurting you, Skye told me you were inexperienced."

"Is that why I surprised you?"

She nodded,

"I really wasn't expecting that when I came in to check on you, but you did something I didn't realize was possible."

"What's that?"

She chuckled,

"You made me feel something I didn't think I could feel."

"Didn't think you could feel?"

"You're young yet, you haven't had your heart broken. Once you do, you'll feel as though it will never heal, never work properly again. I think it's a small miracle I feel anything at all."

"You didn't think you'd ever love someone again?"

She shook her head,

"That is the nature of heartbreak and in this line of work, there isn't exactly room for that. There's no place for emotion, I know Skye gave you this lecture, even if she, herself, is breaking her own rules."

"She did,"

Embry sighed,

"Emotions are complicated, they make everything difficult. This job, I can't imagine feeling how I felt for someone and still heading out and offering my body to whoever will pay for it."

"I suppose I've become accustomed to seeing it a certain way, but you're right, it's difficult."

"It's bad enough I feel this way over you." she sighed, rubbing one hand over her face. "One week of consistent affection and I'm too easy, stupid chemicals."

I laughed, I had read earlier in the week, in one of the texts about humours and how they regulated everything, even love and affectionate feelings. She was so smart, it was overwhelming how she kept track of all this information.

"Embry," I said solemly, looking into that deep forest, seeing it spread out before me like an endless sea of trees, "You deserve someone who is going to love you for who you are, not just in their free time, not just when they're not with other people. Someone who loves you. Not some jackass like me." She smiled but I could see the tears welling up. I kissed her softly and lingered close to her, "But, until then, I'm right here." She wrapped her arms around me, sniffling.

"You're such an asshole," she whimpered.

I laughed,

"I know, but you love it." I pulled back and wiped her face again, "and I meant what I said, I'll be here for you."

"Stop being a nice asshole."

"You're beautiful and smart and a fantastic person, I know you'll find someone who can appreciate you, and treat you right."

"What if I want you?" her eyes were searching, hoping.

"You already have me, I'm right here, and I'll stay here until you find what you're looking for."

She stared at me for a minute,

"What possesses you to be so nice?"

I looked at her sideways,

"What?"

"Why are you like this? Why are you being nice to me? There's no reason to make that offer to me, to be nice."

"I don't want you to hurt, if you're worried about being alone I can fix that very easily, I just don't want to be the one to hurt you. I care about you, you're my best friend."

She smiled, shaking her head, running the back of one hand over my cheek.

"Soft."

We were right back where we started, she was being difficult, but I didn't have the heart to argue. She was exposed enough, and hurt enough, I had more than pushed my luck. I hadn't realized that Embry was so invested in me, so intent on me. I didn't think one week of someone could lead you into making that decision, and then I remembered what I did with Skye. I had rushed into that as well, but I was very content with that decision, so I supposed I couldn't be judgmental about her decision. I cared about her, as a dear friend, but not the way I did for Skye. But she knew, she had no preconceived notions about the way things were between us, there was no two way street, no reciprocation, only how she felt and what I was willing to do for her. I laughed,

"And you're difficult." I kissed her chest, "The most stubborn kind of difficult."

Her eyes were soft on me again and she sighed,

"Go to sleep," she shook her head, smiling. I slipped off to one side and curled up next to her.

"You gonna sleep there?" she asked accusingly.

"Yes," I said simply, wrapping an arm around her and positioning my head into a pillow.

She chuckled and I felt her shake her head, but I knew she had conceded. She wouldn't give me a hard time tonight, she wanted me close and I would give her that, at least for this week.

Chapter 10

When I awoke, Embry was already gone. The sunlight bathed the tent, it was mid morning already and I had slept through the heat of the rising sun. I sat up and stretched, wondering in amazement how she managed to escape me when we had fallen asleep so entwined. I began to wonder if perhaps she had used something on me to keep me asleep. She had mentioned something about being rested for today, it would make sense, but I couldn't find anything on me to indicated that she had stuck me with anything. The tent flap opened and the woman who entered threw off her veil.

"Good, you're awake," she smiled at me, she held a bottle in one hand.

"It looks like you've had a busy morning," I motioned to the bottle, "What's that?"

She chuckled and shifted the bottle in her hand,

"A going away present." She was smiling at me but there was sadness in her voice, I worried what she would say next. She approached me and knelt next to me, handing me the bottle. Her long legs emerged temptingly from the blue silk and that familiar minty smell wafted towards me as she reached out. I took it from her hands and held the dark green bottle, it was corked and most of the way full.

"You still haven't told me what this actually is," I said glancing at her sideways, "How will I know to drink it or rub it on myself?"

She laughed and shook her head,

"It's an aphrodisiac, and you drink it."

I furrowed my brow, earlier in the week we had discussed aphrodisiacs and how they didn't actually exist.

"But I thought..."

"This one is real." The forest was alive before me even despite the seriousness on her face. Had her expression not been so serious, I would have questioned her. My joking smile faded as I realized she was not kidding.

"You're just going to give me a bottle of it? Just like that?"

"What did you expect?" she asked, smiling again, "Did you think I was just going to dose you with it?"

"Well yeah."

She shoved me playfully and we both laughed.

"You really think I'd do that to you, after all we've talked about."

"I think you would, but you'd tell me. You'd make a game of it." She laughed and shook her head,

"If things were different maybe, but.." she sighed, "I want you to have this and use it with someone you really want to be with. I know that's not me." She didn't hide the disappointment this time, it was clear and apparent on her face and in her voice, but she was speaking in earnest. It was painful to see so much honesty in her. I looked down at the hazy green bottle in my hands.

"Thank you," I said, watching the concoction shift in the bottle like an unruly sea. "I'm glad you didn't use it on me," I shifted and placed the bottle off to one side before turning back to her, "because you don't need to." The sharp hurt in her eyes eased as she looked at me and I reached out, pulling her to me in an embrace. "There isn't one thing about you that I find unattractive, not one thing that doesn't turn me on. I don't need anything but you, don't you know that by now?" I felt her shake her head and grip me tighter, her chest trembled, I knew she was holding back tears.

"It's not fair,"she said in a tiny voice, sniffling.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you," I really didn't, I cared for Embry, the last thing I wanted was to make any of this hard for her. She released me and sat down next to me, her eyes fell to the floor.

"I know you didn't, it's not your fault." she sniffled again, looking back up at me with reddened eyes "It's mine." she sighed, "I always expect too much, I always think it will turn out for me, and it never does. I'm such a fool." She shook her head and the forest met me once again, "I wish I had met you before Skye did."

I was at a loss, I wasn't sure what to say anymore. Embry really did love me, but I couldn't reciprocate. It broke my heart to see her so hurt because of me, but I had to be honest, to tell her the truth.

"You're my best friend, Embry, I'll always care about you."

She chuckled and wiped her eyes, "thank you." She shifted and stood, "I'll let you get dressed, you're going to meet Lena today, she will be your next instructor." She smiled briefly and disappeared out of the tent flaps.

I felt a hole in my chest, an emptiness on her disappearance. She was handing me off, as she was supposed to, but it still left me cold. We had become monumentally close in such a short time and now that was over; everything would change. I threw off the covers and stood, beginning to dress. I felt so constrained, I hurt for Embry but I still wanted Skye, and now, to complicate everything, my training would continue with yet another person. I was putting on my boots when the tent flap swished again. I didn't even bother to look up, still feeling terrible about Embry. Long blue silk with sandals beneath it and a long, thin, pale leg greeted me. I stood and realized this person was not Skye, as I had initially thought. The woman who stood before me almost towered over me. While she had Skye's complexion and same color hair, her deep blue eyes and face were completely different. This woman was long, tall, wispy almost. Her limbs were long and viney.