tagHumor & SatireNude Day Dos and Don'ts

Nude Day Dos and Don'ts


This is a Nude Day contest entry. It's meant in good fun. Please remember to vote. Hopefully, I gave you at least one smile!

Nude Day is almost here! Be ready to make it party with this handy list of DO's and DON'Ts.

DO take the time to celebrate and enjoy Nude Day. It's a great day to enjoy the freedom of the sun and breeze on ALL the parts of your body without shame or modesty. Even if you're celebrating alone, Nude Day is YOUR day. Strip down and enjoy the freedom! Even the most mundane chores, like washing dishes or dusting, can feel different when done in the buff. However, DON'T consider mowing the grass nude unless your have VERY understanding neighbors!

DO try to celebrate Nude Day with as many people as possible. Friends, family, strangers -- it's all good! DO search for a friendly group of like-minded people interested in celebrating the day. Check your local alternative lifestyle newspaper or websites. You may be lucky enough to find a Nude Day Fun Run or Bike Race already planned in your area. If not, invite friends, family and neighbors to join your celebration.

Here are some important tips for those participating in a Nude Day Bike Race. DO make sure your bike seat is well fastened to your bike. DO consider a towel or covering your seat with a cloth to avoid chaffing. DO cover your bike seat when you're not sitting on it. Please DON'T leave your black bike seat sitting in the noon day sun for hours before mounting it.

DO find a safe, clothing optional zone for celebrating Nude Day. Good example: A section of a national park, shielded from roads or homes. A bad example: the Walmart parking lot. To the best of my knowledge, no special events are planned at any Walmart stores.

DO carry a towel with you while nude. It's considered polite among naturists to sit on a towel rather than plopping your bare bum directly on the furniture. For the gentleman nudist, DO use your towel to cover an unwelcomed hard-on. DON'T, however, hang your towel from your erect member and proudly stand with your hands on your hips as if you a human towel rack.

DO plan on fun events for your Nude Day celebration. Consider Coed Naked Frisbee, Coed Naked Volleyball and even Coed Naked Horseshoes. DON'T attempt to hang a horseshoe from a man's erect member.

DO make it party. Visit your local sex shop for penis-shaped pasta and make a festive, Nude Day version of macaroni and cheese. Look for boobie shaped ice cube trays. Bake a cake inside of two bowls and when positioned together, the twin domes can be decorated to look like a pair of breasts. DON'T take leftover penis-shaped pasta to work the next day for lunch.

DO turn the day into a picnic. Celebrate outdoors with fun finger foods like watermelon, cantaloupe, festive salads and the like. DON'T even consider cooking bacon while nude!

DON'T be a shutterbug! Most participants at Nude Day events enjoy the freedom of being naked in public for the freedom of the experience. Few participants want to see their pictures posted to the world the next day.

DO use lots of sunblock! Consider different levels of SPF for different parts of your body. Interesting post Nude Day effects can be created by painting higher SPF levels in patterns on your body. For that matter, consider adorning yourself and friends with body paint. Flowers, butterflies and abstract designs can add the festive atmosphere. DON'T use body paint to make a series of arrows pointing at your naughty bits.

DON'T walk around the party with a bottle of sunblock and continually offer applying sunblock to pretty people. And guys? DON'T spend more than a moment coating your privates. Also, don't walk around asking the women, "Hey, would you put some lotion on me?" while waving your man parts.

DO admire the myriad of shapes, sizes, and interesting appearances of other people. We're each unique and Nude Day removes the class barriers of designer clothing. DON'T stare at that hot blonde with the big rack. DON'T continue to "glance" in her direction over and over while standing next to your wife. Ladies, DON'T stare at the buff guy's extra-long member, either. Pointing is out, too. So is laughing. So is pointing and laughing (especially at me). And guys? Pointing with your semi-hard dick is as wrong as pointing with a full erection.

DO use lots of sunblock, part two: DON'T repeatedly stare at that cute person while applying sunblock. DON'T continue to murmur, "Oh yeah, baby. Uh-huh. Show it. Work it," while applying sunblock.

If you're celebrating in public, DO smile and wave at people you know. DON'T bring up Nude Day the next day at work. DON'T bring up that interesting tattoo or scar the next day.

It's Nude Day! Get out there and enjoy yourself!

Got a funny tip? Add it in the comments!

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