O.I.N.D. GILF

"Hey Honey, I'm surprised that you're not home yet. The concert was supposed to be over by 10. I hope she didn't make you go out to eat or something with her. I'm exhausted from all of my studying, I just feel drained. I'm going to bed. I'll meet you for lunch tomorrow and we'll make up for tonight tomorrow night. Love you."

She must think that I'm the dumbest bastard to ever shit between two shoes, I thought. As I sat there, I wondered about it. I wondered how long she'd been doing it. More than that I wondered why?

We weren't married. Hell, we weren't even officially engaged. I had not given her a ring and asked her to become my wife. It was true that I'd spent a lot of time with her family and she'd told them that I was the man she was going to marry. That had been weird as hell. We were having dinner with her mom and dad and one of her uncles and his wife.

She'd told them that she was going to marry me and we'd have the same kind of marriage that her mom and dad had. Her mom had that supercilious smirk on her face. Her dad had a nice smile, but her uncle's wife had nearly spat her food out onto the table. The uncle just looked at me with a "you poor bastard," look. I'd just chalked it up to a weird ass family.

I was thankful to Kath for teaching me her philosophy. I used it a lot those first few days. The very next day after I'd caught her, my phones, both the cell phone and the dorm phone rang off the hook. I didn't answer them. She left lots of messages wondering where I was and what was going on. I didn't think about her. It was far easier than I ever thought it would be. I simply put her in a box in my mind and put the box away.

By afternoon she'd come over. I was conveniently at the library. A friend of mine in the next room had warned me. When I was done studying, I sat in the park across from my building and waited until her car drove away. Then I called the RA in my building and told him I needed my lock changed.

I tried to anticipate every move she would try and blocked them all. By the end of our first day apart she had no clue of what was going on or why. As far as she knew, everything was fine. She'd gotten her pussy lit up, and I was still hopelessy in the dark.

I had to admit I was beginning to enjoy it. I sat by my bed reading and every time the phone rang; I looked at the caller ID. If it was Katt's cell phone or her apartment line or even her parent's line, I just smiled and let it go to voicemail.

She did nearly catch me once. My locks hadn't been changed and at about 7 p.m. I heard a key in the lock. I dove into my messy closet and buried myself under my overflowing pile of laundry. Having to stay there and breathe in my own funk for several minutes did make me decide to visit the laundry very soon. But it prevented me from having to confront her.

It was all I could do not to laugh as she stood only inches away from me and started talking to herself.

"Where the hell are you?" she asked. She checked my call log and saw that I hadn't gotten any of today's messages yet, and then she turned and left my dorm.

Soon after that the phone rang again. It was a strange area code so I knew it was from out of our area. I tentatively picked it up.

"So are you depressed and heartbroken?" asked a very musical voice.

"Nope," I said. "A very wise and beautiful woman taught me how to handle situations like this. Life is too short not to have a good time."

"So how are you handling it," she asked. "My skanky granddaughter asked me a little bit earlier about last night. I didn't mention what we saw."

"I just put her in a box and put the box away. I'll deal with her when it's time." I said.

"I've been giving this some thought," she said. "Do you want me to fix this for you?"

"Nope, I'm fine," I said.

"Oh Poo," she pouted. "I'd decided that I wanted to be your Grandma after all."

"Why not just be my friend?" I asked.

"Sold," she said warmly. "Meet me at ColdStone, in a hour." Then she hung up.

I met Kath at the same ice cream place we'd gone to the night before. We again sat on the grass in front of the river and watched the boats go by. But this time everything was different.

To begin with instead of a slinky little dress, Kath had on jeans. I couldn't help but peek at her ass every time I got a chance to. It just didn't seem possible for her to be anybody's grandmother.

Jeans are a test that most women should simply stay away from. There are no secrets in jeans. If a woman's hips are too wide, the jeans will call attention to it. If her ass is flat or lumpy or formless, the jeans point it out. Jeans expose every flaw in a woman's lower body.

Guys can get away with it because the current trend is to wear the pants so loose and baggy that you can't make out the contours of a man's body. That doesn't work for women though.

Kath in jeans was a gift from heaven. She looked better in jeans, especially around the ass, than her granddaughter did. And the light sweater she wore today showed the way her breasts simply exploded from her rib cage.

She suddenly put down her ice cream and took off her thigh length leather jacket.

"Is that better?" she asked me.

"Huh?" I asked confused.

"I was worried about your neck," she laughed.

I rubbed my neck trying to see what she was talking about.

"You were so busy trying to look at my ass that I thought you might break your neck, so I just took off my jacket to make it easier for you," she laughed.

"I w..."I began. Then I thought better of it. "Thanks," I said.

"Katt and I have spoken about going to Hawaii for a week or two," she said.

"Wow that should be a fun start to her summer vacation," I said. "I hope that YOU have a good time, whether she does or not."

"She'd probably have more fun if she wasn't going with me," said Kath. "I'll bet she'd rather be there with you."

"Oh yeah," I said. "So I could hold her stuff while she fucks a bunch of other guys."

"Honey, you're lucky," She said. "You found out about her before it was too late. Not everyone does."

Kath was hinting about something and I wasn't sure it was all about me and Katt.

"So how about if you come to Hawaii?" she asked.

"Well number one, I have to find a summer job," I said. "And number two there's just no way I could ever go anywhere with your granddaughter again."

"Oh my God," she smiled. "A man with backbone. You're not going to take her back?"

"Nope," I said.

"Good for you," she smiled, starting to eat her ice cream again. "So let's talk about Hawaii again. What kind of summer job do you want? What would be perfect?"

"What I want is anything that pays over minimum wage. What would be perfect would be a job as an assistant or a gopher in an architectural firm."

"So friend," she smiled at me using that same fucking smile that her granddaughter used to get me to do her bidding. I knew then that I was in trouble. Her words from the night before came back to haunt me. "Often imitated, never duplicated."

"If I deliver you this perfect job, will you come to Hawaii with me?" she asked.

"Two things," I began.

"Is it always going to be "two things," with you," she asked.

"Number one," I said. "I don't have nearly enough money for a trip like that. And number two, I'm still not going anywhere with Katt."

"Number one," she said. "I'm very rich. I'll pay. And number two I want you to come with me, not along with Katt, but instead of her."

"But..." I said.

"All of my relatives put up with me because I'm only 57, so I'm too young to go into an old folk's home, and secondly because they're all afraid that if they piss me off I won't leave them any money when I'm gone. If Katt or one of her cousins had gone with me to the concert last night, I'd have had a shitty time and been home by 9:45. You probably didn't want to be there with me at first either.

You were doing it for Katt. What did she promise you, a blow job, or anal? After a while I could tell that you were there and we were having a good time because you wanted to be with me. And you didn't even know I had money. Tonight you were checking me out weren't you? Don't lie I caught you already. But you weren't checking out my bank balance or my investments. You were checking out my ass, and my tits."

I looked down embarrassed that I'd been busted so easily.

"Don't be embarrassed Ray, it's a nice thing. Women love to be appreciated. So let's just go to Hawaii and have fun. It'll help you to get over my skanky granddaughter, and I'll get to have some fun with a person who really wants to be with me for me. Not because he thinks I'll die and leave him some money."

"Okay," I smiled.

Kath leaned up next to me and I wrapped my arm around her. "Sucker," she said. Then she started dipping her spoon into my ice cream.

The next day brought more calls from Katt, and more near misses. At lunchtime I got a call from Kath.

"Hello friend," she said. "Two things," then she started laughing.

"First have you ever heard of Nathan Johnson and associates?" she asked.

"They're one of the biggest design firms in the state," I said.

"You start there as soon as we get back from Hawaii. Is 15 dollars an hour okay?" she asked. "That doesn't sound like a lot of money to me but they said you'd be happy with it."

"I am sooo happy," I said. "Thank you sooo much! What's the second thing?"

"I need to borrow your dorm room tonight for about an hour or so," she said.

I gave her my address and simply floated through the rest of my day. I even got a call from NJA confirming that I'd be one of their summer interns. Kath could do no wrong in my book. I'd filled out summer intern applications at every firm in the state for all three years that I'd been in school. I'd never gotten one. There were so many applicants and so few positions that even some guys who already had their degrees couldn't get in. I couldn't believe she'd gotten me one with only a phone call or two.

I was so happy that I forgot to remind my RA about changing my lock.

At 7 p.m. Kath showed up with a big smile and a lot of bags. I hugged her so hard she almost fell over. She just dropped the bags and hugged me back. Once again I had to back away from her as she pushed those breasts into me and I got hard.

"Kath do you need me to do anything?" I asked.

"Yep," she smirked "you're going to be my audience."

"Where's your bathroom?" she asked.

"Uhm, you probably don't want to go in there," I frowned sheepishly.

Another glimpse of the puppy dog eyes and I pointed to the door. She grabbed a chair and plopped it down about four feet from the bathroom door.

"Sit," she commanded, pointing at the chair. Then bags in hand she went into the bathroom and closed the door behind her.

"Oh God," she exclaimed. "I knew it would be bad but Jeez. Have you ever once cleaned this room?" I heard the sound of shoes falling and zippers. I don't know it they were opening or closing but I was nervous.

"Okay friend," she called. "Tell me what you think," she said as she stepped out of the bathroom.

Kathryn was wearing a tight red one piece bathing suit that was made of a shiny material that appeared to shimmer. Between the material and her curves she achieved ignition. The blood went from my big head to my smaller one so fast that I nearly blacked out.

Though modest by today's standards the suit looked incredible on Kathryn. It had small spaghetti straps to hold up the upper part. I didn't see how she expected to swim in it. Once the material got wet and heavier, her breasts would snap those straps in an instant.

"I need to learn Kung Fu," I told her.

"Why?" she asked.

"I can see myself trying to fight off hoards of men who are dead set on trying to rape you on the beach."

"Does that mean you like it or you don't like it?" she smirked. She went from looking at my face to looking at my pants. "Okay, you like it," she said going back into the bathroom.

When she emerged moments later in another one piece suit that was even smaller than the first, it felt as if the temperature in the room got hotter.

This suit was strapless and thong backed. It was cut so thinly in the front that I could tell she was shaved down there. And Kath didn't help matters any by stepping even closer to me. She was having trouble keeping her breasts from popping out of the suit as she stood there in front of me. I was having even more trouble seeing her as my ex girlfriend's grandma.

"What do you think of this one?" she asked shyly.

"Kath, you're not wearing that one," I said sharply. She arched one eyebrow at me challengingly.

"If guys see you in that suit they're only going to be thinking one thing," I said.

"So, what's the one thing?" she asked.

"Well...you know?" I said nervously. "They're gonna want to uhm..."

"So are you thinking that?" she asked. I didn't dare answer her. She stepped even closer to me and I backed away. She laughed and went back into the bathroom.

I tried to think clearly. I thought about what I'd just seen and I reminded myself that she did have a wrinkle here and there on her legs up near her ass. But shit it was still the best body I'd ever seen.

I didn't remember ever becoming so aroused by seeing a woman in a swimsuit. Katt had far skimpier lingerie that had never affected me that way.

When Kath stepped out in that blue bikini I nearly lost it. Again, by today's standards it wasn't very risqué, but the body it tried to hold in made it very arousing. It was blue with a moderate top and a wide front panty with a thong back again. This time she turned around and when I saw how full her ass was, I subconsciously rubbed my crotch. Whether she did it on purpose or not I'll never know but as she turned back to face me Kath adjusted the top and her boobs shifted. I almost ruined my pants right then.

When she saw my reaction she just smiled at me and went back into the bathroom.

When she came out my world changed. Kath was wearing a bikini that appeared to be made of three sea shells and some string. There was one very small seashell over each of her nipples and one that barely covered her pussy. My eyes bugged out. Her body was simply incredible.

I'd watched that Mrs. America pageant on TV once. There were several women that were well into their fifties who were still built like they were in their thirties, but Kath put them all to shame. Her breasts were big and natural and sagged from their own heft. Her tummy was flat and tight. The most amazing thing about her though was her ass. It was just round and fat and it jiggled when she moved. I was simply spellbound.

I wanted her more than any woman I'd ever seen.

"...t this one, Ray?" she asked. I'd been so busy staring at her that I hadn't heard her talking to me.

"Kath," I said slowly. "You have to stop. I'm thinking that maybe, I shouldn't go to Hawaii with you."

She looked disappointed and came over to me. "But why?" she asked. "Ray, I'm getting old. I work out really hard and I eat right and make sure I get enough sleep and all of that crap. But I can't fight time forever. So I've just decided that I'm going to only do things that are fun from now on. All of my kids are grown and gone and have lives of their own. It's time for me to have my life."

"My mom and her mom were both beautiful women. Far better looking than I am." she said.

I laughed loudly. "Stop lying Kath," I said. "I don't think that could be possible."

"Anyway," she continued. "I guess I had a plan in mind for tonight. But maybe I'm moving too fast and scared you off. If you want I'll go back out tomorrow and buy some more Granny looking swim suits. I promise I'll buy suits that will cover everything up so you won't have to be embarrassed by me, but please come with me. We'll have fun and you're the person that I really want to be there with."

"Kath, you're taking this all wrong," I said. "The problem isn't you, it's me. Every suit you wore tonight just got me hotter and soon I started thinking things that were definitely not nice and not friendly."

"I just see it as a mistake because if we went and you started running around in your little suits and attracting all kinds of guys, I'd just be sitting there jealous and pissed. So we really wouldn't have too good of a time."

"So you like my suits?" she asked. I nodded my head vigorously.

"So how about if we compromise then?" she smiled.

"What did you have in mind?" I asked.

"Well how about if I go out and buy some more modest things for the beach and the pool. And I'll just wear the ones I bought today, for you?" she asked.

"For me?" I stuttered.

She looked down and nodded. "I'll just wear them if we're lounging around alone. Like if it's a rainy day and we stay in the room and read or watch TV."

"Okay," I said shyly.

"You know at my age. There may be some days when we stay in even if it's not rainy," she smirked.

"Well I'd want you to get your rest," I agreed.

"There's just one more suit I'd like you to look at," she said. Somehow during the conversation we'd moved closer together and she was rubbing my arm.

"Kath, I don't think I can handle another suit," I said nervously.

"We almost had a big misunderstanding because neither of us was totally honest," she said. "Let's not do that anymore. From now on let's tell each other the truth, and not try to be polite or spare each other's feelings, okay?"

"Okay," I said. "Kath, I truly love looking at your body, but if the suit you want me to see is as skimpy as the last few. I'm going to go off in my shorts."

"Much better," she said. "This suit is older than all of the ones I've shown you today. It's the one I actually wanted your opinion on the most." Then she went into the bathroom.

I felt safe again. For one thing if the suit was older it was probably less risqué, I thought. Then my mind flashed back on a couple of other things she'd said. Did she actually say that on rainy days we'd stay in THE room? As in the two of us would only have one room?

Maybe it was a suite that had a couple of bedrooms and a common area like a living room or whatever. That was probably what she meant.

Then Kath stepped out of the bathroom. I coughed several times as I took her in. I don't know why it took her so long to drop those three seashells to the floor. Kath was completely naked and slowly walking towards me.

She grabbed both of my hands and sat down in my lap. Her legs straddled my waist. She moved both of my hands to her breasts and then fastened her mouth to mine. She started out with very soft, very gentle kisses and then slowly opened her mouth and sought out my tongue.

"How do you like this suit, Ray?" she asked. Her voice was thick with lust and I was more turned on than I'd ever been in all of my twenty years on the planet.

I was in heaven and flying high. I smiled and got ready to answer her and suddenly we heard that awful sound.

"Grandma, what the fuck are you doing?" screeched Katt. She was standing right behind us and she was pissed. We were both so busy concentrating on each other that we hadn't heard her key in the lock or her opening the door.

"Didn't you hear me, God Damn it?" she asked again. "Exactly, what the hell is going on here?"

I was frozen in shock. Kath on the other hand reacted like a lioness. She flicked her head freeing all of that hair and then got off of me and padded over to Katt.

"Why are you here?" she asked her point blank. I noticed at first that Kath wasn't nervous or tentative at all. Though smaller and naked she stepped right up to Katt.

"I've been calling and looking for Ray all day," whined Katt. "Grandma why are you here naked with my fiancé?"

"Boyfriend," said Kath. "He never actually asked you to marry him."

"Ex boyfriend," I supplied. "Don't forget she dumped me."