Obsession Ended, Another Started

This story is probably better served in the Non-Erotic section but since it is an epilogue (in response Andy's request for one in the public comment board) to a story in the Loving Wives section here it is, and no, I do not think I it is as good as the story that spawned it but hey I am working on it. It ran a bit longer than expected (ok, way longer) but I wanted to see if I could get into the mental process of a person who made a mistake and is trying to turn it around. Send comments on how I can improve.

Kyle looked out of the window of the room and thought of nothing. Nothing would come to his mind that could explain the past few days. Although he still loved Peggy enough to forgive her he was just so tired, worn out from everything and he wanted some peace. The past year and a half was a nightmarish travail of spying, sneaking around, and anxiousness. He compromised a lot of himself in the process and what did it get him, the destruction of what he valued most in the world, his marriage and family. It did not matter what the circumstances were or where the responsibility lay. He had given everything he could and in the end he had failed and that just tore him apart.

********

It had been a long day, the worst that she could remember; the more thought she gave to it while sitting in the empty house the more it fell apart. She had been wrong, wrong in her assessment of the situation, wrong in her treatment of her family, wrong in her reactions, wrong about her job and wrong about herself. She really thought she had everything under control but now she had nothing. And all she could think about was how much she wanted everything she had lost. Her life was just one big mistake with no hope of correcting it.

If nothing else, Peggy was a determined person, she had to do something. After hours of sitting in an empty room in an empty house, she had decided to make it up to her family no matter what the cost. Looking over the years of her marriage, she a saw field of missed opportunities and broken promises, all she wanted was in her hands and she tossed it away. Peggy wanted it all back; Kyle had to give her the opportunity to love him and their children as a wife and mother. The only problem was where to begin.

Peggy decided to talk to Paul and Ann; in her mind that is where it started. If the little "accident" had not happened then she would still have her husband and children. Peggy explained to them what happened, and for a while they just had the most incredulous expressions on their faces. The conversation that followed was not filled with much sympathy or compassion. Kyle had called Paul earlier and said that he had moved without further elaboration.

Ann's reaction was blunt "How could you be so stupid! Did you actually think that having a tryst and becoming a slut was the answer." she then stormed out the room.

Paul's response was measured, he told her that they had no idea where he was, when Peggy reiterated the point of revenge, he just said that it was an accident, his wife apologized and he forgave her, until now he had forgotten all about it. He told her that Kyle was his best friend and he was also a good friend of Ann but there was no romance, no affair, no tryst, just a mistake.

"I can't figure it out, why you did you have to go that far." he said as he escorted her to her door.

Peggy looked confused and asked him if he had ever wanted to get even. "Oh, I got even" he said with a smile, remembering the days and nights that followed, "Ann gave me a great birthday party and the sex afterwards was fantastic. I did not have to do a thing but enjoy it." In a somber tone he added "Is everything even with you"

Visiting her friends' house, at least she hoped they were still friends, had only made her feel foolish. She still did not understand why she was so driven to get revenge. In fact she really did not understand why she was in this predicament; all she understood was that she wanted her family back.

Peggy went back to the house, no use calling it her house or her home because it was no longer either, and started to pack away all of her clothes and whatever else was left. She had decided to go to her parents' house. She hoped that she could get her bearings and with no job she needed someplace to rest until she could get back on her feet. It was going to be a long trip.

********

When she arrived at her parents' house her mother greeted her at the front door with a warm embrace. If she was angry from their last telephone conversation she certainly did not show it. Her father waited in the background, as she was shown to the guest bedroom, as she unpacked her bags, as she showered and put on fresh clothes. When she was finished he said "We have to talk"

Peggy certainly did not want to talk, she wanted to rest, feel sorry for herself and forget the last 24 hours. The universal lack of sympathy she was getting made her forget her mistakes with Kyle and turn around and start to snap her father. When she turned around and saw his eyes all of that anger vanished. She had never seen that level of seriousness in his countenance before. "Come with me" he said and she followed him as he went into his study. "Everything I know about this has been filtered through someone else I want to hear it from you."

"Daddy", Peggy cried and curled up into a little ball and let everything out into the open, everything, she started from the incident involving the dress and did not stop until the so called fling in Orlando and all of what happened when she returned. As she spoke her father remained very impassive, then he said something that truly terrified her.

"Peggy I want you to give me a blow for blow account of what happened with this guy Harold."

All of the color drained from her face, how could he humiliate her like this, however she had little choice. The look in his eyes held her like an animal trapped in the headlights of a car. Her story seemed to spill out into the air rather than to her father.

"I had called him; he was someone from a regional office that I did not think Kyle knew about. I set it up so that nobody in the office would know about it either. When I landed in Orlando I was so happy, no not happy, but high like I was on some type of drug. After the first night I realized that I was not in it for the sex, I certainly did not love or even like the guy but for the sheer thrill of doing it, I let myself go, I tempted him with sexy lingerie' that I had bought with a credit card that I had gotten especially for this occasion, During the meetings we blew kisses at each other. I let him have me every way I could think of for seven days. I even let him screw me on the balcony of the hotel."

"It was not going to stop there was it?" his face taking on an even graver tone.

"What do you mean?"

"The extramarital activity; after Orlando there were going to be others." it was a statement not a question.

"How could you say that, Daddy?" Peggy gasped her voice taking on the high pitched squeal of a little girl again.

"Get out of that fetal position, you are not a baby, and listen."

"I owe you an apology, I do not think I was there enough for you as a child and as a result you took your mother's insecurities and made them your own. More over I think that because she had more influence over you than with any of the other children I think she raised you to do the things that she wanted to. I was not there to be the leveling influence that you needed. For that I am deeply sorry". He paused then continued "Your own description of your activities made you sound like a cheap whore, even during the meetings you acted like a couple of kids in high school."

"But –" Peggy started.

"If you are like your mother you probably did not hold Kyle's hand a lot, to the point of turning it down when he tried because you said it was childish and you were not some giggly little high school girl"

Peggy sat in silence, her father continued.

"And since you were so angry with him I am sure that you were not having a lot of sex nor were you giving it a sincere effort when you did. The hurt I see in all of this is, you were perfectly willing to do activities that you thought were demeaning or beneath you for a stranger that had no respect for you yet for your husband you could not bring your self to do them"

"I love Kyle and I respect him." she protested.

"Let me finish, from what you told me you were very hard on Kyle and he jumped through hoops to try to get you not to do this, if you loved and respected him then why did you do it?"

Peggy's jaw clenched and she balled her hands into fists as she blurted out her defense, "Daddy, I had to get even, don't you see if I did not get my own, if I did not get revenge, then how could I respect myself? He would always have something over me and I was not going to have any man have something over me. He would be thinking that I have something as a man that you do not have and will never get. A man can have a fling and still respect himself and be respected by others but a woman is just a whore. I wanted to level the score card."

Her father winced as she said this. He thought for a moment then he said "Would you let a woman have something over you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Why didn't you try to get back at Ann? Kyle and Ann made this mistake why you weren't as overtly hostile to Ann as Kyle?"

Ignoring her glare, he continued "You were not as hard on Ann because you did not feel she had anything important over you, yet this was a mistake of two people. If anything she was the initiated the whole thing by giving Kyle the momentary blow job thinking it was her husband. Kyle only had something because you let him have something over you. You wanted him to have something over you because in your mind it gave you the avenue you wanted."

"An avenue to do what??"

"To get a sense of self respect, that is why I am so sorry I was not there for you when you were younger. Your mother taught you these ideas and preached on how unfair the world is and she's right, the world is very unfair, however whether she knew when to stop. She knew that her family was more important than living up to a bunch of ideas for no other reason than that they exist. She may have perceived this as weakness, it isn't. I never perceived it as anything but strength, it allowed us to raise a family and to find compromise. But she never taught this to you as a child because she thought it was a weakness, and neither did I because I was not there. You have this idea that there is this universal score card and that you have to fight your way up it until you are even with everybody else. I am sorry to say that there will always be something that someone else has that you don't. You can't have everything and that has nothing to do with your being a woman."

"I respect myself, that is why I did all of this."

"Really, ok take out your scorecard. Kyle accidentally received a moment of pleasure with another woman that he had no intention of doing it with and apologized to you for several times" he paused a moment. "Do you respect whores or sluts?"

"No"

"On your side you planned and schemed for a year and a half to get an opportunity to exact your 'revenge' then you act like a whore and a slut for a whole week; you were not even going to tell your husband let alone apologize. You have no respect for whores and sluts so how can you respect yourself?"

Peggy look at her father tearfully, then just started to cry.

"My daughter, the time for tears is past. Even with your low sense of self esteem your husband had a very high regard for you otherwise he would not have done the things he did for you, yes he made mistakes probably a lot of mistakes but it was never because he had no respect for you. Yet at almost every turn you rejected him, told him that it was not good enough, in effect you were telling him that he was not good enough. You did not respect yourself so you could never respect him or the children. That is why he left he my not have articulated it like we have done right now but believe me that is why he left.

"Dad, I do love and respect him and the children"

"Dear then you need to show it; as you can see experience is a hard teacher; next time you get the opportunity to learn from knowledge instead of experience, do so."

I could and probably should stop here but I want to include a little more just because I am a little soft hearted. (and I don't know when to quit!)

"You tore up his sense of masculinity, from what you have told me he tried to show how much you meant to him, that you were wanted, but you blocked it out. When you went on this foolish fling, in essence you told him 'you are not man enough to give me what I need to feel loved and respected so I have to get it from of the street'. You told me that it was the thrill of doing it that made you happy or as you so eloquently put it gave you a high; tell me, was the sex any good."

(With a look of total consternation)"No"

"So, as you say it, you have totally let yourself go, you have gotten your revenge but you can't tell your husband because he would hit the roof and, let's face it, part of this revenge was him not knowing exactly what you did to get even. A thrill by its very nature is short lived when the thrill is gone you are faced with the fact that you have just whored yourself out for something that really was not very good. What happens next? You start looking for something that is very good and when that thrill is gone you start looking for another and another, now you have become a true slut. Low self esteem has turned into full blown selfishness, not caring about anything else but fulfilling your next desire. It was in its beginning stages because he told you that he would leave you and take the kids if you went through with this crazy idea but you either did not believe him or did not care, it makes no difference which because both are equally hurtful"

(Peggy, sitting upright is too ashamed to speak)

"As for a man being able to have an affair and still respect himself and be respected, that makes no sense to me. I could never be unfaithful to your mother; if was and I somehow got her to forgive me, the last thing I would do is try to hold it over her head I would be too worried about getting my head cut off. Yes there are people out there who say 'let boys be boys' but you did not marry a boy and I do not have to tell you that Kyle never tried to hang anything over your head."

She went to see the doctor to get tested, other than that the next six months were fairly uneventful. She found another job and Kyle did call every so often. Each time he called she wanted to speak to the children and tell them how sorry she was and that she will see them as soon as she could. She tried to get Kyle to relent and tell her where they where but he refused. She repeatedly told him how sorry she was and to please forgive her mistakes, for that she got no real answer so that by the time she was cleared of having any diseases the only real things she had as far as getting her family back together were her determination and her hopes. The sessions the she had with her parents were wonderful and probably were the only thing that kept her together while she could not see her children.

********

When the day finally came she was so happy that she would finally be able to see her kids and touch them and hold them she could not believe there was anything that could ever make her want to push them away, she missed them so much it hurt. She had an itinerary and everything planned out. She was able to talk to Todd and Megan and they were excited about the reunion too. Nobody even noticed that it was the very day of the fateful party two years ago.

As it turned out he had moved to a nearby suburb, nothing special or remote but Peggy never really had the time or money to look. When she saw her kids she had the traditional bags of presents; hugs and kisses were in liberal supply and the trips to the mall, the game, and the show brought back even more presents souvenirs and toys when they finally came home

When the kids were sent to bed, the atmosphere in the living room changed from festive to tense almost instantaneously. Each seemed to remember how they felt the instant everything crashed for each of them. Peggy spoke first "Listen, I know that I have said this to you several times but I need you to understand that I truly mean it. I am sorry for what I did in Orlando and throughout our entire marriage. I had low self-esteem; I just had to win at everything, every argument, every conflict. Otherwise that person would be better than me, would be able to do something that I could not. I was turning into a very selfish person, unable to accept kindness or to give it. Yes I want you to forgive me, I want to be with you and our children, I want our family together again, this means more to me than anything else on this earth." With that she let her coat fall to the floor revealing a very familiar, very expensive dress that she looked very beautiful in. "Thank you so much for the dress, I really appreciate it" she purred and taking advantage of his surprise she slipped him a kiss, grabbed her coat and left.

********

Kyle did not remember much of the meeting, the moment the children left the room the conflicts that raged within him during the past six moths when he was keeping an eye on her; for he had no desire to see her depressed or out in the street, so he watched out for her whenever he could, had started to flare up again until the coat fell and by the time she left the only thing on his mind was:

"Damn does she look good in that dress!"

Do they get back together? If you want them to they do, if you don't then they don't. There is enough so that it could go either way. For my money I want them to get back together. Let the reader decide!