Of Mistletoe and Holly

A tsunami wave slammed within me. It shattered and shook my frame as I erupted. I may have screamed; I probably shouted. I don't know. Everything was lost in the roar in my head and the upheaval in my body. I felt cleaved in two, pieced back together, then hacked asunder once more. All the while, I was drowning in a pool of infinite rapture. With it came a knowing, a feeling of completeness unlike anything I had known before. I was bonded to this being in totality.

"Dear god," I managed to mutter against her ear. "I have to know. Who are you?"

She very gently slipped from my grasp, leaving me drained and leaning limply against the shower wall.

"My name is Holly." A soft slurp and she was gone. I watched the water slip down the drain and wondered when I would see her again. Yet, I didn't worry. I knew she would be back.

The rest of the day passed without incident. I called friends and relatives to wish them a Merry Christmas. I ate a simple meal before another blazing fire. I drank a little whiskey, I smoked a little smoke, and I thought of Holly.

Could it be possible that there really was a Santa Claus and he had heard my desperate plea? How could I know for sure? There was no one I could ask, no one I could tell. The whole experience was so far-fetched and way out there in la-la land. People would think I was insane. It was too risky. I would have to remain silent and Holly would have to be my little secret.

But, what if I was insane? What if I had imagined the whole thing? Suppose Holly was a figment of my broken heart? Not only would I be losing my mind, but I would also be losing something that had become very precious to me. I shook off the negative thoughts, knowing I hadn't imagined it. It had been too real. I had the burned marks to prove it. Besides, I felt her presence hovering around me, silent and unseen.

I packed up and returned to town, settling back into the quasi-normal life between Christmas and the New Year. My buddy, when I gave him the key to the cabin, remarked that I looked surprisingly happy. He wanted to know her name. I told him I had met someone, but didn't go into the details. I could be mysterious and let him think I had a one-nighter, or tell the tale and let him think I was crazy. I settled for mystery.

A few days passed with no physical sign of Holly. I sensed her, but she never formed. I hoped this wasn't what she meant when she said I would never be alone. What good was a soulmate if she stayed a mere feeling and nothing more? All the doubt and disbelief invaded once again. It was torture. I couldn't eat, didn't sleep, drank too much, and almost lost my job when I showed up stoned and incoherent. My friend, thinking he was rescuing me once more, decided to throw a New Year's Eve party.

"There's nothing better after a break-up than getting laid," he said with a grin. I had to agree. I hadn't thought of what's-her-name since Holly and I got together. Still, I didn't want to attend a party. I had no desire to be in a throng of people. I wanted nothing more than to grab the key to his cabin and see if Holly would materialize. I was wondering if she was somehow bound to the place and couldn't solidify elsewhere. Unfortunately, the cabin was promised to another and I was stuck in the city.

New Year's Eve found me in front of my friend's place. I parked my jeep and sat there. I couldn't go inside just yet. I needed to get my shit together before hurtling into the fray. I'd never been good in the battle between the sexes. There was always a loser and it was usually me.

Holly's presence was extraordinarily strong and I couldn't help looking at the clump of mistletoe still dangling from the mirror. It was a shriveled bundle of forlorn hope, barely held together by a string. I touched it gingerly. Brittle leaves and a few shrunken berries speckled the dashboard. With a snort of disgust, I snapped the string and tossed the wad into the snow.

"I don't need a ghost or a spirit. I need a flesh and blood woman, dammit!" I shook my fist at the heavens. "Santa, if there is a Santa, you really screwed me this time!"

Holly was immediately gone. I could feel her no more. With a sigh, I got out of the jeep and picked up the pitiful bouquet. Tossing it onto the seat, I slammed the door. The jeep rattled from the abuse. For once, I didn't care. I was in a piss-poor mood and I wasn't getting better. It was going to be a long, hellish night. The only remedy was to get fucked up as soon as possible.

I greeted my friend with a large bottle of Bell's, his favorite. He was busy being the perfect host and I didn't hang around to occupy his time. I strong-armed my way to the bar and made myself a stiff one from the offerings. Tossing two in a row, I poured a third and decided to mingle a bit before I lit off for home. It would appease my buddy and keep him off my back later.

Like most parties, this one was a mix of people I knew and people I didn't want to know. There were too many bodies for the small space. It was a mad crush, the kind of thing I hated. I found some guys I knew and we passed time talking about the women there, which ones were immediately fuckable and which were one, two, or three drink fucks. As I bull-shitted with my mates, I was busy calculating how soon I could leave without being rude. It wasn't soon enough for my liking.

Somehow, I managed to get away and find a quiet spot in the small back yard. I stepped into the shadow to take a smoke.

"Roland!" My friend's voice compelled me to look up. "I've been looking all over for you, man. You've got to do better, shit head. You invite a lovely lady to a party and you make her find her own way there." He stepped aside, still yakking.

"This beautiful woman says she knows you."

My head started spinning, my heart squeezed tight, my breath faltered as I gazed upon the vision walking toward me. Fucking hell, she was even more stunning in the flesh. How she managed to form into a human being, I didn't know. I really didn't give a flying fuck. Christmas was a time of miracles, after all. I silently thanked old Saint Nick as I took her hand and drew her closer.

"Hello, Holly. I'm glad you made it."