Of Our Hell and Heaven

"Yes, lover, I have to gain some weight again if I want to keep pace with you."

"Right; you go take a bath and I'll prepare dinner while you bathe; I'll scrub myself after dinner."

I looked at myself in the mirror and grinned at the face I saw reflected. I had that glow around me that I like to describe as my 'just been fucked' look. It basically meant that I was flush; I had bright eyes and a wicked grin that I couldn't wipe off my face if you punched me. Sofia took a robe, clean underwear, and the bath salts, and went to take a luxurious bath.

I called to her before she closed the bathroom door, "Can I sleep in your bed with you tonight?"

"Always Marie, always"

ooo000ooo

Sofia was almost fully recovered several days later; we hadn't had anymore sex. We just ate, slept, and took long walks by the seashore so she could recover her strength. I was worried. It was almost the tenth of August, and I must decide what I was going to do with my life. I could stay in Buenos Aires with Sofia, my mother/lover, or I could go back to the States, leaving Sofia behind, and go to my old life in Boston. That was a life of teaching, of professor's meetings, and a life with no friends; in short, a life of loneliness.

But how do I tell Sofia it was me who was leaving this time after we had found each other again? I was concerned about what her reaction would be. Then we received a satisfying surprise; it was almost noon, and I was going to start preparing lunch when we heard the sound of car wheels on the gravel road. Our visitors were Maria de las Mercedes and Susana, coming to see that all was well, especially Sofia's health and our relationship.

When I asked them if they would eat with us, Maria said, "No way, let's go to a good restaurant, my treat." So, in a happy mood, the four of us got into her car and went downtown.

After a very good 'parrillada', I thought this would be a good time to air my intentions of going back to the States. I didn't know how to broach the subject without Sofia breaking down. It was Maria who brought the subject up, asking me, "Well, Marie, now that Sofia is almost healthy again, when do you think you'll be going back to the United States?"

I was intently looking at Sofia and could see she went stark white, but without losing her composure. Her reaction made Maria stop asking questions as Sofia softly asked me, "When are you traveling, my love? You didn't say anything to me,"

"No, I didn't, I was waiting for you to be your usual self; I was going to tell you tonight and ask what you think about..."

"Ohhhhh, how sweet of you to ask my opinion on something that you've already decided"

Sarcasm was evident in my mother's words, and black vibes were in the air, so Maria, attempting to clear the air, suggested paying the bill and going home for coffee.

Sofia's comment was an indifferent, "As you wish,"

We got in the car and went to the house in the midst of a thick silence. Sofia looking outside the car windows, Maria driving with her jaw tight, and Susana and I like a pair of zeros to the left, no value or relevance. Maria took the matter in her hands once we were in the house. Everyone went to the living room and put the cards on the table trying to make reason.

"You know you're my best friend and you know how much I love you and did since we were toddlers, Sofia. How long is that, forty years? Now do you think I deserved how you treated me when you came back from Boston? Not a word, not a phone call, nothing for six months, and if your daughter had not come looking for you as well, you could be dead or hospitalized without your friends knowing..."

That's when I stopped listening to Maria and my mother's answers; my mind went far away, and not to Chicago or Ohio, no, my mind went wandering and started thinking of...fisting; yes, I'm not crazy. I was thinking of a fist in a cunt; I was thinking of Susana's hand inside Maria's vagina. How so? Well as the two mature women were on the same track, I distractedly looked to where Susana was sitting, listening to the other women, and I noticed with curiosity that her hands were folded in her lap.

The first thing I noticed was how thin they were, with long and elegant fingers, her wrist thin, about two to three inches in contour, and I imagined those hands closed like a piston and the forearm as a connecting rod, in and out, in and out in the cylinder of Maria's motor, excuse me, I mean, Maria's vagina. I looked from Susana's hand to Maria's crotch and I was getting so wet and hot down there imagining the scene that I didn't hear when someone addressed me.

"What... I'm sorry, I didn't know you were talking to me; I'm afraid I was daydreaming."

The three women incredulously looked at me, so I tried to clarify, "My mind was away, but not where you believe; I wasn't thinking of Boston or the States. There were more pleasurable things on my mind, all of them here in Mar del Plata; now would you repeat what you asked me?"

It was Maria who took the floor again. "We think the heated discussion we were having makes no sense since it is you who must decide what, when, and how you're going to do what you decide."

"All of you know that I came to Buenos Aires to find out what had happened to my mother, Sofia. But I left a whole life in Boston, a life with dreams, a life with a very competitive job, and in many ways, a loveless and empty life. I came here with the idea of going back by the middle of August so I would be able to enter my days and class schedules for the next semester. I should be going in a couple days, but circumstances today are very different than they were less than a month ago..."

I turned to Sofia, and looking directly into her eyes, told her, "That is what I wanted to discuss with you, and ask your opinion and advice about. What do I do with my life? What do you think I should do? Do I stay here with you, or would you prefer we saw each other from time to time, either you coming to see me, or me coming here to see you? Are you ready to live with a stranger a day to day life, and not only on a holiday basis? That's what I want and need to know."

Ahem, ahem, Maria made throat clearing sounds to draw our attention, then she asked, "What do you say, Sofia? We have to get this problem, if it is a problem, of course, solved today. We have to make plans one way or the other, and be quick about it, so what do you think Marie should do?"

Sofia seemed like a dazzled elk in the middle of a road; this hard executive who ran a major business conglomerate was mute and deaf, with no apparent power of recovery, so it was Susana who broke the impasse again. "Would you help me with the coffee, and show me how you prepare it, Marie," and we went to the kitchen, leaving the two friends alone.

"You'll see, Marie. Maria will straighten your mother out, one way or the other," and laughed; you could see her love and worship for her wife.

We made coffee and went back to the living room, where it was evident they had been discussing the situation, but the atmosphere between the two friends was relaxed as they were chatting and laughing about only they knew what.

They sobered up when we entered, but it was obvious that they had something to propose or a plan to discuss.

It was Maria who spoke again;" OK, Marie, you asked your mother a question about living with a stranger on a day to day life, and not on a holidays only basis, etc., etc., a little while ago. Do you remember?"

When I nodded and said yes, she continued, "Well, what about you? Let's reverse the question. What about you? Are you ready to leave everything of your former life behind and risk living with a stranger, even if she is both, your lover and biological mother?"

As it usually happens with young people, I had never asked myself if I was willing to sacrifice my way of life for that of another. So I was unable to answer. That was the truth.

"Well, your silence is an answer in itself, but I don't think it's the end of the world. Let's see; we discussed the issue and Sofia agreed with me that you both must give yourselves some time to think things over and decide what both of you want and what's important in your lives."

It was at this moment that Sofia stepped in to put an end to the subject, "I want to propose this to you as a way to come to a solution. What do you think if you go back to your life in Boston for this semester and I stay here, you teaching, and me working in my companies? We have the experience of having been together and could decide one way or the other. You could decide which is more important to you at the end of your teaching semester; your life as you had it programmed before knowing me, or living our lives together. It's taken for granted that we will contact each other on a daily basis if possible. What do you say?"

I shook my head like a dog out of the water. I didn't much like the idea of leaving Sofia again, but I didn't have a better idea. So it was so agreed, it being a late hour, that Maria de las Mercedes and Susana would stay and sleep in one of the other rooms, and all four of us would go to Buenos Aires tomorrow.

Once in the master bedroom, Sofia took my face in her hands, kissed my lips, and asked me, "Would you like to make love for the last time in a while, my love?"

I answered by quickly undressing and helping her to do the same. We got naked between the sheets, and out of curiosity, I asked, "Do you think Maria and Susana will have sex tonight?"

"Why, do you want to join them?"

"No, that's not it," and I told her my vision when I had imagined Susana delicate hand fisting Maria while in the living room.

She smiled and cuddled with me. We started with tender little kisses on the lips and face, and my mouth went to her bare shoulder after a while. I nipped her with my teeth and sucked her tanned skin with the intention of leaving my mark with several hickeys. I was acting crazy; I wanted to eat her, and I sucked her neck and throat, lapping and licking.

She felt pretty happy being as it was our last night together, our separation as if it were a sabbatical, which it was, in fact. As the Tango says – esta noche y despues la nada— (tonight and afterwards nothingness) but her pussy seemed to get even wetter when my fingers continued to slide back and forth. Mother reached down, and grabbing my thigh, pushed my legs closed.

Swinging her other leg up, she placed it next to my hip, then bracing herself with her hands on my shoulders, lifted her other leg so that she was straddling me. Her legs were now wide open, and she cried out and shoved my head further on to her tit as I drove my fingers up inside her.

I opened my mouth wide and began sucking as much of her tit into my mouth as I could, while pumping my fingers into her excited flesh. Mom's hands were running up and down my back, and her head was thrown back as she moaned while I fingered her. I released her nipple and all but attacked the other one, sucking it hard into my mouth. I was rewarded with Mom squealing and rocking her hips on my hand. As I had done earlier, my thumb found her swollen nub and she moaned loudly as I lightly teased it again.

"Hmm, that's it, Lover," Mother purred, "Be good to your girl, because she's going to be sooo good to you!" The way she'd purred those words caused me to start rubbing her clit faster and suck on her nipple even harder. I was excited by the thought of how she would be good to me instead of being nervous, so excited that I was now pumping my fingers into her as hard as I dared eager for her to come for me, so I could find out how good she was going to be to me.

Then she changed her mind on a whim. "I want to be fisted a last time, Darling would you be kind enough to comply with mother and please me?" She dismounted me before I could say anything and made me slip on the bed to take my place in the center.

"Baby I want it to be from behind this time, I want to finger myself, do you mind?"

"Of course not mother this party is for you will do as you please"

I rolled off the bed and watched her rest with her arms upon the sheets, her ass slightly tilted upwards. I moved behind her to feel her wet cunt. She shivered and gently I touched her cunt again.

I wanted to lick her, so I fell to my knees, spread her ass cheeks and licked her labia and clit. My mother Sofia groaned and hungrily I lapped up her juices and stuck my tongue inside her as far as it could go I tried to flick it inside her wet pussy.

"Please don't tease me, Marie," she begged.

While I took her clit between my lips, I slowly pushed my index finger in and felt her ribbed inside. She was so open wide in that position so that I pushed three fingers in and made her gently rock while I three-fingerfucked her for some time, rapidly pushing my fingers in and out while the tip of my thumb touched and pushed a little inside her sphincter. My mother, Sofia, started to touch her clit and whisper sweet words to me, which encouraged me to push a fourth finger inside her. She was so smooth and wet that they easily went in. Mother arched her back.

"More, Marie, my lover; give me more, give me all you have, give me your fist. You do remember how, don't you?" she gasped.

I withdrew my hand, clenched my fist, and pushed it against her vulva; she was very wet. I felt her juices filling her stretched cunt, and I continued pushing in. In the twilight, I saw mother's left fingers clawing the bed sheets, while she fingered her mound with the right. She was getting wetter and her fluids were so copious that they formed a thick coat on my hand and wrist. I pushed some more, and my fist completely slid in, and I leaned in and rimmed her anus with the tip of my tongue at the same time.

She made a raw throaty sound as her juices were running down my arm and I started to feel horny again. I touched my slit and started to rub my clit as I fisted her. I pushed harder and harder till Mother started to shake her head and suddenly went stiff. She collapsed with my fist still inside her. I wrapped an arm around her, found her clit, and started rubbing it. I ever so slowly pushed my fist back in again.

"Please, don't, Marie," she said, but I withdrew my hand and pushed my fist back in. "I can't take anymore, oh my God."

"Touch your breasts for me," I whispered.

Mother moved and started to knead her big magnificent breasts. I let her clit go, took my fist out of her cunt, and put the palms of my hands together. I slowly pushed them against her cunt, felt her stretch, and pushed some more, like a big cock penetrating her. She made a funny noise and started to rub her clit with one hand and continued to knead a breast. "Marie, Marie, ooooh," she gasped, as I pushed two hands into her.

She thrust her hips backwards and breathlessly came. I removed my hands and fell back on my ass. I swept some hair from my forehead and felt my hair stick onto my head.

"Feeling better?" I asked her.

"Mmmhhh, hummm," she groaned.

"You've got a great body, Mother; always had, always will"

"I'm starting to like it too because it gives you pleasure. I'm thirsty, want some wine?"

"I'd love it."

We sat next to each other, naked, and drank some more wine.

"You leave when?"

"Tomorrow night."

"Do you think you'll remember me and think about our relationship? Do you think our separation could be a problem?"

"To your first question the answer is, yes I will; to the second, no, but I don't think it will ever be a problem," I reassuringly said. "I'll tell you what. I remember when I went to a parent/student college introduction seminar during my last summer in high school."

"In which I wasn't," Mother said, with sadness.

"It's not your fault. The college heads told everyone that the students' relationships with their families would change. Once students are away from home, we would grow and become adults. Our relationships with parents would become more like friends and peers than parents/children."

Sophie nodded again.

"Our relationship, yours and mine, changed long before last night or last month. We actually are more like really close friends than mother and daughter. I think that's why this love works for us."

Sophia got drowsy after that, and I didn't get to know what the 'Be good to your girl, because she is going to be sooo good to you' was all that about. I'll have to wait and see what she was talking about in the future.

ooo000ooo

I took a flight to Boston via Miami the next day. I already missed Sofia just arriving home. I supposed that going back to my normal life would diminish missing her. I went to the university where I ensured my tenure in classic Latin literature, the days and schedules of classes, and all the others details concerning the academic year. After arranging that aspect of my life, I went home to visit my parents in Fort Dodge and stayed with them until the beginning of the classes.

I went back to Boston and I was into the routine of my everyday life by the end of August. I go from home to school in the morning and back home in the evening, with an occasional foray in the library.

I had not heard from Sofia. We had agreed that she would communicate first, and my nerves began to tense as my mind started asking questions I had no answers for. Was she well, or had she found that she didn't want a permanent relationship with me now that I wasn't there?

I told myself at other times it had not been more than a two weeks since I myself had decided to return to Boston and take a year off in our relationship to know for sure if the relationship would survive.

I was missing more than the sex; I was missing her company. I was missing her mature body cuddling with mine while watching TV after dinner with a glass of wine in hand; I was missing her sometimes infuriating Latino ways and/or her rich woman's ways. In fact, I was missing Sofia as a woman, as my love.

She called me by phone at the end of September and apologized for not calling before, but she thought that since we both had to think seriously whether or not our relationship has any future, we had to give ourselves enough time to think about it. I couldn't grasp what it was, but there was something different in her voice, something like indifference?

We talked for about forty minutes, but she turned the conversation aside to trivial topics every time I tried to hint or direct the conversation to personal or sexual matters. My confusion was complete when we said goodbye. I thought our conversation would be full of 'I love yous', 'I miss yous', and all kinds of platitudes people in love say to each other, but I was wrong and I was depressed.

Maybe after all I was wrong and she was right, time and distance are the best ways to appraise the truth and strength of a person's feelings. If that were true, then by her attitude, Sofia's feelings toward me were slowly cooling. I called her on a Friday night and her maid told me "La señora ha salido y no vuelve hasta mañana", (the lady has gone out to a party and will not return until tomorrow). I felt as if a claw was ripping my guts out. Where was she and with whom? Has she another lover? Is she forgetting me? Is the 'give yourselves some time to think things and decide what we both want' working for her, and she has thought things over and I wasn't in her plans?

Where has she been the whole weekend? That was the question I asked myself once again. I was feeling sick with jealousy and was getting depressed again day after day. Maybe I was wrong to come back to Boston instead of staying with her In Buenos Aires. She called me the next Sunday night. Her voice was chirping and she babbled about things I wasn't in the least interested in; the party she had gone to, the company etc., etc. About me, she only perfunctorily asked about my health and little more; it seemed to me that she wasn't very worried about what was happening in my life. She said she was very tired after a few minutes, and that she would call me in the next few days. Bile was coming up my throat, and my mouth tasted very bitter while the tears streamed down my cheeks.